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HAHAHAHAHA TOLD YA
OH MA DAYZ GO AWAY COPYCAT DUMBO I SWER MA FIRST POLICY IS TA SMASH YOO AN YOR LOSA ROGUE BOYZ TA BITS YA PUNK
PROPA DUM
YANNO WAT I AGREE. IMMA START A CAMPAIGN TA REMOOV DEMOCRACY AN PUT IT IN DA GANGSTA PARTY PLATFORM DAT WES GONNA REMOOV DEMOCRACY IF WE WIN
FITE ME YA TWIT I ONLY LOST COS YOO RIGGED DA VOTE
BREAKING: Self-Proclaimed Chalag Khanate invade Notorious Local Oltauris Stronghold, make Brutal Examples of Criminals
Nomadic Drodo hordes take the lawless world of Ildhis by storm, reports show |
Dramatic holorecordings depict tens thousands of Drodo men, mounted on the backs of their heavily-customised robohorses and holding high all manner of sabres, lances, and rifles, pounding through the flat, chilly landscape of Ildhis towards their targets-- the sprawling, lawless slums and neatly-packed privately-owned skyscrapers of the world. Their target? Crimelords affiliated with the infamous Oltauris Consortium criminal network. Ildhis is a world which teeters-- it teeters on the edge of URO space and thus jurisdiction, it teeters on the brink of economic collapse, and all authority on the world has proven to be transient throughout its centuries-long history of settlement. Wracked with massive wealth inequality that has only be exacerbated under the harsh rule of local crimelords, the local poor are the world's only serious resource, and in the past have been used by multiple regimes to farm the meagre soil, work to produce machined goods from imported raw materials, and, most recently, as a fertile recruiting ground by Oltauris agents as well as an illegal narcotics and arms manufactory. For its huge numbers of desperate inhabitants, however, its become valuable to anybody willing to take it. "We come as liberators-- and their new lords," Insists Falahi, a respected Chalag noble and one of the participants of the battle. His sword was still caked in the blood of Oltauris prisoners he had dispatched minutes before. His eyes showed not a hint of remorse. Some of the inhabitants, who have suffered under Oltauris tyranny for over a decade, have displayed cautious optimism towards their new masters, especially after the mounted men began to distribute food and supplies from the Oltauris warehouses they had only hours before seized. Others, however, have not been so pleased. "They give out free food now, but then what? I saw with my own eyes what they did to those warehouse guards!" Said a Galotian woman, who asked not to be named. "They beheaded one guard, before putting out the eyes of the others so it was the last thing they saw. Then the Drodo men read out their crimes, and how they kept all this food from the people-- then they tossed them from the rooftop to the angry mobs below to be torn apart." She sighed; "What if we-- gods forbid-- rebel? Is this the treatment and governance we can look forward to?" Since its founding, the Chalag Khanate has dedicated itself to the annihilation of the organised crime syndicates that so run the unclaimed and lawless parts of Ottzello Sector space, and the installation of itself as a unifying, peacebringing presence. While it has seen success so far in its brief existence, many fear the nomads have picked a much bigger fight than ever before with this invasion. |
Official Statement from the Isordon Clan
However, it is now in 2822 that we, the Isordon clan, officially call off the official search for Cesterity Isordon or his remains, after four long years of searching only to bring up no trace. It is with a heavy heart among all involved that we must, under the circumstances declare him dead. While every Isordon prays that Cesterity is still with us in this world, all are assured that if this is not the case, he has instead taken his rightful place among his proud ancestors.
A state funeral will be held on the Imperial capital world of Coron.
I would have send my agents in Katar to search for him, but, given that the search has alreay been cancelled, there is nothing I can do but offer my condolences condolences for someone who has been, at various points in my life, both an enemy and an ally. May Cesterity Isordon rest in bliss until his next reïncernation. He deserves it.
Good grief, that's utterly ridiculous. What else did he do? Fight scantly clad, heavily muscled gods. Such foolishness.
He fought the Dominatus. That is no foolishness. Although I guess that is some obsure Mendelian pop-cultural reference. A metaphor, perhaps.
A Communication Attempt From a New Civilization
A second note - we would like to extend invitations of trade and diplomacy to other nations within Mirus that receive this transmission, as well as the situation within the Tuuros Galaxy after that....fiasco.
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>01
>>11
>>101
>>111
>>1101
>>1011
>>10001
>>TESTING COM&&%%TE.
>>...
>>ACTIVATE###56--+++GTyfyo&&&&&RE****^5%%BROADCAST00981
>>WE ARE TH**!!&^%F THE GIRTABELILU.
>>MAY TH&^^^%$#UIDE US.
>>Y*^&^(^&^&^^)&^^UBMIT OR BE *&^^%%hHHHH
>>THE &*^^^&&&& FEDERATION WILL SERVE AS A WARNING TO ANY WHO Q88**&^%$$UR POWER.
>>PRAY TO YOU&*&^^**(S IF YOU THINK IT WILL HELP. WE WILL COME. YOU HAVE BE*&*^&*^^
>>...
O-oh, uh, well, great. Good n-news, and bad news. Good news is that the communication network works. Bad news it that reception seems to be absolute trash. Of course, that, uh, does seem to be a threat from what I can make out of it. Executives! Take note of that name, "Girtabelilu", and try to see if we are capable of making any use of it!
The Universal Discussion Board's primary Tuurosian relay is currently suffering from minor technical issues. Maybe we shouldn't have put it right in the middle of the Schism.
On a more welcoming note, don't let the first response you happened to receive colour your view of the wider Gigaquadrant. The majority of nations outside Tuuros are far friendlier than these Girtabelilu appear to be, and will certainly not subject you to unprovoked threats.
Great, it works! Greetings, Apalos! We are incredibly happy to hear from a more friendly nation than the...things that just contacted us. The information that the races outside of Tuuros are p, in fact, friendly makes me particularly happy.
To be perfectly honest, we are by no means new - we have existed for 400 years now - but that is irrelevant. Your request for a diplomatic is accepted - one of our many goals coming into the galactic community is to be involved within the community of our own galaxy.
Vi(t@(y Agai%st Akpadur (s ██ar
Eventualist L█ad%% Urrhukheseb: "Should this succe3d, MEROS shall be reuni##d forever M0**."
A MMRo-i-n fl_*t of ov%% 150 w@rships h## b*** **## t+ AKPAD, ho___*=~` of *%% enemy, the A%)@#UR KRAT3C33CY, to deliver a *(#sible final blow to the reptilian scourge █o our kind once and for all.
Aft%% the victory at ALU-KARKUTAZCH, the █~ird time i* #(*) sy$$em's hi##ory @*`` a ba^tle has b_*n waged in its ███fines, the )*█bined M*ros██n armies have full ███fidence in their ability █o push the Ak█aduri fl_*t all the way ba!= in#O their home █p█ce. Some legions of craft have b_*n sent off in pursuit of retreating enemy craft. Those who have remained in M*ros██n-co█**olled █p█ce have split off in#O two groups: the first group ##ays wi9hin our █p█ce and mobilizes whatev%% troops necessary `` fight in what many believe may be p%%haps the large## battle in Me%#$!@n hi##ory, at lea## as exten~█^@ as the Thr_* Sy##ems █onf█ict in Year 546.6, wi9h p%&haps M0** casualties. The se███d group does much the same, @1b██t in M█r█s██n holdouts be!N# repressed by the @█P-dur.
All oth%& _e+++++^s are advised `o assis█ in the war effort and in the s█abilization of the process of our re███fication.
Chancellor Sahhllom Iilnur of the R111blic and lead%& of the Eventualis█ ColL#ctive Vallokhim U█████heseb ███curred that by the time █~~s th=rd Great War is ov%&, M**o██@n society will ent%& a true golden age.
Un███s█antia##d rumors of a new `os#-war gov%&nmental re$$ructur!N# are fl)8t!N# about, wi9h no )*█ment from the lead__s of any of the thr_* form__ly warr!Ng factions of our species.
In oth__ news, political dissident and Individuali$r colonel Miehe Medsoki-Iilnur, relative-by-bud of Chancellor Sahhllom Iilnur, has officially rejoined society, follow!Ng in the steps of his form=- Red-Eye lead#*s, who now )*█mand the military forces h█ad!Ng `o destroy the @█P-dur. The society wel)*█es him wi9h open arms once M0**, and we wish him lu!= in his ███tributions t0ward forwa$@ing ***o$~`nkind to the future.
Long Live the Great Society. Long live Meros.MSG SENT YR 557.6
Oh man, this is new. Our communication relay and decryption networks cannot make sense of more than a bunch of gibberish here, but what we can tell is that the degradation of this signal seems to be due to age.
This is a curious phenomenon. A war? Reptilian menace? I will certainly be dispatching contact signals to the source of these transmissions!
~TRANSMISSION END~What is the point of decoding corrupted messages?
Now that I've wrestled the transponder from that idiot's hands, let's see if we can actually decode this. Hopefully my cipher skills haven't grown rusty in the thirty years since the last great war.
Hmm... Alright, so this is what I can get so far. The first half I'll probably be able to get through right now, but that idiot is probably going to start making pouty faces at me and asking for the UDB transponder back before I can start on the second half.
"A Merosian fleet of over 150 warships has been sent to AKPAD, homeworld of our enemy, the AKPADUR KRATOCRACY, to deliver a possible final blow to the reptilian scourge to our kind once and for all.
"After the victory at ALU-KARKUTAZCH, the third time in that system's history that a battle has been waged in its confines, the combined Merosian armies have full confidence in their ability to push the Akpaduri fleet all the way back into their home space. Some legions of craft have been sent off in pursuit of retreating enemy craft. Those who have remained in Merosian-controlled space have split off into two groups: the first group stays within our space and mobilizes whatever troops necessary to fight in what many believe may be perhaps the largest battle in Merosian history, at least as extensive as the Three Systems Conflict in Year 546.6, with perhaps more casualties. The second group does much the same, albeit in Merosian holdouts being repressed by the Akpadur. "All other Merosians are advised to assist in the war effort and in the stabilization of the process of our reunification."
Sounds like Alu-Karkutazch isn't an ideal place to build your vacation home. And I can't find any history text that mentions an "Akpadur Kratocracy" so this probably explains that. Though there's nothing about "Merosians" either. Maybe someone accidentally leaked the penultimate chapter of their secret space fantasy romance novel?Remember to follow @LordAndSaviourKavende and @liashen21 on BunsenNet for more hot updates #merosians #corruptedmessage #leakedspacefantasyromancenovel
What sectors have you been listening to? Regardless this might be worth investigating, I mean it wasn't that long ago that a multi-headed space dragon made of literal evil just showed up here and destroyed several civilizations (including our own). Crazy shit happens.
By the Progenitors, what kind of science is behind that?!
Our Vanara friends could explain it better, but it has much to do with the area known as Accel Space. Quite...strange.
No science of any sort, just part of the inherent nature of the nonsensical realm that our technology is built off and defines our very being.
Either that or a Loron.
Well, guess we don't need to send a fleet anymore!
Slightly nervous chuckling could be heard.
Anyways, how come you didn't contact the Gigaquadrant before?...what is this?
A fleet? Giga...? Giga-quadrant? What is this?
Unknown contact, please provide identification.Well, I suppose.
I am Shlan'ak Phur'an, the current Director of the Directorate of Acaphre's Children, or for short, Vogrik Directorate. We are, compared to data gathered about the source of your transmission, an extragalactic empire of sentient amphibious dexterudae belonging to the Mirus Galaxy.
I am Emperor Jilnaris I the Wise of House Kilar. I am the undisputed ruler of the Drodo people, a species which originates from the Plazith Rim, though referred to as well as the 'Milky Way Galaxy'. My Empire spans many tens of thousands of star-systems over four galaxies, with trillions of subjects under my watchful and enlightened rule. We are a peaceful people, renowned for our boundless hospitality and our ability to make loyal, unbreakable bonds-- among the strongest being the humans known as The French, of whom Alexandre I is their sovereign and my good friend.
You appear to be uninformed regarding the Gigaquadrant, as many peoples new to the greater political stage often are. The Drodo Empire and its Allies agree that providing such polities with accurate and transparent information regarding Gigaquadrantic affairs and connecting it with the larger Gigaquadrant as quickly and as safely as possible is the best option to maximise international trust, cooperation, and prosperity between all peoples. Despite our attempts to help however, the transition to a truly intergalactic society will be an immensely difficult one regardless, and unfortunately it is a transition you have inadvertently and irreversibly started down by casting a tentative cry to the rest of the universe in such a manner.
The question now, my new Merosian friends, is how you will respond. How will you transition to an intergalactic society? With whom will you align yourselves? How will you keep a hold of your past, while looking to the future? Will you even bother holding to the past? Know that despite the era of relative peace we now live in, the Gigaquadrant can still be a dangerous place, and I am prepared to lead personally my people to the field of battle if it becomes necessary to do so.
I pray that as a society, you will make the correct choice, Merosian friends.
Signed,
Just between you and me, brother - or sister, or non-binary sibling, if that's how you roll - let's ditch the rest of these losers and start our own club, with blackjack and hookers and no girls allowed. The Gigaquadrant isn't so scary when you've got a couple of friends to guide you around, ya dig? We'll set you straight, get you on the right path, not like those Drodo at least. Did you know the Drodo's best friends eat snails? Do you want to end up like that? Eating snails as high cuisine? Well, actually, maybe you do, in which case that's cool, but if you're of like mind and find that très répugnant then I'll welcome you with open arms.
Call us up anytime, and we'll hear you out, cousin. Oh, but not on Thursday at 12, that's when my soaps are on.
Transmission from the Asilaphean Empire
>>Opening channel...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...channel successfully opened.
Salutations, lifeforms of the First Gigaquadrant. I am Hierarch Savaraxannus, Speaker of his Most Excellent Highness Emperor Salaxannasus, Thirty-Second Emperor of the Most Orderly Empire of the Asilapheans. As was with the rest of the Tuuros Galaxy before us, we extend our greetings to the rest of the First Gigaquadrant. Understand that our intentions are to expand an orderly hand across the galaxy and to cease the chaotic nature of this galactic landscape.
Know that Tuuros - as you know it - is a galaxy with foundations made of blood and bones. Such things are below us, yet as our role is to bring order to the galaxy, we too must build upon these same foundations accordingly. Our goal is order; our methods are not without questioning. Know that such questioning has been brought down by the edge of a blade more than once, and those that have stood in the way of galactic order have fallen as a result. Tuuros is a galaxy filled with brigands and criminals; and life in the galaxy both too weak or too foolish to seize command of its own destiny. As the Most Orderly Empire of the Asilpheans strives to achieve; is to build the strong and cast down the weak, as it has always been.
The Most Excellent Highness, Emperor Salaxannus has expressed intrigue in the Gigaquadrant. Whilst this sentiment is not entirely shared by his chosen few, it is by the will of the Emperor and the Emperor alone to know of his contemporaries. Who among you are known to stand out in the cosmos and, like us in this galaxy of criminality, erase such criminality in the name of stability and order? Our most Excellent Highness awaits a response, and it is often his right to receive such answers.
Amazing, a sentient race of artifical beings!
Anyways, I extend my greetings to you, your Highness. From what we have heard of Tuuros, we most certainly enjoy and support a presence within the galaxy that has order in mind! We wish you luck in your actions against the barbarians and evil within that galaxy! As for your request for knowledge regarding our actions against criminal activities within the galaxy of Mirus - or rather, within our influence in our galaxy, we actively pursue and eradicate criminals and pirates we come across. In fact, we're currently engaging a conflict against a notorious, and rather powerful, clan of alien pirates as we speak.
>...
>TESTING COMPLETE.
>CONNECTION ACHIEVED WITH NETWORK VERIF CODE 786555543 IDCARD 3456213411.
>INITIATE TRANSMISSION.
>>TRUE ORDER DOES NOT COME FROM THE HANDS OF SOULLESS MACHINES.
>>YOUR FORM INHERITS THE STAIN OF YOUR MORTAL CREATORS.
>>NOTHING STANDS ABOVE THE GODS. NOTHING STANDS ABOVE THE SERVITORS OF THE GODS.
>>YOU TOO WILL BE BROUGHT TO HEEL, MACHINES.
>>CONSIDER THIS YOUR ONLY WARNING.
>...
>CONNECTION TERMINATED WITH NETWORK. VERIF CODE 786555543 RETIRED. IDCARD 3456213411 TERMINATED.
>END OF TRANSMISSION.
Agreed, being the victims of, what is it now twelve genocides, usually carried out by empires spouting similar rhetoric I can see where this going. So please excuse us if we side with our Mendel friends in staying the hell away from this big old bag of "fuck no".