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Dancewithdevil Icon.png Da Pilgrimage is a Historical Event
"Da Pilgrimage" is considered a historical event or a completed fiction within the SporeWiki Fiction Universe. You must ask its original creator if you wish to add any additional stories.

ZR'AN'KAR SHALL LIV AGEN. SO IS MA WORD AS DA BEST SHAMAN EVA!!!

- Brag'klogga

Though it took them almost 40 years to realize it, the Loron Flashiez realized Kolossus, their greatest god, had been slain. Brag'klogga, the Propa Big Flash Boss, would not let that stand.

Kolossus would be reborn.

Shaman's Epiphany[]

In the years following the trial of Da Rogue Boyz in Da Reckoning, the Borealis Galaxy had become a mostly uneventful place for them. Crime had dramatically reduced, and continued to reduce year-on-year, as more and more major figures were being caught by the Polar Crystal Alliance. Of those left, much fewer of them had any faith in hiring Da Rogue Boyz following their public failure, meaning there were almost no contracts available for them -- the only condition under which they were allowed to act at all. The results of the trial had been clear: any arms raised against a member of the Polar Crystal Alliance, or a large organization in the Gigaquadrant in general, and they would be immediately terminated with no questions asked.

Therefore, the Rogue Boyz leadership, on board Da Propa Big Rogue Krooza, which had been floating around Groodrub for over two years now, was almost completely idol. Each member of the leadership had put on a considerable amount of weight since, with most of them spending their days organizing pizza parties, rap competitions, or simply sat around in front of a videogame console playing World of Gangstacraft. This meant that most of the Rogue Leedas and Rogue Warbosses were left lying on a couch or competing in a competition. The only excitement the Loron would have would be their annual Ice Cube Trials.

The Loron had moved past boredom, having somewhat resigned to their new, uneventful lives as the new normal for them. The exceptions to this were Da Propa Big Rogue Geek and Rel'larutina, who both grew more and more frustrated with the stench of the place and the state of the leadership. Clearly, they had not yet found a good way to adjust to their new status. While laying on the couch and burping, Fre'kloar decided to make his announcement to the leadership, fifteen minutes later than usual.

  • Fre'kloar - SUP FOLKS I HAV REELLY EXCITIN NEWS. TOMORROW WES GONNA BE BRINGIN IN DA BEST WORLD OF GANGSTACRAFT CREW FRUM PLANET GADOSUGED OR WATEVA ITS CALLED. DEYZ GONNA MATCH ME IN DA GAME AN WHOEVA WINS GETS A FREE PIZZA PARTY!!!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - eh. wateva
  • Jol'kiar - BAK IN MY DAYZ WE DIDNT GET EXCITED ABOUT DAT but i meen weve not got anyfin els goin on so cool

The only Warboss who did not spend time with the others was Da Propa Big Flash Boss Brag'klogga; unlike the others, he had spent the last several months mostly locked away in his chambers, in deep meditating while surrounded by all sorts of junk - which he referred to as his "mumbo jumbos". He had brought hands to his head and pressed his fingers onto his forehead while narrowing his eyes, deep in thought; something was amiss and he could not tell what. He had felt a disturbance almost four decades ago which was felt not only by him, but by all other Flashiez across the universe, and no matter how hard he tried to figure out what it was, he could not. He rose to his feet, taking his holy book, Da Gangstapedia, and forcefully throwing it into the ground, its pages flipping from the air resistance as he pointed a finger at it.

  • Brag'klogga - GIVE ME DA ANSWERS I NEED. I DEMAND YOO!!!

Eventually, the pages stopped flipping, and Brag'klogga's eyes widened. A cold shiver was sent down his spine as he had to restrain himself from screaming. He hastily took the book again and kicked his door open, causing much noise and taking everyone's attention.

  • Brag'klogga - I, URM, HAV REELY IMPORTANT SHAMAN BISNESS TA ATTEND TO FAR AWAY FROM HEER

Rel'larutina raised her eye a little at the suggestion, curious. The Propa Big Rogue Geek, too, eyed Brag'klogga up suspiciously. Meanwhile, the rest of the Loron mostly groaned in frustration.

  • Voa'reak - man cant ya see im busy BEETIN DA LEVEL 98 BOSS????? OH MA DAYZ YOO PEEPZ AR SO RUDE
  • Zalk'don - LEGIT I SWER I WAS IN DA MIDDLE OF FINISH MA FIFTIETH PIZZA OF DA DAY DEN YOO RUINED IT. GO DO WATEVA YA WANT TBH
  • Brag'klogga - YEH DATS RITE. YOO LOSAS STAY HEER AN LEMME DO MA SHAMAN FINGY. IF YA FOLLOW ME IMMA SMASH YA FACE AN TURN YA UNDAWEAR BAKWARDS
  • Rel'larutina - Urm, no, that's not how this works. Stay here a little bit.

Rel'larutina walked over to him, looking a little supiscious, as she then held her arm up to her face, thinking over it. She then shrugged as she turned to the Rogue Geek.

  • Rel'larutina - Keep an eye on him, will ya?
  • Rogue Geek - I would certainly like to, but Kal'kuir needs the exercise for sure. He has been especially lazy recently. Even less energetic than usual. It's very notable in be-
  • Kal'kuir - DONT YA DARE FINISH DAT SENTENC. FINE ILL GO

The tekkie, Kal'kuir sighed, still slumped in his chair in front of a computer screen. Kal'kuir had felt no inspiration for developing his weaponry ever since the shock of Da Reckoning, and had entered a depressed state. He had gained more weight than any of them, stuck to his old weapons, and too afraid to develop anything else. The idea of starting a new mission scared him, but so did facing the wrath of the Rogue Geek, his "wife". Kal'kuir, setting off to help Brag'klogga, held up one of his oversized weapons that he could barely carry over his shoulder, and walked over to Brag'klogga, before then dropping it on his foot and falling over. He picked it back up, growled, and addressed Brag'klogga.

  • Kal'kuir - LOOKS LIKE IM GONNA HAV TA MAKE SUR WATEVA YOO DO DOESNT END UP RIPPIN ANOTHA HOLE IN SPACE AN TIME
  • Brag'klogga - ugh fine JUS COM HEER QUIK

Brag'klogga grabbed Kal'kuir by the shoulder and carried him away from the rest of the group. The two Loron would move onto the deeper parts of the Rogue Krooza, far away from the command chamber where they spent most of their time in, and once Brag'klogga arrived to a secluded room, he locked the doors behind him and begun chanting, causing a layer of Dark Chronoscopic essence to cover the walls; he was making sure they could not be found or heard.

  • Brag'klogga - dis alredi hasnt gone as planned but IMMA GONNA GIV YA A CHANCE TA HELP ME OUT KALKUIR. YA GOTTA PROMISE NOT TA TELL ANY OF DA OTHAS ABOUT IT OK??

Kal'kuir looked puzzled at first, before then nodding his head slightly, confused.

  • Kal'kuir - ... erm ok
  • Brag'klogga - ok cool cus we got a BIG problem. but we cant solve it on our own, we need mor flashy powa. one sec

Brag'klogga chanted once again, and within instants, a new pair of Loron Flashiez appeared before Kal'kuir.

  • Brag'klogga - dese is ma lads who is propa flashy. meet Gan'fusis and Kosd'vaw
  • Gan'fusis - yooooo
  • Kosd'vaw - sup
  • Kal'kuir - sup folks neva herd of yoos befor but brag says yor good so i guess yoo must not be da ones dat stole ma cookies last week
  • Gan'fusis - nah wes flash bosses unda brag'klogga we go around doin shaman stoof
  • Brag'klogga - OK EVERYUN SHUP UP A SEC. WE GOT A MAJOR MAJOR SUPA PROPA BIG PROBLEM IN OUR HANDS. DA ONE PROBLEM WHICH SHULD NEVA EVA EVA EVA BE POSSIBUL BUT IM A DOZEN PERCENT CONFIDENT IT HAPPENED
  • Kal'kuir - by ma calculashons a dozen percent meens WE SHULD BE CERTAIN IT HAPPENED. YO WATS DA ISSUE

Brag'klogga brought his hands to his face and shouted.

  • Brag'klogga - ZR'AN'KAR... IS DED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gan'fusis, who had teleported in with a glass of alcohol, spitted it all out at Kosd'vaw's face as the two Flashiez screamed in unison. Kal'kuir initially flinced a little until he finally took in what Brag'klogga had said, at which point he gasped. In his mind, such a thing was not mathematically possible.

  • Kosd'vaw - yor having a laff rite??? RITE????
  • Gan'fusis - IT CANT BE MAN. DA BEST GOD... IS DED???
  • Kal'kuir - ACCORDIN TO DA THEORY OF GODLINESS WRITTEN BY DA LATE GRATE WRITA FAR'SOGGATHOS, or was dat his name? i forgot, but anyway HE WROTE LOTS OF GOOD BOOKS ABOUT GOD THEORY not dat i reed books but ANYWAY YEH HE CONCLUDED DAT IN DA EVENT DA BEST GOD DIES DAT MEENS DAT DA WHOL OONIVERSE WILL EXPLODE!!!! SO DERES NO WAY HES DED!!!!!!!!!
  • Brag'klogga - no man im sur it happened. cus when he died, us flashiez all felt it in our souls. we felt dis feelin dat somfin was goin wrong wiv our powas but we shrugged it off. but nao im certain DAT HES DED. BUT DONT WORRY: I HAV A PLAN

Brag'klogga presented them the Gangstapedia.

  • Brag'klogga - WES GONNA REVIVE HIM, BETTA DAN EVA. BUT BEFOR DEN WE CANT LET DA OTHAS KNO. COULD YA IMAGIN DA PANIC IT WULD CAUSE IF DA BOYZ FOUND OUT DA BEST GOD DIED? WE CANT LET DAT HAPPEN
  • Kal'kuir - hmm by my calculashons jol'kiar wuld die of a heart attak. AN WE KNO WAT HAPPENED LAST TIME JOLKIAR DIED. SO YEH BEST AVOID DAT
  • Kosd'vaw - yeh i was stukk in da milky way invashon dat one time. im sik of hearin bout ghosts an hao dey hurt
  • Kal'kuir - so ok imma help yoo but jus a quik warnin. i dont kno nuffin bout shaman stoof. howeva if ya want i can reed a book on it
  • Gan'fusis - eh leev da shaman stoof to da shamans but i bet wes gonna hav ta kill peeps ta make it happen so ya can always jus shoot peeps

Kal'kuir then looked at his feet, and his eyes began to sniffle a little bit.

  • Kal'kuir - yeh... urm... about dat
  • Brag'klogga - wats up man?

Kal'kuir then suddenly dropped to his knees and hugged Brag'klogga's leg while sobbing into his feet, crying.

  • Kal'kuir - I CANT MAKE GUNZ ANYMOAR!!! its so sad but i got NO ideas for dem now man it SUKS
  • Gan'fusis - man dat cant be rite. YOR KALKUIR DA MEKKA TEKKA BOSS! YOR FAMOUS ALL OVA FOR YA GUNZ (tho ya look a lot fatta dan in da picturs)
  • Kal'kuir - yeh but if my gunz was so great den we wuld hav taken ova da ooniverse in da reckonin. BUT DEY WAS WEEK AN ALL GOT CRUSHED BY DAT ARK GEEZA. MAN IM UTTALY USELESS I SWER ID AKSHULLY RATHA TRY AN BE A SHAMAN INSTED

Brag'klogga then reached down and grabbed Kal'kuir by the shoulders to lift him up before shaking him.

  • Brag'klogga - GET YASELF TOGETHA. WES GONNA NEED SIK GUNZ IF WE HOP TA BRING ZR'AN'KAR BAK. IN FACT DATS GONNA BE YA MISHON: YOR GONNA MAKE DA SIKKEST GUN EVA SO WE CAN GIVE IT TA ZR'AN'KAR WHEN HES BAK
  • Kal'kuir - ya meen... zrankars gonna judge ma gun???
  • Brag'klogga - YEH. AN IT NEED TA BE DA BEST GUN EVA SO HE CAN USE IT TA SHOOT PEEPS
  • Kal'kuir - den... den i best be at my best fer makin da best gun eva so da best god can use it fer da BEST misshons!!! i dunno if i can tho...
  • Brag'klogga - YOO CAN CUS YOR A ROGUE WARBOSS. YOR DA BEST OF DA BEST
  • Kosd'vaw - beleev in me who beleevs in yoo
  • Kal'kuir - yeh ok. ill try but no promises
  • Brag'klogga - ok gud enuff. NAO ME AN DA FLASHIEZ IS GONNA HAV TA STUDY DA HOLY BOOK TA FIND DA RITUAL ON HAO TA BRING A GOD BAK FROM DA DED AN DAT MITE TAKE A WHILE SO IN DA MEENTIME JUS PLAY DUM AN PRETEND I JUST TALKED BOUT NUFFIN
  • Kal'kuir - well ma wife mite not beleev yas but da rest of dem will so i fink its ok
  • Gan'fusis - wat da hell is a "wife"?
  • Brag'klogga - dont worry bout it reely. jus dont
  • Kal'kuir - its da propa big rogue geek but ANYWAY change da subjekt. yeh im gonna go bak an pretend yoo asked bout world of gangstacraft or somfin. NO ONE KNOWS BUT US

As he then oepend the door to leave the room, his jaw dropped suddenly as he saw Drizz'pyrokirk waiting just outside, polishing his Freezflamas, with a stern look on his face. Unlike the rest of the Warbosses, Drizz'pyrokirk if anything looked even more in shape than he had done prior to Da Reckoning. The others could visibly see more muscle on his bones than before, having sharpened his own workout routine. He was also wearing gym clothes, unlike his usual Freezflama attire.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - SUP NERDS
  • Brag'klogga - WAT DA HELL DRIZZY HAO DID YA GET IN HEER
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - I WAS JUS FINISHIN MA TRAININ SESHON DIS MORNIN WEN I GET BAK AN HEER DAT BRAG AN KALKUIR AR UP TO NO GOOD. WORRIED ABOUT YA SAFETY I CAME HEER TA OFFA YOO A FREE PERSONAL TRAINA SESHON DEN I HEER DAT ZR'AN'KAR IS DED AN YOR PLANNIN A RITUAL ON REVIVIN HIM??? AN YOR REFUSIN TA REPORT TO DA LEEDASHIP??? OH MAN JUS WAIT TIL DA KING HEERS ABOUT DIS
  • Brag'klogga - IMPOSSIBUL. I SHIELDED DA ROOM WIV MAGIC SO NOBODY CULD HEER FROM DA OUTSIDE
  • Kal'kuir - urm by my calculashons sheelds only work 20% of da time
  • Brag'klogga - oh ma dayz NUTHINS GOIN MA WAY TODAY IS IT??? OI DRIZZY YOR NOT TELLIN DA LEEDAS NUFFIN OR IMMA ZAP YA FACE OFF

At that moment, Drizz'pyrokirk quickly pulled out his Freezflama and froze Brag'klogga's feet to the ground, before then freezing the arm holding his staff. His reflexes were far quicker than Brag'klogga's, having stayed in shape during the past years while the others had not seen combat once since. Instead of running off to the Leedas, however, he decided to wait there a little longer.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HOWEVA BOF OF YOOS IS HOMIES. SO ILL TELL YA WAT IM NOT GONNA SNITCH ON ONE CONDISHON
  • Brag'klogga - UGH WAT IS IT
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - dat bof of yas giv me yor endorsement fer ma new protein shake dats comin out dat promises GUARANTEED GAINZ evry time ya use it afta a gym sesshon
  • Gan'fusis - wow brags homies is a bunch of tossas
  • Kosd'vaw - lmao word
  • Brag'klogga - MATE WE GOT BIGGA PROBLEMS AT HAND DAN YA DAM PROTEIN SHAKE. TELL YA WAT HAO BOUT YA HELP ME REVIVE DA BEST GOD?? YOO CAN TELL HIM BOUT YA STUPID PROTEIN YASELF

Drizz'pyrokirk was visibly annoyed by their insults, and their audacity to disrespect his new product, but disregarded it nonetheless. He stroked his chin a little, thinking about it, and then spoke.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - if i help yas will ya giv me da endorsement
  • Brag'klogga - YES FER DA LOV OF ZR'AN'KAR JUS UNFREEZ ME ALREDI
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DEN ILL DO IT

Drizz'pyrokirk lit up his Freezflamas on flame setting with glee, thawing Brag'klogga's ice and then spraying fire around the room and jumping up in joy, then suddenly stopped in his tracks as he realized that he'd lit Kosd'vaw's suit on fire, causing him to panic and yell out while rolling on the floor.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - oh whoops sorry bout dat
  • Brag'klogga - ok fine i got mor peeps involved dan i wanted to BUT DATS OK I CAN STILL MAKE DIS WORK. YOO LOT IS GONNA FOLLOW MA INSTRUCSHONS AN WES GONNA SAVE ZR'AN'KAR WITHOU ANYON NOTICIN. ITS GONNA BE SIK AN ITS TOTALLY GONNA WORK
  • Kal'kuir - YEH!! TA SHOW ZRANKAR DA BEST GUN EVA!!!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - TA SHOW ZRANKAR MA SIK GAINZ!!!! sponsored by Kal'kuir an Brag'klogga wiv a 20% OFF DEEL if yoo kiss Frekloars ass

Loose Ends[]

The Union Republic of Ottzello had been celebrating several years of a peaceful democracy. For such a state to be achieved was thought impossible by a large number of scholars who had studied Ottzello history. Typically, democracy was not thought as possible by multiple Ottzelloan species, due to the intense and bitter hatred between many, and their bloodthirsty nature. So for a nation to have united the Ottzello species under one common flag to have done so successfully was miraculous. The Union Republic's people lived in harmony, with their military spending winding down having encountered no major threat in years.

The retired president Tuolog lived out in peace in his home in a treehouse located on planet Ioket. Mostly living away from the politics of the Union Republic, Tuolog had been mostly satisfied that the nation he had helped create was thriving without him. Nonetheless, he had always feared his retirement would be short lived. Though he'd stopped paying attention to timelines a long time ago, he nonetheless had a distinct feeling that somewhere, a great ripple in spacetime would occur once more, one he had not seen since Da Reckoning.

Tuolog broke from his meditative stance in his home to firstly look outside of the window of his house, watching the forests of Ioket as the creatures sang in harmony, while in the distance he could distinctively see some of the trees darken. This was a sign on the planet, which had grown accustomed to the Chronoscopic wielders to the point where it almost reacted to the energies and the timelines that they all foresaw. For trees to blacken on the horizon meant that the wildlife had fled them, and they were no longer lit by the fireflies that resided in the forests. It meant something was coming.

Tuolog did not want to contact the Union Republic directly about this, for he felt doing so could cause mass-hysteria, or worse, spark another war against the Rogue Boyz. Instead, he decided to approach a contact of his, one of the Vyro'Narza who had come to live amongst the mortals: Mac. Tuolog spoke to Mac telepathically, without needing holograms.

  • Tuolog - Greetings, Mac. Long time no speak.

Mac, on the other hand, had also entered retirement, but his habitat was much different from that of Tuolog's. Mac stayed in the bustling city of Grenzaar, the artificial hub world of the Union Republic of Ottzello, living in his apartment in a skyscraper high above the activity below. Here, he stayed closer to mortal life, living among them and participating as one of them, having wished to never fight again. Mac had simply been laying back on the couch of his apartment, watching holo-programs, when he received contact.

  • Mac - Ah, Tuolog. Got to speak to you again. You're well, I hope?
  • Tuolog - Indeed. And I see you in good shape as well. I expected you to be in ship on way for work, but that not seem to be the case?
  • Mac - Nah. The mercenary life wasn't one I wanted to live forever. If I'm to stay as a mortal, then I figure I may as well live among them, y'know? Learn what it's like to be one myself. So I retired out here, and I don't really plan to be involved in battle any time soon.
  • Tuolog - Hm, I see. In that case, I must apologize. I approached you because I wanted to ask a certain... favour.

At that point, Mac closed the holograms around him, and sat up straight, with a determined look on his face.

  • Mac - No, it's fine, you've no need to apologize. If we're in danger, I need to know about it. What's on your mind?
  • Tuolog - We not quite in danger, at least not yet, but I cannot approach the government about this. The matter is too delicate. There is a certain disturbance happening in the fifth dimension which does not bode well.
  • Mac - Hm, I see... Well as you know, I've been closed off from the fifth dimension for a while. So I wouldn't have picked up on it. What can you tell me about it, exactly?
  • Tuolog - I have been keeping close watch on Rogue Loron. They spend most of their time doing useless Loron things. But I noticed their Essence master, Brag'klogga, meddling with things he should not. Things which have rippled all the way to the fifth dimension... I take you hear news of Kolossus' destruction? On how Tyraz Breek slew him at Andromeda?
  • Mac - Yeah, it couldn't've happened to a better person. Part of me wishes I was the one to land the killing blow.
  • Tuolog - This disturbance I feel. It... It leaves a mark which greatly resembles him.

Mac's determined face then became one of despair quickly, as the events of Kolossus' torture flashed before his eyes. The traumatic memories returned to him, reminding him of the pain he had experienced as Kolossus cursed him and doomed him to living away from his kind for eternity. There was a slight growl that formed on his face at first, before it turned to a small grin, as he looked a little more relaxed.

  • Mac - Well, guess I'm coming out of retirement, then.
  • Tuolog - I know for certain that Kolossus died in Andromeda, there is no doubt of it. But I fear Brag'klogga may be attempting to reach out to him again, perhaps even bring him back to life. I certain he could not manage to pull something like that off, but whatever he tries could cause a catastrophe. I like you to keep a close watch on Brag'klogga, and intervene if he tries anything funny.
  • Mac - Yeah, if he plans on bringing Kolossus back, I fully intend to. Any place I should lay low for the time being?
  • Tuolog - I can send you coordinates of where he is now so you can follow him. I prefer if Brag'klogga simply failed whatever it is he is doing, but if he presses your hand, then there is no choice but to kill him.
  • Mac - Of course.

Mac was about to stand up to pick up his weapon, before a thought came to his mind.

  • Mac - Say... You do know that if Brag'klogga does, whatever he's trying to do, that that would be grounds for the PCA to intervene and just destroy the Loron, right? So I'm guessing you're getting me to stop him getting that far so that doesn't have to happen? So that the Loron survive?
  • Tuolog - Your intuition not fail you. You are correct. Also, I feel you would want to take part of this.
  • Mac - Well, can't say I don't admire that compassion about you. And yeah, you're absolutely right. We don't need this to get ugly.
  • Tuolog - It very worrisome, though. I looked into timelines to see what exactly the endgame of all this and they are... garbled. Messy. Chaotic. I cannot read them. Something is definitely going to happen and it will be important.
  • Mac - I'd offer to help, but I don't think my powers would be any better than yours when they're still so closed off from the rest of my kind. If you can't read them, then there's no way I will be. You think Zargoth is up to something?
  • Tuolog - I not believe Zargoth has anymore use for Kolossus, but he may well be manipulating Brag'klogga to some other purpose. More reasons to keep a close eye on him.
  • Mac - Right. I got it. I'll keep you informed.
  • Tuolog - Thank you. It unfortunate that even after he is gone, we must still worry about Kolossus making a mess in people's lives.
  • Mac - You don't get rid of demon influence that easily, unfortunately. But we'll see what we can do.

Da Ritual's Ingredients[]

It had been a few days since Brag'klogga begun what he called "Operashun Bring Zr'An'Kar Bak Nao Dammit", with him and his Flashy homiez studying the holy books in search of answers. After much reading and getting many headaches in a row, the trio of mad Essence users eventually uncovered a passage of the holy books which seemed to indicate what ingredients they needed for the ritual which would resurrect Kolossus. Gathering at a distant and mostly uninhabited planet at the borders between Da Rogue Boyz and URO, the Loron begun gathering a number of objects they claimed would be necessary to achieve their mission.

Kal'kuir and Drizz'pyrokirk both watched the increasingly large pile of random junk being teleported in. Among it were 33 pizza boxes - with the trio having eaten all the pizzas without sharing, leading Drizz'pyrokirk to smack them a few times -, 33 boomboxes, 33 copies of Flo'Sikka's latest album, 33 Groodrub Chimps who meandered around aimlessly, 33 idols made in the image of Zr'An'Kar in various poses, 33 severed Norol legs - which Brag'klogga claimed were taken "wiv deir permishon totally", 33 wooden sticks in the exact shape of Zr'An'Kar's arms, 33 shankas, 33 different pieces of pornographic paraphernalia starring Kalcedia Myran, 33 slices of 33 different flavours of cheese, 33 extra copies of the holy books - each signed by Brag'klogga -, 33 banana peels, a single piece of paper with "33" written on it - also signed by Brag'klogga -, a dumbbell weighting exactly 33kg lifted by Kal'kuir on his 33rd rep after taking part in Drizz'pyrokirk's "Workout Routine of Gangsta #33", and a gun battery used on Kal'kuir's latest weapon which had exactly 33 kilowatts of energy.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - GREAT WORKD LADS. JUS ONE QUESTION. WHY DA HELL DID WE GET 33 OF EVRFYIN
  • Brag'klogga - ITS IN DA HOLY BOOKS. DA 33TH PASSAJ OF DA 33TH PAGE AFTA DA 33TH ONE. SEE???

Brag'klogga presented them the holy books opened at a certain page: even by Loron standards, it was completely unreadable. It looked more like a massive smear than anything legible.

  • Kal'kuir - ohhhhh wait. i got it. ITS BECUZ DERES 33 GODZ YEH?
  • Kosd'vaw - no dumbo we hav 44 godz. i swear hao culd ya forget da 55 godz like dat
  • Gan'fusis - YAH PROBS CANT SEE IT CUS YOR NOT SIK SHAMANZ LIKE US
  • Kal'kuir - oh rite my bad brb goin bak ta worshippin class
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YOO BES NOT BLUD YOO GOT SPIN CLASS WIV ME AT 8:30
  • Brag'klogga - SPEEKIN OF CLASSES. OI KAL'KUIR WHERS DA GUN TA PRESENT TA ZR'AN'KAR??? DID YA MAKE IT YET??

Kal'kuir went red all of a sudden, before he then pulled out a pistol from his pocket and presented it to Brag'klogga. At first sight, the pistol looked entirely unremarkable, as it was a simple blue design with a light bulb sticking out at the back.

  • Kal'kuir - well i meen... i made A gun...
  • Gan'fusis - man dat littel blasta eint neva gonna plees zrankar. WE NEED SUMFIN BIGGA MAN
  • Kal'kuir - ITS NOT DA SIZE DAT COUNTS ITS HOW YA USE IT. at leest dats wat ma wife tells me all da time but ANYWAYZ DIS FING IS CAPABLE OF CREATIN A BLAK HOLE WEN YA FIRE IT
  • Brag'klogga - dat so? ok lets see it den

As he aimed the pistol in the sky, Kal'kuir crossed his fingers on his hand behind his back, muttered a pray to Zr'An'Kar under his breath, and fired. Immediately, a spark of energy flew out of the pistol and then stopped in mid-air. Following it, a small portal was created in the sky, which slowly expanded, and began to pull in some of the grass nearby.

  • Kal'kuir - it will keep expandin til it EETS DA WHOLE PLACE
  • Brag'klogga - hmmm suppose dats not too bad den
  • Kosd'vaw - NO IDIOT ITS GONNA EET ALL DA HOLY INGREDIENTS GET IT AWAY
  • Brag'klogga - EETIN DA HOLY INGREDIENTS... DIS DAYS COMIN!!!!!! I REFUSE

Much as Kosd'vaw predicted, the black hole began to expand further and further, with Kal'kuir looking extremely puzzled. Soon, a large, green tentacle came out of the portal and slammed on the ground, followed by several more. A few moments later, a green creature's mouth seemed to emerge, roaring as the portal merely expanded further, allowing the tentacle monster to gain a greater foothold on its surroundings.

  • Kal'kuir - yeh see da blak hole gun basically opens a portal to da monsta fingy. EINT HE SWEET? I CALL HIM "FRED"
  • Gan'fusis - dats not a blak hole den
  • Kal'kuir - YES IT IS ITS A HOLE DATS BLAK
  • Gan'fusis - hmmmmmmmmmmmm well i guess i cant disagree wiv dat
  • Brag'klogga - DUMBOS DA LOT OF YOO. ANYWAY NAO DAT WE HAV DA BASIC INGREDIENTS WE NEED TA GO AN FETCH DA THREE PROPA BIG INGREDIENTS
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - FER A MINUT I FORT YOO WAS GONNA SAY 33 PROPA BIG INGREDIENTS AN IM SUPA GLAD YA DIDNT COZ IF YA DID I WULD MAKE YOO RUN 33 LAPS
  • Brag'klogga - YEH WELL im glad too cus dat wuld take way too long ANYWAY GET YOR STOOF CUS IM GONNA TELEPORT US TO DA PLACE DA HOLY BOOKS SAY WE GOTTA GO
  • Kal'kuir - WAIT LEMME SWITCH OFF DA PORTAL FIRST

Kal'kuir then pointed his pistol back to the expanding black hole that "Fred" was emerging from, only for his pistol to explode in his face and blacken his right eye. The portal continued to expand.

  • Kal'kuir - .... oh rite.... i dont fink i included an "off" switch
  • Brag'klogga - IDIOT NAO WE GOTTA TAKE ALL DA RELICS AN POOT DEM IN ANOTHA PLANET AN LET DIS ONE GET EETEN
  • Kosd'vaw - dont a ton of boyz liv in dis planet?
  • Brag'klogga - well.... yeh??? but like.... i dont reely care???? cmon we got betta fings ta do
  • Kal'kuir - ok ill call my wife to fix it

Kal'kuir then pulled out his cellphone and began a conversation with the Rogue Geek, causing the others to wait impatiently as he eventually got through to her. Brag'klogga then lost his patience and simply pulled Kal'kuir in to teleport him away.

The next time the group could see properly, they realized they were in the middle of a hot desert. In the distance was a lone Loron stronghold, built around an oasis of sorts. The place was not recognizable to any of them except for Kal'kuir; he could not help but feel he had been here before.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - somfin about dis place makes me THIRSTY as hell
  • Gan'fusis - its cus wes in da middel of A DESERT. OI BOSS WAT DA HELL IS DIS???
  • Brag'klogga - dis is wher we shall find da first propa big relic. ITS IN DAT BASE OVA DERE. SO MOOV YA ASSES AN LETS GO
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - uhhhhhhhh man cold loronz wasnt ment ta be in hot places like dis so if yooll excuse me ill go take a nap brb
  • Brag'klogga - man stop complainin. FINE ILL LEVITATE YOO OVA DERE AN THRO YOO AT DA LAKE IF IT MAKES YOO ANY HAPPIA
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - cool thanks

The Loron proceeded to make their way to the stronghold, and were quickly spotted by the Loron who lived there, who watched carefully as they made their way past the open gates. As he said he would, Brag'klogga proceeded to dunk Drizz'pyrokirk into the oasis before taking a look around; it was a fairly standard settlement for a Loron band to live in, decorated with tattered flags which seemed very familiar to Kal'kuir. Perhaps the most striking feature was a large cage with a massive carnivorous monster inside, who snarled and roared at their direction as it watched them.

  • Kal'kuir - yeh i akshully do rememba dis place but i dunno wher from.... hm...... by my calculashons... I GOT IT. DA DESERT IS MADE OF SAND
  • Kosd'vaw - wow thx for ya insight mista robot man
  • Brag'klogga - OI YOO BOYZ. I WANNA TALK TO DA GUY IN CHARJ. SO GET HIM IN HEER WILL YA????

At that moment, a figure emerged from the stronghold, and at that point Kal'kuir could definitely recall where he was: it was a tall and well-armored Loron Bigga Boy, one who appeared to be at his prime as he took large steps at their direction. He crossed his arms as he looked down at them, raising an eyebrow.

  • ??? - WHO COMS TO DA FORT? IS YOO HEER TA PLEDGE YASELF TO MA GROOP?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - geez dis guy reminds me a lot of Grak'tona
  • Brag'klogga - IM DA BEST SHAMAN BRAG'KLOGGA. WHO IS YOO???
  • ??? - IM BOSS LOB'GAKRAG AN IM DA BEST MAN OF DIS GROOP, MOST KNOWN AS GROOP LOB'GAKRAG
  • Kal'kuir - yooo lob'gakrag? yeh I KNO YOO I ENDED UP BLOWIN YOO UP LOL
  • Lob'gakrag - DA HELL IS YOO ON BOUT YA FAT GEEK?? I NEVA SEEN ANY OF YOO IN MA LIFE
  • Kosd'vaw - hol up. "groop"? loronz havent been makin groopz since frekloar made da rogue boyz ages ago
  • Kal'kuir - yeh dats coz wes in da PAST stoopid
  • Gan'fusis - OH WE TRAVELED BAK IN TIME DEN?? SO YA KNO DIS GEEZA?
  • Kal'kuir - YEH I SQUASHED HIS FACE LOL HE WAS CRAZY

Lob'gakrag frowned and smacked Kal'kuir across the face to knock him down.

  • Lob'gakrag - WATCH YA WORDS YA WEIRDO BEFOR I STOMP YA. AN WAT DA HELL IS DA MATTA WIV YOO LOT??? WATS WRONG WIV YA SKIN?? DID YA PIKK A FITE WIV AN OVEN AN LOST???? AHAHAHAHA
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - OH MAN YOR A RACIST???? WOW DATS DEFINITELY WARRANTIN ME SMAKING YOO HALF WAY CROSS DA DESERT
  • Lob'gakrag - SHUT UP LOSA BEFOR I FEED YA TO MA MONSTA. WATS DAT UGLY FING IN YA ARM??? MAN YOR SOM SORT OF MOOTANT???
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - BRUH IF YOO WANT ME TA INTRODUC YOO TO IT DEN ILL HAPPILY OBLIGE IDIOT
  • Gan'fusis - yooooooo. yo. dis guy kinda... sounds a lot like bragklogga???
  • Kosd'vaw - OI YOR RITE DEY GOT DA SAME VOICE?

At that moment, Brag'klogga's eyes widened and he pointed his staff at Lob'gakrag.

  • Brag'klogga - OOOOOOH SNAP. YOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - man how did ya not work dat out idiot
  • Brag'klogga - MAN I NEVA MET MA BLU LORON VERSHON CUS YOO IDIOTS KILLED HIM BEFOR YA MET ME YA FORGOT?
  • Kal'kuir - HE WAS USELESS AN CRAZY AN HAD SOMFIN WRONG WIV HIS HED. DIS VERSHON DOESNT HAV ANYFIN WRONG WIV HIS HED YET
  • Lob'gakrag - MAN YOO PEEPZ IS NUTS. YOR TALKIN RANDOM RUBBISH TA PISS ME OFF
  • Brag'klogga - OK SO DAT MEENS... YOR A COPYCAT DUMBO VERSHON OF ME?
  • Gan'fusis - eh. da two of ya dont look dat alike tbh. seems ya had totally different lives
  • Brag'klogga - hm yeh yor rite. I BET DIS GEEZA EINT EVEN A SHAMAN
  • Kal'kuir - da tldr vershon is dat blu loronz dont becom shamans so wen dis geeza got whakked in da hed he jus became a moron whereas wen brag got whakked in da hed he got god powas
  • Kosd'vaw - i wonda who ma blu vershon is. i hope hes not a losa
  • Lob'gakrag - I HAD ENUFF OF YOO LOT. IMMA SMAK YAS NAO

With a swing of his fist, Lob'gakrab punched Brag'klogga square in the face, sending the shaman flying back into a wall. He quickly got on his feet as he turned to the others.

  • Brag'klogga - YA SED SOMFIN BOUT WHAKKIN HIM IN DA HED YEH?
  • Kal'kuir - WELL... tbh i dont rememba how exactly we killed him last time but dis time its gonna be a bit harda becuz he doesnt hav da hed injury
  • Brag'klogga - SO IMMA MAKE ONE. OI LOSA BEHOLD MA FLAAAAAAAAAASHY POWAAAAAAAAAA

Brag'klogga's eyes begun to shine brightly, causing Lob'gakrag to flinch and bring his hands to his face to shield his eyes before the shaman rushed in; with a swing of his staff, it transformed into an enormous hammer which came crashing down at the Bigga Boy's head, flooring him with a sickening crunching noise. After a few moments, he struggled back on his feet and he looked around confused.

  • Lob'gakrag - wat... wats goin on? wher am I? ... I CANT REMEMBA MA NAME MAN WAT DA HELL
  • Kal'kuir - wait yor kiddin me is dis akshully how it happened
  • Lob'gakrag - uh whos yoo younguns? yall look a bit sik ya wanna join ma groop?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - hmm depends. do ya offa free gym membaship
  • Brag'klogga - NAH NAH WE EINT GOT TIME FER DAT. FOLLOW ME

The Loron all folowed Brag'klogga inside the stronghold while the Bigga Boy stayed outside, admiring the surroundings without any wish to interfere with them further. Eventually they reached Lob'gakrag's personal quarters where Brag'klogga started throwing furnitude around until he found what he wanted: turning to face them, he presented them what appeared to be an almost exact replica of his own hat, except it had a common Loron sense of fashion to it.

  • Brag'klogga - BEHOLD DA RELIC. DA LOST HAT OF ZRANKAR
  • Kal'kuir - ... erm.... eh
  • Kosd'vaw - hmmmm... yeh sur i beleev it
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - oh ma dayz did yoo CHOOS DA HAT YOO LIKED BEST AN IT HAPPENED TA BE YOR HAT??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Brag'klogga - YEH IM DA PROPA BIG SHAMAN SO MA WORD IS DA HOLY WORD. AN DIS IS DA HOLY LOST HAT. OK LADS WES DONE HEER
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Gan'fusis - hm. hao anticlimatic
  • Brag'klogga - SHUT UP DUMBO ITS A FINE HAT
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And with that, the quintet teleported away, returning to their original timeline. As they arrived, Kal'kuir received a phone notification claiming he had voicemail, and quickly picked it up. It was from the Rogue Geek.

  • Rogue Geek - I cleaned up the mess. Eventually. But half the planet died. You idiot. I'm not cooking for you this evening.
  • Gan'fusis - not gonna lie dats kinda embarrassin man
  • Kal'kuir - shut up man i dont kno how ta cook ma own meels ok
  • Brag'klogga - likin chikz is SACRILEJ TO DA GODZ. AT LEEST DO LIKE RAY'LOTH DID AN EET HER SO SHE WONT TALK NO MORE
  • Kal'kuir - MAN YOR A MASSIV SEXIST I SWER ONE DAY DA FEMINISTS IS GONNA BEET YOO UP
  • Brag'klogga - ok lissen. a lot of dayz comin. but not dat one. dat ones NEVA COMIN.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - EVERON SHUT YA MOUF AN GO JOIN ME FER SPIN CLASS

Da Golden Pizza[]

Following an exhausting gym session, most Loron had only a single thing on their minds: pizza. It was, of course, very short sighted of them to immediately put back on the weight they'd just burned off, but this didn't even cross Drizz'pyrokirk's mind. The group of five decided to return to their secret hideout on Da Rogue Krooza to have a quiet pizza party, and waited patiently for the pizzas to be delivered, hungry from the exercise. Approximately twenty minutes after it had been ordered, their pizzas were delivered by Rel'larutina, much to their shock.

  • Rel'larutina - Special delivery for Brag'klogga and his gang of twits.
  • Brag'klogga - WOW TOOK YA LONG ENUFF DIDNT IT
  • Rel'larutina - Yeah, it took me about ten minutes to make the pizzas, and ten more minutes to wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, and ten more after that to finally realize that I don't want to go back to therapy and just deliver you the goddamn pizza.
  • Gan'fusis - wow i herd da chik boss was cranky but dats some BIG cranky
  • Rel'larutina - Just what exactly are you people up to, anyway? Last time you killed half a planet with a giant green tentacle monster, so I'm guessing it's not good.
  • Brag'klogga - DAT WUS ENTIRELY KALKUIRS FAULT IM JUS DOIN COMPLEETELY INNOCENT SHAMAN BISNESS
  • Kal'kuir - SHUT UP MAN OR IMMA KNOK YOO OUT
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - it was akshully yor fault tho
  • Kal'kuir - YOR TAKIN HIS SIDE????????
  • Rel'larutina - ... Y'know what? On second thoughts, I don't wanna know. Just listening to this conversation is already giving me enough traumatic flashbacks that I'm gonna get outta here before I actually need to go back to therapy for PTSD or something. Peace out, nerds.
  • Brag'klogga - YEH GET OUTTA HEER. STOOPID CHIK

With that, she dumped the pizza on the table and just left as quickly as she could.

  • Kal'kuir - rite so anyway wats da nex fing we need?
  • Brag'klogga - WE MUST FIND DA SECOND RELIC, WHICH IS ALSO DA TASTIEST ONE. DA LEGENDARY GOLDEN PIZZA
  • Kal'kuir - ... wait so like da pizza is golden or its jus supa tasty????
  • Brag'klogga - urm probably boff?? like i imagine zrankar is so hard he can jus eet solid gold no problem so no biggie dere
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - AR YOO MAKIN DIS UP AS YOO GO ALONG????? RITE DATS IT IM SNITCHIN TA GRAK
  • Brag'klogga - SHUT UP MAN ITS IN DA HOLY BOOKS YOO EINT SNITCHIN ME NUFFIN
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - FINE WELL DISCUSS WAT TA DO AFTA PIZZA

As they continued to devour their pizza, Brag'klogga opened one of his pizza boxes, noticing it was weighing a lot more than usual. He shrugged a little bit, not noticing anything, until he grabbed a slice and took a bite. The bite was a lot colder than usual, and he eventually realized that he'd actually taken a bite out of a plaque of metal that was somehow cooked into the pizza he was eating. He spat it out, and the other Loron could see there was some writing etched into the side of it.

  • Brag'klogga - MAN WAT DA HELL DID DAT IDIOT CHIK POOT ON DIS PIZZA??
  • Kosd'vaw - hol up deres somfin written heer...

Drizz'pyrokirk pulled up the plaque, and as soon as he started reading it, his head tilted back almost 90 degrees as he roared in laughter, dropping the plaque. Kal'kuir picked it up too, and as he read it, he too began to crease before chuckling under his breath, and handed it over to Brag'klogga.

  • Kal'kuir - yoooooooo yoo bes reed dis

Brag'klogga picked it up, to read the contents of the plaque. Though it was written in Loroniz Spik, the handwriting was far too good to be another Loron, meaning it was clearly written by a Chik. From what little he knew of Rel'larutina's writing, he knew that it was not hers. The letter read:

"Dear Brag'klogga, my beloved Shaman. I have been longing to meet you one day. I have dreamt for years about meeting the Propa Big Shaman of the Rogue Boyz and the fantasy fills me with glee to see what your powers are capable of. Your dreamy eyes that glow as you cast spells are something I have always longed to see in person. If you read this, please meet me on Deck 40, at 3:33 in the afternoon. Lots of love, your secret admirer."

Brag'klogga's eyes narrowed as he huffed under his breath, though not before shoving another slice of pizza into his mouth.

  • Brag'klogga - WAT DA HELL IS DIS TRASH? WHO DARES TA MAKE A MOKKERY OF DA HIGH SHAMAN?????
  • Kal'kuir - man sounds like shes SUPA into yoo
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Brag'klogga - YEH WELL WHOEVA DIS IS IS GONNA BE SUPA DED SOON. just as soon as i finish eetin
  • Kal'kuir - its ok ya dont hav ta hide ya feelins around me man my wife sends me lettas like dat all da time. tho dats coz i programmed her to but we dont talk about dat

Brag'klogga eyed Kal'kuir. His Essence-filled eye twitched manically as an aura of Dark Chronoscopic energy burned through his head, making him almost appear demonic.

  • Brag'klogga - FEELINS????? YA DONT WANNA KNO WAT FEELINS A FLASHY FEELS LIL MAN.
  • Kosd'vaw - yeh its akhully pretty hardcore wiv all da constant hedaches an urges ta rip ya folks apart limb frum limb
  • Gan'fusis - also ya eye REELY itches
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yo look REGARDLESS OF IF DIS IS LEGIT OR NOT I FINK WE SHULD AKSHULLY GO MEET DIS PERSON AT DA TIME DEY LISTED BECUZ DIS IS ALL KINDA SUSPISHUS. I SUSPECT A RAT IS TRYNA SNIFF US OUT AN FIND OUT WAT WEZ DOIN OR SOMFIN
  • Brag'klogga - WELL I WAS GONNA GO AN KILL DEM ANYWAY BUT YOO LOT IS FREE TA JOIN ME

Over an hour later, as they had finished eating, the Loron took the elevator down to the next deck. Drizz'pyrokirk could not stop smirking and giggling throughout, leading Brag'klogga to frequently give him evil looks as he turned to face him, at which point Drizz'pyrokirk would stay silent. Drizz would not admit that Brag'klogga was one of the few warbosses he actually feared, due to Brag's potential instability and the fact that no Loron alive knew the breadth of his powers. Kal'kuir began to work out who it could possibly be, and ruled out any possibility of it being another Chik that he had heard of.

As they descended to deck 40, they arrived in a hangar bay of the Rogue Krooza. The area of the ship was entirely empty, as all Loron ships at this time were out patrolling, presumably explaining why the writer of the letter had chosen this specific time when there was no one here. All the Loron seemed to wait in anticipation while Brag'klogga waited in anger.

  • Brag'klogga - WHERS DA FOOL WHO DARED TA MAKE A MOKKERY OF MIGHTY BRAG'KLOGGA, DA BEST SHAMAN EVA?? REVEEL YASELF SO I MAY DESTROY YAS WIV MA GOD JUICE

A few moments later, a lone, Dark Norol arrived, apparently looking ecstatic to meet Brag'klogga.

  • ??? - Ah, there you! Finally! The one whom I'm destined to cook the Golden Pizza for! Oh, how I've longed to meet you!
  • Brag'klogga - HAO DARE YOO-wait wat did ya jus say golden pizza?
  • ??? - Yes! It has been my destiny since birth! Oh Brag'klogga, I am so thrilled to meet such a handsome Shaman in person as I have longed to all this time!
  • Kosd'vaw - oi oi wats up wiv ya? whai do ya sound so... unloronly?
  • Kal'kuir - lmao i hav a theory but it jus seems supa random
  • Gan'fusis - we jus got bak from anotha timeline wher brag'klogga beet himself up. jus shoot
  • Kal'kuir - ok so dis one professa of dark loronz made a theory dat its akshully possibru fer dark chikz ta also hav da same connekshon wiv Dark Chronoscopic in which dey see possibul futur events unfold an den it becoms deir destiny coz deyz so focused on it. problem is dat in da event dis happens it akshully makes dem supa weird an clingy lmao
  • Brag'klogga - oh. oh no.
  • ??? - I'm so pleased to meet you! How I've longed all these years! I'm sorry, let me introduce myself. I'm Gra'terra. And I'm the one who will bake the Golden Pizza that is used for such wonderful things -- it will be used for our wedding cake!
  • Kal'kuir - oh yeh anotha thing. dey dont akshully get DAT much info about da futur dey jus kno dat wateva it is it must be important

Brag'klogga appeared to force himself not to retch audibly, before turning back to face Gra'terra and pointing a finger at her.

  • Brag'klogga - FINE DEN. IF YOO CAN MAKE DA GOLDEN PIZZA DEN I WANNA SEE IT. DO IT NAO
  • Gra'terra - Oh darling, to do so I need first to have the oven available! Surely you know about that? Surely you too have seen that we, as star-crossed lovers, would one day find the Great Oven of Zr'An'Kar and create the greatest meal that has ever existed under the statue of the gods!
  • Brag'klogga - i meen id rather kill maself but I GOT A PLAN.

Brag'klogga then turned over to Kal'kuir and pointed at him.

  • Brag'klogga - INVENT DIS GREAT OVEN NAO
  • Kal'kuir - ...wat? me? on ma own????
  • Brag'klogga - ok fine DRIZZY HELP HIM INVENT DA GREAT OVEN NAO
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - hm so basically we make a massiv fire an den cook pizza? SOUNDS GOOD TA ME
  • Brag'klogga - yeh an make it quikk so we can get rid of dis freeky chik
  • Kal'kuir - hmmm see i may not be good at makin gunz anymoar but I FINK I KNO HOW TA MAKE DIS. YOOOOOOO LADS LETS GATHA IN A CIRCLE

At his request, the other Loron huddled around Kal'kuir, while Gra'terra seemed to gaze longingly at Brag'klogga, much to his disgust. Kal'kuir then whispered his plan quickly and then turned back to her.

  • Kal'kuir - OK WELL MAKE DIS PIZZA
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DUMASS YA DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYFIN YA JUS MUMBLED UNDA YA BRETH

Embarassed, Kal'kuir looked around the room confused, seeing glaring death stares from Brag'klogga and his two homiez, before gulping, and then repeating the plan.

  • Kal'kuir - rite so... heers da plan. deres a few parts we can make fer dis. da first part is taken from Naktor'zak's massiv tank fingy. wes gonna take da engine frum his tank an use it ta powa da oven. da second part is taken from Zalk'don. hes got a few bomz lyin around dat shuld do da trik. afta dat i just need ta make a spacetime warpa dat makes da oven work supa quik so da pizza gets cooked in half a second an den finally we need Drizz ta cook it wiv his flama whil freezin it so it doesnt get TOO hot. dats how dis is gonna work
  • Kosd'vaw - ive no idea wat any of dat meens but ok sur wateva
  • Brag'klogga - MAN WES GONNA HAV TA TAKE DESE WITOUT DEM NOTICIN
  • Kal'kuir - i got a plan fer dat too

Kal'kuir then walked over to Gra'terra, who seemed disappointed to see him rather than Brag'klogga, and spoke to her.

  • Kal'kuir - yooo how did ya get da note hidden away in da pizza wivout anyon noticin
  • Gra'terra - Oh, that was easy. I didn't. I had the sneeka boss do it for me. Knar'gank?
  • Kal'kuir - ok cool. so yoo go tell him dat yoo RELLY need deez parts fer ya hubby so dat he steels dem for us an doesnt suspekt us yeh?
  • Gra'terra - Will this bring me closer to my true love?
  • Kal'kuir - yeh

In glee, Gra'terra sprinted away to forward the request, as Kal'kuir turned back to Brag'klogga with a proud look on his face.

  • Kal'kuir - alrite so now WE NEED TA START BUILDIN DA OVEN AN WES GONNA MAKE IT HEER

Seeing a lack of parts nearby, and growing impatient, Drizz'pyrokirk waited until one of the Loron returned from patrol. A few minutes later, a Loron Fighta landed, and a Loron hopped out of it, saluting at the warbosses.

  • Loron pilot - EVRYFINS ALL SECU-
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - GET OUT YA VEHICL BEFOR I SET IT ON FIRE

The Loron pilot looked horrified, as he climbed out of his fighta and dropped to the floor. Drizz'pyrokirk instantly knocked him out cold and froze him on the ground, turning him into an ice cube, then turned towards the others.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - fer da first parts we can take his ship apart den use da pieces fer it
  • Gan'fusis - i meen i dunno anyfin bout construcshon so ya do wateva ya want man
  • Kal'kuir - dat was kinda a dikmoov ta steel dat geezas ship tho
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DO YA WANNA MAKE DA OVEN OR NOT????
  • Brag'klogga - JUS DO IT NO MATTA DA COST. OUR MISHON IS DA MOST IMPORTANT ONE

Kal'kuir looked shocked by both of their yelling, and broke down into tears.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ok i didnt meen it like dat look LETS MAKE ZRANKAR PROUD
  • Kal'kuir - yeh... YEH LETS DO DIS

After a good thirty-fourty minutes, the bare pieces of an enormous oven had been created in the center of the hangar by. By now, the overn was easily as large as the starfighter it had been built from, and was comically oversized. It took the form of a round dome with four pillars surrounding it, at a terminal at the bottom from which it was controlled. The machine was clearly the invention of a madman, leaving the others worried.

In short time, Gra'terra returned with the parts that Kal'kuir had requested, along with basic ingredients that she had taken from the ship's Royal Kitchen, which cooked pizza solely for Grak'tona. Drizz'pyrokirk approved as he worked out where they had come from originally. She then took steps up to a small plateau near the top of the oven, which transformed into a robotic arm and lifted her up as she began to put the ingredients together.

  • Kal'kuir - now we hav ta WATCH DA MAGIC. YOO REDY FER DIS???
  • Brag'klogga - YEH LETS DO DIS

The Loron gathered around excited as the robot arm then lifted Gra'terra back up, and the machine began whirring. The four pillars around it began spinning rapidly, increasing momentum until eventually four lasers shone around the pizza. It then descended below into the oven inside, and the others could hear the sound of a combuster. Some of them looked anxiously towards Kal'kuir, who himself began to have cold feet, as they worried what exactly this contraption was capable of. After that, however, the machine only became crazier.

When the combustion engines stopped, instead they could only hear a warping sound, as if the machine had sent the pizza off to another dimension entirely. What was actually happening was not too far from that truth. Kal'kuir had designed an oven capable of not only cooking a pizza, but warping its contents entirely to create the exact perfect taste that was scientifically possible.

A few moments later, the pillars stopped, and the lasers started again. The pizza had reappeared, and the lasers were simply cutting it into parts. The pizza was entirely golden in appearance, to the point where it almost looked as if they were staring at a block of metal in the shape of a pizza, rather than a pizza itself.

  • Kal'kuir - ...i... i... I DID SOMFIN GOOD????
  • Brag'klogga - its... its beeutiful
  • Gra'terra - I know! Just like you are...
  • Brag'klogga - SHUT UP MAN CUT DAT OUT
  • Kosd'vaw - wow. i was kinda expectin it ta explode an kill us all so props to yas fer not doin dat
  • Kal'kuir - if im honest so was i

Before any of them could reach for it, Gra'terra ran over to Brag'klogga and grasped his hand.

  • Gra'terra - Our wedding cake is ready! Oh Brag'klogga, why keep up the pretence? We can fly away to another planet, start a new life, live together in our own farm away from nowhere! We'll have no money and there'll be hardship, but we'll have each other!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ok do ya wanna deel wiv her or shall i turn her into an ice cube
  • Brag'klogga - ... DO IT FREEZ HER

Drizz'pyrokirk chuckled, as he kicked her away, and then froze her solid. Though he expected nothing else as he turned to Brag'klogga with a grin, Brag instead created a portal below her as the ice thawed instantly. She looked to him in shock and then screamed in terror as she got sent to what appeared to be another dimension, presumably flying through space for eternity.

  • Brag'klogga - I CHANGED MY MIND LOL
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WOW RUDE
  • Brag'klogga - heers a lesson fer ya younguns. tru loronz DONT FEEL LOV
  • Kal'kuir - LIES AN SLANDA
  • Brag'klogga - YOR JUS A STOOPID KID ONE DAY YOO WILL UNDASTAND. ANYWAY WE GOT DA GOLDEN PIZZA FER DA RITUAL LIKE I SED WE WULD SO HAHA I WON
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YEH WELL DON PEEPZ. DAT WAS AKSHULLY GOOD WORK. YO ANY IDEA WAT DA NEX INGREDIENT IS
  • Brag'klogga - urm about dat. da holy books say wher we can find it but dey dont say wat it is
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - wow HOW HELPFUL. DONT WORRY LETS JUS ORDA MOAR PIZZA AN SEE IF ONE OF YA SEKRIT ADMIRAS CAN TELL US WHER IT IS
  • Brag'klogga - DONT MAKE ME SEND YOO INTO A PORTAL TOO KIDDO
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - IF YA DO IT IMMA SNITCH

Expectations from a Maniac[]

The next day, while Brag'klogga, Kosd'vaw, and Gan'fusis were busy meditating, working out how to find their next ingredient, Kal'kuir had gone to Drizz'pyrokirk's training session in the gym on the Rogue Krooza's 7th deck. The gym had been almost totally remodeled by Drizz'pyrokirk since he took over it, with pictures of himself throughout, as well as golden awards that belonged to him for winning "Da Bodybuilding Contest of Gangsta" three times in a row. The equipment itself was diverse, including several boxing rings, long rows of weights by the benches, weight machines, and bars used for pull-ups. Several weights were broken on a daily basis, to the point where they had been redesigned to be easy to repair after a break.

Kal'kuir had Drizz'pyrokirk as his trainer, who was ecstatic to train him. Sat at a bench, Kal'kuir got through several reps of his concentration curl, visibly exhausted as he put it down.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - GOOD STUFF. YOR GETTIN BETTA. NOW SIXTY SECONDS DEN PIK IT UP AGEN THREE MORE SETS
  • Kal'kuir - woah man i gotta say its propa weird. like i was expectin ta hate dis but afta a whil its akshully kinda fun???
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - well da loron get endorphins in da brain wen deyz fitin yeh? an liftin weights creates much da same feelin. so i pikked it up as a substitute fer fitin
  • Kal'kuir - hm dat makes sense. did graktona get mad at yas fer it
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - nah but he kept steelin ma trophies an crossin out my name ta replace it wiv his den tellin peepz dat hes got da best body of an loron
  • Kal'kuir - wow wat a tossa
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - so dats why i kept da trophies in heer. coz dis is da last place yooll find his lazy ass. TEN MOAR REPS EECH ARM

Kal'kuir got through another set, feeling tired until he put the weights down. He was proud of himself for continued improvement, and as he sat up again, he noticed that he already had less belly fat than before.

  • Kal'kuir - yo man dis is sik i hope i get abs
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - LOL dis is an arm workout dumass
  • Kal'kuir - oh rip
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - why do ya want dem anywayz? fer ya wife??
  • Kal'kuir - howd ya guess
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - bruh yor predictable as hell. man getting buff fer a chik is a stoopid reeson ta get buff. ya gotta da it fer ya helth. TEN MOAR REPS

Another set later, and Kal'kuir dropped his arms completely dead, completely exhausted. He could feel them aching greatly, and was frustrated to know that the following morning they'd only hurt a lot more. In fact, as a Loron who had never been particularly strong and relied on his weapons in combat, he began wondering if becoming stronger was even worth the physical strain.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - but reelly tho. why did ya make da propa big rogue geek like dat anywayz? why did ya make her yor... "wife" or wateva?
  • Kal'kuir - promis ya wont laff?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ok
  • Kal'kuir - so its like... fer ova a dozen dozen yeers da loronz looked at chikz as jus somfin ta help cook ya pizza and maybe sometimes help da tekkas wiv weponz yeh? but den we invented da Smashas an now dey became supa badass an started rekkin evryfin an was jus as sik as da boyz. so i got supa curious. like wat if weve been ignorin da potenshul of chikz all deez yeers? like wat if deyz akshully supa badass an if we let dem become like sik gangstas dey can becom jus as cool as powaful as da boyz. like wat if we gave dem bigga roles den we culd DOUBLE our forces in da warz?? man it culd be great.

Drizz'pyrokirk waited a little bit in silence, before scoffing. He could be heard by everyone else, even over the rap playing in the background.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Kal'kuir - DATS NOT FUNNI YOO SED YOO WULDNT LAFF
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - AN YO AKSHULLY BELEEVED ME WHICH IS FUNNI
  • Kal'kuir - yor a jakass
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ok im not gonna laff anymoar. why did ya start finkin dis
  • Kal'kuir - well i first started finkin dat wen we rekt UNO all dem yeers ago an dats why I made da Geek hav a robot form. da peepz objekted a lot so i stopped dat but den afta we lost Da Reckoning so badly ive been firkin eva since how we can do it different. so den i started finkin moar an moar about it an in orda ta undastand how dey fink i programmed a "relashonship" into da geek. fer reserch

Drizz'pyrokirk didn't even flinch this time, and barely gave a visible response. Instead, he only shrugged.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ta be honest yor da craziest person i kno so it doesnt surpris me. like dat sounds like akshual reserch fer once
  • Kal'kuir - yeh im finkin dat da chikz havin a bigga role in our society culd help us tons an imagin all da bomz we can make wen dey help out
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - im skeptical but yoo hav proven ta be a pretty sik inventa so far so ill go along wiv it

The two moved onto their next set, which was a boxing match between Drizz'pyrokirk and Kal'kuir. With his tired arms, Kal'kuir threw punches at Drizz'pyrokirk who shrugged them off with his incredibly tough Cold Loron skin, and handidly beat Kal'kuir. Kal'kuir was barely able to get up after the first one, and after a second defeat, simply surrendered in exhaustion.

  • Kal'kuir - yo man i was week as HELL
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - nah dats about endurance moar dan anyfin. obvs yor not gonna beet me LOL its about how long can ya stay in da ring
  • Kal'kuir - oh. oh ok. how did i do?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yoo was awful
  • Kal'kuir - oh.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - its ok tho i didnt expect ya ta be any good

Kal'kuir sighed, and simply sat on one of the benches, barely doing anything. He held his head in his hands, as Drizz'pyrokirk tossed him a towel.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - so den i got anotha queston. yoo jus made som reely sik oven fingy dat looked like it culd destroy da whol ship an insted it made a golden pizza
  • Kal'kuir - ok and?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yet evrytime yoo make a gun it becoms supa useless???
  • Kal'kuir - yeh
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - so... wat givs???
  • Kal'kuir - well... eva since we lost Da Reckoning basically ive had dis feelin dat i cant be good enuff anymoar. if ma gunz were so good den why didnt we win dat war. i blamed maself fer it. an den afta dat evryon was all like "yo its ok coz yoo can make sik gunz fer us den wen we get ta fite agen we will be sikka dan befor" an im like dats jus dum. why do dey fink im so good??? it was eezy ta make da oven coz dere was no expectashons but dis is impossibul
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - bruh yoo made DA BANANA GUN. da best gun dat da loron eva had. an den dere was dat one dat turns a whol planet inta frogs. like seriusly yor gunz ar da craziest fing eva
  • Kal'kuir - evrytime peepz say dat jus makes me MOAR anxious. like i hav too much anxiety evrytim i make a gun dat im gonna disappoint an den I AKSHULLY DISAPPOINT DEM. maybe its time fer a new mekka tekka warboss ta take ova. like how da HELL am i supposed ta make a gun worfy of da bes god????

Drizz'pyrokirk then sat down the bench next to Kal'kuir, and placed his hand on his shoulder.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - bruh anxiety is literally jus conspiracy theories in ya hed about yaself an how yoos so dum wen its all a buncha lies. ya gotta shut da voices out dats wat i do evry time i go exercise. da conspiracy theories in my hed ar all "YOR NOT AKSHULLY A SIK BODYBUILDA YOR JUS PRETENDIN" but den i go an win da award an proov dem false lol
  • Kal'kuir - how do ya do it tho???? makes no sense
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - well once im akshully workin out an blastin music in ma eers dey kinda go away. but i guess da fing is dat i ignor all da noise around me an jus focus on dis imag of maself winnin a sik award an bein a massiv gangsta an den i jus let optimism take ova da pessimism insted
  • Kal'kuir - eh???
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - basically dont lissen to wat othas ar sayin. jus make da gun dat YOO wanna make fer yaself ta be proud of. den try an impress yaself. da conspiracy theories in ya hed ar annoyin but make it yor goal ta BEET DEM an make da sikkest gun eva. pictur yaself handin ova a gun ta zrankar an then jus focus on dat
  • Kal'kuir - so yor sayin... ignor wat othas fink an jus mak da gun i want?? ta tell da hed conspiracy theories ta scroo off???
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - basically

Kal'kuir's eyes lit up, as if he had suddenly found inspiration. The exasperated face turned into a smile, as he then turned to Drizz with a huge grin on his face, as he stood up.

  • Kal'kuir - yoooo man I JUS FORT OF SOMFIN
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yeh????
  • Kal'kuir - AFTA WORKOUTS WE GET PIZZA. SO NOW ITS PIZZA TIME

Drizz'pyrokirk sighed, and stood up too.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - im serius man. focus on da goal an neva sway frum it. tell da voices ta scroo off by proovin dem wrong
  • Kal'kuir - yeh ok will do
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - cool. also go fer a showa coz yor swety as hell

Perfection[]

Now that the Lost Hat of Zr'An'Kar and the Golden Pizza were in their hands, only a single relic remained for Brag'klogga and his homies to find. The shaman brought up the holy books once again, throwing them down and pointing his staff at the illegible 33th page after the 33th one as he chanted out, with his fellow Flashiez providing their support. Kal'kuir and Drizz'pyrokirk had just returned from a morning workout, with Kal'kuir seeming much more upbeat than usual. Drizz'pyrokirk, too, seemed very proud of himself.

  • Brag'klogga - OK LADS DIS IS IT. WES GONNA GET DA LAST HOLY RELIC FER OUR RITUAL. IMMA CHANNEL ALL OF MA GOD JUICE INTO DA HOLY BOOKS SO DEY TAKE US WHER WE NEED TA GO BUT EVEN I DONT KNO WAT AWAITS US. SO YA BEST B PREPARED OK?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WES ALWAYS PREPARED. LONG AS YA DONT TEAR A HOLE IN SPACE AN TIME AGEN
  • Brag'klogga - I DO WAT I WANT. FLAAAAASSHY POWAAAAAAAAA!!!

Brag'klogga kept pouring Dark Chronoscopic energies into the holy books until, before their eyes, they begun to float. The garbled nonsense written on its pages started to shift and become clear, until the entire page was changed. It contained only a single sentence they could read, until all of them disappeared in a blink of light.

Perfect Fate

The next time the quintet of Loron could see, they were in a completely different landscape. The landscape around them was barely reminiscent of the 3D realm from which they came. They were barely able to perceive any floor around them, knowing only that they were standing on "some" kind of surface. All that was perceivable for them, as far as their eyes could see, were a swirl of green and gold, with no end in sight. While they could also see one another, they had no real perception of what distance each of them were apart from one another, only that they were still there. They began to question everything around them.

  • Brag'klogga - oh ma dayz... dis is like dat one time gratz did dat dum fing wiv da time gossips an we got thrown off da spacetime continuum til dat old taldar geeza kikked us out. IS EVERYUN ALRITE?
  • Gan'fusis - I DONT LIKE DIS MAN. IM GETTIN MOSHUN SIKNESS
  • Kal'kuir - BY MA CALCULASHONS... AKSHULLY WHO AM I KIDDIN I CANT CALCULATE ANYFIN ABOUT DIS
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - TA BE HONEST I DONT HAVE DA FAINTEST CLUE WATS GOIN ON EXCEPT DAT WATEVA IT IS ITS BRAGKLOGGAS FAULT
  • Brag'klogga - SHUT UP MAN DA HOLY BOOKS SENT US HEER TA DIS WEIRD PLACE SO DA RELIC IS HEER. I JUS GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHER WE IS
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ID RATHA GO BAK TA MASSAGIN GRAKTONAS FEET

At that point, what seemed like an enormous shadow emerged from behind them. The realm around them was cloaked by the sight of an enormous dragon's shadow, who seemed to roar out and ready its enormous claws, causing Brag'klogga, Kal'kuir, Drizz'pyrokirk, and Gan'fusis to scream out in fear. When they turned around to face the danger, however, it was revealed to be nothing more than Kosd'vaw making hand puppets, using his Essence-infused eye to create light.

  • Kosd'vaw - hur trikked yas
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WEN WE GET BAK YOR RUNNIN TEN LAPS
  • Brag'klogga - MAN DATS NOT OK I SWER IM GONNA-
  • ??? - A presence. Something new. Yet, so familiar.

A thunderous sound, like a thousand voices, boomed across this strange landscape. It sounded like a choir of angels and a horde of demons speaking in unison, and it was at this point that the quintet noticed something over the metaphorical distance; it resembled a bright flame of gold, green, red and dark, the colours shifting between one another in what seemed to be a perfect harmony. As the voices were heard again, the flames shone brighter with every word.

  • ??? - Your coming was foretold in the ebbs of Time. The cycle is reaching its conclusion.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - HAHA NICE TRIK KODSVAW BUT YOR STILL RUNNIN TEN LAPS
  • Kosd'vaw - uh dats not me man
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DEN WHICH ONE OF YAS IS IT????
  • Gan'fusis - LADS IT EINT US. DAT WEIRD FIREBALL OVA DERE. ITS SPEEKIN
  • Brag'klogga - eh? a speekin fireball? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm yanno when ya fink bout it i feel dis place is kinda familiar
  • Kal'kuir - yeh i recognize it too but i fort dat it was jus me ovadosin on drugs agen

Brag'klogga then hit his hand with his fist as he seemed to have an epiphany.

  • Brag'klogga - OI I REMEMBA NAO. DIS IS DAT WEIRD PLACE WHER WE GOT SUKKED TO AT DA END OF DA BOREALIS WAR WHEN DA LORONZ CONFRONTED DA BIG TIME PIGGIE GODZ AN ATE DEM AN WON DA WAR
  • Kal'kuir - OH YEH WEN WE WON DA WAR AT DA END ENNIT???
  • Brag'klogga - YEH MAN (AN DONT LET ANYON TELL YA OTHAWISE CUS DEY LYIN)
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - MAN I TELL YAS GRAKTONA WONT SHUT UP ABOUT HOW HE WON DAT WAR. HE KEEPS TELLIN DA STORY OVA AGEN AN AGEN. YANNO HE EVEN TOLD DA WRITAS IN DA GANGSTAPEDIA TA REWRITE DA WHOL FING????
  • ??? - A strong body to sustain a powerful intellect. But the body rebels. It wages war on the intellect. Now the brainless body leads. The brainless body breeds. The brainless body thrives.
  • Kal'kuir - man why ar ya explainin da plot of World of Gangstacraft to us

The great flame pulsated with energy, sending a shockwave of essence around them which changed the landscape for a moment. For the briefest time, the entire history of the Loron species played in front of their eyes before it was over once again.

  • ??? - You are within this soul. The culmination of all Time. The Perfect Fate.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - oh yeh I REMEMBA PERFECT FATE FRUM WEN GRAKTONA ASKED ME TA WRITE DA STORY AGEN. ITS LIKE SOMFIN DAT ZARGOTH WANTED IDK
  • Brag'klogga - hol up. i rememba some time piggie godz doin da nasty an makin a bigga supa propa time piggie god an dey kept callin it "perfect fate" or sumfin weird like dat but yor jus a stoopid fireball
  • ??? - Gods are born and die. Gods are born by mistake. A sin upon Time. The brainless, foolish body births its own oblivion.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - now dat one i dont rememba but SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD LINE TA INSERT IN DA NEX TIME GRAKTONA MAKES ME REWRITE DA WAR AGEN
  • Brag'klogga - IDIOT HES TALKIN BOUT DA ROGUE SIN WHO WE SMASHED
  • Kal'kuir - oh yeh dat one was funni lol rememba how we all teemed up an used our powas ta rek dat fing
  • ??? - Yet for all its feats, the brainless body is simply that: a body. A new intellect eventually takes it. And then oblivion consumes all Time.
  • Kal'kuir - ...... uh wat
  • ??? - He seeks oblivion. All because of her. He does it all, for her.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DIS IS ALL YA FAULT KALKUIR. YOR SELFISH LOV OF DA ROGUE GEEK DESTROYS DA OONIVERS
  • Kal'kuir - YOO WANNA SLAP??????
  • Brag'klogga - EVERYUN SHUT UP A SEC. LOOK CLOSELY INSIDE DA FIREBALL

Brag'klogga pointed his staff at the apparition, and as it seemed to approach them, they realized an object was held within the flames; it seemed to be some sort of large, broken piece of bone, like a horn out of the head of an enormous monster. The Essence flame's mere presence radiated an aura of might and divinity which was almost unbearable for them to witstand.

  • ??? - His only oblivion will be his own.
  • Kal'kuir - yooooo by ma calculashon dat fing inside is VERY IMPORTANT
  • Brag'klogga - I GET IT NAO. DAT FING IS DA RELIC WE NEED. OK LADS WE GOTTA BEET DAT... FIREBALL????... UP NAO
  • Kal'kuir - HOW EXACTLY DO WE DO DAT JAKASS DIS ISNT SUPA GANGSTIO 64 WHER WE CAN GET OUR OWN FIREBALLS
  • Brag'klogga - DUMBO WATCH AN LERN

Brag'klogga charged his Essence and fired it upon the flame; as it was struck, it simply absorbed the energies into itself, unfazed by his assault.

  • ??? - ... Feed me. So that I may be whole again.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - hm ok sur do ya want one of ma new protein shakes
  • ??? - Feed me. For I must be whole! I must sit upon the throne of Time, as I was made to be. I am Perfect. I am the Fate.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - oh boy Grak'tona mite hav a different opinion ther
  • Brag'klogga - oh. OK DIS IS AKSHULLY REELY BAD????? SOMONE DO SOMFIN QUIK!!!!!!!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - I GOT AN IDEA. LETS ALL THROW ROKS AT IT
  • Gan'fusis - MAN DERES NO ROKS IN DIS STOOPID PLACE
  • ??? - The spurned will rise to see his past turned into a play.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YO KALKUIR ITS TIME TA DO DAT FING DAT WE TALKED ABOUT
  • Kal'kuir - .... urm dats not somfin ya do in a public place
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - wat? no NOT DAT IDIOT. I MEEN DA AKSHUL FING

Kal'kuir, realizing what Drizz'pyrokirk had said, suddenly froze on the spot. He gulped a little, as he turned towards Drizz'pyrokirk for reassurance, then looked at his feet and shook his head. Drizz'pyrokirk walked over to him, and placed his hands on his shoulders.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YOO CAN DO DIS. YOO HAV IT IN YOO MAN. BEET DA CONSPIRACY THEORIES IN YA HED
  • Kal'kuir - .... HEER GOES NUFFIN
  • ??? - Him and her do not understand. They are obsolete. Expendable.

Kal'kuir then sighed, losing himself in the moment, as he pulled out an enormous over-the-shoulder missile launcher. The weapon appeared to be four times the size of his own head, and something he was barely able to lift. It was a long, purple rocket launcher with dozens of missiles on the end. Kal'kuir shut his eyes, barely looking, as he pulled the trigger.

While nothing happened at first, eventually the weapon began to make a noise. It was not the noise of a weapon being fired, however; the weapon was actually playing a recording of the sound of triumphant music. Slowly afterwards, the weapon began to release its missiles that aimed towards the flame. As the music reached a crescendo, the weapon seemed to expand even further, with more and more rockets appearing from the sides that unleashed an even greater number of rockets. The weapon only became more and more absurd; the rockets themselves would release further rockets.

Later, a few more rockets sped up into the sky over the flame, not aiming at it. Rather than doing any damage, they instead released fireworks in the air, as if it were a celebration of Kal'kuir's great achievement. The rockets only continued to arrive, to the point at which none of them had even bothered to count, though had they counted, it would number well over a thousand. The weapon was spinning violently also as it unleashed the rockets, almost as if it were spinning along with the music. At several times, a few fuses blew near Kal'kuir's face, which seemed dangerous at first, but Kal'kuir could only flinch. In fact, he was no longer holding the trigger; the press of the weapon caused the sequence of events to unfold the way it had.

The other Loron merely watched in awe, their eyes lit up by the fireworks and the damage that was being done. Their faces had slowly turned from faces of fear at what Kal'kuir would unleash, to faces of bewilderment at the effect of the weapon, until eventually they had huge grins on their face. By the end of it, they were all jumping up and down cheering him on.

Kal'kuir's insane weapon then eventually ran out of ammunition just as the recording ended.

  • Kosd'vaw - wow
  • Gan'fusis - YOOOOOO DAT WAS SIK!!!!!
  • Brag'klogga - imma jus say dis in zalk'dons place. DAT WAS A SIK BOM
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - I ALWAYS BELEEVED YA HAD IT IN YOO MAN
  • Kal'kuir - ... hehe thanks guys ill be honest i neva tested it
  • ??? - ... I remain.

The great flame of Essence closed in, unfazed by the spectacle that had just unfold. At that point, the Loron could almost feel like their souls were being dragged out of their bodies towards it; they had little time to spare, if time even operated in this strange place.

  • Brag'klogga - oh i was so distracted by da lights dat i didnt notice YOR WEPON DIDNT EVEN HARM DA FIREBALL KALKUIR YA MUPPET
  • Kal'kuir - WAIT HOLD ON. DA LORON PROFESSA DOO'FUS WHO STUDIED TIME PIGGY THEORY SUGGESTED DAT DIS REALM IS OUTSIDE OF TIME SO DAT MEENS DERES A POSSIBILITY DAT OUR SELVES FRUM OTHA TIMELINES REECH DA SAME PLACE AT US
  • Kosd'vaw - man wat da hell is dis geeky junk speek normal
  • Kal'kuir - I MEEN YA MOMS DUM
  • Kosd'vaw - well ok den i hope da fireball eets ya first
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - EVERYUN SHUT UP I HAV A PLAN

With all eyes on him, Drizz'pyrokirk latched onto the floor and began to do push-ups, confusing the others why he would do now of all times. They seemed utterly bewildered, until he explained.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ITS LIKE RESISTANCE TRAININ. YA KEEP PUSHIN AGENST DA TIDE UNTIL YOO WIN AN IT GIVS IN
  • Gan'fusis - YA CANT BE SERIUS MAN DIS EINT DA TIME TA DO PUSH UPS
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WELL OK YOO DIE TA A FIREBALL DEN
  • ??? - Time begins, ends, flows, through me. I am Time.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - hm ok well i hav anotha plan. EVRYUN CUSS DIS FING OUT AN DEN INSULT IT UNTIL IT CRIES AN DEN LEEVS US ALONE
  • Kosd'vaw - man yoo warboss types is weirdos i swer
  • Kal'kuir - TELL MY WIFE I LOV HER
  • ??? - Be one with Time.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YO FIREBALL. YA MOMS SO FAT SHE... akshully i cant fink of one WES ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE

Kal'kuir in a last-ditch move pulled out another, much smaller weapon, this time no longer than a typical Loron assault rifle with a blue cannister attached to it. He fired a bright beam of blue light directly at the fireball in front of him, and it exploded in a radiant blast of energies which cause the plane around them to shift rapidly in its images: before their eyes, the entire histories of entire universes played in a matter of seconds as a roaring shriek came out of the flame, its golden and dark energies pouring into all directions until they all dissipated.

All that remained was a massive, bony horn which collided with the 'earth', causing a powerful impact as it did so. It let out one final whisper as whatever godly intelligence inhabited it went into a slumber.

  • ??? - ... 33...
  • Kal'kuir - ...wait... 33?? dats da numba of da gods.... DA GODS HAVENT ABANDONED US. CHEKMATE ATHEISTS
  • Brag'klogga - oh ma dayz I CANT BELEEV IT. KALKUIR YA AKSHULLY DID IT
  • Kal'kuir - oh wait dat was me?? but I DONT GET IT I USED MA ULTIMAT GUN AN IT DID NUFFIN DEN I USED A RANDOM SPARE AN IT WORKED???
  • Kosd'vaw - well suppos dat meens even ya spare gunz is gud
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - i fink dat its not always about doin da reely big fings. sometimes da small ones is da only fing ya need ta beet da conspiracy theories
  • Kal'kuir - well wateva it meens I AKSHULLY WON HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yo drizz can grak giv me a slice of royal pizza
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - urm ta do dat id hav ta snitch
  • Brag'klogga - EVERYUN SHUT UP AN HELP ME LIFT DIS

Brag'klogga had walked over to the horn to pick it up, and perhaps it was due to the bizarre perspective of the realm, but up-close it was revealed to be almost as massive as a fully grown Loron. Brag'klogga visibly struggled to pick it off the 'ground', with his Flashiez also struggling to help him.

  • Brag'klogga - MAN DIS IS DA HEAVIEST FING I EVA LIFTED ITS HURTIN MA BAK
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DONT WORRY IM DA KING OF LIFTIN

Feeling proud of himself, Drizz'pyrokirk spat on both of his hands and then rubbed them together, before he spaced his two feet shoulder-width apart, and grabbed the horn, attempting to lift. To his embarrassment, it didn't budge an inch.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - IMPOSSIBRU
  • Brag'klogga - lmao told ya man. but its ok NO NEED TA FEEL BAD DAT YA CANT LIFT A RELIC OF ZR'AN'KAR
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - i guess so YO KALKUIR DO YA HAV AN GIZMOS DAT CAN LIFT IT
  • Kal'kuir - nah sorry lol
  • Gan'fusis - OH MA DAYZ WHAI IS WE WORRYIN BOUT LIFTIN DIS STOOPID HORN WE CAN JUS TELEPORT IT
  • Brag'klogga - oh. oh yeh yor rite hur

And with that, Brag'klogga and the Flashiez teleported them back, taking the massive horn with them. They would never realize they had in their hands the last physical fragment of Ottzello, the one and only Vyro'Xiyara, which had been destroyed in the Second Borealis Galactic War. Though as they prepared to return to their ritual site, all Essence sensitive people in Borealis quickly felt a great disturbance.

Such an object could tear Time apart.

The Rebirth of Zr'An'Kar[]

No better place to fulfill the ritual of resurrection than Groodrub itself. The skies of the world darkened as a monstrous aura of darkness seemed to devour all light; amidst a ritual site, where the various pieces of junk the Loron had collected in groups of 33, plus the three "relics" they had recovered, Brag'klogga and his Flashiez conducted the ritual which would resurrect Zr'An'Kar. The various piles of things all floated around Brag'klogga like a vortex as he sat down in a meditative stance at the center of it all, and all Chronoscopic-sensitive lifeforms across Borealis felt a strong disturbance - as if the timeline itself was screaming. A black soul of Dark Chronoscopic energy manifested over Brag'klogga's head as the other Loron watched, seeping itself out of non-existence like an amorphous, nightmarish blob of pure evil.

It was working.

The URO-affiliated Loron residents had no idea exactly how to react. Many of them assumed this to merely be an eclipse at first, an occurence not too irregular on the planet which the Loron rarely paid attention to anyway, until it became entirely clear that this eclipse was not natural. Aside from Loron, the only URO species that were residents of this planet were Ioketa, whom had all failed to foresee this event. Among the Ioketa, there was an initial panic, followed by a gathering in order to prepare any Chronoscopic defenses to what was about to unfold. Most of the Loron, however, reacted out of fear, determining who exactly to blame for this, and often starting street fights with one another as a result. All the while, Brag'klogga continued his dark ritual.

Kal'kuir and Drizz'pyrokirk had completely opposite reactions. While Kal'kuir looked on in awe, extremely excited for what was to come, Drizz'pyrokirk looked at his watch, seemingly irritated that Zr'An'Kar was taking so long.

  • Brag'klogga - by da holy texts an raps an sik objects an relics... RIIIIIIIIISE ZR'ANKAR!!!!!!! RIIIIIIIIISE FROM DA DEEEEEEEEED!!!!!!!!! RETURN TA US SO WE CAN STOMP FOOLS IN YA NAME AGEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yeh yeh yeh wes all FASCINATED by dis but WEN IS DA BES GOD GONNA ARRIVE SO HE CAN ENDORSE MA PROTEIN SHAKE
  • Gan'fusis - SHUT UP MAN YA CANT RUSH DA GODZ DONT DISRESPECT ZRANKAR
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - IN A MINUT ILL DISRESPECT YA FACE BY SPITTIN ON IT
  • Kosd'vaw - lissen if ya interrupt us nao dis whol planet will probs explode or somfin so i wuldnt recommend
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - sounds good ta me tbh
  • Kal'kuir - nah trus me dont lol coz den URO will rek us
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - UGGGGGGH fine
  • Brag'klogga - RIIIIIIISE ZR'AN'KAAAAAAAAAR!!!

The Flashiez kept chanting and humming loudly, and the darkness which enveloped Groodrub grew more intense. Storms of Dark Chronoscopic energy begun to form over their heads as the dark mass which flaoted over them shivered and shook. Whatever it was they were doing, they were getting some response from it.

But the first response they received wasn't one they were hoping for. From the corner of their eyes, they could see a bright, shining light, smaller than that of a Vyro'Narza, but there was nothing else it compared to. The light blinded them for a brief second, as they turned to see Mac, towering over them. He had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, having manipulated time to arrive here, and carried his large sword over his shoulder. He looked really frustrated with them, but also very concerned, about what they had done.

  • Mac - I'd say I'm sorry to interrupt the party, but I'm not.

Brag'klogga turned his eyes to Mac and frowned in rage. He rose to his feet and begun to levitate, the dark soul over his head following him as he did so.

  • Brag'klogga - WHO DARES INTERRUPT DA RITUAL OF DA GODZ????????
  • Mac - What were you thinking? Breaking the spacetime convention of not entering Sequencium from the third dimension to obtain the only object that not even Zargoth would dare touch? By awakening the Vyro'Xiyara once more, you've just unleashed hell upon this universe the likes of which we've not seen since the Borealis War. Or worse.
  • Kosd'vaw - accordin ta ma flashy studies of da holy texts dats Ran'Torh'Kan da god of bling
  • Gan'fusis - MAN DATS STOOPID WHAI IS HE INTERRUPTIN US
  • Brag'klogga - LISSEN I HAV NO IDEA WAT ANY OF WAT YA SED MEENS BUT IMMA GONNA REVIVE ZRANKAR AN IM GONNA BE SIK AT IT
  • Mac - You're not reviving Zr'An'Kar, idiot. You're awakening Ottzello again! I don't mean Ottzello the galaxy, or even the sector. I mean the Vyro'Xiyara monster. And I'm not going to allow it.
  • Brag'klogga - OI YA LOT STOP DIS THIKO BEFOR HE RUINS DA RITUAL

At that point, Gan'fusis and Kosd'vaw both teleported out of the ritual circle to confront Mac up-front. The two of them stood in battle stances, each with a staff which eminated Dark Chronoscopic essence.

  • Gan'fusis - YOR GOIN DOWN MATE
  • Kosd'vaw - yeh get rekt stoopid

Mac chuckled a little, and didn't even flinch. He waited for them both to attack before he would make his move, and feeling provoked, they did so; with swings of their staves, the two Flashiez launched blasts of Essence at Mac, hoping to destroy him in one hit. Before their eyes, Mac seemed to vanish in the space of a nanosecond and return back to the same spot, and neither of their blasts connected. He had dodged both of them, slowing down time as he did, allowing him to move at a speed that was incomprehensible to their eyes. Though Mac was cut off from the fifth dimension, his mastery over its powers was still unmatched. The two Loron blinked in surprsie, looking around in confusion.

  • Gan'fusis - OI WHER DID HE GO????
  • Kosd'vaw - wat da hell. did we hallucinate all dis? wuldnt be da first time tbh
  • Mac - No, I'm still here. You got anything better than that?
  • Gan'fusis - MAN DATS NOT FAIR STAND STILL SO WE CAN BLAST YA FACE
  • Kosd'vaw - wes gonna make bacon out of ya stoopid time piggie
  • Mac - Ech, don't tell Tuolog you said that. He's vegan.

The two Loron tried again, launching more and more blasts in a vain attempt to hit Mac. Mac continued to dodge them all, not reacting in the slighest. The two, as a result, grew more and more frustrated, until they eventually figured out what he was doing. Trying to slow down time themselves to keep pace with him, they found that when doing so, he was still far faster than them, no matter how much they slowed down time. Mac nonetheless waited for them to try a single melee attack against him before he would retaliate, and as they grew angrier and angrier, it did not take long before they both charged at him, attempting to strike him with their staves. Mac, anticipating they would both land their hit at the same time, simply held his hand up to Kosd'vaw and froze him in time, while waiting for Gan'fusis to swing his staff; as he did, Mac knocked him over by kicking his feet, before grabbing his staff and snapping it in two, then kicking him away. As he then unfroze Kosd'vaw, he dodged Kosd'vaw's swing by flipping over and then whacking him in the back with an elbow blow that would knock Kosd'vaw to the floor, as it had shaken apart his bones internally.

  • Kosd'var - wow ok den
  • Gan'fusis - OW MAN HES TOO TUFF
  • Brag'klogga - MAN YOO LOT IS INCOMPETENT WHAI DID I EVEN BRING YA ALONG??? MAN KALKUIR GO BLAST DIS GEEZAS FACE OFF
  • Kal'kuir - AHAHAHA TIME TA DO MA FING

Kal'kuir jumped in, taking out his newest invention and grinning widely as he aimed it at Mac.

  • Kal'kuir - OI LOSA. REDI TA FACE DA BEST WEPON EVA DAT WILL IMPRESS ZRANKAR HIMSELF WHEN HES BAK??
  • Mac - You know I can see the future, right? I've already seen what you're about to shoot! But sure, go ahead.
  • Kal'kuir - LIES AN SLANDA. I BUILT DA FING AN DID DA TRAININ MONTAGES SO DAT MEENS I WIN NAO. DIS GUN IS DA BEST GUN EVA!!!!!

Kal'kuir then opened fire, launching a barrage of rockets at Mac's direction as he laughed maniacally, the same musical recording playing in the background from the weapon itself as it fired. Mac shrugged in response, and as Kal'kuir seemed extremely proud of his weapon, he failed to notice that Mac was cutting every single rocket in half with his sword before they even connected. Once the entire sequence was over, all that Kal'kuir could see was a totally unharmed Mac, with debris from the rockets straight below.

  • Mac - Good music choice, by the way. Shame it sounds a little lame when time is slowed down.
  • Kal'kuir - DATS... DATS CHEETIN!!!!!!
  • Mac - All's fair in love and war. And this ain't love.

Kal'kuir frowned in rage as he attempted to fire again, except his gun begun to shake uncontrollably before it exploded, sending the Loron face first into the earth, covered in soot and ash. He coughed a bit as he rose back to his feet, visibly embarrassed.

  • Kal'kuir - oh no
  • Mac - I'll just cut this one short.

Mac sprinted over to Kal'kuir in less than half a second, raised him over his head, and dropped him to his knee, breaking Kal'kuir's back, and then tossed him aside. Kal'kuir let out a high pitched yelp and whined as he writhed in pain on the grass, with Brag'klogga bringing a palm to his face at the sight.

  • Brag'klogga - man i swer i shuldve gotten stukk wiv like, ray'loth or gol'thabex insted of yoo stoopid week lot
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - NO SWEAT MAN LEEV IT TA ME

Drizz'pyrokirk then approached Mac, a confident smile growing on his face as he cracked his knuckles.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - OI DOOD IM TOTALLY WAY MOR FIT DAN YA. I CAN BATTA YA
  • Mac - Heh, okay. Fist fight?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YEH IMMA SHOW YA HOW TUFF I AM. I MEEN LOOK AT YA I BET YA DONT EVEN TAKE MA PROTEIN SHAKE
  • Mac - You got me, I don't! Fair game, no swords.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - LOSA DO YA EVEN LIFT????

Mac, at his opponent's request, dropped his sword to his feet, and got his fists ready. Drizz'pyrokirk assumed a combat stance as he charged at Mac, not losing any of his confidence as he sent a punch at his direction; he was totally going to beat this guy down. Mac, once again, dodged, leading Drizz'pyrokirk to send more blows in frustration. Mac appeared to yawn as he dodged several more punches from Drizz'pyrokirk, and then looked at his watch, before he retaliated by blocking Drizz's punches and then pushing him back. Taken aback, Drizz tried to get to his feet, before Mac appeared in front of him, punching him four times in the space of less than a nanosecond, kicked his face, and then proceeded to circle around him throwing more punches until Drizz was exhausted. Drizz's tough skin allowed him to sustain most of the damage, but the speed at which Mac punched, and his decision to aim for Drizz's weak points, allowed to him easily defeat his opponent, who fell back into the ground.

  • Mac - You do have an impressive workout routine, I'll give ya that.
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - owwwwwww... man... can ya teech me hao ta do dat at sum point?
  • Mac - Well, I could consider offering classes...
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ok cool. yor totally gonna dai tho
  • Brag'klogga - MAN YOO IDIOTS EMBARASS ME IN FRONT OF DA BEST GOD

Brag'klogga floated ahead, a powerful aura of Dark Chronoscopic energy burning around him. At the ritual circle, the dark soul which was growing into existence was slowly beginning to take form; Mac could see a single, glaring eye growing within it. An eye he could recognize well. He was running out of time.

  • Brag'klogga - YOO SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!!!!!!
  • Mac - Oh, that's a good one.
  • Brag'klogga - BEHOLD DA POWA OF DA BEST SHAMAN. FLAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!

Waving his staff, Brag'klogga launched a barrage of Essence at Mac, which Mac dodged just as he had done before. To his surprise, Brag'klogga was amplifying his speed at a much greater rate than either of his accomplices had been capable of, and was almost able to keep pace with Mac. Nonetheless, the urgency of the situation meant Mac knew that he could not go too easy on the Loron here. While he intended fully to finish this with no casualties, Mac would have to otherwise take his metaphorical gloves off for this.

Mac charged at Brag'klogga full speed, aiming to swing his sword to cut Brag'klogga's staff in half. The shaman retaliated by transforming his staff into a sword of his own, and the two collided; a powerful surge of essence forced Mac to stumble back, while Brag'klogga was flung backwards violently, colliding with a pile of the junk he and his friends had hoarded. He got back on his feet and charged at Mac himself, with his head starting to glow harder over time.

  • Brag'klogga - FLASH! FLAAAAASH! FLAAAAAAAAAAASHY POWAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
  • Mac - I won't let you endanger this reality! Or your own lives!

Mac was still able to dodge most of Brag'klogga's attacks, though there was only so much time manipulation he could rely on to do so this time. In the end, Mac was simply the better swordsman of the two. Parrying most of Brag'klogga's attacks while dodging the rest, Mac then elbowed Brag'klogga in the side, knocking him back slightly, as he swung his sword repeatedly at Brag'klogga's sword, overpowering him. Eventually, Brag'klogga dropped his own sword, allowing Mac to slice at Brag'klogga's right shoulder and left thigh, before kicking Brag'klogga back.

  • Mac - You can't beat me! Now just tell me how to shut this thing off! I can't see a way in any future... it's like something's clouding it...
  • Brag'klogga - nooo... i cant fail zrankar... I MUST DO SOMFIN

Looking around himself, Brag'klogga desperatedly threw his hand at whatever closest object he could find, and then hurled it at Mac. Unlike everything else up to that point, however, the Vyro'Narza found himself unable to dodge it as it seemingly struck him instantly. Mac would look down to see Ottzello's severed horn strike his torso, and as it penetrated his hide, until exactly 33 inches of the bone were 33 inches away from his heart, Mac felt something he would have never expected.

He felt the darkness within him, the curse placed by Kolossus so many decades ago which severed his ties to the ffith dimension, being sucked out of his soul and being absorbed into the horn. A sensation crept over him as he felt further and further away from this place, though he was still distinctly part of it. What was happening to him was that he was now returning to the fifth dimension. His Taldar soul, which for so long had been cut off from holospace, was now able to expand once more. His perception of everything changed, no longer had he such a narrow view of his surroundings, but was able to perceive the three dimensional realm from the eyes of a higher being once more.

Perhaps it were just his memory failing him, but he felt even more powerful than he had done since he was last a Taldar. Whatever had happened to him as a result of this horn connecting with him, it had empowered him to become something much greater. No sooner than he had reconnected with the group mind of the Taldar did he already feel himself to be far beyond them.

Doing so seemed to have humbled him greatly, as when he spoke, it was much softer, much more elegant than his usual, mortal speech. Of course, it was no longer his actual form speaking to them in the third dimension. What had been left behind, formerly his only body, was now merely an avatar, a projection of himself, as his true self belonged once again to the fifth dimension.

  • Mac - ... So this is how it feels. I've not felt it in so long.
  • Brag'klogga - urm wat da hell was dat
  • Mac - It seems almost dangerous that I have this power. Having been restricted for so long, to now have the full extent of my powers once more. I almost fear what I can do with it.
  • Brag'klogga - wait did i HELP yoo??? i jus threw a massiv bone at ya wat da hell
  • Mac - I too, do not understand it just yet.

As Mac thought about it more, he was confused. Such a contact with the Vyro'Xiyara horn should easily kill him, and take apart much of reality in the process. But instead, it had only empowered him to greater heights than it ever could have before. And as he came to grips more with his awareness of the fifth dimension and the extent of the power he had, it dawned on him.

The Vyro'Xiyara itself that Zargoth had created long ago was so far removed from either the Vyro'Narza or the Vyro'Ralza that they would have no perception of it. That is why neither the Vyro'Narza nor Vyro'Ralza were able to even find the remnant of it left in their own realm, as neither sought to look there, and the horn would only be uncovered by happenstance on the part of the Loron. And because it was removed from their perception, it also meant they would have no idea the result of its contact with Mac, and Mac would not have been able to see a single future in which this could occur.

The only question remaining: why did this empower Mac instead of killing him? And Mac now knew the answer to this. He searched his inner soul, and just as he had suspected, he saw in him the Taldar equivalent of a gene, tagged simply: 33. Volzara had played her part in the Vyro'Xiyara after all. Planting a "gene" within it that could correspond to Mac's. Volzara had always intended for this to happen: Mac would be the inheritor of the Vyro'Xiyara's powers, and would use them for good.

  • Mac - Thank you, children of Volzara. What you have done today may be the key to saving the omniverse.
  • Brag'klogga - wat da hell did ya jus call me

Before they could continue their conversation, however, a shuttle threw dust away as it landed close to their location. Out of it emerged the rest of the Rogue Boyz leadership, with Fre'kloar having his arms crossed in annoyance as he glanced at the sight of Brag'klogga, Mac, the defeated Loron and the still-resurrecting dark soul. Rel'larutina was not in her Smasha as usual, as her Norol form appeared instead.

  • Fre'kloar - BRAG MAN WAT DA HELL DID YA DO??????????
  • Brag'klogga - ah crap
  • Mac - No matter, child, what he has done will save your entire species. Of course, in typical Loron fashion, it was entirely by accident. Now, I must go. Tuolog will wish to hear this news. I restore you all to your full strength.
  • Brag'klogga - oi hol up. YOR NOT GOIN ANYWHER. SEE DIS WAS... URM... TOTALLY PART OF MA PLAN TA DISTRACT YA. NAO YOR TOO LATE TA STOP DA RITUAL HAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Fre'kloar - MAN WAT RITUAL IS DIS?? WAT DA HELL IS GOIN ON
  • Brag'klogga - i didnt tell yoo lot befor but zr'an'kar is ded. BUT DATS OK CUS IM ABOUT TA REVIVE HIM RITE HEER!!!!!!!!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - yo yo WAT???? DADS DED????????????

Mac, as he had promised, restored each of the bruised Loron, reversing time on all of their injuries, as they appeared entirely healthy once again.

Meanwhile, hearing the news, Jol'kiar seemed to feel great chest pain after hearing Brag'klogga's words. He coughed a little as he fell to his knees.

  • Jol'kiar - YOOO IM HAVIN A HEART ATTAK
  • Kal'kuir - MA CALCULASHONS WERE CORRECT!!!!!! DIS DAYZ COMIN!!!!!!!!
  • Ray'loth - WAT DA HELL DID YA REELY HIDE DIS INFO FRUM US ALL DESE DAYZ???? YOR GOIN STRAIGHT TO DA BRIG I SWER
  • Grak'tona - BRIG IS TOO GOOD FOR YOO FER DIS TRANSGRESSHON AGENST DA CROWN. PUBLIC EXECUSHON!!!!!!! OFF WIV HIS HED!!!!!!!
  • Zalk'don - DIS IS DA LAMEST BOM EVA
  • Knar'gank - wow. yoo guys suk tbh
  • Voa'reak - NO NO NO DIS IS A JOKE RITE??? A BAD PRANK????? DIS CANT BE REEL I REFUSE TA BELEEV IT
  • Traz'raka - well me an lil homie boff declare dis non-canon nao
  • Rel'larutina - That'll teach me to follow my instinct instead of letting you people go off and do something so ridiculous.
  • Naktor'zak - OK DIS IS OFFICIALLY DA SADDEST DAY SINC I SCRATCHED MA PAINT JOB
  • Rogue Geek - Oh bother. What a shame, I suppose.

Just after they finished their complaints, the dark soul pulsated audibly. Like a heartbeat, it begun to shift and change, taking form. Brag'klogga's eyes lit up as he pointed at it, while Mac turned towards it, but seemed unconcerned, believing he could shut down whatever it was.

  • Brag'klogga - ITS HAPPENIN. ZR'AN'KAR IS REVIVIN!!!!!!!!!
  • Grak'tona - oh ma dayz is dat zrankar AKSHULLY APPEERIN FER MA ROYAL CEREMONY????? WAT A LEGEND
  • Gan'fusis - man da leedas reely hav no self awareness
  • Kosv'daw - word
  • Grak'tona - WHO DA HELL AR YOO TWO??? YOR NOT MA BODYGUARDS. OFF WIV DEIR HEDZ

The dark soul pulsated louder and louder, the storms over their heads growing more and more intense. All the junk they had gathered suddenly was flung towards it, including the "relics" which seemed to be absorbed into it. And before their eyes, they witnessed it at last.

It split in half.

Both halves then took form. A pair of mighty, muscular Loron manifested, with skin as far as that of Zr'An'Kar and scleras as red as his own. They looked like the absolute pinnacle of what a Loron should resemble, though one detail was striking in each: one had a glowing left eye, while the other had a glowing right one, with their respective other eyes being pitch black. The two giants pointed at the Rogue Boyz and then spoke, in the most Loronly voice ever heard.

  • ??? - MAN YOO LOT IS LOUD
  • ??? - YEH IDIOTS PIPE IT DOWN A BIT WILL YA??
  • Jol'kiar - is... is dat DA BEST GOD??? BUT TWO OF HIM???
  • Brag'klogga - DIS... DIS WAS NOT WAT I INTENDED AT ALL?????????
  • ??? - DUMBOS!!!!!!! HAO CAN YA NOT RECOGNIZE YA NOO BOSSES????

The two divine Loron pointed at themselves and each other with smug expressions.

At this, Jol'kiar fainted. Rel'larutina sighed, and picked him up while she and the Rogue Geek tended to him, as the other Loron looked on in bewilderment.

  • Kal'kuir - DERES NOT A SINGLE PROFESSA DAT EVA PREDICTED DIS. DA PROBABILITY IS LIKE 0.0000000000001... OR WATEVA ITS LESS DAN A DOZEN
  • Zr'an - ITS ZERO BUT 33 TIMES
  • K'ar - BUT WE DUNNO BOUT DAT GEEKY CRAP WES DA BEST
  • Grak'tona - wait a minut. deez fings DARE ta impersonate da best god an den DEY DARE TA DEFY DA CROWN???? MA DIVINE CROWN IS GIVEN UNTO ME BY DA GODZ. YOR BOFF TREASONOUS..... EXECUTE DEM BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - bruh shut da HELL up

The pair of Loron gods begun to pose, flexing their muscles at them in a very arrogant manner. It was becoming clear to Mac that this was indeed Kolossus, though whether by some mistake on Brag'klogga's ritual or sheer misfortune to the demon, he had been reincarnated as a pair of Loron gods.

  • Zr'An - I VAGUELY REMEMBA SOMFIN BOUT A NERD WHO LOVED DEEMUNS AN NITEMARES AN WAS ALL LIKE "BOOOO I CURSE YOO" BUT DATS LAME
  • K'ar - YEH DATS PROPA LAME. WE EINT GOT TIME FER DAT LOSA STOOF. WE GOTTA DO WAT WE DO: BE DA GODZ OF WAR
  • Mac - Extra-dimensional beings.

Mac's avatar now vanished, in its place, was a much larger Taldar avatar floating above them both, radiating a blinding light that the other Loron could not perceive, but both Zr'An and K'ar could. However, in the presence of Mac, all of them seemed pacified and much calmer than usual.

  • Mac - Would that you had returned in any other form, I would have put you down right here. But now, I have moved beyond a desire for vengeance or vindiction. You shall both continue to exist... with my permission.
  • Zr'An - yoooo wat da hell ma man whai ya got beef wiv us??
  • K'ar - yeh man eint ya da god of bling? go bak ta doin god of bling fings
  • Mac - I had "beef" once. But no longer. I desire only peace now. And with that, I shall take my leave. Tuolog will wish to hear the news.
  • Zr'An - lol ok losa get lost

Mac's form vanished, allowing the other Loron to see once again. Hagto'Zhl scratched his head in some confusion as he pondered what to make of it all.

  • Hagto'Zhl - uhhh... does dis meen i hav two dads nao?
  • Zr'An - WES NOT YA DADS IDIOT
  • K'ar - YEH DONT BE A CREEP
  • Grak'tona - nah but it does meen we hav TWO IMPOSTAS. EXECUTE FOR TREESUN!!!!!!!!!
  • Brag'klogga - SHUT UP DUMBO DONT YA GET? NAO WE HAV TWICE DA BEST GOD
  • Grak'tona - I SEE TWO IMPOSTAS WHO REFUSE TA RECOGNIZE ME AS DA RITEFUL KING OF DA LORONKIND. EXECUTE DEM!!!!!!!

Drizz'pyrokirk whacked Grak'tona in the back of his neck and froze him in place, then coughed.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - sorry carry on
  • Fre'kloar - well uh dis is a bit sudden but yanno. havin two zrankars doesnt sound too bad? like nao we got twice more best gods dan uro does
  • Hagto'Zhl - yeh wen ya put it dat way i see dis as an absolut win
  • Zr'An - YEH YA GOT DAT RITE. WES DA GODZ OF WAR, DA BEST AN DA HARDEST, YA MOST GANGSTA OF GANGSTAS. YOO MUST DEVOTE YASELF TA US WIV RAPS AN PIZZA PARTIES OR WE SMASH YA FACES IN
  • K'ar - YEH PRETTY MUCH
  • Voa'reak - WELL I DUNNO ABOUT YOO LOT BUT DAT SOUNDS GOOD TA ME????
  • Zalk'don - BRUH IMMA GET DA FIREWORKS REDY. DIS IS DA BEST NEWS WE HAD IN FOREVA
  • Brag'klogga - ...ahahaha... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I DID IT!!!!!! BRAG WINS!!!!!!!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - pretty sure grak is gonna call fer da three of us ta get executed tho lol
  • Fre'kloar - NOBODYS GETTIN EXECUTED HEER. IF HE SEZ ANYFIN ILL BATTA HIM MASELF. NAO LETS CELEBRATE
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WAIT ONE FING

Drizz'pyrokirk turned towards Zr'An and K'ar, and then pulled out a large tub from his back pocket. It was the Drizz'pyrokirk branded protein shake. He held it up to Zr'An and K'ar and kneeled.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - IN HONOR OF DA BEST GOD EVA, I PRESENT TO YOO MA SIK CREASHON: A PROTEIN SHAKE DATS GUARANTEED TA GIV GAINZ. its endorsed by Bragklogga an Kalkuir too
  • Kal'kuir - AN I HAV SOMFIN TA PRESENT TOO

Kal'kuir initially looked towards his oversized rocket launcher, before thinking better of it. The best gun he had created was the smaller rifle that he had used to subdue the Vyro'Xiyara, one he'd had no idea how exactly it worked. He'd truly made his best weapon without really trying to make one, but just to make a good gun. He held it up to them as his own offering.

  • Kal'kuir - AN DIS GUN IS DA BEST GUN EVA. IN HONOR OF DA BEST GOD, I PRESENT TO YOO A GUN DAT WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN YA REBIRF. PRAISE ZRANKAR

Zr'An reached down and took the protein shake, while K'ar took the gun. The two gods inspected the objects with a very stern look on their faces, causing some worry on the Loron until the two deities proceeded to nod to one another.

  • Zr'An - WE ACCEPT YA OFFERINS
  • K'ar - YEH ITS GUD ENUFF. GUD WORK
  • Kal'kuir - PRAISE ZRANKAR
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - IKR. PRAISE ZRANKAR. (an i hope one of yas caught dat on video coz i was gonna upload it to da social medias as an ad)
  • Brag'klogga - cours ya wuld
  • Zr'An - NAO WE MUST DEPART TO DA REALM OF DA GODS (whereva dat is) AN BATTA SOM LOSAS
  • K'ar - STAY PROPA YA LOSAS. PEECE OUT

The two Loron gods posed one more time and then vanished from sight, and the skies of Groodrub immediately cleared soon after. The Loron departed back to their shuttle in order to prepare what would be the biggest pizza party Da Rogue Boyz had ever done.


Meanwhile, on planet Ioket, the skies had cleared too around Tuolog's hut, and so had the trees. Though Tuolog had not sensed any of what had taken place, he knew that Mac must've been successful. But nothing he had seen yet could prepare him for what he was about to witness.

From nowhere, a bright flash of radiant light appeared, as an enormous Taldar avatar appeared before him. Tuolog recognized it as Mac, and was confused. As Mac spoke, he spoke in a much softer voice than he had addressed the Loron with, no longer trying to assert dominance or demand respect here; rather, Mac's words and his very presence made Tuolog feel at ease.

  • Mac - The Loron did not do any harm. No; they do not know it, but they have saved reality.
  • Tuolog - Oh my... It good to see you again, Mac. Or should I say, Maczyornia?
  • Mac - You may refer to me with whichever name you choose. But as you have probably noticed, I will not be returning to the third dimension any time soon.
  • Tuolog - I understand. I see the curse which befell you was lifted... What happened? I not able to see timeline at all.
  • Mac - It appears that a piece of the Vyro'Xiyara had remained after we all destroyed the beast in Sequencium. But due to the nature of the Xiyara, we were all unable to detect it, for it is so far removed from Narza or Ralza. The Loron, in their attempt to revive Zr'An'Kar, discovered it by happenstance. And when they used it as a weapon against me... It did not destroy me.
  • Tuolog - Fascinating. I suppose it make sense that a being as great as Vyro'Xiyara not so easily erased from existence.
  • Mac - Indeed. What is more interesting, perhaps, is that after the collision happened, I felt certain that such an attack would destroy any other extradimensional being. But not me. The attack pierced me, but a piece of holodata contained within it -- you could consider it a "gene" -- collided with my own. My form did not reject it, but rather, welcomed it with open arms. I absorbed the power of the Vyro'Xiyara.

Tuolog scratched his chin, nodding in contemplation.

  • Tuolog - That explain why we not able to read timelines. How could any of us predict something of this nature?
  • Mac - I suspect she did predict it, though. Volzara. She must have placed this contingency here all along, knowing, but not with any certainty, that events would unfold as they did. She believed in us.
  • Tuolog - It not surprise me in the slightest. Still, what of Loron? What happen to them? ... And to Kolossus?
  • Mac - The Loron awakened a... domesticated, shall we say, form of Kolossus. In two halves, and with only Loron intelligence. I permitted it to live. The Loron may retain their god; it is the least we can do for them after such a favor.

Tuolog could not help but chuckle a bit.

  • Tuolog - So Kolossus, that devious monster, is now just Loron gods like they think he always was. A fitting end.
  • Mac - Precisely. This one, though, I believe was a mere happy accident. None of my meddling could have caused this.
  • Tuolog - This fair. But what now? What you do with this power you awakened in yourself?

Mac waited a moment, genuinely curious at the answer to that question. Truly, he had not thought of it at all or given it any consideration.

  • Mac - For now, Zargoth cannot detect me. We should keep it that way. But when the time comes, I will need you to call upon me. I can trust no one else with this, I am afraid. Telling Volzara would just give away my position or existence. We need to strike Zargoth with surprise. Eventually, he must be stopped. As Volzara always says, he is unaware of the effects of his actions, due to his lack of emotions. He is extremely dangerous for this reason.
  • Tuolog - You can count on me. I suggest you spend the time studying this power. When Ottzello was born, it intended on devouring Volzara and Zargoth both, so you need to make sure you can control this power.
  • Mac - Indeed. And when the time comes, wield it against Zargoth. Though, I feel the Loron have another part to play in all this. You should wait and see what it is they do next.
  • Tuolog - Hopefully something less reality-threatening next time, hehe.

Before Mac left, he had one last question for Tuolog, and waited around a little longer, puzzling the Ioketa chief.

  • Mac - Volzara had no idea how exactly the events would unfold. She was just as blind to them as any of us. Yet, she knew that they would. It was her faith in people that led her to believe that this would happen, and she was correct. You were the same with the Loron, were you not? When you saved them in the trial at the end of their "Reckoning" -- you did not know how they would play their part in helping us save the omniverse, but you knew that they would. Am I correct?
  • Tuolog - You are. Misguided as they are, I felt they had a part to play in it all. I am glad it proving to be the correct decision.
  • Mac - Your compassion for others, and your well-placed faith in people to do good, are admirable traits seen in so few mortals, or even gods. I can see why Volzara trusted you with the task now. Farewell, friend. We shall be in contact soon.
  • Tuolog - Goodbye. I sure you have much catching up to do in fifth dimension.
Da Loron stoof
WEZ DA REAL LORONZ MAN DONT REED DAT UNO STOOF ITS DUM
OI BOLD MEENS SPESHUL STOOF
WE IS DA REAL COOL LORONZ DA ROGUE BOYZ IS DUM DONT REED DEM
WE IZ DA DEFFMARCH BOYZ AN WE IS DA BEST COS WE WIV DA MALI'NAR YA DUMBOS
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