| Da Ice Cube Trials is a Historical Event
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“ya wat now
da ICE CUBE. sik name eh?
NO MAN DATS FLIPPIN RIDICULOUS''”
The Ice Age had been declared, and the Borealis Galaxy experienced a new era of peace and prosperity as most of their enemies fell to the hands of the Polar Crystal Alliance. However, Da Rogue Boyz were not amused. They were not content. And most importantly, they were bored. And in order to entertain themselves and get back to their Loronly mood, Da Ice Cube Trials were ensued, much to the Loron's glee, and the dismay of everyone else.
Da Participants Edit
Da Prologue of Boredom Edit
Life was slow at Da Rogue Boyz lately. The last time they had gone through any sort of major event was in the war they now refer to as Da Blak Kroozade, which had ended over five years ago already. The whole empire had become practically useless, with all the Loron becoming lazy and sedentary due to having nothing to do but eat, party and occasionally bicker with others. At Da Propa Big Rogue Krooza, the Leedas and Warbosses themselves were no better than anyone else, becoming a mess of a leadership who did not actually lead anymore, and instead merely sat around eating all day. At this specific day, they were for the most part thrown around their room lazily, some sleeping on top of others while others stuffed themselves in pizza. Kal'kuir's leg twitched as he snored on top of Zalk'don, and Ray'loth tried forcing another slice on his mouth, only to find out it would not fit anymore. Life was really, really slow at Da Rogue Boyz.
- Ray'loth - i fink ma mouth is broken. pizza wunt enter anymor
- Fre'kloar - man dats... dats bad i fink. i fink? yeh i fink...
- Rel'larutina - You thought? That's...pretty scary...I think? See, I can do it too.
- Grak'tona - stfu go make anotha pizza ive finished dat one
- Fre'kloar - man... MAN... we oughta buy anuva TV. dis ones full of dum comercials...
- Ray'loth - change da channel den
- Fre'kloar - ...yoo can do dat?!
- Jol'kiar - man bak in ma dayz we didnt hav deez stoopid fingies wat da hell yoo guyz ar serius losas
- Hagto'Zhl - grandpa pls go bak to sleep leev da cool fings to da youngstas
- Jol'kiar' - YOO WANNA SLAP
Emerging from the ceiling of the room, Da Propa Big Rogue Geek glanced at the Loron, a stern and disappointed look on her single visible eye.
- Geek - So this is the feared and mightly rogue empire of Fre'kloar. All I see are a bunch of buffoons who do nothing but sit around all day.
- Kal'kuir - yoo watch yor mouth...befor i reprogram it...OH WAT NAO HOOOOOH
- Geek - Last time you messed with my circuits, you nearly died in a shock discharge. They had to peel all of your skin off.
- Rel'larutina - And that was genuinely the most interesting thing that happened over these past...ten years? Urgh.
- Fre'kloar - HEY I KILLED GRATZ... i did rite
- Hagto'Zhl - yeh
- Fre'kloar - rite jus makin sur
- Rel'larutina - Y'know, I'd make a comment, like, "with a leader who can't remember their own achievements, how the hell did we make it this far?" then I realised that I've been making the same comment for...who knows how many years now? Speaking of doing the same thing for many, many years...yeah...
- Jol'kiar - well wat do ya suggest? bak in ma day we slapped any chikz who wuldnt stop COMPLAININ ALL DA TIME
- Rel'larutina - Wow, if you slapped me, that'd genuinely be moving more muscles than you've moved all day! Okay, I'm starting to get tired of my own boredom snark now. Why don't you guys work something out? Something other than "let's raid another random empire again? Sigh...of all the times to not listen to me...
At this moment, Grak'tona jolted up and raised a finger in order to get everyone's attention.
- Grak'tona - I HAV AN IDEA
- Brag'klogga - I BET IT FLIPPIN SUKS
- Grak'tona - no lemme talk ya muppet
- Jol'kiar - i dunno...last time we let yoo do dat didnt go too well. cold pizza flippin suks i swer
- Grak'tona - no its not dat. hao bout we do CHALLENJ. ONE FER EECH OF US TA PROVE WHOS DA BEST AND MOST BADASS OF ALL DA LEEDAS AND WARBOSSES?
- Fre'kloar - DAT SOUNDS FREEKIN STOOPID. I GOT A BETTA IDEA. WHAI DUNT WE HAV CHALLENJES. ONE FER EECH OF US TA PROVE WHOS DA BEST AND MOST BADASS OF ALL DA LEEDAS AND WARBOSSES?
- Ray'loth - bravo mr. fre'kloar. im wiv his idea
Grak'tona raised a finger at Fre'kloar's direction, as if prepared to say something.
- Grak'tona - ...i do like da sound of dat lets go wiv it
- Gol'thabex - depends on hao much dosh is involved but probs ok
- Kal'kuir - yanno honestly i fink i can design sum kinda pizza maka. culd dat be ma challenj
- Rel'larutina - Do you not know what an oven is?
- Kal'kuir - uh no i fink drizzy told me about it tho i dunno
- Geek - You will require an impartial mediator to choose these challenges and give you either an approval or a failure. As I am an artificial intelligence and therefore incapable of partaking in this event, and thank Zr'An'Kar for that, I nonimate myself.
- Rel'larutina - Well, I mean, Geek knows better than all of us.
- Jol'kiar - ok i hate ta b grumpy but i oppose dis. bak in ma dayz da only challenjes was ones we set fer ourselves. den agen my dayz was a long time ago. eh fine go on geek
- Fre'kloar - wat she sez is gonna b jus an opinion. WAT MATTAS IS WAT WE FINK RITE LADS
- Geek - Rel'larutina, will you be part of their barbaric party as well?
- Rel'larutina - Hmm, I'm up for showing the other boys up. Let's do this.
- Hagto'Zhl - OH MA DAYZ STOOPID FEMINAZI KIK HER OFF DA SHIP
- Kal'kuir - like da chilly kormy guy sez: "THRO HER OUTTA DA AIRLOK, LORON!"
- Geek - So be it. I will prepare suitable challenges for you, and you'll be able to begin as soon as poss-
- Voa'reak - DEY BETTA BE ENTERTAININ. IM NOT DOIN ANYFIN BORIN OR ANY CHORE OR I SWER IM GONNA be pretty upset
- Geek - Sigh... Of course, of course.
- Knar'gank - now now now now now jus wait 1 minut. wats da reward
- Drizz'pyrokirk - GRAK'TONAS CROWN
Grak'tona turned to Drizz'pyrokirk and delivered a slap to his face, knocking him down.
- Drizz'pyrokirk - rite perhaps not
- Zalk'don - ...well i meen i'd suggest "a lifetime supply of pizza" but dunt we kinda...alredy hav dat
- Jol'kiar - ya dam kids. DERES ONLY REWARD WORFF HAVIN. RECOGNISHUN. PROVE YA SELF TO BE DA BEST EVA. BAK IN MA DAY DAT WUS ENUFF MOTIVASHUN TA MOOV WHOL ARMIES OF BOYZ
- Fre'kloar - YEH MAN IM WIV GRANDPA. NO MATERIAL REWARD DATS STOOPID CAPITALISM GARBAGE AN IS PART OF DA STOOPID CLASS ELITISTS. WEN DO I GET MA SOCIALIST REVOLUSHUN MAN
- Gol'thabex - fre'kloar pls stop dat yor makin me nervous
- Grak'tona - SO EVERYUN. PREPARE YA SELF FER... DA ICE! CUBE! CHALLENJEEEEEEES!!!
- Fre'kloar - stfu yoo stole ma idea STOOPID CAPITALIST DOG
- Rel'larutina - Y'know when Fre'kloar was bored and I taught him to read a few sentences? And now he won't shut up about this socialism...yeah...I regret doing that...urgh.
- Geek - I have the feeling we will regret this day.
- Rel'larutina - What day haven't we regretted, Geek?
- Geek - Fair point.
Da Great Trials of Da Warbosses Edit
Voa'reak: The Flight of Death Edit
Prove to the Unified Nation you never actually died.
The origins of Voa'reak's challenge went back to his first ever battle against the Unified Nation of Ottzello. In the event the Loron refer to as "Da Rampage", Voa'reak faced off against the Loron Warboss Thr'aloy and was defeated by him after he stabbed through his jetpack, causing it to launch Voa'reak into the skies and seemingly explode. UNO always classified the event as having the rogue Loron killed in the explosion, with their explanation for his later return being that he had been somehow brought back to life either by cloning or by demonic intervention, as the Loron were allies of Zelfron and Roshisiz at the time. The truth, though, was that Voa'reak had survived the explosion and merely fell into a river on his descent, which cushioned his fall and saved him from burning to death, and he was eventually rescued by Norol medics who healed him and then allowed Mekkas and Tekkas to fix his jetpack. Voa'reak's trial was to confirm to Thr'aloy that he had never died in the incident at all in order to quench what the rogue Loron thought was a huge and rather embarrassing misunderstanding, even though UNO themselves could not care less.
Hunting Thr'aloy's location down and eventually coming across one of UNO's outer, less defended colonies, Voa'reak launched an invasion on it in typical Loron faction, rushing into the planet, forcing his way through UNO's spaceships and deploying ground forces as fast as he could. The citizens of the Unified Nation soon found the skies of their cities filled with Jetpakkaz, Voa'reak's inherited troops, who stormed from above carrying shankas which they used to cut, slash and crush their enemies into paste. The sound of screaming was deafened by the sound of the Loron's own warcries as they flew through the air, killing and destroying everything in their way. Those who were shot down made sure to crash at whoever shot them in order to take them down with them, a staple of Jetpakka strategy, for even if they die, they still win.
- Jetpakka - ZR'AN'KAR AKBAH
- Voa'reak - THR'ALOY. SHOW YASELF. IM COMIN DOWN ON YAS... AND YOO WILL ALWAYS BE BENEAFF ME FEET!!!
Unified Nation tanks blasted the Jetpakkaz, destroying large portions of them yet doing little to stop their charge, for their numbers were just too big. Voa'reak flew over to them and one by one, using his great strength, he toppled and threw them away, sometimes throwing one at another in order to kill two birds with one stone before moving on to the next enemy. After half an hour had passed, the Warboss could watch as UNO reinforcements arrived and his Jetpakkaz fell from the skies as they were blasted by jets of Dark Chronocopic essence, with a pair of figures emerging through the rubble of the city's destroyed buildings. Standing tall was Thr'aloy, the leader of the UNOC Unit and the original 'killer' of Voa'reak, and standing on his shoulder was Dalverat, the leader of the Katel and another member of the unit, who glared at the rogue Loron with a discontent scowl on his face.
- Thr'aloy - Filthy rogue Loron. OH MA DAYZ ITS DA FLYIN GEEZA AGEN IVE NOT SEEN YOO IN LIKE YEERS
- Dalverat - It seems like the Loron have finally remembered they kill aliens for a living.
As he realized the two members of UNOC had arrived, Voa'reak flew down and eventually landed, taking out his shanka as he stared at Thr'aloy's eyes in the distance. However, the Warboss proceeded to put his hands forward as if telling him to halt.
- Voa'reak - ONE SEC THO i need ta talk to yas
- Thr'aloy - ...eh? talk ta me?
- Voa'reak - YEH MAN REMEMBA DAT TIME WE MET? AN WE FOUT AN I PUNCHED YOO AD YA PUNCHED ME DEN YA STABBED MA JETPAKK LIKE A HUGE FLIPPIN JERK I GOTTA ADD AN I KINDA EXPLODED
- Dalverat - ...What is he even saying?
- Thr'aloy - Recognized. yeh i rememba dat kinda whai didnt ya stay ded
- Voa'reak - I JUS WANTED TA STATE I NEVA DIED. I FELL ON A RIVA DEN GOT HEELED NAO IM HEER. YOO STILL STOLE MA FLIPPIN BLASTA THO YOR A TOP DIK
- Thr'aloy - ...rite so dat changes nuffin. yoo dyin or not dere dusnt meen jak since yor heer rite nao regardless
- Voa'reak - YOO DUN EVEN CARE. YOR TEARIN ME APART THR'ALOY
- Dalverat - So you came all the way here, killed our people, fought our armies... to tell us you survived your first death.
- Voa'reak - i neva died tho it wus a joke
- Thr'aloy - Irrelevant. IMMA MAKE SUR YOO STAY DED DIS TIME
Thr'aloy charged at the Jetpakka Warboss' direction, who immediately jet himself into the air in order to gain an advantage. However, Voa'reka found himself grounded again through telekinesis as Dalverat uses his powers. Using his powerful shankas, Thr'aloy attempted to stab the rogue Loron right at the jetpack just like before, but Voa'reak rolled out of the way of the attack before delivering a headbutt to the UNOC leader's side, causing him to stagger. Before he had the chance for another blow, though, Voa'reak found himself blasted away by a pulse of Dakr Chronoscopic eneregy coming from Dalverat, which launched the Loron to several meters away, making him slide through the battered ground as he stood on his feet.
- Voa'reak - YA CHEETIN MUPPET GET DAT TALKIN PLUSH TOY OFF YA SHOULDA AN FITE ME MAN ON MAN
- Dalverat - Plush toy?! How dare you! I am a Count!
- Voa'reak - count cute
- Dalverat - Argh!
- Thr'aloy - YOR MAKIN ME ANGRY an very confused stop dat
Realizing he was not gonna be able to fight Thr'aloy with Dalverat still around, Voa'reak began whistling, and the two members of UNOC soon found themselves targeted by various Jetpakkaz who launched themselves at them in an attempt to separate them. Dalverat growled as he used his powers to freeze the flying Loron in time, causing them to remain static in the air, their faces locked in gurning or otherwise mocking expressions while Voa'reak fired his blasta at the Katel's direction, having little success in hitting him due to his poor aim. Dalverat glared at Voa'reak as his shots distracted him, causing the Jetpakkaz to slightly move before freezing again, and Thr'aloy responded by firing his lasers at the Warboss, who in turn jumped behind a pile of rubble which would serve as cover. More Jetpakkaz flew above Thr'aloy and Dalverat, with the latter alternating between blasting and freezing them in midair, growling in anger as he was being swarmed.
- Dalverat - Do something! I'm being overwhelmed!
- Thr'aloy - We are in a difficult situation. IM DOIN WAT I CAN OK??? IF I MOOV OVA DEN DA JETPAKKAZ IS GONNA GET US AN IF I DUNT DEN I CANT HIT HIM WIV MA GUNZ CUS HES HIDIN BEHIND COVA
- Dalverat - You call yourself a Commando? You damned incompetent fool, destroy his cover, fire at the Jetpakkaz, I don't care, just do something useful!
- Thr'aloy - I don't appreciate that. STOP COMPLAININ YOR MAKIN ME EVEN ANGRIA
- Voa'reak - overwhelmed eh? im a flippin genius
Voa'reak kept whistling as he attracted more and more Jetpakkaz over to Thr'aloy and Dalverat's position, and the sky above them looked like a swarm of wasps who were constantly either blasted away or frozen in midair by the Katel lord, though even he had his limits and many of them managed to get to their level to fight them. Thr'aloy's fury reached the point he gave up on allowing Dalverat to concentrate and he proceeded to charge at the Jetpakkaz, tearing them apart with his fists and shankas while swinging the Katel on his shoulder aggressively, causing him to lose his focus.
It was exactly the moment Voa'reak was waiting for. Blasting his jetpakk to max speed, Voa'reak charged, flying through his own troops and hitting The Skull right on their collective heads. The impact floored Thr'aloy, who screeched in pain as he was thrown into the ground, while Dalverat was launched into the air and then wrapped by Voa'reak's massive fingers as he grabbed him. The Katel's eyes widened as the blow had left him completely disoriented, and he then began screaming in pain as Voa'reak crushed him on his grasp, slowly breaking his tiny bones and limbs, squeezing the life out of the Katel count.
- Dalverat - Gaaaaaaaahh!!
- Thr'aloy - Dalverat! OI WAT STOP DAT HES MA COWORKA
- Voa'reak - i didnt die... BUT YOO DAI!!!
Thr'aloy attempted to get up in order to fire his lasers at Voa'reak once again, but found himself back to the floor as a swarm of Jetpakkaz attacked him again. A few more pained whimpers were heard coming out of Dalverat as Voa'reak completely crushed him on his grasp, blood erupting out of the space between his fingers and a grin emerging on the Warboss' face. He was dead. A member of UNOC had been assassinated, right there by one of the seemingly lazy and sedentary Loron in an outer, otherwise unimportant world. But before he could gloat his kill, Voa'reak screeched in pain as Dark Chronoscopic exploded out of where Dalverat's now squished body was,the great energies in his body being released in a shockwave upon his death. The Jetpakka Boss flew away, whistling for his troops to follow him as he was left charred and damaged by the explosion.
- Voa'reak - ive made ma point i fink. IM ALSO REELY HURT OH MA DAYZ IM OUT OF HEER. IMMA COM BAK AN KILL DA REST OF DIS PLANET LATA
- Thr'aloy - Come back here! NO YA FLIPPIN WANKA GET BAK HEER!!
Killing off all the Jetpakkaz still on top of him, Thraloy tried running after Voa'reak only to give up after he realized there was no way he could catch up to the flying Loron. Punching the ground in frustration, the UNOC leader then turned his head to the mashed remains of Dalverat which had now fallen on the ground, a somewhat worried look on his face as he approached them and, carefully, delivered a gentle poke to them. His only response was the squishy sound of touching wet, bloodied flesh.
- Thr'aloy - Problematic. oh no... tuologs not gonna like dis one bit...
Kal'kuir: Mekky Tekky Invasion Edit
Steal the most advanced piece of technology from the Niaka.
Kal'kuir laughed maniacally as him as his forces, da Mekkas and da Tekkas, deployed en mass at a space station controlled by the Niaka Special Forces. The forces of the Tekky Mekky Boss of Da Rogue Boyz were an oddity for having little regard for the usual melee-based combat of the rest of the race, and instead they focused on making the most obnoxious, extravagant weaponry possible in order to show how much more intelligent and smart they were over everyone else. This army of "geeks" had attacked this space station in order to find Xerkea, the Chief Major of the Niaka, and Kal'kuir's ultimate goal was to steal the Niaka leader's mecha suit in order to fulfill his challenge. As the Mekkas and Tekkas also made extensive use of battle suits, the space station had become a battleground of two armies of robots, something the Loron were going absolutely hysterical for. Xerkea had gone to this space station in order to pay a visit for its administration, and the mad Warboss of the Loron discovered her location by using mechanisms he had built which he had, at this point, completely forgotten how they worked.
- Tekka - yoo wus rite boss shes heer. hao did ya find her even?
- Kal'kuir - YA SEE DIS HEER MASHEEN? I CALL IT DA GEEZAFINDA. I SET DA GEEZAFINDA TA "GRUMPY OLD LADY" AN FOUND HER LOCASHUN. ALSO FOUND REL'LARUTINA BUT DATS NOT DA POINT EH
- Tekka - dats propa usefoo boss is yoo gonna sell it?
- Kal'kuir - AFTA I MASS PRODUCE AN MAKE IT SUPA DUPA EXPENSIVE YEH
Kal'kuir himself did not use a mecha suit like his Mekkas and Tekkas, and instead fought on foot, wielding an unnecessarily massive gun over his shoulder which fired volleys of bullets at the Niaka who defended the station. Each firing of the gun had enough recoil to nearly make the Warboss fall to his back, but the thrill of combat and the loud noises it made were enough to keep him entertained. The Niaka's battle suits were most definitely superior to the Loron's in term of technology and sophistication, but they were overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of the enemy, and indeed, no matter how clever these Loron were, they were not Sneekaz. They fought in huge swarms who caused as much chaos as they could. Artillery fire was launched by the Niaka at the Mekka Tekka armies, causing powerful explosions which destroyed whole groups of mechas and forced Kal'kuir to run off in order to not get caught in the blast zone. Xerkea's mecha suit eventually made itself visible as she was seen directing where the shots were being fired at.
- Mekka - OI BOSS DERES DA NIAKA LEEDA FINGY
- Kal'kuir - DEYZ FIRIN DA BIG GUNZ AT ME. GET DESE GITZ OFF MA BAKKSIDE
- Xerkea - You! Loron cyborg! I recognize you. you're one of the leaders of Da Rogue Boyz! I don't know what you were planning when you got here, but I'll ensure you rot in Exile after today!
- Kal'kuir - NON
Turning over, Kal'kuir took out another large, purple-tainted weapon from his arsenal and aimed at the Niaka's artillery guns, which could be seen in a distance behind Xerkea's location. The Loron began cackling as the weapon charged, causing him to shake through the ground until a large, powerful blast was launched out of it, travelling all the way over Xerkea and falling at the guns' location. The Niaka Chief Major's eyes widened as she watched what looked like a wormhole grow out of thin air and devour her artillery fire alongside all troops, both Niaka and Loron, at the proximity, all while Kal'kuir laughed loudly as ever. That was Da Blak Hole Fing, one of his stronger weaponry, capable of creating temporary wormholes by manipulating Dark Chronoscopic Energy. He had no idea where the wormholes created by the weapon led to, and he really could not care less, for what mattered is that the weapon had no exploded on his face like last time.
- Kal'kuir - REFER TO ME AS SHOOTA MOST BIGGA, AT YA SERVICE
- Xerkea - What the hell was that?!
- Kal'kuir - YA SUITS GONNA BE MINE. MA SUIT. KAL'KUIR'S.
Xerkea growled as she charged at the Loron mechanic's direction, her suit's jetpack giving it extra speed while the Loron yelled out and ran the opposite way. Mekkas and Tekkas who got in her way found themselves trampled and crushed under her, and even their larger mecha suits were tore apart by her charge. Kal'kuir attempted to slow her down by literally throwing his Loron at her, though all that did was give them broken spines as they collided with her.
- Mekka - OW MAN WAT DA HELL IS WRONG WITH YOO
- Kal'kuir - SURVIVAL TO DA FITTEST. OR DA ONE WHO THROWS DA OTHA FIRST, DAT ALSO WORKS
- Xerkea - I'm going to strangle you!
Opening her arms, Xerkea then threw them together in an attempt to grab Kal'kuir in front of her. What she did not expect was for the Loron to throw himself down, causing her to fly over his head and crash head first into a wall, leaving a large suit-shaped hole on it. Kal'kuir laughed maniacally as he realized the situation and charged electricity on his body as he fired his Wat Da Hell Do I Name Dis Gun, or most specifically, his Tesla Claw. Xerkea groaned loudly as the suit was shocked, causing her to twitch slightly on its interior before she got out of the wall and turned around, delivering a punch to Kal'kuir which sent the Loron straight to the floor. The mechanic Warboss immediately fired another gun on his arsenal, Da Flamethrowa, blasting a stream of fire at the Chief Major though it was incapable of bypassing her shields, and Kal'kuir found himself picked by by his neck and then hurled away, crashing into multiple Mekkas and Tekkas and flooring all of them in the process.
Kal'kuir tossed his Flamethrowa over his shoulder as he took yet another weapon, Da Morpha, and fired at Xerkea's direction. The shot missed the Chief Major entirely as she dodged to the side, but ended up hitting a distant Tekka, and everyone around him watched as he was turned into a Groodrub Chimp right before their eyes, causing all the Loron in the vicinity to cackle out loudly. Xerkea sent her fist to the ground as she tried to crush kal'kuir under her, but the Loron genius rolled to the side and evaded the blow as he then fired Da Freez Ray at her, and Xerkea found her suit slowing down as it was quickly frozen in place. Laughing out cheerfully, Kal'kuir then switched over to Da Lava Gun, a plasmathrower which he blasted at Xerkea, only for her to regain her movements and deliver another blow straight to the Loron's jaw, sending him flying across the battlefield.
- Mekka - ya flippin idiot YA FREED HER FROM DA ICE BY USIN A HOT WEPON
- Kal'kuir - oh. FIRE DA BANANA GUN
- Tekka - boss dats not posibul
- Kal'kuir - MAKE HER SLIP IN DA BANANA GUN
- Mekka - but boss da banana gun is a spessship wepon
- Kal'kuir - BANANA GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!
- Xerkea - Shut up you bloody pest!
Xerkea jet into the air and launched herself down at Kal'kuir in an attempt to crush him under her, but before she hit him, the Loron jolted back up and ran off. As she hit the floor, Kal'kuir then yelled out loudly as he jumped on top of the Niaka leader, clenching his electric claw into her. Xerkea growled as she began shaking herself and attempting to reach her back in order to get Kal'kuir off of her, but before she had the chance, both her Kal'kuir were electrocuted as he fired the Tesla Claw again, causing both the Loron and the Niaka to shiver in pain until they both fell over.
Once Xerkea regained her senses, she found her suit being opened by Kal'kuir, who grabbed the small Niaka leader with his natural hand and lift her over to his eye level. She spit on the ground beneath him as she glared at his eyes.
- Xerkea - What do you plan to do, Loron? Crush me on your hand? Shoot my head of? Squish me under your foot? Whatever you do, I will never surrender to you, you filthy barbar-
- Kal'kuir - BUZZ OFF
Throwing the Chief Major over his shoulder, Kal'kuir grabbed the mecha suit of the Chief Major and lift it over his head, laughing out victorious.
- Kal'kuir - TOP KEK MATE SUITS MINE
- Xerkea - ...What?!
- Kal'kuir - IM DA BEST LOOTA EVA MAN DUNT MESS. OI LADS TIME TA LEG IT
- Xerkea - ...No! I will not be mocked like this!
Xerkea attempted running after Kal'kuir, but he was quickly off her sight alongside all the Mekkas and Tekkas who had survived the battle. While a large portion of the Niaka's forces survived the invasion, the space station was nonetheless very damaged, and it would potentially take years to put it back in shape. Xerkea could merely get herself a new suit at the homeworld, but she could not believe Kal'kuir had gone through so much effort just to steal from her. Surely he was not this demented, she thought, and indeed, he had his reasons. And they were, in the end, demented just like him.
Knar'gank: Green and Purple Edit
Steal the most precious possession of a member of the UNOC Unit.
Invisible to the naked eye, although noticeable by his typical Loron stench was Knar'gank, the Sneeka Warboss. Walking on the tip of his webbed feet, his eyes narrowed, he found himself at the residence of his target. He was to steal the greatest possession of one of UNOC's members, and to him, no better target than his Ottzelloan Zazane nemesis, Kalcedia Myran. How he got to such a location unnoticed was not something he would share. His skills were simply too grand... either that or Brag'klogga had teleported him there. The first sight that the Sneeka Warboss laid his eyes upon was a room not too far from his current position, a curved archway and the absence of a door allowing the Loron to see into the innards of the room and note out many of the intricacies throughout; it was a large room, for sure, filled with cupboards and shelves suspended in the air by anti-gravity gadgetry, and there was a octagonal metallic table located at the far end beside a wall-sized window that oversaw the cities below - the shelves and cupboards held equipment and ingredients required for complex culinary practice, one could see.
This was the kitchen and dining room.
Knar'gank's eyes shifted across the room until he set them upon what was the Unified Nation's equivalent of a fridge, slowly creeping toward it and then opening it to observe what was inside. And moments afterwards, the prized Sneeka leader shoved all the food he could find into his mouth until the fridge was completely empty, letting out an audible burp as he was finished.
- Knar'gank - needs sum mor sauce in dis
Preparing himself, he resumed his sneak as he searched around the residence, look for his target in specific. Putting his large head against the walls to hear through them, Knar'gank eventually noticed the sound of faint snoring as he slowly opened one of the doors he had come across. When he had opened the door wide enough to see inside, his eyestalks allowing him to not have to move his head within the room, he could watch as, splayed across a queen-sized, heart-shaped bed that gently levitated above the soft carpet floor with her form laying atop of the pseudo-velvet sheets, Kalcedia gracefully slept; one of her arms slumped lazily slumped to her side while the other hung over her abdomen and her legs spread apart in her slumber, Kalcedia faintly snored, her tongue having rested at the side of her mouth and absent of any clothes to hide any of her private lady parts.
While any other male or female would have been driven insane by the sheer sight, Knar'gank remained completely indifferent as he crept into the room. As a Loron, he had no concept of sex, so as far as he was concerned, all he was seeing was a lizard person who forgot to dress herself. Twinkle-toeing through the room, the large Loron began giggling as he slowly but surely approach Kalcedia's prized, unique rifle, Sinidaarl, which rested not too far away from the large bed... and he proceeded to ignore it completely as he got to her shelves and began looking through them until he found the prize he had been challenged to get. A pair of tight, dark purple panties that were decorated with small, fluttering green hearts across the fabric.
Setting his eyes upon the panties for a moment, Knar'gank proceeded to remove his helmet and then put the underwear over his head until it covered his mouth and passed through his eyes.
- Knar'gank - nobody cared who i wus until i poot on da mask
Shifting slowly above the soft sheets of the floating bed, Kalcedia's eyelids began to softly flutter open upon hearing the deep, loud tone of the Sneeka Warboss, with her vision remaining somewhat unclear as she awoke from an evidently deep slumber. It would take her a minute or so to adjust entirely to a much clearer form of sight, yet within these first waking moments, she could make out only blurry outlines and did not take long to shift her head and find the silhouette of the colossal Knar'gank.
- Kalcedia - W-Wha... W-Who's there? Y-You're... You're a big guy...
- Knar'gank - ...gettin caught wus not part of ma plan
- Kalcedia - ... W-Wait! I know you!
- Knar'gank - AYY
Turning around, Knar'gank removed the panties from his head and tried to run away, only to hit his head in the doorway and stumbled backwards, holding his huge skull in pain. Shaking himself, he crouched as he ran away from the bedroom as fast as he could. Leaping from the bed without any care for clothing, the tall, curvacious Zazane reached for her iconic rifle and pursued the Sneeka Warboss moments after having escaped the confines of her room, raising her weapon to her eye and firing as she ran after Knar'gank in desperation, yet her shots missed by bare inches due to a combination of her waking disorientation, blind rage, and rushing movement.
- Kalcedia - T-Those are mine, you filthy pervert! ... H-How did you even get in here?!
- Knar'gank - a magician neva reveels his sekrits... wait im not a magician wrong warboss
Running through Kalcedia's residence, Knar'gank hid behind one of the hallways and proceed to stick a foot out, hoping to trip Kalcedia as she ran after him. And, as the sneaky Loron had planned, she did indeed trip over his foot and fell, chest first, onto the tiled floor although as she did her tail had reeled and, albeit accidentally, slapped the Sneeka Warboss across his face misguidedly.
- Knar'gank - wow rude
- Kalcedia - Urgh...! ... W-What... What do you think you're doing?!
- Knar'gank - i wus tryin ta grab yor prize... AN I DID
- Kalcedia - Ngh... W-What's the next step of your m-master plan, then?!
- Knar'gank - CRASHIN DIS APARTMENT
Knar'gank reached over to Kalcedia and grabbed her, before launching her at the kitchen's direction.
- Knar'gank - WIV NO SURVIVAS!!!
As Kalcedia was hurled through the air, she collided with the gigantic window, causing cracks to appear across the artificial glass as it proceeded to smash, causing the UNOC operative to fall through and out of her apartment by sheer force on part of Knar'gank's throw... before she threw her hand up and grasped ahold of the edge of the window ledge, allowing her to balance and regain some of her composure.
- Kalcedia - N-No, this c-can't be happening! ... I'm in charge here!
- Knar'gank - she didnt fly so gud
Knar'gank put his helmet back on as he delivered a blow to his own armored chest, and in front of Kalcedia's eyes, the Loron warboss turned invisible, disappearing from her sight completely. After the nude Zazane managed to pull herself up and climb back into her apartment, resting a hand on her table as she groaned in anger and frustration at the goings-on of the night, she grumbled beneath her breath, tired and cold due to the air let in by the now broken window.
- Kalcedia - Grr... I'll teach that buffoon that he should shoot a girl before throwing her out of a window...
After a few moments, Kalcedia could see Knar'gank reemerge from the shadows, standing with one leg out of the window as he took his helmet out and looked at the naked Zazane with a mocking expression.
- Knar'gank - let dis b remembared as da day yoo ALMOST caught knar'gank, da masta sneeka
With that, Knar'gank made his retreat. And the last thing Kalcedia heard was the terrified scream of a Loron as he fell off a building.
Zalk'don: The Don of Bombs Edit
Create the most beautiful explosion of all time, by Loron standards.
Explosions ensued through the cities of Kraugen, an outer colony of the Empire of the Murgur. It was a battle of brutes against brutes, the streets filled with hordes of huge, imposing creatures who combated the invaders of Da Rogue Boyz. Da Boomerz were here, causing mass destruction under the leadership of the explosive warboss Zalk'don, who launched his missiles and grenades all over buildings in order to turn them into rubble as fast as he could. Murgur tanks arrived to the scene and blasted the Loron, only to be swarmed and destroyed by the use of the mad invaders' Tankhammaz, rocked-shaped melee weapons nearly as large as they were tall which were strong enough even for the heavy armor of the Tanks to crumble. The skies of the battlefield were filled with fireworks as da bomz were detonated, causing all the Loron to raise their hands and screech in excitement, as Loron naturally loved the sound, power and presence of explosions.
This did not mean the Murgur were being overrun, though. Da Boomerz were having trouble keeping up with the huge number of Murgur, creatures who were nearly as strong and huge as the Loron themselves, whose weapons had been designed to fight other large opponents while also being accompanied by their fellow Empire races. Levarcor troops fought the Loron up-close, displaying no fear of them, while the Varkorus ripped whichever Boomerz to pieces with their claws whenever they got their hands on one. Additionally, the Edulia servants of the Empire possessed such strength that their charges could easily trample several Loron in a row, leading to them being stomped or shot down before they could get back up. The commanding officer in the planet was a Murgur of Muganda ancestry, his face and armor painted in blue, and his face contorted in a frown as he watched the Loron's aerial vehicles bringing what looked like a large, cooking tray-shaped object into the fray, keeping it aloft on top of the city and partially blocking the sun in the process.
- Commander - What the hell are these lunatics planning now? Flooring the city under a platform?
- Zalk'don - DAT... IS MA MASTA PLAN
Zalk'don flew into view, using his rocket launchers as a makeshift jetpack as he slowly landed near the Murgur commander, stomping down on a Levarcor as he did so. He held a Tankhamma on his hands as he stared at the enemy, a rather mocking expression on his face, while the commander retaliated by aiming his twin weapons at the Loron, each shaped like what could be compared to Terran Thompson submachine guns.
- Commander - The hell is your problem?
- Zalk'don - yoo wanna kno ma problem? IM HUNGRY DATS WAT. AN IN GONNA FIX DAT... WIV A BOOM
- Commander - Eh?
- Zalk'don - ya see dat dere fing in da sky? DERES A FLIP-OFF BIG PIZZA MASS IN DERE, COMPLETE WIV SAUCE, SEESONIN AN ALL OTHA INGREDIENTS. DERES ENUFF PIZZA IN DERE TA FEED A WHOL LORON MASSIV CREW
- Commander - ...What the hell is a pizza?
- Zalk'don - OH MA DAYZ YOO MURGUR IS ALL UNCULTARED SWINES I SWER. ITS DA BEST FOOD IN DA OONIVERS DATS WAT. IM GONNA BLOW YAS UP WIV DA BIGGEST BOOM EVA TA COOK MA PIZZA AN DERES NUFFIN YAS CAN DO TA STOP ME
It was at this moment that the Murgur commander realized what Zalk'don meant. The object being held at the sky by the Loron air machines was not a weapon. It was a cooking tray. The Murgur would laugh at the sheer absurdity of the event if he had not also realized Zalk'don's implications of how he would cook this pizza. Barring his teeth, he fired his guns at the Loron, hitting him across the body and causing him to yell out as he charged at the commander, swinging his huge hammer in an attempt to crush the Murgur under it.
- Zalk'don - da apron sez KISS DA COOK NOT SHOOT DA COOK
- Commander - You're not even wearing an apron, you bloody idiot!
- Zalk'don - STOP OPPRESSIN ME
Swinging his Tankhamma down, Zalk'don sent it to the floor with all of his strength, but the Murgur commander dodged the blow and fired at the Loron again as he found his weapon stuck on the ground. One of the shots hit Zalk'don's helm and launched it off his head, causing the Loron to yelp and his eyes to widen as he then glared at the commander with a look that, which by itself, was enough to kill a whole army. The Murgur had damaged his Bling Helm, his decorated helmet which he had worn all his life.
- Zalk'don - no one... NO ONE... SCRATCHES! MA! BLING! HEEEEEEEEEEEELM!!!
With enough strength to tear the soil out of the earth, Zalk'don swung his Tankhamma again, getting it out of the ground and hitting the Murgur across the head with it, sending the Imperial soldier flying backwards as his protective helmet was cracked instantly. As he flew across the air and crashed down into the ground, Zalk'don screamed as he fired his Missile Launchaz at max power, launching a flurry of missiles which flew across the air and hit the fallen Murgur warrior, causing an array of explosions to tear the earth apart and create enough light to blind nearby soldiers. As the dust settled, they could see nothing but a crater remaining on the spot, the Murgur commander being completely annihilated by the attack.
Murgur civilians and soldiers deemed the planet lost and ordered a retreat, while Zalk'don ran over to his helm and passed a hand over it to remove the dust, making sure it was not damaged before putting it back on his head, a gleeful smile growing on his face. About 65% of the Murgur Empire forces on the world died to the attack, though civilian losses were minor in comparison. However, killing random Murgur was not the reason the Loron were here.
- Zalk'don - PREPARE DA PAYLOADS AN DA SIK BOMZ
Loron Boomerz began spreading immense quantities of their best, most powerful, most boomy explosives at strategic locations of the city, directly beneath the huge flying cooking tray holding Zalk'don's colossal pizza. And as they were all put in the places Zalk'don had deemed them to be, the Loron warboss took out a controller from his pocket and pressed the button, initiating a reaction which exploded all of the bombs in unison, obliterating any Loron still on the city alongside the city itself. From a safe distance, the Dark Loron warboss and his men watched in awe as a gigantic explosion dominated the horizon, with the cooking tray directly above it, and it would take several moments before it finally died out, causing all the Loron to start roaring out in excitement.
Using his makeshift jetpack, Zalk'don flew all the way to the now completely featureless crater which was once a city, going up to the cooking tray he had brought and taking a deep sniff as the smell of pizza his his nostrils. The explosion was so powerful it had cooked the pizza all the way up there.
- Zalk'don - it jus needs ONE MORE FINISHIN TOUCH...
Flying over to the very center of his gigantic meal, the Dark Loron proceeded to put his Bling Helm on it, causing it to be slightly submerged and covered in pizza mass. The sight of it caused Zalk'don to start tearing up.
- Zalk'don - it poots a teer in ma eye... dis is TRU art... made by a TRU GENIUS OF BOOMZ...
Naktor'zak: Pro Smasha Edit
Break the record for most destruction caused by a Loron vehicle. In a stylish fashion. And live on television.
The Herame Republic weren't used to making deals with the Loron, so when they received a trading request from Naktor'zak, they were very surprised.
- Herame Trader - Loron Warboss? This is a surprise.
- Naktor'zak - yo wazzup man im not gonna eet ya i promis
- Herame Trader - Well, I'd assume so if you're messaging the trading department. Then again, a few of your kind have trolled us before. Why should we trust you, anyhow?
- Naktor'zak - cuz i got ten billion borealis credits fer ya
- Herame Trader - Well, that's a...lot of cash. What do you want?
- Naktor'zak - can i buy 450 cars an can yoo stak dem up in rows of 3 in one line from da factory its for our tv show called Toppest Geer
- Herame Trader - ...Sure? I guess?
- Naktor'zak - want me ta pay in advance or afta?
- Herame Trader - You can pay half in advance and half after.
Naktor'zak sent over a cheque with 5 million credits. Then, for a few hours, he sat around and waited. The other Warbosses looked at him.
- Voa'reak - yo naktor ar yoo gonna do ya challenj
- Naktor'zak - yeh
- Zalk'don - DEN HURRY UP MAN
- Naktor'zak - man stfu trus me dis is gonna b gud
- Drizz'pyrokirk - yeh i doubt dat man Toppest Geer hasnt been doin well in ages. sinc da old produca smaked one of da chikz den got fired. whai man dat was so dum
- Naktor'zak - trus me man dis is gonna b wicked yooll see
And just a few minutes later, Naktor'zak received a notification. The Herame had completed his request. A grind formed on his face. His holographic form disappeared, and he was back in Da Propa Big Rogue Tank. He landed on the Herame world, alone, and parked in front of the Herame cars. Several Loron landed too, packing cameras. The producer of Toppest Geer also arrived on the scene.
- Loron Producer - AN WE IS NAO LIVE PEEPZ. OUR VERY OWN WARBOSS, NAKTOR'ZAK, FINKS HE CAN BRAKE MILLIONZ OF RECORDS TODAY. LETS SEE IF HES RITE MAN. TRUST ME I KINDA DOUBT HE CAN MAKE AN EXPLOSION MOAR IMPRESSIVE DAN VADSA'DON DID ON HIS OLD TRUKKA WEN HE SMASHED A WHOL VILLAGE OF PEEPZ. AFTA 3, 2, 1, NAKTOR IS GONNA-wait man WAT DA HELL DAT WASNT DA PROPA COUNTDOWN
And Naktor'zak had taken off. The engines roaring, almost deafening the Loron around the tank, Naktor's tank's engines roared and charged up, about to drive off. The huge, round tires spun rapidly, almost burning the ground beneath them. At who knows how many miles per hour, the Propa Big Rogue Tank flew off, right over the cars the Herame had made, crushing them all. The Herame had known these cars were probably going to be demolished, but not at this speed. Crushing every car beneath it, the Propa Big Rogue Tank demolished around twenty a second at its rate. The sound of the engine and the sound of the smashing of everything beneath was what Naktor'zak craved. And speed. They gave him his energy.
- Loron Producer - MAN DIS GEEZA IS INSANE MAN I WULD FINK OF SOM WITTY CATCHPHRASE TA GO HEER BUT FORGET IT MAN DIS FING IS ENTERTAINMENT ENUFF
The grin on Naktor'zak's face grew wider. This man was insane. The adrenaline rush he was gutting was absurd. Barely thirty seconds in, Naktor'zak's tank had not only crushed the 450 cars built, but the factory they came from. His tank had fired at it, and crushed the remains. In but 44.03 seconds, Naktor'zak had caused more carnage than any other Loron with any vehicle.
- Loron Producer - HE HAS PROBABLY SET A RECORD NOT ONLY AMONGST DA BOYZ, DA CHIKZ AN ALL DEM, BUT PROBABLY DA OONIVERSE. MAN DAT WAS WICKED. AN NAO BAK TO DA STUDIO
The disgruntled Herame Trader sent a message to the grinning Naktor'zak in his tank.
- Herame Trader - That was not part of the deal. For that, you must pay twice the price.
- Naktor'zak - yo, stoopid trada, i got a question fer ya. hav yoo eva spent yor whol life in a tank? wen da only tiem yoo got out was as a hologram? wen yoov neva actually seen light wiv ya own eyes fer centuries? yoo eva don dat befor? lived in a tank foreva?
- Herame Trader - Can't...say that I have...
- Naktor'zak - i dun need cash man. i dunt get whai anyone does. i dont get whai da otha boyz even need pizza. all i need is speed, is da sound of da engines roaring - which alredy deafened me btw - an CARNAJ. i gave yoo da best carnaj yoo eva saw. dats gotta b payment enuff. i dunt see whai yood need anymor.
- Herame Trader - If you don't pay up, I'm afraid I will have to destroy your tank. And since you are your tank, you too.
- Naktor'zak - oh man. is dat a thret? yoo RELLY fink yoo can take dis fing out? do yoo relly fink yoo can do dat? com on man. be honest. whai dunt yoo jus pat dat carnaj on tv an sell dat. whai dunt yoo just make dat into a noos story or som crap an recycle da cars. dat will pay fer it. honestly i gave yoo entertainment wat moar can ya want
- Herame Trader - I knew I never should've trusted you. But you flashed money at me. Bah. Just leave this world and don't return.
Naktor'zak pondered a moment. He had a whole planet full of civillians in front of him, with massive cities. He counted about 250 on the whole colony, and rethought. Then, he closed the transmission. His engine roared.
Within a few hours, the planet was reduced to ash, corpses and rubble. And Naktor'zak wasn't even out of fuel yet. Millions of Herame had died not to a Loron army, but to a single tank.
Naktor finally returned to the Krooza.
- Naktor'zak - i fink dats gud enuff rite
- Geek - You know, you really could've stopped after the car crushing on television part. That part was actually impressive, and we could've paid for it. Urgh. The destruction of the whole planet and its wildlife was completely unnecessary. The Herame weren't even on too bad terms with us, and are now. Ugh. Our Chikz have their work cut out for them to try and make that planet hospitable again so Loron can live there. Really, Naktor?
- Naktor'zak - i got a question for ya. hav yoo eva spent yor whol-
- Geek - Oh, whatever. Fine, we'll do it, and the planet now belongs to the Rogue Boyz.
- Naktor'zak - dats wat i wanted ta heer
Brag'klogga: Preaching of the Shaman Edit
Show the way of Zr'An'Kar to the misguided.
Viabaran, one of the outer planets of the religious Minga Theocracy, found itself suddenly invaded by hordes of Flashiez. It was not a conventional attack though, for the Dark Loron showed no sign of aggression on first sight for once. Flashiez were exclusively made up of Dark Loron, for neither the Loron nor the Cold Loron had the needed quantity of essence in their bodies needed to awaken the mutations which would lead to the young Loron to develop his first 'flashy' abilities. Loron Flashiez stopped aging once they became Betta Boyz, and in fact, one thing which could be noticed on Da Rogue Boyz was that none of the Leedas or Warbosses appeared to age anymore. The Leedas' many misadventures involving the powers of the Chronoscopic energy through the Borealis Wars caused them to stop aging altogether, a fact they had not yet taken notice of.
Regardless, the priests of the Minga were surprised to see Flashiez teleporting to their temples. Brag'klogga himself teleported to the capital temple of Viabaran, which was in the middle of a preach dedicated to the works of the Cold Gods, and as he appeared in the center of the large hall where all the Minga were united, they all gasped in combinations of surprise, terror and anger. Brag'klogga raised his hands spread his tattered cape as he spoke loudly.
- Brag'klogga - O DUM HERETIKS. DA PROFFET OF ZR'AN'KAR IS HEER TA SAVE YAS FRUM YA STOOPIDITI
- Head Priest - What is the meaning of this intrusion?! Who are you?!
- Brag'klogga - I AM BRAG'KLOGGA... srsly ya neva herd of me? cmon nao
As the head priest of the temple stepped from his chair to argue with Brag'klogga, his assistants ran over to him in order to report the situation through the planet. The Loron Flashiez were preaching on their churches about their pagan god as well as causing powerful flashes of light which were blinding and confusing the Minga population. The head priest growled as he turned back to Brag'klogga, who kept his pose.
- Head Priest - Are you the responsible for this insult occurring in our world?
- Brag'klogga - dunno wat yor on bout o beeked freek. IM HEER TA SPREAD DA WORD OF DA BEST GOD
- Head Priest - I knew it. Filthy heretic! You have nerve trying to spread your false religion in the worlds of the fateful of the Cold Gods!
- Brag'klogga - OI
Brag'klogga sent his staff down at the head priest's head, hitting it and flooring the old Minga due to the Loron's great strength.
- Brag'klogga - DOIN HERESI IN FRONT OF ME... DIS DAYS COMIN!!!!!!!
- Head Priest - Agh... W-we have true, real gods, monster. Your paganism will not be allowed in our home.
- Brag'klogga - I BET YA GODS EINT EVEN BADMEN LIEK MINE THO
- Head Priest - ...What? Speak sense, you primitive animal.
- Brag'klogga - MA GOD IS BETTA DAN YORS
The head priest and his assistants all glared at Brag'klogga, who leaned down at glared at the Minga leader himself, the two becoming locked in each other's eyes. It was a battle of zealots versus zealot.
- Head Priest - Our gods created the Cold Relays! They spread technology across the cosmos for us to use! Lord Arkarixus is one of them and he has defeated the machine demons! There is no denying of their existence!
- Brag'klogga - oooh ma god can kill masheens BIG FLIPPIN DEEL MATE. MA GODS SO BADMAN HE KILLED ALL DA OTHA NON-BADMAN GODS IN A BIG HOOJ BATTEL WHER HE WAS LIKE HOLDIN DIS BIG SHANKA ENNIT? DEN HE SWUNG IT LIKE "BAK OFF YA LIL EEJIT" AN CUT DA OTHA GODS HEDS IN ONE BLOW
- Head Priest - You speak absolute nonsense. I bet you made that up as you spoke.
- Brag'klogga - YOR POINT BEIN? DUSNT MEEN IT DIDNT HAPPEN
- Head Priest - You're not only a zealot, you're a vandal and a scoundrel.
- Brag'klogga - WELL I BET YOO LIKES TA SHAG YOUNG BOYZ YA MUPPET
Brag'klogga's body began to shine as he levitated, Dark Chronoscopic energy flowing through his body as blasts of essence were fired across the room, hitting Kormacvar statues which were scattered across the temple. One by one, they were transformed into images of Kolossus' likeness, causing the Minga to go hysterical.
- Head Priest - No! Our dear gods' images!
- Brag'klogga - PEEPS OF... of... urm... DIS HEER WORLD. I GIVE YAS A CHANCE FER REDEMPSHUN. ADMIT ZR'AN'KARS DA BEST GOD DERE IS AN YOO MAY BE SAVED IN DA NEXT APOCALIPS. ALL YOO GOTTA DO IS KIK YA CLOSEST MAN IN DA LEG AN SHOUT "YA MOMS DUM MAN GET A LIFE", DEN YOO MUST DO DA WAR GOD RAP 3 TIMES WHIL STANDIN IN ONE LEG. ONE LEG, KEEP IT IN MIND, ITS ABSOLUTALY VITAL. DEN YOO MUST OFFA YA GUDS AN BLING TO DA WAR GOD AN DO DA "YOR DA BEST EVA" PRAYA WHIL STANDIN ON YOR HED. OOOOOOOONLY DEN WILL YOO BUT BE SAAAAAAAAAVED
- Head Priest - Kill him! Rip him in half! Spill his blood all over the floor!
Guards entered the temple and began shooting at Brag'klogga, aiming to take him down as he was floating. Their shots, however, changed trajectory as they came in contact with the essence flowing around the Dark Loron, ricocheting them to hit walls, the ceiling or other Minga instead. The shaman warboss' face contorted into a frown as he was attacked.
- Brag'klogga - YOO SHOOT AT DA MESSANJA OF DA GODS??? I GET DA FEELIN YOO DUNT WANT TA B SAVED
Charging Dark Chronoscopic power on his staff, Brag'klogga channeled volleys of dark lightning which rained down on the temple, hitting cultists and guards alike and tearing the floor apart as it was hit. The warboss' head begun shining more brightly as he channeled more and more energy into himself, forcing the Minga still standing to keep down as they were blinded by the light.
- Head Priest - My eyes!
- Brag'klogga - yoo refoos da words of zr'an'kar... UNFORGIVABUL!!! IM GONNA SEND YAS ALL TA HELL FER DIS YA FLIPPIN AMATEURS!!! FLASH! FLASH! FLAAAAAAAAASH!!!
The blindness eventually became third-degree burns as the Minga were incinerated by the light and the heat coming out of Brag'klogga, and as the other Flashiez noticed their boss doing so, they immediately began doing the same. Soon, the entire planet was illuminated by hundreds of thousands of Dark Loron Flash Boyz who linked their powers to Brag'klogga, and the light became brighter. And bigger. Until it enveloped the whole planet. Brag'klogga and his Flashiez shined with such intensity that their power expanded through outer space, their light consuming the Minga planet, then its moon, then its nearby territory.
In a matter of minutes, spaceships in the region were registering two stars on a star system which was supposed to only have one.
Drizz'pyrokirk: Philosophical Loron Edit
Decide what is better: fire or ice.
Drizz'pyrokirk is one of the most educated Loron known. Or at least, as educated as a psychopathic arsonist could be. He had invented the art of Freezflaming, where one would combine fire and ice to cause as much destruction as possible. This quickly became insanely popular back in the Cold Loron's old dimension, and to this day, the Freezflamaz were one of the most specialized yet deadly forces of Da Rogue Boyz. Now, the Rogue Geek had imposed a question for the warboss to solve on his challenge: what was better? Fire or ice?
Drizz'pyrokirk sat down in a chamber, alongside numerous of his strongest Fleezzflama Boyz. A Norol maid put a pizza on the table before Drizz dismissed her, and as he took a slice of it, he spoke to his Boyz.
- Drizz'pyrokirk - alrite boyz. i called yoo heer cus wev got ourselves a problem of philosophical implicashuns
- Boy 1 - yoo look troubled boss
- Drizz'pyrokirk - indeed i am. nao i must ask yas... wat is betta? fiya... or ice?
The table was hit by discussion as the Loron boyz began talking among themselves, surprised by the point brought by their warboss. One of them rose from his seat as Drizz'pyrokirk took small bites of his pizza.
- Boy 2 - FIYA IS BETTA YA SEE CUS YA KNO WEN A PRIK GOES UP YOO ALL BAD AN HARD ENNIT? YOO CAN JUS SET HIM ON FIYA AN HES GONNA SHUDDUP INSTANTLY CUS HES GONNA BE TOO BUSY SCREAMIN IN PAIN
- Boy 3 - YOR SPEEKIN RUBBISH. ICE CAN DO DAT YA FLIPPIN IDIOT
- Boy 2 - NO CUS DERES ONE FING FIYA CAN DO DAT ICE CANT. IT CAN COOK YOR ENEMY IN DA SPOT SO YOO CAN EET HIM RITE AFTA YOO KILL HIM
The Loron all gasped due to the genius logic of their companion, while Drizz'pyrokirk nodded his head in acknowledgement.
- Drizz'pyrokirk - yoo bring gud points. anyun has any opposishun?
- Boy 4 - I DO. ICES FAR SIKKA DAN FIYA. AN IMMA TEL YOO WHAI. IF YOO DUNT EET YOR COOKED MEAL WATS GONNA HAPPEN??? ITS GONNA GO BAD. AN WAT DO YA DO TA NOT MAKE YA FOOD GO BAD???
- Boy 1 - ... yoo eet it befor it goes bad?
- Boy 4 - NO YOO MUPPET YOO POOT IT ON DA FRIDGE
Again, the Loron all gasped from the genuinely intelligent remarks being thrown. Drizz'pyrokirk kept nodding, acknowledging and understanding their points.
- Boy 4 - ALSO YOO FREEZ FOOD TA STORE IT. IF YOO POOT IT IN DA FIYA YOR GONNA DESTROY IT
- Boy 2 - BUT HAV YOO EVA TRIED EETIN FROZEN PIZZA?
- Boy 4 - URM YES??? WAT KIND OF LORON DO YOO TAKE ME FOR
- Boy 2 - WAT DA HELL YOO POOT IT IN DA OVEN BEFOR EETIN AR YOO SERIOUS
- Boy 4 - ... yor sayin ovens arent jus kitchen decorashun?
- Drizz'pyrokirk - well boyz afta heerin yor points i beleev i hav reeched a consensus
The Loron Freezflamaz all looked curiously at their warboss as he rose from his seat, keeping his hands on the table. It was at this moment that the Loron noticed two buttons near Drizz's seat, one marked with a tiny fire symbol and another with a tiny ice symbol.
- Drizz'pyrokirk - fiya has sikness, it represents raeg, powa, energy... yet ice also is fullof badmanness, representin coolness an unmoviness... derefore deres only one correct answa to dis dilemma...
- Boy 1 - man boss if yoo werent da tuffest of us wed probs call yas a nerd fer talkin dis way
- Boy 2 - SSSH MAN. WATS DA ANSWA BOSS?
- Drizz'pyrokirk - ... FUKIN BOFF FIYA AN ICE IS EQUALLY SIK WAT DA HELL IS WRONG WIV DA FUKIN GEEK ASKIN ME SUCH A STOOPID QUESTION!!!
Bashing his fists into the pair of buttons, flamethrowers and icethrowers emerged from the walls, launching blasts of fire and ice through the room, burning and freezing the Loron alive as they were caught by surprise. They screamed in pain they were slowly killed by the weapons, while Drizz'pyrokirk kept bashing his hands in the table in anger until it finally broke in half.
- Drizz'pyrokirk - WAT A WASTE OF MA FUKIN TIME I SWER I COULD BE KILLIN PEEPZ NAO BUT NOOOOOOOOO DISCUSS DIS SUPA OBVIOUS FING I HATE GEEKZ SO MUCH AAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!
Ray'loth: Murderer's Quest for Love Edit
Get a girlfriend.
Ray'loth was always complaining so much about Rel'larutina ever since they met. The Norol's hostile attitude made her look attractive to him, but obviously, she had no interest whatsoever in him as he was an idiot and a lunatic. The fact Ray'loth was attracted to girls by itself was considered an oddity which made others weird out, but the fact the was single strongest non-Leeda Loron in Da Rogue Boyz made up for it and he retained the title of Propa Big Warboss, much like how his normal counterpart Thr'aloy was once Propa Big Warboss of the Propa Big Loron Empire. And so, Ray'loth's challenge was to get a girlfriend, and what better place to start looking than an empire made entirely of girls? Ray'loth launched an attack on the Rovegar Matriarchy in order to find his soulmate, followed by a huge army of Loron who would destroy everything and everyone else.
As Da Propa Big Warboss, Ray'loth was the maximum commander of the Loron's armies and his soldiers were composed mostly by Troopaz, the most basic kind of Loron soldier as well as the most numerous by a huge margin. Guns blazing, screaming rants and battle cries, the Loron army made of a mix between Loron, Dark Loron and Cold Loron charged into the fray, firing their weapons frantically at the far more advanced Rovegar. The psychic women flung the brutes about with elemental power, cut them down with their vibroblades or shot them down with their vastly superior weapons. The only thing the Loron had at their side were numbers and the fact this was an outer, less populated colony of the Matriarchy, for otherwise they would not stand a chance. Ray'loth roared out as he shot at all directions, throwing grenades around himself and hitting friend and foe alike as he stomped into the enemy forces' direction. Rovegar who got too close to him were instantly crushed, kicked, squished or punched to death as nothing could stand before him.
- Ray'loth - NONE OF YOO IS PRETTY ENUFF FOR MA STANDARDS!!!
- Rovegar Commander - Shoot the brutes down! Let them regret their actions!
- Ray'loth - ...wuzzat?
Looking in a distance, Ray'loth could see the commander of the Rovegar's army: a beautiful, tall Caerulan woman protected by numerous Witch Gauntlet-wielding warriors. A grin formed on the warboss' face as he pointed at her direction and exclaimed.
- Ray'loth - DA UN. DAT UNS PERFECT. OI LADS GIMME COVA FIYA AN YA BEST B SIK AT DOIN IT
A pair of Tuff Boyz, super armored Loron soldiers who carried energy shields, put themselves in front of Ray'loth who proceeded to grab them by their backs and hold them in front of himself. Dakka Boyz, Loron soldiers with even more shooty guns than normal, covered him as he then initiated at charge at the Rovegar, using the two Tuffa Boyz he was holding as a shield as he became a literal moving wall of pain, trampling all unfortunate soldiers he came in contact with and crushing them into little more than paste. As he got in range of the Witch Gauntlet-wielding soldiers, he proceeded to throw the Tuff Boyz at them, causing the women's eyes to widen as they had not predicted such a brutish, unconventional move and many of them were immediately floored if not killed as the Loron collided with them.
- Tuff Boy - OW MAN WAT DA HELL
- Rovegar Commander - Damnable savages. Rip their minds apart!
- Ray'loth - GET OFF MA WAAAAAAAAY!!!!
Putting his hands on his belts, Ray'loth proceeded to throw more and more explosives in the air which would proceed to fall at the Rovegar forces and explode all over them. The psychic women were forced to focus their powers on keeping the bombs away from them as Ray'loth charged at the commander herself, who unleashed a pulse of energy which sent the Dark Loron boss face-first into the ground in front of her. However, he was far stronger than her telekinesis could sustain, and she found herself wrapped around Ray'loth's hands as he got back on his feet. The Rovegar grunted and feebly punched the Loron's fists as he brought her up in the air, though she stopped once she found herself being pressed against his head. Affectionately.
- Ray'loth - yor ma grill nao
- Rovegar Commander - ...Composer help me.
- Ray'loth - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA EET IT REL'LARUTINA. I DUNT NEED YOO ANYMOR CUS I GOT A NOO SIK BLU-HAIRED GRILL WIV ME HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
- Rovegar Commander - L-let go of me, you savage!
Ray'loth laughed loudly as he then looked around, watching the armies of the Loron and the Rovegar still fought each other and therefore a lot of crossfire was on his way back to his ship.
- Ray'loth - i cant let muh grillfriend get hurt in dis crossfiya ennit. i need ta find a way ta keep yas safe
- Rovegar Commander - Letting go of me would be a good start. Let me go!
- Ray'loth - NO I HAV AN EVEN BETTA IDEA. I KNO YOO LUV ME VERY MUCH YEH SO IM GONNA MAKE US... ONE
- Rovegar Commander - Eh?
- Ray'loth - IMMA KEEPIN YOO INSIDE ME SO WES ALWAYS, FOREVA, GONNA BE TOGETHAAAAAA
The Rovegar commander's eyes widened as she screamed loudly as Ray'loth shoved her on his mouth, chewing and then swallowing her, devouring the woman whole. Beating his chest victoriously, Ray'loth ran back to the fray to kill more enemies, now that he had his girl with him for all eternity... or at least until the next time he had to use the bathroom.
Da Propa Trials of Da Leedas Edit
Rel'larutina: Girls Can Do Better Edit
Prove women are better. And do it live.
It was a tradition among Loron to hold several bar brawls. Of these, a few of them were televised live across Da Rogue Boyz, particularly in several hotspots where Loron would always clash amongst themselves. Loron bar brawls would get messy, sweaty and bloody very quickly, as they fought over very little. Usually, bar brawls only had a single survivor, left broken glass and rotten tomatoes splattered across the room, and were over nothing. However, televised Loron bar brawls were getting repetitive. Ever since the brawl between Ghag'rofla's gang and Faav'kunta's gangs on TV, the company's ratings and viewership had been declined. That brawl was the high point of their ratings, and revered among Loron cultural history.
How best for Rel'larutina to prove how much better the Norol truly were than to top it?
Rel'larutina invited several other retired Norol in Loron Smashas together, and encouraged a few of them to form "gangs". Typically, a Norol who had retired from typical Norol would live their life in the Smashas as a "pension", but even them, several Smashas were taken out of service due to either gathering too much rust, or sometimes the Norol simply did not take to their new role well. Nonetheless, all these Smashas were war veterans who didn't have much reason to continue living. The six Smashas huddled up together. Two of them were excited for combat, one was tired of it, one was nearly emotionless, and the other two too shy or cold to speak.
- Norol 1 - I've been lookin' 'fore an opportunity to just quit! Damn, I'm glad I get to go out in style!
- Norol 2 - I ain't exhausted yet! Man, I'm ready to smack a mothertrucker 'fore I go out!
- Norol 3 - Speak for yourselves. I'm tired of this metal suit already. I almost wish I could go back to laying Loron eggs already and being kicked around by them. I'm tired.
- Rel'larutina - Ladies, we're here for a reason. To put on a show. To put the boys in their place! Girls, I say we don't hold back, tear each other apart.
- Norol 1 - I know I'm survivin'! Come on, let's go! I'm itching for stuff to smash!
- Norol 2 - Calm down there, lady, you're startin' to sound like a boy now.
- Norol 4 - I would question the odds of your survival given that our opponent is Rel'larutina. Let's be honest, each one of us is near-guaranteed to be annihilated by Da Propa Big Rogue Smasha live on television for everyone to enjoy.
- Rel'larutina - Yeah, well, y'all knew what you were signing up for.
And not one of the Norol showed any reaction to that thought. It did seem that Norol who reached this age really did begin to be much less rational than they were before that age. Of Norol who kept nearly all of their sanity intact in a Smasha, Rel'larutina was one of a small percentage.
The Smashas walked into a wooden Loron bar. The bartender had already left, and there was no one inside except a cameraman and a presenter. There were a few abandoned tables, which no one had bothered to clean. Not that Loron regularly did, but they knew that they were going to get broken today. The Norol stood at all seven corners of the circular room, primed to destroy.
- Loron Presenta - AN NAO LADIES AN GENTELBOYZ, WE IS LIVE ON DA BIGGEST SHOW EVA...DA SIKKEST FITEZ!!!! DEEZ CHIKZ HEER, DEY STARTED LOTSA CONTROVERSY WEN DEY SED DAT DEY WANTED TA DO DIS FING. DEY AR WIDELY VIEWED AS A BUNCHA DUM FEMINAZIS. AN LOSAS WHO WANT BORIN GENDA EQUALITY. BUT MEH DEYZ GONNA DAI SO WHO CARES. LADIES, GET YOR GUNZ REDY...GO!!!!
Once the Presenta gave the go-ahead, the seven Norol began the fight differently to most Loron, slowly walking, guns blazing. The armour of their Smashas could take gunfire, but these were no normal guns. The weaker Smashas among them would take heavy blows, while others would mostly absorb the shots with their shields, at least for the time being. The room was quickly bullet-ridden, with many of the walls crashing. Anyone who was inside would be deafened by the roaring sound of the extremely loud machine guns. Others turned instead to lasers, burning the walls of the bar instead. A missed shot would mean a destroyed roof. The wooden bar began to fall on top of them, with one's Smasha crashed by the rubble, and quickly the other Smashas turned to destroy it with machine gun fire.
One Smasha decided to fire grenades instead, which knocked another other. The downed Smasha was soon destroyed by subsequent gunfire, but a more weary Smasha turned to their peer with melee combat. The screeching sound of the clashes of metal, the sparks set off by the energy smacking one another, of all this culminated into Smashas either being destroyed, or the Norol falling out and then having their skulls pierced by machine guns.
Only three remained, the bar had been completely destroyed, and now they fought in open air. Rel'larutina wasn't scared of going down anytime soon, but she felt it appropriate to pull her best move. Using her spacetime-warping weapon, a Smasha was shrunk, collapsing in on itself. She just knew several Loron were cheering when they heard the sounds of the crushed bones of the Norol inside and the blood leaking from it, as Rel'larutina stomped on it, and fired her spacetime-charged lasers which immediately pierced the shields of the remaining Smasha, and caused it to explode. The Norol pilot's skeleton fell forward out, as the Smasha fell back. Rel'larutina put her Smasha's hands on its hips.
- Rel'larutina - If that didn't break records, I don't know what would.
She walked away proudly. The Presenta, who had already hid from the destroyed bar, was speechless. Not just because of the carnage he had witnessed, but because Rel'larutina had doubled any records held by Loron television shows in the past.
Gol'thabex: Groodrub's Finest Edit
Perform a heist on the richest man in Borealis.
If there was one group of Loron who could pull off organized, synchronized movement as a group, it was the Thugz Fer Dosh. Normally, it was impossible to get two Loron to agree on anything, and getting three typical Loron to agree happened once in a blue moon. The only time Loron ever had a common goal was food or their boss, who many of them often planned on betraying somewhere down the line regardless. But the Thugz Fer Dosh had cash in mind. The elite Loron, well trained and notorious across Borealis, and with their leader Gol'thabex, they were the only ones who could pull off a heist that they were about to pull on Billig Oltauris.
The Oltauris Consortium, a frequent employer of the services of Da Rogue Boyz and the Thugz, were among the most powerful and richest criminal networks, with ears everywhere and earning cash through many less-than-legal means, often intimidating locals of several worlds to alleviate their own costs. So it was no surprise that Billig ended up being the richest man in the galaxy and the most powerful man in the criminal underworld. Many even said he was what kept the underworld alive, given how it was dying off in modern post-Second Borealis War and post-Ice Age times. They also knew how not to lose the cash they'd earned to other criminals. No one could rush into their world and just take billions of credits from under their noses, and few could overrun their military.
Living in his palace on a huge city-state, Billig was held up in a palace, which was an enormous skyscraper, and inside, were luxurious, shining rooms with jewels and expensive art everywhere. This, of course, was in stark contrast to his throne room, which was full of red meat laying around and blood, and was definitely different to his deep-space hideout. He had a stash of gold in the room below his throne room. This was the stash of gold that Gol'thabex had his eyes on.
Gol'thabex was with a group of four other Loron. Dressed in rich, expensive work suits, Gol'thabex arrived on the world in his starfighter, which landed on a hangar right next to Billig's skyscraper palace. He was carrying a suitcase with him. Outside, he and his men lay low, as they were greeted by several Heeyorian businessmen.
- Heeyorian - Welcome, Thugz. We've been expecting you. You have the goods?
- Gol'thabex - yeh. let us speek to billig tho
- Heeyorian - Right this way.
The Heeyorian led them in, past several heavily armed guards. Gol'thabex looked at the other Thugz with him and nodded, who followed him in. Led up several flights of stairs, the jewels and luxuries around them would make any Loron jealous of all the Bling - Loron currency - but the Thugz simply lay their heads low and prodded on forward. Eventually, the guards led them into Billig's room. With blood splattered across the floor, and unfinished meat, the place stunk. Many of the guards left them due to the stench, just as Gol'thabex expected. Of course, several stayed. These were Levarcor guards, who were clearly just as ruthless as Billig himself. Gol'thabex and his four Thugz approached Billig.
- Billig - Ere fer ya payment, 'ey?
- Gol'thabex - yup. dis suitcase heer is wher ya put me cash
- Billig - Right, okay. Lemme fetch some.
Billig got out several electronic notes, which he picked out from next to his throne. Billig was no royal, but he liked to think he was. He walked over to Gol'thabex, and opened up the suitcase...which proceeded to knock him out cold with gas. The other Thugz pulled open their business cloaks, revealing heavily modified Blastas, which when aimed well, splatted the Levarcor immediately, killing them. They added to the corpses in Billig's room, probably left for food when Billig awoke.
- Thug - yo boss shall we kill billig
- Gol'thabex - doin dat is likely to alert someone else moar dan we alredy did. it prob wont work. its betta ta jus take da cash
- Thug - kk
Moving in a group, the Loron all proceeded to leave the room, and head down the spiral staircase. Several of Billig's guards ran at them, only to be met by rapid gunfire, and those who approached head their skulls cracked open by Loron muscle. The Thugz tore the jewels off the walls, the paintings off, and filled their empty suitcases with gold. Before Billig awoke, the Loron ran for Gol'thabex's starfighter and were off. They laughed amongst each other.
- Thug - wait one fing
- Gol'thabex - wat
- Thug - how we dividin dis
They stayed quiet.
- Thug - well i meen i dunt fink any of us can count
- Gol'thabex - jus let one of da chikz sort it out when we get home. otha dan dat yoo can go fite eech otha ova it if ya want. i suggest ya dunt fite me tho
Grak'tona: A Troo King...Sorta Edit
Prove your royalty by besting another monarch.
Grak'tona knew just how to approach this challenge. He did a quick online check of the Zoles Imperium. The first monarch's name he saw, King Telarian Zulouar, was his target. Primed in his stealth ship, Grak'tona headed straight for the Zoles captain with the throne set in his sights. He was going to crash land in, challenge Telarian Zulouar - or whatever king he saw - to a duel, and he was going to win. Grak'tona growled his teeth and rubbed his hands together, as his ship was flying straight down into the capital, prepared to crash into the roof. He didn't really care what happened to his ship. Of course, there were several things he hadn't considered. Firstly, how he was going to get back home, and secondly, whether or not King Telarian Zulouar was still alive. He wasn't.
It was night time at the capital. Grak'tona's ship crashed, and he jumped out and through the roof of the throne room. He met Queen Aldaren inside, and jumped out.
- Aldaren - Who dares interrupt my beauty sleep?!
- Grak'tona - IM HEER TA KILL KING TELARIAN ZULOUAR AN TAEK HIS CROWN. WHER IS HE
- Aldaren - Oh, you Loron have no manners. Or brains. Get out!
Aldaren yelled out for her guards to appear, while reaching out beside her to grab her boxes of makeup, and threw them at Grak'tona. He knocked them to the side and growled, then grabbed her by the neck and lifted her out of bed. She screamed in terror, grabbing her purse next to her and hitting him with it.
- Graktona - WHERE IS HE
- Aldaren - Not, here, you buffoon! GET OFF ME!
- Grak'tona - WELL NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DO YA FINK IM BLIND
- Aldaren - Get off! Get off! Get off, get off, get OFF!
- Grak'tona - look i eint gonna kill ya. well its temptin but i eint. if ya tell me wher he is ill let ya go
- Aldaren - He's DEAD, you fool!
Grak'tona gasped dropped Aldaren and stepped back. She fell to the floor, and struggled to get up.
- Aldaren - Ooooh, my aching hip...help me up, will you?
Grak'tona knelt down and lifted her up, then fetched her a stick to lean on.
- Aldaren - Thank you kindly...
- Grak'tona - wat do ya meen hes ded
- Aldaren - King Telarian Zulouar was the first ever Zoles king, our founding father. If you want to find him, good luck, no one's found his tomb, I think.
- Grak'tona - man yoo guys need ta improv ya website. i jus looked at da infobox an he was da first name i saw
- Aldaren - No, you need to improve your sight. Read carefully next time! Kids these days...
- Grak'tona - man if i didnt have standards i wuld so kill yoo rite nao
- Aldaren - Why are you here, anyway? To insult us? You failed if so, honestly. Why would the Loron send only one of you?
Grak'tona stroked his beard for a few minutes, then realised he was stroking his own skin as he had no beard. He pondered for a moment. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to kill this old lady who had been surprisingly kind, and was clearly crippled by him grabbing her. He would need to devise a cunning plan to beat his challenge.
- Grak'tona - yo, yoo got any ketchup?
- Aldaren - You mean the sort they use in pizzas? Sure. I'll fetch some for you.
Aldaren called her butler in the floor below, who delivered some to the room after a few minutes.
- Grak'tona - safe. yoo got a spare crown?
- Aldaren - ...Why?
- Grak'tona - cuz i need it fer dis fing
- Aldaren - Okay, I'll give it to you on one condition.
- Grak'tona - wat
Aldaren got up out of bed and coughed. She pointed to the nail varnish on the desk next to her bed.
- Aldaren - It's been a lovely long time since I've had good nails...can you paint mine?
- Grak'tona - AR YOO STOOPID IM DA KING I DUNT DO STOOPID STOOF LIEK DIS
- Aldaren - Well, do you want the crown?
- Grak'tona - IDIOT I CAN JUS TAKE IT MASELF AN ROB IT AN GO BAK HOME HURHURHUR
- Aldaren - In what ship?
Grak'tona raised his hand and opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again. He sighed, and picked up the nail varnish, and began to paint. Being a Loron, he wasn't that careful, but Grak'tona tried his best. He had to shut his nose, as her feet stank.
- Aldaren - Thank you. Oh, and mind fixing the roof, please?
- Grak'tona - IM NOT FIXIN YA-URGH FINE DEN
- Aldaren - Thank you. That's awfully kind of you. I'll get your ship ready when you're finished.
Back on Da Propa Big Krooza, the other Leedas looked at one another confused.
- Fre'kloar - oi yoo boyz fink grak'tona failed
- Hagto'Zhl - meh. time to promot drizzy?
- Jol'kiar - tbh im fine wiv promotin drizzy but grak'tona is stronga
Grak'tona later arrived, carried by Zoles slaves on a spaceship. They dropped him off in Da Krooza's hangar, and he took the elevator up to the Krooza's command bridge and approached the Leedas again. With them, he brought Aldaren's crown with ketchup squirted on it.
- Grak'tona - I DID IT MAN I KILLED DA ZOLES KING
- Fre'kloar - aww man...i meen oh ok cool
- Jol'kiar - hmm im suspicious
- Hagto'Zhl - meh who cares lets watch tv
- Jol'kiar - eh ok
Hagto'Zhl: 9 Milez Edit
Prove you're better than Zr'Ahgloth.
Zr'Ahgloth being confronted by Hagto'Zhl was not something new. Having just heard about Ray'loth and Thr'aloy's clashes, Zr'Ahgloth took a small force to a Rogue Boyz world. With a few elite UNO troops, all ready to blaze down on the barren world, Zr'Ahgloth arrived at a wooden, shantytown-like village with little civilization. But he did find Hagto'Zhl leaning against the bar, and staring with his eyes narrowed.
- Hagto'Zhl - we meet agen
- Zr'Ahgloth - i wuld say dis will b da last time...but lets b honest man
- Hagto'Zhl - i challenj yoo. lets settle wat we neva settled bak in da fog war. da troo clash of da trooest loronz bein loronly...
- Zr'Ahgloth - hurhurhur imma beet yoo up so bad
Hagto'Zhl's stare stopped.
- Hagto'Zhl - wat i wasnt talkin bout dat
- Zr'Ahgloth - eh
- Hagto'Zhl - nah. a troo clash like da Zr'Ahgloth vs Zr'Ahgloth rap feud. imma rematch yoo.
- Zr'Ahgloth - k
On a Rogue Boyz space station, Zr'Ahgloth and a few UNO Loron arrived in what they knew as "Da Hip Hop Den In Da Middle Of A Space Stashon Stfu I Cant Fink Of A Betta Name". A dark room, full of huge Loron crowds and one stage, where two Loron would go in, and rap battle, and one would leave the stage with his reputation in tact. A DJ would play a beat, and they each had a minute to outdo the other. A Loron presenter arrived, televising the event, and announcing the battlers.
- Presenta - CHIKZ AN GENTLELORONZ. FIRST FINGS FIRST. WHAI AM I IN ALL DA STOOPID ICE CUBE STORIES DATS WRITTEN BY DA SAME PERSON WAT DA HELL
- Crowd - STFU
- Presenta - FINE. INTO DA RING....I MEEN ONTO DA STAGE. DA TWO MOST NOTORIUS LEEDAS. HAGTO'ZHL AN ZR'AHGLOTH!!!!!!!!!
The crowd cheered wildly as they arrived on stage, each covered in bling, and each bringing their own mic. The Presenta then tossed a coin, it was Zr'Ahgloth who won.
- Presenta - ok yoo get ta choose
- Hagto'Zhl - imma let dis losa go first
The crowd gasped. Things were clearly heated. Zr'Ahgloth held the mic up right to his mouth, as the DJ began spinning. He bobbed his head along with the beat, getting a feel for it. The crowd waited in anticipation for Zr'Ahgloth to speak, and then he did:
The crowd bood.
The crowd went wild as the beat end and Zr'Ahgloth dropped the mic and bowed.
- Grak'tona - DATS MAI THRONE
- Fre'kloar - man do yoo fink hagto can do dis
- Jol'kiar - ive been teechin him rap hell be ok
Knowing what he was up against, Hagto'Zhl reluctantly picked up the mic and held it up as his beat began to play.
The crowd stood confused.
The crowd bood, several throwing tomatoes at Hagto'Zhl. About to throw the mic away and admit defeat, instead he turned to his DJ and whispered. Now everyone stood confused. A new beat played. Hagto spoke to the crowd.
- Hagto'Zhl - look...if yoo had...one shot...one opportunity...to sieze everyfin yoo eva wanted...one moment...wuld yoo captur it? nah probably not tbh
And the drums began.
The beat ended prematurely, but the crowd roared wildly regardless.
- Presenta - eh cba to do a vote. hagto'zhl won.
The crowd roared once again, and Hagto'Zhl laughed in Zr'Ahgloth's face, who growled.
- Hagto'Zhl - dis wont be da last time man
Jol'kiar: Da Best Ways Edit
Prove the old ways really are better to a sizable Loron population.
A Loron Massiv Crew was the epitome of Loron military and horde tactics, when many Loron of all sizes and ages joined in gigantic armadas to conquer the universe. When the sedentary wave hit Da Rogue Boyz, most of their Massiv Crooses were stopped on their tracks as the Loron got bored of attacking other worlds and therefore became easy targets for the likes of the Niaka Special Forces. Jol'kiar, the mentor of Da Leedas, hated the laziness of the Massiv Crews and decided to use his trail to make an example for all others. Back in his time, Massiv Crews were the most feared of all Loron, and now they had become jokes. He would not stand for it, and for his trial, he went immediately for the largest active Massiv Crew in order to meet with its Massiv Warboss.
This Massive Croose was led by the Loron called Trol'fanor, an especially strong but yet very young Loron Dakka Boy. As Jol'kiar made his way to them, having travelled all the way to their mothership and slapping his way through his men, he encountered the Warboss himself his homiez lazily sitting around, eating and using electronic devices to send each other videos of what he could identify as slapstick cartoons involving caricatures of Kralgon getting caught in extremely painful situations. As he arrived, the old Loron delivered a punch to the table in the middle of the room, breaking it in half instantly and making all the Boyz around the room shout out in surprise.
- Loron 1 - WOAH WAT
- Jol'kiar - STOOPID LAZY DUMBOS
- Loron 2 - YO YO WAT DA HELL WHO IS YOO... oh snap yor one of da leedas...
- Jol'kiar - YEH IM JOL'KIAR LEEDA OF DA LORONZ. WHICH ONE OF YOO LOTS IS TROL'FANOR
Trol'fanor smirked as he rose from his chair, staring mockingly at Jol'kiar. He was short, skinny and had all sorts of decorations all over his armor, all which appeared extremely obnoxious to the old Loron.
- Trol'fanor - yoooo clique clique swag lil wayne b17 boyz yung money yoooolooooo
- Jol'kiar - STOP DIS OH MY DAYZ
- Trol'fanor - yo yo wats ya issue grandpa??? got lost in da way of da asylum???
- Jol'kiar - BAK IN MA DAY WE RESPECTED OUR ELDAS CUS WE REALIZED DEY CULD SMAK OUR TEEF OFF. BUT YOO OBVIOUSLY NEVA GOT SPANKED IN YA LIFE
- Trol'fanor - so wat da ya want wiv me eh? i dunt accept old mold in ma massiv crew so kindly flip off pls
Furious, Jol'kiar walked over to Trol'fanor and grabbed him by the neck of his armor, lifting him up in the air. The other Loron Boyz all widened their eyes as their boss was caught by the towering Sikka Boy, and they all aimed their pistols at him in response.
- Trol'fanor - HANDS OFF I DUNT WANNA GET YOR DUM
- Jol'kiar - LISSEN TA ME. YOR A MASSIV WARBOSS. YOR SUPPOSED TA TERRORIZE AN KILL ALL DA DUMBOS IN DA OONIVERS. YOR SUPPOSED TA BE AN EXAMPLE FER DA REST OF DA BOYZ, A KILLIN MASHEEN. BUT ALL I SEE IS SUM KID WHO GOT SUM BLING STUKK ON HIS ARMOR AN STARTED CALLIN HIMSELF MASSIV
- Trol'fanor - PSSST. GET OUTTA HEER. IVE KILLED DOZENS OF PLANETS AN MA MASSIV CREW IS DA BEST. YOR OBVIOUSLY JUS JELLY CUS DA LEEDAS IS ALL STUKK IN DA PAST
- Jol'kiar - WAAAAAT?!
Angered, Jol'kiar hurled Trol'fanor forward, making him crash into several pieces of furniture.
- Trol'fanor - OW MAN
- Jol'kiar - ID RATHA BE STUKK IN DA PAST AN BE A LORON DAN BECUM SUM AMATEUR WHO MAKES EVERYUN SHAMED OF BEIN A LORON. LOOK AT YOO LOT. WIV YOR PHONES, YOR GUNZ, YOR INTANET. YOOS ALL JUS BARK AN NO BITE. YOOD MUCH RATHA DECORATE YOR ARMA WIV BLING DAT YOO PROBABLY DIDNT EVEN EARN DAN PAINT IT RED WIV DA BLOOD OF DED DUMBOS. YOOD RATHA STAY UP SAFE FROM A DISTANCE, FIRIN YA LIL POP BLASTA DAN GET CLOSE AN PERSONAL TO A LOSA AN PUNCH HIS FLIPPIN BRAINS OFF. YOOD RATHA LISSEN TO STOOPID MOOSIC MADE BY SUM CHARLATANS DAN MAKE YOR OWN SIK RAP LINES
- Trol'fanor - IT WORKED FER US WHAI CANT YOO TRY SUM???
- Jol'kiar - BECUZ ITS NOT LORONLY. YOR NOT LORON. YOR FLIPPIN GEEKS. IVE BEEN IN A TROO MASSIV CREW BAK WHEN I WUS YOUNG. AN YOO KNOW WHO WAS DA MASSIV WARBOSS?
- Trol'fanor - YA MOMS FAT ASS I BET
- Jol'kiar - NO YA IDIOT. MA WARBOSS... WUS GRATZ'KAOZ
At the mention of the name, all the Loron screamed in terror and jumped back.
- Loron - HE SED DA G-WORD!!!
- Trol'fanor - WATS YA PROBLEM MAN WAT DA HELL YOO DONT JUS MENSHUN HIM LIKE DAT!!!
- Jol'kiar - WELL I DO CUS HE WAS ONCE MA WARBOSS. AN AS EVIL, AWFUL, TERRIBUL AS HE WUS, HE WUS STILL DA BEST MASSIV WARBOSS IN LORON HISTORY. AN YOO WANNA KNO WHAI? BECUS HE FLIPPIN DESTROYED EVERYFIN WHO GOT ON HIS PAFF. HE MURDERED ENTIRE WORLDS, HE ATE ENTIRE POPULASHUNS, HE DESTROYED EVERYFHIN. DATS IS WAT A MASSIV CREW IS SUPPOSED TA BE LIKE. NOT LED BY NERDS WHO SPEND DEYR TIME MUKKIN ABOOT BEIN USELESS LIKE DEYR CHIKZ. BUT LED BY WAR-LOVIN BOYZ WHO WANT TA STOMP DA OONIVERS FLAT
The Loron boyz around the room reflected Jol'kiar's words, and one by one, they let go of their guns and instead began clapping at the older Loron's direction, admired by his words. Trol'fanor looked at them in rage as he took out his own blasta and aimed at Jol'kiar.
- Trol'fanor - STOP CHEERIN DIS OLD GEEZA. IF DA OLD WAYZ IS GON DEN DEY CANT BE DA BEST
- Jol'kiar - DATS BS. DA OLD WAYZ ISNT DA CURRENT WAYZ CUS DA LORONZ BECAME SEPARATED AND CUS OF YOR DAM TEKKNOLOGIES MAKIN EVERYFIN VIRAL
- Trol'fanor - MA NOO WAYZ CAN BEET YOR OLD ONES!!!
- Jol'kiar - JUST TRY AN FIGHT ME YOO LIL DOOCHEBAG
Yelling in anger, Trol'fanor began shooting his blasta at Jol'kiar. However, all he could see was the huge Loron enduring his shots as if they were nothing before he delivered a punch at the young Warboss, breaking several of his teeth and hurling him backwards into the floor. Before he had the chance to fire his gun again, Trol'fanor found his arm squeezed under Jol'kiar's foot as he left him immobilized, and as he looked up, he watched the old Loron take out his shanka from his pocket.
- Jol'kiar - DIS... IS DA ONLY WEPON A LORON NEEDS
- Trol'fanor - ...no man pls im sorry but dunt ruin da faic
- Jol'kiar - yor a flippin disgrace mate. beetin a warboss is hao yoo take his title. an IM DA OFFICIAL BOSS OF DIS MASSIV CREW NAO. I DUNT NEED GUNZ OR FANCY ARMA TA BEET LOSAS CUS I CNA WALK TO TA DEM AN DEVIA DEM A PEEC OF MA MIND
- Trol'fanor - no no no not da faic NOT DA FAIC
Jol'kiar stabbed Trol'fanor's head until he stopped thrashing. The unloronly were not deserving of a second chance. To beg for mercy was something Jol'kiar found disgusting. The Loron around the room were more than convinced as they threw their phones away and took out their shankas, chanting out battle cries at the sight of their now dead Warboss. Jol'kiar was too busy to lead them, as good as that would be, and therefore allowed them to decide who would be the next leader in the old Loron way of doing it: whoever was the last standing in that room would be the next Massiv Warboss.
Fre'kloar: Da One and Only Edit
Hunt Ref'kolar down once and for all.
The creation of Zr'An'Kar, or Kolossus, the Loron'Kikra, were created in an alternate reality created specifically for the Loron to evolve into a demonic state that could make them Kikra of the Corruptus. As such, every Loron had their own Loron'Kikra and later Dark Loron counterpart. Fre'kloar was by no means an exception to this rule.
Ref'kolar was Fre'kloar's own Kikra rival. He was known as "the Laugher", as he was a batshit insane Loron who was incapable of feeling any emotion but immense laughter. Even pain and suffering, of himself and others, would cause him to find some sort of humour in it. As one of the Champions of the Devourer's Chosen, Ref'kolar would eventually fall, like the others, in the Second Borealis Galactic War and become absorbed into the Dominion of the Xhodocto. But he still longed to once again fight and destroy Ref'kolar.
It was now Fre'kloar's turn to get the jump on him. And yet, Fre'kloar had to face Ref'kolar one-on-one, and somehow infiltrate the Dominion. And find out where Ref'kolar even was. Neither were going to be easy for him...Fre'kloar would need to devise a plan so cunning, so unthought of, so genius, and perform it so expertly well that he would be able to get in and out. Cunning was not his strong point. Consulting his Norol advisors, Fre'kloar would have to think of the best way possible to get in and take down his nemesis once and for all...
- Fre'kloar - yo rel'larutina how do i get in man
- Rel'larutina - Just have Brag'klogga teleport you in.
- Fre'kloar - dats a good idea. GOOD FING I FORT OF IT
Fre'kloar approached the rest of the Warbosses.
- Fre'kloar - MAN I GOT AN IDEA OF HOW IM GONNA GET IN FINALLY
- Voa'reak - WAT
- Fre'kloar - IM GONNA HAVE BRAGKLOGGA TELEPORT ME IN
- Brag'klogga - man yor eitha a compleet idiot or jus very brave yanno dat ma powas dunt always work
- Fre'kloar - stfu
Brag'klogga sighed and pulled out his staff. He tried to conjure a spell that would open a portal, and he did open a portal...to a place that clearly wasn't what Fre'kloar was looking for. He opened a portal to the Norol changing rooms.
- Fre'kloar - AR YOO STOOPID
- Brag'klogga - stfu
- Fre'kloar - OH MA DAYZ MAN YOR A NOOB
Brag'klogga closed the portal, then sighed once again. He sat down in Tuolog's typical stance, and attempted to hum a noise similar to that of the Ioketa.
- Fre'kloar - man id say yor a copycat dumbo but dis mite actually work
- Brag'klogga - good luk
A portal opened once again, and peering inside, it was clearly a Dominion world. Fre'kloar stepped inside, but it wasn't the ground his feet landed on. He fell straight into a pit. The portal closed.
- Fre'kloar - oof...dat fall sucked...Brag'klogga...BRAG'KLOGGA DAT WASNT FUNNY MAN
Fre'kloar ran around the outskirts of the pit and slammed on one of the doors. The world was dark, with dark purple clouds looming over the skies. The pit was deserted, full of spewed blood and guts. Fre'kloar kept slamming desparately, freaked out.
- Fre'kloar - MAN SERIUSLY DIS MUST BE SOME SICK PRANK IM NOT JOKIN MAN LET ME OUT
Eventually, the door opened, and he was met with growling and several caged aliens trying to gnore at their cages to get out. Fre'kloar stepped back.
- Fre'kloar - I GET IT MAN I CANT TRUST YA POWAS OK FINE MAN LEMME OUT PLZ...MOMMY...I WANT MA MOMMY...
Fre'kloar sat on the floor and sucked his thumb a little, until a huge Dark Loron walked over and kicked him.
- ??? - WAT AR YOO DOIN HEER MAN
- Fre'kloar - GO AWAY MAN STOOPID BULL-wait wat
Fre'kloar looked again at them, and stood up. He recognised that face, but he'd never seen it in those colours before.
- Fre'kloar - man jol'kiar did yoo get a pallette swap or somethin
- Jol'kiar? - wat im not jol'kiar
- Fre'kloar - ?????
The Dark Loron punched Fre'kloar again.
- ??? - BAK IN MA DAYZ WE WASNT SO RUDE TA PEEPZ MISTAKIN DEM FER DEIR BLU LORON COUNTAPARTZ. MAN TALK ABOUT ROOD RESPECT YA ELDAS
- Fre'kloar - YOR DARK JOL'KIAR DEN
- Raj'liko - MA NAMES RAJ'LIKO. IM DA GUARD ROUND HEER. SPESHULLY CUZ MA PUPIL REF'KOLAR IS HEER
- Fre'kloar - !!!! MAN DAT MEENS BRAGKLOGGAS POWAS ACTUALLY WORKED
- Raj'liko - YOO GOT A LOTTA NERV SHOWIN UP HEER MAN. BUT TRUS ME DIS IS WHER YOR STORY ENDS. IMMA TAKE OVA DA ROGUE BOYZ AN SHOW DEM DA TROO OLD WAYZ. NOT DA FAKE ONES DAT JOL'KIAR TOLD YOO ABOUT. MAN YOR GONNA DAI TRUST ME.
- Fre'kloar - 1V1 ME BRO
- Raj'liko - HURHURHUR. STOOPID UNCIVILIZED DUM KID. YOO DUNT EVEN KNO DA PROPA TRADISHONAL WAY TA START A FITE. IMMA SHOW IT YOO
Raj'liko then pulled up his sleeves and began a staring contest with Fre'kloar.
- Fre'kloar - dats not even tradishon. dats jus a coincidence dat we happen ta always do dat. man yor jus such a fake old guy
- Raj'liko - no one...NO ONE CALLS ME FAKE
Raj'liko charged towards Fre'kloar and rammed him into the wall, holding up up by the neck and punching him in the stomach and face. He was infuriated.
- Fre'kloar - FAKE...PHONY...LOSA
Fre'kloar kneed Raj'liko in the neck and then kicked his stomach, pushing him back. He grabbed Raj'liko's head in a headlock, and then kneed it, before finally kicking his feet and causing him to fall, and jumping on his stomach to try and crush it. Raj'liko just grabbed his feet and threw him off, before then kicking him in the shins and slamming his foot on Fre'kloar's mouth.
- Raj'liko - bak in ma dayz we neva held bak. WE WULD B AS VIOLENT AS POSSIBUL
- Fre'kloar - yo...raj'liko...i realized sumfin
- Raj'liko - WAT
- Fre'kloar - ...YOO RELLY IS A FAKE MAN. JOL'KIAR TOLD ME DA TROO OLD WAYZ DEYZ NUFFIN LIEK DAT. LORON FITEZ WAS MENT TA BE RESPECTFUL AN GOOD AT FITIN. BUT DEYZ MENT TA SHOW RESPECT FER DEIR OPPONENT. YOR JUS MAKIN UP YOR OLD WAYZ ON DA SPOT
- Raj'liko - HOW DO YA KNO DAT JOLKIAR ENT DOIN DA SAME FING
- Fre'kloar - ...yanno...nao dat i fink about it. it dunt make sense. he contradicts himself often man. sometimes he doesnt relly kno wat hes talkin about. i dunt get it honestly
- Raj'liko - see? join us man. join ma side wiv refkolar. togetha we can rule da rogue boyz
- Fre'kloar - ...I ALREDY DO RUN DA ROGUE BOYZ. OH MA DAYZ YOR JUS DISTRACTIN ME MAN. I BET DAT WASNT IN YA OLD WAYZ EITHA
Fre'kloar, in rage, punched Raj'liko's stomach repeatedly until he fell on the floor, and slammed his knee on Raj'liko's mouth.
- Fre'kloar - DAT SHULD SHUT YOO UP
- Raj'liko - ...its alredy ova. jus dunt kno it yet
- Fre'kloar - STFU MAN IN DA OLD DAYZ YOO NEVA BAKED DOWN FROM A FITE. I KNO COS JOLKIAR TOLD ME. HES A WAY BETTA MENTOR DAN YOO. HES DA BIGGEST BRO EVA. YOR JUS A LOSA. ALSO HE FORT DARK GRATZKAOZ AND NORMAL GRATZKAOZ. WHO DID YOO FITE?????
- Raj'liko - ...?????? WAT NO WAY MAN
- Fre'kloar - WE FORT HIM TOGETHA. HE TOOK OVA HIS OLD MASTA. DATS DA LORON WAY. TA TAKE OVA DEIR OLD MENTA AN KILL HIM. ITS FUNNY DAT IM GONNA DO DAT BEFORE REFKOLAR WILL.
- Raj'liko - ...dis is da most embarassin an insultin fing eva. yor makin me moar proud dan refkolar eva did. wat da hell
- Fre'kloar - YEH DATS RITE
- Raj'liko - but my apprentice will be moar powaful dan boff of us. somehow. i dunno.
- Fre'kloar - ADMIT IT DAT JOLKIAR MADE A BETTA APPRENTICE DAN YOO. YOO FREEKIN SUK. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
- Raj'liko - we...will see...about dat...soon...
- Fre'kloar - AN NAO I KILLED YOO I TECHNICALLY FOLLOWED LORON TRADISHON AN KILLED MA MENTOR. DIS MEENS DAT I DIDNT KILL JOLKIAR AN YET I DID...SOMEHOW. OK FINE I ADMIT IM CHEETIN BUT I DUNT CARE. YOO LOST BASICALLY OK STFU
- Raj'liko - ref'kolar...is in da 6th cell...ma keys is in ma pocket. hes gonna mess yoo up. yor ded...
Raj'liko's skull then lay to one side. Out of breath, and energy, he died. Fre'kloar grabbed the keys from his pockets, and went over to the 6th cell.
As Fre'kloar entered the 6th cell, he could see it was extremely dark. Barely lit at all, there was onyl a single red lamp on the ceiling, and he was not able to tell where the walls where. What he could see, though, were what looked like the half-eaten remains of other Dark Loron, their bodies left to rot on the ground as their blood was splattered. The cell door closed behind him and seemingly locked again, and he could hear footsteps in the darkness, as well as a quite familiar giggle.
- Ref'kolar - hurhurhurhur... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! LOOK WHOS HEERS PAYIN ME A VISIT...
- Fre'kloar - REF'KOLAR MAN SHOW YASELF IVE COM TA KILL YAS. FOR DA wats it? fourff time? BUT DIS TIMES PERMANENT
- Ref'kolar - hurhur. no i dunt fink yoo will. hao do yoo liek ma noo hom... its cozy... so cozy... i hav many neighbours... dey chat a lot... "GET ME OFF OF HEER", "I BEG OF YA"... its like da old times bak in da chosen...
- Fre'kloar - ... wat da hell man yoo sound even more messed up i didnt fink dat wus possibul
- Ref'kolar - IM NOT CRAZI... IM NOT CRAZI. HAHAHAHA. NOT CRAZI. IM ONLY... WAITIN. YE DATS IT. WAITIN FER GELTASTRA TA COM BAK AN ACCEPT ME BAK IN DA CHAMPIONS... SHE DIDNT ABANDON ME HEER... SHED NEVA ABANDON ME HEER...
- Fre'kloar - man yor makin me uncomfortabul can yoo jus com heer an fite alredy so i can get off dis dump
- Ref'kolar - NO. SHUT UP. DIS IS ALL YOR FAULT. YOO DID ALL OF DIS. YOO DID IT HURHURHUR YEH YEH YOO DID. IM FEELIN HUNGRY AGEN AN YOR LOOKIN ESPECIALLY TASTY TA ME
- Fre'kloar - ok nao yor jus doin it on purpose ta creep me ou-
Before Fre'kloar could finish his sentence, Ref'kolar emerged from the shadows, cackling maniacally as he sent a flurry of blows at his direction. His clothing was in tatters, his body was visibly scarred and deformed likely due to his former use of entropic energy, and his movements were feral rather than what a Loron would fight like. Instead of punches, he sent claw swipes at Fre'kloar who was forced to back away. It was like he was being attacked by a rabid animal rather than a Loron.
- Fre'kloar - OH MA DAYZ WAT DA HELL YOR NOT REF'KOLAR
- Ref'kolar - AHAHAHAHA DID YA FORGET WAT I LOOK LIKE ALREDY??? ITS NOT BEEN SO LONG...
- Fre'kloar - NO YOO LOOK LIKE SUMFIN I PUKKED OFF MA THROAT ONCE HOLY SHIT LIKE WAT DA HELL IM AKSHULLY SIK ATM
- Ref'kolar - SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!
Sending an arm forward, dark tentacle-like tendrils manifested on Ref'kolar's hand and slammed against Fre'kloar, knocking him into a wall deep in the dark. He still had some entropic energy on him despite having lost his Champion power long ago. Confused and enraged, Fre'kloar took out his shank and charged at his nemesis, delivering slashes at him though none of them appeared to faze him. Instead, he just laughed as he delivered more swipes at Fre'kloar, tearing through his clothing and leaving bleeding scratches across his face.
- Ref'kolar - ta fink i once served as yor warboss... AHAHAHAHA RIDICULOUS
- Fre'kloar - MAN I WISH I WUS FITIN GRATZ RITE NAO. AT LEEST I COULD FLIPPIN HIT HIM EVERY ONCE IN A WHIL
- Ref'kolar - when yor gon mehbeh ill hav a reeson to laff... OH WAIT. I LAFF AT EVERYFFIN ANYWAY. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Fre'kloar growled as he charged at Ref'kolar again, sending his shanka at his head and successfuly stabbing him in his left eyeball. The demented Loron laughed out in pain as he began attacking the area around him in confusion, and Fre'kloar took the opportunity to charge a punch and then send it at his enemy's stomach, with enough strenght to send him down on the floor. Ref'kolar coughed out blood as he slammed his hands on the ground and hoy up on all fours, glaring at Fre'kloar with his single working eye.
- Ref'kolar - HURT ME. HURT ME ALL YA WANT. I FEEL NUFFIN. NUFFIN BUT HUMOUR.
- Fre'kloar - ref'kolar man... im startin t afeel sorry for yas... BUT YOR TOO MUCH OF A DIKHED FER ME TA CARE
Ref'kolar ceased laughing for a moment as he downright roared, his eyes shining in a bright purple as he lunged at Fre'kloar who jumped to the side to evade the blow. Ref'kolar ended up crashing into the wall, and Fre'kloar used the opportunity to wrap his arms around his neck from behind, bringing both of them to the dim light as Ref'kolar thrashed violently, his elongated claws digging into Fre'kloar's skin like needles.
- Fre'kloar - YOR NOT A LORON ANYMOR. YOR A DEEMUN. LESS DAN DAT EVEN. OH MA DAYZ WAT DA HELL MAN
- Ref'kolar - IM GONNA EET YOR EYES AN SPIT ON YOR OPEN WOUNDS. DEN IM GONNA COOK YOR ARMS AN MAKE YOO EET DEM. DEN IM GONNA BREAK YOR LEGS AN TAKE YOO ON A WALK HURHURHURHUR
- Fre'kloar - JUS DAI ALREDY
Fre'kloar began forcing his arms and hands as he made an effort to break Ref'kolar's neck, and soon enough, the sounds of cracking bone were heard as Ref'kolar slowly stopped moving. Fre'kloar sighed as he let go of him... only for Ref'kolar to turn around and deliver another claw swipe at Fre'kloar, sending the Loron boss to the ground screaming. With his neck slightly tilted to the side, Ref'kolar laughed and growled as he was still alive.
- Ref'kolar - i cant dai... not yet... DA DEVOURA STILL LUVS ME. I CANT DAI YET AHAHAHA
Fre'kloar groaned as he got back up, and as he looked at his nemesis, he realized he was not fighting a normal Loron anymore. Ref'kolar had descended into something much worse. And therefore, he had to treat this fight not as a typical Loron one-on-one. He clenched his fists and growled in anger as he charged again, Ref'kolar retaliating by screeching and sending his claws as the two delivered blows to each other. Except this time, Fre'kloar was not holding back. He was never holding back, but now, he was not holding back even more than before.
- Ref'kolar - I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE YOO!!!!!!!
- Fre'kloar - da feelin... is... MUTUAL!!!!
Sending a hand up, Fre'kloar grabbed his shanka from Ref'kolar's eye and proceeded to slash at the other eye, severing it on its entirely and sending Ref'kolar on a frenzy. However, Fre'kloar used the opportunity and delivered a jab right at the half-demon Loron's chest, digging his shanka into where his heart is supposed to be. Ref'kolar's eyes widened as Fre'kloar floored him, and the Loron boss kept forcing the shanka deeper into his flesh as Ref'kolar screamed and laughed in pain.
It would take whole minutes until Ref'kolar began moving slower and more weakely as his heart was jabbed through, and he coughed out blood in large quantities as he turned his head to Fre'kloar's general direction, even if he was blind now.
- Ref'kolar - aaaaggh... yanno... dis... dis is not very funi at all...
And with a final squirm, Ref'kolar died, whatever demonic energies still on his body flowing through the cell as they abandoned him. Fre'kloar was soaked in blood from head to feet, most of his clothing had been ripped apart except for his helmet and robot-jaw, and he looked down on his nemesis' corpse for several moments before stomping on top of it and raising his fists up.
- Fre'kloar - I DID IT! I KILLED REF'KOLAR WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
And so his trial was done... but there was one thing he hadn't thought of.
Brag'klogga had sent him there. But how exactly was he going to get out.
- Fre'kloar - ...dum. i hope deemuns dunt interfere wiv ma cell phone connecshun othawise im screwed
Da Winna Edit
All the Loron had now completed their trials. Somewhat tired, but also feeling a great sense of triumph, each awaited their reward, each preparing bragging speeches for the Geek to explain why they deserved to win their award. It was undeniable that they had done very little for a while, but their energy was definitely restored.
- Fre'kloar - BETWEEN GRATZKAOZ AN REFKOLAR I FINK IVE KILLED BOFF DA MOST INSANE LORONZ EVA. AN TA B HONEST IVE ONLY GOT ONE NEMESIS LEFT AN DATS ZRAHGLOTH. SO GIMME DA AWARD AND WE CAN GO FER HIM NEXT.
- Voa'reak - URM NO??? I WIN DIS. I DID DA FING AN KILLED A BAT KID LIKE I FLIPPIN SQUISHED HIM ALIVE MAN I DESERVE DIS
- Jol'kiar - LOL NOOB I PERSWADED A WHOL FREEKIN MASSIV CREW DAT I WAS IN DA RITE WAT DID YOO DO
- Knar'gank - ahem. i INVADED uno an STOLE from UNOC. ya gotta admit dats propa skill dere
- Brag'klogga - man i dunno whai yoo lot is even talkin. almost all of ya trials i helped wivb by teleportin yas places. dat on its own meens dat my own trial wins
- Rel'larutina - Y'know, for once, I actually understand why you guys are so competitive. But anyway, I clearly won.
- Kal'kuir - I CANT HEER YOO OVA DA SOUND OF DIS NIAKA ROBOT I STOLE
- Hagto'Zhl - oi stfu im da best rappa in da rogue boyz. SOMEONE BATTL ME NAO ILL REK DEM WIV RHYMES
- Zalk'don - man im still full from dat planet pizza. I SURELY WON CMON LADS DAT WAS PURE ART
- Grak'tona - I TOTALLY SUCCEEDED TA DO MY FING
- Drizz'pyrokirk - YOO PROBABLY FORGED YOR TRIAL CUS YOR A COMPULSIV LIYA
- Grak'tona - STFU YOR TRIAL WAS JUS TALKIN YOO DIDNT EVEN SUCCEED IN DOIN ANYFIN
- Naktor'zak - let me ask yoo sumfin. hav yoo eva GOT SO REKT LIKE YOO ALL AR ATM HOOOOOOOOOH I TOTALLY WON MAN!!!!
- Ray'loth - yoo lot gotta shut up an keep low yor gonna scare ma gf
- Kal'kuir - by ma calculashons shes ded
- Ray'loth - YOR JUS JELLY. SHES WIV ME FOREVA NAO
- Rel'larutina - Hoooh-kay, see, I was in the competitive mood but now I'm really not. Geek just tell-
- Fre'kloar - STOOPID FEMINAZI CAPITALIST DOG LOSA
The Geek's mechanical form gazed upon screens which held the results for all the Leedas and Warbosses, and after analyzing it, she turned her visible eye to them and finally gave the response they were waiting for so much.
- Geek - Draw.
- Fre'kloar - WAT DID I TELL YA MAN I WON. FANK YOO FANK FANK FANK YOO SO MUCH YOR SO KIND wait wat do ya meen draw
- Geek - You have all met my expectations. Therefore you are all victors.
- Rel'larutina - ...But surely, you expected all of them to underperform, and me to not underperform, so I won?
- Geek - No. You have all come to a draw. Congratulations, everyone wins.
- Kal'kuir - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH
- Gol'thabex - wats da point if deres no troo award? DIS...DIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!
- Hagto'Zhl - I CANNOT ACCEPT DIS. I DEMAND A RECOUNT
- Jol'kiar - BAK IN MA DAY YOO DIDNT PRANK PEEPZ LIKE DIS MAN DERES A FINE LINE BETWEEN FUNI AN DISTASTEFUL AND YOR A FLIPPIN PRIK
- Kal'kuir - im actually considerin reprogrammin yoo seriusly
- Knar'gank - ...at leest i got kalcedias panties
- Voa'reak - I FINK I MITE AKSHULLY START CRYIN???
- Gol'thabex - well in my canon i won so dis outcome is non canon
Fre'kloar stood up, and then pointed a finger at the Geek's direction.
- Fre'kloar - NO. DIS IS NOT OKAY. SCREW YOO AN SCREW YOR RESULT. IVE BEEN THRU LITERAL HELL AN I DESERVE TA WIN. IM NOT EQUAL TO DEM. YOR GONNA RESPECT ME AS YOR BOSS!!!!!
- Geek - If you want so much respect then why don't you prove yourself as the best?
- Fre'kloar - ...YES DATS WAT IM GONNA DO. IM GONNA STOMP DIS WHOL GALACSI FLAT IF I MUST BUT IM DA WINNA OF DESE TRIALS. DA ROGUE BOYZ WILL BE ACTIV AN WILL KILL ALL DA DUMBOS EVA AGEN
- Jol'kiar - (i still won tho)
- Fre'kloar - ALL OF YOO. WES DOIN DIS. LETS PROVE DIS STOOPID GEEK WHOS DA BEST EVA.
- Rel'larutina - Say, Geek, one question...
- Geek - Go ahead. They're too angry to notice you talking at all.
- Rel'larutina - We all won, right? So what's our reward?
- Geek - No one won. If anyone won here, it was me. And don't take me wrong, you were exceptional in your challenge, but them? Stealing a girl's panties? Venturing by oneself in the most dangerous empire of the Gigaquadrant? Cooking pizza with a nuke? They are all ridiculous to say the least. I want them to stop slacking and return to activity, and I succeeded at that.
- Rel'larutina - Oooh, I like it. So they're too distracted to even notice that they received no reward?
- Geek - Yes. They will be too busy returning this empire to its fetid, brutish, barbaric glory to notice this was all a play. The only way to make these idiots learn is by fooling them.
- Rel'larutina - Well, I gotta say I like it. I wonder if we should do these regularly? I quite enjoyed mine.
- Geek - Perhaps. Some Loron boyz who watched them do their trials have talked among themselves to do their own competitions. I believe an event akin to olympics would be sufficient.
- Rel'larutina - My thoughts too. Anyway, let's wait until they start a Massiv Crew. In the meantime, we can go sneak off and play chess or something.
- Geek - Gladly. Let's do so while I invent a trap for Kal'kuir. I just want to see that simpleton try and get his grubby hands on me.