SporeWiki
Advertisement
Dancewithdevil Icon.png Da Dethzone is a Historical Event
"Da Dethzone" is considered a historical event or a completed fiction within the SporeWiki Fiction Universe. You must ask its original creator if you wish to add any additional stories.

AN DEY RUN WEN DA SUN COMES UP... WIV DEIR LIVES ON DA LINE!!! ALIIIIIIIIIIIVE

- Flo'Sikka

The reality TV show known as Da Dethzone was a tournament held in honor of Zr'Ahgloth, who was deceased at the end of Time's Terminus. In his will, he wished to have the highest-rated reality TV show ever made in his name, with all the universe's most famous and notorious Loron competing against one another for survival.

As Da Rogue Boyz were caught up in the mess, and decades-long friendships were torn apart in minutes, time would tell who would be victorious, and who would survive...

The Tournament[]

Nearly a month after the events of Time's Terminus, the Rogue Leedas were back to roaming the dimensions in Da Propa Big Rogue Krooza. Having come back from a victory against another extradimensional demon, the Rogue Boyz got together for their usual post-battle pizza huddle.

After receiving a transmission from another universe, Fre'kloar rose to his feet, before Grak'tona grappled him and tossed him to the floor.

  • Grak'tona - MAN IM SIK OF FREKLOAR ALWAYS BEIN DA ONE TO START DA STORIES. IM GONNA BE DA ONE TA START DIS ONE. IM OUTRAGED ABOUT SOMFIN VAGUE AN NOT SPECIFIC AN YOR ALL GONNA HEER ME OUT
  • Hagto'Zhl - OR I CULD JUS CHOKEHOLD YA TIL YA PASS OUT AGEN
  • Grak'tona - point taken. alrite go on den
  • Hagto'Zhl - ...wait reely? wow ok uhm i didnt fink dis far. OK FINE IMMA DO IT

Hagto'Zhl marched over to the comms panel and patched it through for everyone to listen. The transmission came from someone that they barely recognized until they heard him speak. Thr'aloy, formerly a Commando of the Unified Nation of Ottzello, had clearly gone through several transformations since retiring from the force. Though he now once again wore the orange metal skin they recognized from him before, he now appeared more heavily-armored. At the sight of him, Ray'loth grumbled under his breath; he had hoped to never see him again.

  • Thr'aloy - GREETINS MORONZ
  • Hagto'Zhl - MAN LOOK AT DIS TALKIN ORANGE. WAT DA HELL IS DIS???
  • Ray'loth - DATS DAT UNO/URO/UZO GEEZA WHO PRETENDS TA BE ME
  • Hagto'Zhl - OH YEAH. TBH I FORGOT HE EXISTED
  • Thr'aloy - YES ITS ME THRALOY OF DA UNION REPUBLIC OF OTTZELLO WIV AN OFFA FOR YOO. AS YOO MAY RECALL, DA PROPA BIG BOSS ZR'AHGLOTH TRAGICALLY DIED IN DA LAST WAR YOO WAS IN AN I WASNT
  • Fre'kloar - YEH SPEEKIN OF WHICH. WHERE DA HELL WAS YOO??? REELY COULDVE USED YA HAND BAK DEN IDIOT
  • Thr'aloy - I WAS ON AN IMPORTANT MISSHON. I WAS STUK ON A MINIATURE GOLF COURSE DAT LASTED SIX WEEKS. WHICH TBH YOO SHULDVE KNOWN ABOUT
  • Kal'kuir - oh man i remmeba dat course. WHAI IS DA HOLES SO SMALL? ridiculous
  • Thr'aloy - nah jus kiddin i was akshully tryin ta serch fer da noo replacement fer zrahgloth. plus i was retired. ANYWAYZ HEERS WAT I MENT TA CALL YA ABOUT

As he spoke, a large holographic card, resembling a birthday card, appeared before them, with some fireworks appearing from it as it opened and played happy music.

  • Thr'aloy - YOR ALL INVITED TO DA FUNERAL PARTY IN ZRAHGLOTHS HONOR!!! ZRAHGLOTHS WILL SED HE WANTED AFTA HIS DETH TA HOST DA BIGGEST PIZZA PARTY IN ALL DA LORONZ HISTORY WIV ALL DA SIKKEST LORONZ EVA INVITED TO ATTEND!!!!
  • Jol'kiar - BAK IN MA DAY WE INVITED GEEZAS FER OUR BIRFDAYS BY SHOVIN DA CARD UP DEIR FACES. tbh it was annoyin bak den not sur whai dey did dat
  • Fre'kloar - a funeral party eh? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm is dere gonna be pizza??
  • Thr'aloy - YES DERES GONNA BE DA BEST PIZZA DAT URO EVA HAD. PLUS A BUNCH OF GRAKTONAS ROYAL PIZZA. AN ALSO ALT-RELLARUTINAS PIZZA DAT WE FORCED HER TA MAKE AFTA DA LAST WAR
  • Rel'larutina - Hell no.

Rel'larutina, who was sitting on a chair and sipping from a soda can, eyed the hologram suspiciously.

  • Rel'larutina - Why the hell would Zr'Ahgloth invite his greatest enemies to a "funeral party"? Your story doesn't add up.
  • Thr'aloy - HE WANTED ALL DA LORONZ TO ATTEND. FED'KOPPA AN DA GRUMBLIN GUY AR GOIN TOO. tho Mad'Hatta wasnt available
  • Hagto'Zhl - grumblin who nao?
  • Gol'thabex - oh i kno dat geeza i worked wiv him a few times. propa funni bloke
  • Fre'kloar - WELL I SAY WE WAS KINDA-SORTA-MOR-OR-LESS OKAY WIV ZRAHGLOTH BEFOR HE GOT EETEN ALIV??? SO HE PROBS DIDNT HATE US ANYMOR???? SO ITS NOFFIN TO WORRY BOUT????
  • Da Propa Big Rogue Geek - The probability of Zr'Ahgloth not harboring any resentment to you on his deathbed is at least 17%. Or, as Kal'kuir would say: "over a dozen."
  • Kal'kuir - ooooh dats not gud guys da statistics isnt on our side
  • Hagto'Zhl - SOUNDS LIKE GEEKY GARBAJ SO I SAY WE ACCEPT DA OFFA
  • Grak'tona - NO ONE ASKED YOO YA UGLY TWIT. DA KING ACCEPTS ON BEHALF OF DA PROPA BIG GRAK'TONA IMPERIUM OF GRAK'TONA
  • Jol'kiar - SHUT UP YOUNGUN YOR A LIL PRIK. DA WISE MENTA ACCEPT DA OFFA
  • Fre'kloar - URM EXCUSE ME??? NO ONE GONNA ASK MY OPINION ON DIS???
  • Hagto'Zhl - i meen i jus assumed yoo was gonna say yeh so
  • Fre'kloar - well yes lol
  • Rel'larutina - Right. Then I guess I better go call alt-me and her boyfriend so we can plan a way to get us out of this obvious trap.
  • Rogue Geek - I'll cue the transmission right after Thr'aloy is done conning these imbeciles.
  • Thr'aloy - GLAD YOR ALL IN. BRING YA FAVORITE DRINKS AN YA FAVORITE PIZZA CHEFS
  • Fre'kloar - SO BE IT. I BET MA PIZZA TASTES BETTA DAN YORS HURHURHUR

As Thr'aloy left behind the coordinates to the pizza party, which apparently was to take place on Grenzaar, the capital of the Union Republic of Ottzello, two different individuals appeared: Captain Alt-Fre'kloar and Captain Alt-Rel'larutina, who were both presiding over the nearby krooza.

  • Alt-Fre'kloar - Arr! Ye have a new mission fer us?
  • Rel'larutina - Hey, guys. My Loron decided to jump into an obvious trap (again). So I'd appreciate if I could count on you to bail them out.
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Seriously? This is the second time this week!
  • Rel'larutina - Right? I'd be upset if I wasn't so used to it at this point.
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Well, the answer's obviously "yes", of course, but tell us more about this trap. Did Fre'kloar try to sleep with some interdimensional space bimbo again that planted another bomb in the back of his throat?
  • Rel'larutina - Nah. We got invited by Thr'aloy, Zr'Ahgloth's former second-in-command, to a "funeral party". Apparently we were on "Zr'Ahgloth's will".
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Oh thank Volzara, I was worried I was gonna have to open his mouth and get last week's pizza spat at me again.
  • Alt-Fre'kloar - Avast! That be a terrible day!
  • Rel'larutina - Yeah, and since Zr'Ahgloth and this lot were basically arch-enemies for most of their history, I'm pretty sure the only thing Thr'aloy has in mind is to get them all killed. Maybe for revenge, or maybe because he thinks it'd be funny.
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Well... I didn't know your Zr'Ahgloth all that well, but I knew my own. My own was callous and manipulative. He would definitely pull a stunt like that to take his enemies out with him when he died. That said... was your own smart enough for that?
  • Rel'larutina - Not sure about manipulative, but ours is definitely callous. And kind of a psycho. There's a reason Ray'loth acts the way he does.
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Oh, yeah, and our Thr'aloy was killed for trying to harass my secretary. So if he wasn't very bright, I doubt yours is either...
  • Rel'larutina - I couldn't tell you how smart he is, but he was a Commando of URO before they disbanded. So he's nothing to scoff at.
  • Alt-Fre'kloar - Sounds like our alt-timeline counterparts be in trouble! We be on-hand outside the venue fer the party! If anyone asks questions, we'll tell them we're upset we wasn't invited!
  • Rel'larutina - Works for me. I'll leave you informed.
  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Good luck. I'll pull the ship up a few hours after you arrive.

The transmission closed, and Rel'larutina turned to find Fre'kloar and the others gleefully setting course for Grenzaar.


The Rogue Loron parked the Krooza in orbit above Grenzaar, and were taken down in a large space limo. When they arrived, they appeared in a fancy luxury resort restaurant that was clearly reserved only for the wealthiest of guests, and taken to an enormous venue in a fancy restaurant where they were shown to their seats.

Each of the tables had a very specific seating plan, with four tables of three, and one table of four. Fre'kloar was sat alongside Drizz'pyrokirk and Naktor'zak; Hagto'Zhl was sat with Gol'thabex and Kal'kuir; Jol'kiar was sat with Ray'loth and Brag'klogga; Grak'tona was sat beside Voa'reak and Zalk'don; and the final table was reserved for Fed'koppa. Fed'koppa sat with Knar'gank and Traz'raka of Da Rogue Boyz, along with Kunni'ghan, a Loron criminal who the Rogue Boyz only knew as "the grumble guy." Being a member of the Penumbra Unit, Fed'koppa practically fumed with rage at the sight of the people sitting close to him.

  • Fed'koppa - WHAI DA HELL AM I EVEN HEER? I NEVA EVEN MET ZRAHGLOTH
  • Traz'raka - man yor gonna sit me nex to DIS FRIKKIN COP??? YO CHEEF YOO BETTA WATCH OUT. I GOT GOONS ALL OVA DA PLACE WIV A TARGET ON YOR BAK
  • Kunni'ghan - GRRRRR GRUMBLBML
  • Knar'gank - yeh i concur
  • Fed'koppa - LISSEN DA ONLY REESUN I DONT THRO ALL YOR ASSES IN JAIL IS... AKSHULLY I DONT KNO. SO DONT TEST MA PATIENCE KIDDO
  • Traz'raka - YOO AINT TESTIN MY PATIENCE. BUT YOR TESTIN LIL HOMIE'S PATIENCE. DONT MAKE HIM SHOOT YOO UP
  • Kunni'ghan - grumble grumble?
  • Knar'gank - nah i dont fink we could thro him dat far
  • Traz'raka - wait yoo can undastand dis geeza???
  • Knar'gank - ya cant????
  • Traz'raka - nah mate i neva took grumble class in high school. seemed borin
  • Knar'gank - hur well ya shuld given dis guys like one of da highest membas of soltako armed military
  • Fed'koppa - DATS DA WORST PART!!!!!!

Meanwhile, on the other tables, things weren't going much more smoothly. Grak'tona's was the first to descend into chaos.

  • Grak'tona - LISSEN WHOEVA DARED TA PUT DA KING IN A SEAT WIVOUT A THRONE AN DEN NOT PUT HIM WIV HIS MOST TRUSTED BODYGUARD DRIZZ'PYROKIRK HAS REELY GOT SOM NERVE??? DO DEY REALIZE DAT DA KING CAN BE ASSASSINATED AT ANY MOMENT BY SOM TRAITAS TO DA CROWN?????
  • Voa'reak - man i dont fink grak likes us
  • Zalk'don - YEH WELL YA KNO WAT I FINK? I FINK YOR CROWN IS A LAME BOOM
  • Grak'tona - AR YOO DIZZY??? I WAS GONNA SAY SOM NONSENSE LIKE "NAH DA KING LOVES ALL HIS SUBJEKTS" BUT NOW I DONT FINK YA DESERV DAT RESPEKT. AFTA DIS PARTY IM CALLIN FOR YOR BEHEDIN
  • Zalk'don - MAN GET OUTTA HEER. YOR DA KING??? WELL I NEVA VOTED FOR YA
  • Grak'tona - DATS NOT HOW KINGS WORK AAAAAAAAAAAH

And over on Hagto'Zhl's table...

  • Hagto'Zhl - YOO GOTTA BE KIDDIN ME. DEY PUT ME NEX TO A FLIPPIN GEEK WIV A COMPUTA FOR HIS WIFE AN NEX TO DA MERC GEEZA DAT BARELY KNOS WAT IT EVEN IS TA BE A LORON??? MAN WHERS RAYLOTH WEN YA NEED HIM
  • Gol'thabex - oh dats hao it is den? i thought we worked fine togetha bak in da insurrekshon but i guess NOT DEN
  • Kal'kuir - DONT TALK SHIT BOUT MA WIFE OK SHE CAN ZAP YAS
  • Hagto'Zhl - YEH WELL BOF OF YOOS AR A DISGRACE TO DA LORONZ. YOR LUKY DAT DA OTHA LEEDAS OUTVOTED ME EVRY TIME I WANTED YA REMOOVED COZ OTHAWISE YOO WULDNT BE STANDIN ON SOLID GROUND
  • Gol'thabex - YA WANNA SLAP??? OR MAYBE I SHULD JUS TAKE MA AXES AND SCALP YA, YA EMO IDIOT
  • Hagto'Zhl - COM SAY DAT TO MA FACE YA LIL TWERP

Though less chaotic, Fre'kloar's table was still extremely tense. After he sat alongside Drizz'pyrokirk and Naktor'zak, the three of them sat in a completely awkward silence, having never spoke to one another much before at all. Until Fre'kloar decided to break the silence by addressing Drizz'pyrokirk.

  • Fre'kloar - so, urm... yoo work out?
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - uh, yeh. i been doin it for a whil nao
  • Fre'kloar - dats cool
  • Naktor'zak - im in a tank
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ...HAO DA HELL DID YA FIT THROO DA DOOR??????
  • Naktor'zak - hologram lol
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - oh ok fair enuff
  • Naktor'zak - howeva i shuld inform yoo dat ive neva been to any of yor spin class sesshons. coz yknow. im in a tank
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - rite well remind me ta figure somfin out for ya when wes bak home. YOO GOTTA TRAIN
  • Fre'kloar - heer we go agen...

Funnily enough, the most peaceful table was presided over by Jol'kiar. As soon as they sat down, Brag'klogga immediately began opening with bogus tales about Zr'An and K'ar.

  • Brag'klogga - ...SO DEN ZR'AN AN K'AR SED TO DA CHIK, "WHAI DA HELL DIDNT YOO WORSHIP DA BEST GODZ EVA BY BAKIN A GIANT PIZZA ON MONDAY???" AN SHE SED "BECUZ I THOUGHT IT WAS TUESDAY PLZ DONT GET ANGRY", AN DEN DEY SMITED HER WIV DA WRATH OF DA FOOT OF ZR'AN (OR WAS IT K'AR?) AN DEN DATS DA STORY OF HOW WE STARTED COOKIN PIZZA AT 5:15 ON A TUESDAY AFTA DA ONE ON MONDAY MORNIN
  • Jol'kiar - hmmmmmmmmmm makes sense to me tbh
  • Ray'loth - i meen yeh its not like i can argue
  • Brag'klogga - BOFF OF YOOS IS UNGRATEFUL TWITS YOR NOT EVEN LISSENIN TA ME
  • Jol'kiar - uhh sure we is. whai dont uh, ya tell us anotha tale?
  • Brag'klogga - SOUNDS SIK. I CAN TELL YA DA TALE OF HOW WE STARTED COOKIN PIZZA AT 5:15 ON A TUESDAY AFTA DA ONE ON MONDAY MORNIN
  • Ray'loth - yeh... sounds gud ta me... yawn

Partway through their conversations, Thr'aloy stepped up to take a microphone from the stage at the back of the room and yelled into it.

  • Thr'aloy - EVRYUN CALM DOWN AN LISSEN GOOD
  • Fre'kloar - ABOUT FLIPPIN TIME WHERE DA HELL WAS YOO???
  • Thr'aloy - SO I WANTED TA BEET MA RECORD SCOR ON DA MINIATURE GOLF COURS BUT DEN DA BALLS DIDNT FIT IN DA HOLES PROPA AN I GOT MAD AN RAGEQUIT TA COM BAK HEER
  • Kunni'ghan - GRRRRR GRUMBLE GRUMBLR GRUMBL
  • Knar'gank - man ya cant say dat dis is a family friendly story
  • Thr'aloy - LORONZ ACROSS DA OONIVERS. I COM WIV GLAD TIDINGS TA PROPOS A TOAST IN HONOR OF ZR'AHGLOTH, DA GREATEST LORON WHO EVA LIVED
  • Grak'tona - urm i fink dis shuld be a toast fer ME????? DA GREATEST LORON KING WHO EVA LIVED
  • Thr'aloy - yeh yeh hold yor questons till da end. FER NOW I PRESENT A HOLOGRAM OF ZRAHGLOTH RECORDED BEFOR HIS DETH!!!!

The room's lights turned off as a large hologram of Zr'Ahgloth appeared, his voice booming around the room. Zr'Ahgloth's message had been pre-recorded, but he had clearly not planned well based on how it opened:

  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - ...AN CLEEN DA DISHES NEX TIME WILL YA? I DONT WANNA HAV ANOTHA PIZZA WIV THRALOYS SALIVA OVA DA BOTTOM OF IT. oh rite da message. ahem.

Zr'Ahgloth seemed to perform a heroic pose just as he spoke.

  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - IF YOR WATCHIN DIS DEN I MUST BE DED. I HOPE DAT MY DETH WAS DA SIKKEST DETH EVA
  • Fre'kloar - YOO GOT EETEN BY CORRUPTUS LIKE A LOSA
  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - IM SURE ALL OF YOO AR CELEBRATIN MA BRILLIANT LIFE AS DA SIKKEST LORON WHO EVA LIVED
  • Jol'kiar - YOO SUKED AN RUINED EVRYFIN DA LORONZ EVA STOOD FOR
  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - AN SO IN DETH, I WANNA CELEBRATE YOR LIVES, DA LIVES OF DA BEST LORONZ!!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - I WAS BETTA DAN YOO, COPYCAT DUMBO
  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - FIRST OF ALL, I DEMAND DAT YOO SUMMON DA GODZ TA SAY A SPEECH IN MA HONOR. AN I MEEN ALL DA GODZ, EVEN DA FAKE ONES LIKE ZR'AN AND K'AR

The recording paused, and Thr'aloy looked around a little awkwardly.

  • Thr'aloy - urm tbh i dont fink zrahgloth planned dat Tuolog wuld be ded too lol. so idk how ta summon him

As the rest groaned angrily, a bright light shone in the middle of the room, and the Taldar Elder, known to the Loron as the god Roz'Tah'Flok, appeared.

  • Taldar Elder - Why, hello there, old chums! Yes, it's me! Your friendly Taldar Elder! Formerly known as Tuolog when I was a third dimensional mortal, mind you!
  • Fre'kloar - ...wait wat?????? i fink we missed a memo heer
  • Brag'klogga - FALSE GOD DIS DAYZ COMIN!!!!!!!
  • Taldar Elder - Ah, yes, old chums! The man you knew me as, Tuolog, became the Taldar Elder after I had finished my work in the mortal realm! The Taldar Elder, or as you may know him...
  • Brag'klogga - SO MA STINKY OLD MAN NEMESIS BECAME DA WORST GOD??? NO WONDA I HATED HIM

The Taldar Elder changed his form to that of Roz'Tah'Flok.

  • Taldar Elder - DA BEST GOD EVA AN DA CREATA OF DA LORONZ
  • Brag'klogga - LIES AND SLANDA. I BANISH YOO!!!!! BEGONE!!!!
  • Kunni'ghan - uhh grumb grumble?
  • Knar'gank - yeh man dey is all so loud it hurts ma ears too
  • Taldar Elder - ZRAHGLOTH WAS A PROPA SIK GEEZA AN MA BEST EVA WORSHIPPA (YOO CULD ALL STAND TA LERN A FING OR TWO FRUM HIM). HE WAS DA SIKKEST LORON DAT EVA LIVED AN FOUGHT DA BEST BATTLES EVA, INCLUDIN AGENST DA XHODDIE BOYZ IN WHICH HE WON. PRAISE ZRAHGLOTHS LIFE. AN IM HAPPY TA TOAST IN HIS HONOR
  • Brag'klogga - I SUMMON DA TROO GODZ TA BANISH YA BAK TO DA LOSA REALM

Brag'klogga chanted something incomprehensible, and the Taldar Elder's light was clashed by darkness as Zr'An and K'ar, the twin godz of war, were summoned. Each posed arrogantly and pointed a finger at them all.

  • Zr'An - ZRAHGLOTH WAS A FAILURE AN IT WILL FOLLOW HIM TO DA GRAVE
  • K'ar - HE WAS NO GANGSTA. HE WAS A SLAVE
  • Zr'An - HE DOOMED DA LORONZ INTO BECOMIN PANSIES
  • K'ar - ALSO HIS HAT WAS STOOPID AN HIS MOM LOOKED LANKY
  • Zr'An - NO LANKINESS!!!!! BE FIT!!!!! LIFT WEIGHTS!!!!!!
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DATS WAT I KEEP TELLIN DESE DUM SODS
  • Taldar Elder - FALSE GODZ OF DA LORONZ, I AM UNIMPRESSED. ALL DA TROO LORONZ KNO DAT ONLY IM DA BEST
  • Zr'An - ROZ MAN YOR HAVIN A LAFF
  • K'ar - YA WANNA HAV A GO???? WES GONNA BEET YA UP
  • Taldar Elder - MAN WASNT YA SUPPOSED TA CHANGE OTTZELLOS DIAPAS BY NOW??? SMH
  • Zr'An - HAO DARE YAS
  • K'ar - WES NO BABYSITTAS GO DO DAT YASELF UGH
  • Taldar Elder - WELL EITHA WAY YOO SHULD PROBS INTRODUC DESE LORON TO DA TOURNAMENT. DA ONE DAT MY LORONZ WILL WIN
  • Zr'An - PFFFT. RITE
  • K'ar - OI IDIOTS. WIN DIS FER ZR'AN AND K'AR OR WES GONNA SMASH YA
  • Grak'tona - eh??? wat is da godz on about
  • Fre'kloar - somfin somfin roz'tah'flop SUKS
  • Taldar Elder - YA MOMS DUM
  • Fre'kloar - WANNA- wait even im not dat dum ta pikk a fite wiv a god
  • Taldar Elder - YEH DATS RITE KNO YOR PLACE. ALRITE IM OUTTA HEER COZ IM BORED AN I WANNA GO TA SPACE. PEECE LOSAS

The Taldar Elder vanished, leaving only Zr'An and K'ar behind. They posed arrogantly again in response.

  • Zr'An - IDUNNO WAT DA HELL ALL DIS IS ABOUT TBH
  • K'ar - BUT IM SUR OUR LORONZ WILL WIN DA FING
  • Zr'An - BUT YEH WES LEEVIN TOO CUS WE GOT IDIOTS TA PUNCH
  • K'ar - AND DONT BOTHA US AGEN!!!!

The twin godz then disappeared in a dark flash of energy, until their dark auras vanished.

  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - SO NOW DAT DA GODZ AR FINISHED TALKIN BOUT HOW GREAT I AM, CONTINUIN YOR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMIN OF YOO TALKIN BOUT HOW GREAT I AM. OH BTW DERES A TOURNAMENT YA GOTTA PARTICIPATE IN
  • Hagto'Zhl - HOL UP. TOURNAMENT YA SAY? SHOULDA MENSHONED DAT SOONA
  • Thr'aloy - YEH DERES A TOURNAMENT. ITS CALLED DA DETHZONE. SMH WHY DONT YOO ROGUE LOSAS WATCH REALITY TV
  • Fed'koppa - OI DIS BETTA NOT BE ANYFIN ILLEGAL I SWER
  • Traz'raka - ooh i hope its illegal
  • Thr'aloy - ITS PERFECTLY LEGAL... IN DA LORON PLANETS WHER DERES NO LAWS COZ CRIMES IS ALLOWED
  • Fed'koppa - DARN. FOILED BY LOOPHOLES
  • Thr'aloy - TECHNICALLY LEGAL. DA BEST KIND OF LEGAL
  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - MY BIGGEST WISH IN LIFE WAS TA ONE DAY RIDE A MASSIV UNICORN AROUND ALL OF GROODRUB DROPPIN PIZZA WHEREVA I WENT AN BE NAMED "SANTA CLAWS" FER ONE DAY. BUT BARRIN DAT EVA HAPPENIN, MA REAL BIGGEST WISH WAS TA HOST DA SIKKEST EVA TOURNAMENT DAT DA OONIVERS EVA SAW AN HAV DA HIGHEST TV RATINGS OF ANYON DAT EVA LIVED!!! SO MY FRENDS (AN MOSTLY ENEMIES), I INVITE YOO TO... DA DETHZONE!!!!!
  • Jol'kiar - (ice cube trials is betta)
  • Fre'kloar - wait so zrahgloth gathered us heer for a fancy dinna to invite us ta be part of his stoopid tv show??? dats da whol point of dis???
  • Gol'thabex - is we gettin paid fer dis? i want royalties
  • Hagto'Zhl - SCRATCH DAT MAN. DIS IS STOOPID. I AINT GONNA PLAY NUFFIN FER ZRAHGLOTHS AMUSEMENT
  • Grak'tona - DA KING DECLARES DAT ANY SPORT DAT WASNT HIS IDEA IS ILLEGAL. SO I NOW DECLARE DIS SPORT CANNOT TAKE PLACE ANYMOAR AN I REFUSE TA GRACE IT WIV MY KINGLY PRESENCE. AN WIVOUT ME, DA KING, YOR RATINGS WILL SUK
  • Jol'kiar - BAK IN MA DAYZ... UH... HM. I DONT AKSHULLY HAVE AN ANALOGY BOUT DIS ITS TOO SPECIFIC. TL;DR DIS SUKS I WANT OUT
  • Fre'kloar - tbh im not massivly opposed to da idea of fitin on tv but if ma homies is agenst it??? DEN IM AGENST IT TOO. DAT JUST LEEVS DA COP JAKASS
  • Fed'koppa - YA MOM IS A JAKASS DONT MAKE ME CUFF YA. oh and i dont reely care bout yor stoopid tv show
  • Knar'gank - dis doesnt feel like a challeng worthy of our skills tbh. i say no
  • Brag'klogga - WE HAV BESTED DUMBOS, DEEMUNS AND FALSE GODZ. WAT COULD DIS TOURNAMENT PROVIDE?????? BOREDOM!!!!!!! DIS DAYZ NOT COMIN AT ALL

As the group yelled in protest, Thr'aloy chuckled a little to himself, beneath any of their notices aside from the more perceptive Fed'koppa and Knar'gank. Then he proceeded to the next item on the agenda.

  • Thr'aloy - rip guess dats not happenin. IMAGIN DISRESPECTIN DA WISHES OF A DED MAN
  • Hagto'Zhl - MATE DID YOO REELY EXPECT ME TA GIV A CRAP ABOUT WAT ZRAHGLOTH WANTS
  • Thr'aloy - I EXPECTED YA TA HAV DA SAME DREEM SINCE YA COPY EVRYFIN ELSE HE DOES
  • Hagto'Zhl - NO OF COURS NOT. MA UNICORN HAS BIG BAT WINGS CUS HES COOL AND EEVIL
  • Thr'aloy - oh well NEX ITEM
  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - I IMAGIN EECH OF YOO WAS SUPA SUPA EEGA TA JOIN DA SIKKEST TOURNAMENT IN LORONZ HISTORY SO NOW ID LIKE TA GET TO MA LAST WISH. DAT YOO HAV A TOAST IN MY HONOR WHER YA DRINK AN SAY GOOD FINGS ABOUT ME AN DEN HAV A SIK PIZZA PARTY AFTA, DA BEST IN LORON HISTORY. DA CHIKZ WILL NOW BRING YOR DRINKS

As he spoke, several Norol arrived placing large bottles of champagne by each of the Loron, and then arrived with the largest pizza boxes any of them had ever seen, each placed at the center of their respective tables.

  • Thr'aloy - WES GONNA GO ROUND DA ROOM WIV FINGS TA SAY. ILL START. ZRAHGLOTH WAS DA BEST HOMIE EVA AN DA BEST LORONZ HAD TA OFFA. NOW I DRINK
  • Ray'loth - NAH NAH I GOT A BETTA IDEA. FIRST WE EET ALL YA FOOD. DEN WE ALL BEET YOO UP TIL YOO CRY. DEN WE LAFF AT ZRAHGLOTHS STOOPID FACE AND LEEV
  • Thr'aloy - LOL FINE DEN DISRESPECT DA DED ALL YA WANT I GUESS. JUS KNO YOO WILL LIV WIV DA SHAME TIL YA GRAVES
  • Fre'kloar - OI LADS LETS DRINK DIS CHAMPAGNE AN SPIT AT DA ZRAHGLOTH HOLOGRAM
  • Hagto'Zhl - FINALLY A GUD IDEA

Laughing as they did so, the Rogue Boyz each downed their own bottle before spitting and mocking the hologram of Zr'Ahgloth. Knar'gank and Fed'koppa looked at one another before taking a sip.

  • Knar'gank - somfin seems fishy about dis...
  • Fed'koppa - hm so its not jus me den. dis all seems too... convenient
  • Knar'gank - still tho im kinda thirsty
  • Fed'koppa - if im stukk wiv yoo lot i may as well get drunk as hell tbh

As the two finally drank, Thr'aloy took the stage again and laughed hysterically as he pressed a button, which zapped each of the Loron in the room and then played the next Zr'Ahgloth recording.

  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - HURHURHUR I KNEW DAT YOO UNGRATEFUL SODS WULDNT JOIN DA TOURNAMENT SO I GAVE YAS A LITTEL EXTRA INCENTIVE. IN YOR BOTTLES I PLACED A SLOW-ACTIN POISON AN A BUNCHA NANOMASHEENZ DAT ELECTROCUTE YAS WENEVA YA DONT DO WAT WE SAY. DA ONLY WAY TA SURVIV AN TA GET DA ANTIDOTE IS TA WIN DA TOURNAMENT. YOR ALL SCREWED LOL
  • Fre'kloar - WAT DA AKSUAL HELL???????
  • Hagto'Zhl - COPYCAT DUMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Grak'tona - OH MAN MA STOMACH FEELS WEIRD. WHY DIDNT MA ROYAL SUBJECT DO DA TASTE TESTIN FOR DA KING?????
  • Fed'koppa - yoo... POISONED A MEMBA OF DA PENUMBRA UNIT?!?!?! DIS IS TREESUN TO DA ALLIANCE!!!!!
  • Thr'aloy - YEH?? WAT YOO GONNA DO ABOUT IT... KILL HIM?? OH WAIT. HAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Ray'loth - NO IDIOT. WE KILL YOO

As Ray'loth leapt to his seat to attack Thr'aloy, Thr'aloy gleefully pressed the button once more that zapped him and forced him to fall back to his seat. He had an enormous grin on his face the whole rest of the evening.

  • Thr'aloy - OH MAN I KNEW DIS WAS GONNA BE FUN. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Fre'kloar - SHUT UP. JUS SHUT DA HELL UP ALREDI. MAN WHAI DIDNT ANYON SEE DIS TRAP COMIN?????
  • Kal'kuir - askhully i fink dat rel did but no one was payin attenshon
  • Jol'kiar - MAN i akshully feel a bit bad about it. STILL SUKS
  • Kal'kuir - WELL BY MY CALCULASHONS DA ONLY WAY TA SURVIV NOW IS TA COMPEET IN DIS STOOPID DETHZONE FING
  • Zalk'don - yo does dis meen ma bomz is poisonous nao? sounds sik i culd make som scary warfare wiv dat
  • Naktor'zak - com ta fink of it im not poisoned at all. coz yknow. im in a tank
  • Fre'kloar - SHUT UP YOO TWO. I AM POISONED. AND DATS WAT MATTAS
  • Fed'koppa - MAN I SWER DA COUNCIL WILL HEER OF DIS AND YOR GONNA ROT IN EXILE STASHON FOR DA REST OF YA SORRY LIFE
  • Thr'aloy - YEH ARREST A DED MAN. GOOD LUK MATE
  • Fed'koppa - DO YOO HAV BRAIN DAMAGE????? IM TALKIN TO YOO NOT DA DED GUY

Thr'aloy laughed and then played Zr'Ahgloth's final recording.

  • Zr'Ahgloth (recording) - THOUGHT DAT ID LEEV DA BEST MESSAG TIL LAST AFTA YOO LOT HAV ALL RIOTED AN GOTTEN SUPA MAD. ANYWAYZ YOO AR ALL PLACED IN YOR TEEMS FOR DA TOURNAMENT. YA BEST BE ENTERTAININ AN YA BES BE SIK OR IMMA SPIT ON WHEREVA YOO END UP IN DA AFTALIFE AN MAKE YA AFTALIFE SUK. PEECE OUT LOSAS.
  • Hagto'Zhl - ROT IN HELL COPYCAT DUMBO I BET DA DEEMUNS GOT TUMMY ACHE FROM EETIN YA

As the recording of Zr'Ahgloth ended, Thr'aloy quietly stepped back as soon as Grak'tona made his first interjection:

  • Grak'tona - LISSEN HOMIES. I KNO WES ALL IN A BAD SPOT RITE NOW SO I DECLARE DAT DERES ONLY ONE REEL WAY OUT OF DIS. DA REEL WAY IS FOR DA TOURNAMENT TA HAPPEN BUT I CULD NOT POSSIBLY RAISE MA ARMS AGENST MA FAVORITE ROYAL SUBJEKTS DAT HAV BEEN DERE FER ME FER MA WHOL LIFE. IN ORDA TA GET DA POISON DA LEGIT WAY, DA KING MUS MAKE SACRIFICES FER HIS PEEPZ. SO DA KING MUST TAKE DA SWORD AN DIE IN DA TOURNAMENT SO DAT HIS BOYZ CAN LIV ON
  • Fre'kloar - ...wow. dats da nicest fing ya eva said
  • Grak'tona - no... its da nicest fing YOO eva sed. AS OF TODAY I STEP DOWN AS KING AN APPOINT FREKLOAR. GO KIK HIS ASS AN GET DA ANTIDOTE SO I CAN LIV
  • Fre'kloar - ...MAN SCROO YOO. YOO AND YA STOOPID CROWN AR STOOPID
  • Grak'tona - YA MOM. TEEM GRAKTONA IS GONNA WIN DA TOURNAMENT AN KIK ALL YOR SORRY ASSES!!!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - LISSEN I DONT CARE. ALL I WANT IS A: NO POISON IN ME. AND B: SMASH THR'ALOYS TEEF IN. ANYFIN DAT GETS IN MA WAY IS TOAST
  • Jol'kiar - YEH??? WELL I DONT FINK YOR QUALIFIED TA TAKE CHARG. IN FACT NONE OF YOO YUNGUNS IS QUALIFIED CEPT ME AN FREKLOAR AN TBH I DONT KNO IF I TRUST HIM EITHA. SO IM GONNA WIN DA TOURNAMENT AN GET DA ANTIDOTE
  • Fed'koppa - MAN YOO LOT IS ALL UNRULY AND IRRESPONSIBUL. ONLY DA FORCES OF LAW CAN SAVE DA DAY. IE I WIN DA TOURNAMENT AND GET DA ANTIDOTE AND SMASH TH'ALOYS FACE
  • Grak'tona - DA FORCES OF LAW SAY DA KING IS DA BEST. AN DA KING IS TEMPORARILY NOT ME WHIL FREKLOAR GETS TA TAKE DA SWORD FER ME AN GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS DA NOBLEST SACRIFICIAL LAMB EVA. SO YA BEST SHUT YA MOUTH
  • Fre'kloar - GRAK SHUT YA MOUFF BEFOR I POP A VEIN IM SO MAD RITE NAO
  • Grak'tona - YEH???? IVE BEEN MAD EVA SINCE I BEET YOO UP AN WAS NOBLE ENUFF TA LET YOO JOIN MA CAUSE INSTED OF EXECUT YOO RITE DERE. YOR ALL UNWORTHY OF EVEN LICKIN MA ROYAL BOOTS AN I NEVA SHULD HAV LET ANY OF YA JOIN
  • Hagto'Zhl - OK DATS IT. IM GONNA KILL EVERYUN HEER. cept rayloth ill jus knok him out
  • Ray'loth -gee fanks
  • Fre'kloar - YOO SUK HAGTO. EVA SINCE YOO SHOWED UP YOOV BEEN TRYNA UNDAMINE MY AUTHORITY AN I ONLY EVA LET YOO JOIN COZ I FELT BAD. MAN YOR DA WORST AN YOO OFFEND ME BY REMINDIN ME OF ZRAHGLOTH
  • Hagto'Zhl - YOR HAVIN A LAFF. YOOD BE NOWHERE WITHOUT ME!!!!! ALL OF YOO!!!!
  • Jol'kiar - NON OF YOO WULD BE ANYWHER WIVOUT ME!!!! AN GUESS WAT. OF ALL MY STUDENTS YOOV BEEN DA WORST. AT LEEST GRATZKAOZ BECAME SCARY AN ZRAHGLOTH BECAME DA LORON LEEDA. YOO LOT JUS GOT INTO A BUNCHA STOOPID WARS AN FAILED DEN BECAME SPACE PIRATES
  • Fre'kloar - WOW OK DEN NAO I WISH YOO STAYED DED BAK WHEN I KIKKED YOR ASS!!!!
  • Jol'kiar - AN LOOK HOW FAR YA GOT WEN I WAS DED. YOO BECAME AN EDGELORD EMO WHINA AN DEN ALMOST GOT DA ROGUE BOYZ REKT UNTIL YA CAME BAK BEGGIN FER ME TA SAVE YOO!!!!
  • Fed'koppa - YOR ALL CRIMINAL SCUM. WHEN I WIN DA TOURNAMENT IMMA MOUNT YA HEDS ON MA SHIP
  • Traz'raka - YEH!!!! YOR ALL CRIMINAL SCUM AN HES GONNA MOUNT YA HEDS ON HIS SHIP!!!! TEEM FEDKOPPA IS DA BEST!!!!
  • Kunni'ghan - uhhh-
  • Knar'gank - nah nah dont say anyfin
  • Gol'thabex - WELL I SAY TEEM HAGTO IS DA BEST. FREKLOAR IS A BAD BOSS, JOLKIAR IS OLD AN SENILE, NO ONE CARES WAT GRAK SAYS, AN FEDKOPPA IS A COP. TEEM HAGTO FOR LIFE!!!!
  • Ray'loth - MAN WHAI DID I SIT WIV JOLKIAR AND NOT WIV HAGTO??? I WANNA BE ON HIS TEEM
  • Jol'kiar - DONT WORRY BOUT HAGTO MAN I HERD DAT HE SECRETLY WAS MAD YOO NEVA BECAME AS GOOD A HENCHMAN AS THRALOY. AN HE SED YOR GF SMELLED BAD
  • Ray'loth - WAT???? OK IN DAT CASE IM TEEM JOLKIAR FER NAO ON!!!!
  • Brag'klogga - SO AM I CUS HES OLD LIKE ME AND WE GRANDPAS GOTTA STIKK TOGETHA. or somfin idunno
  • Jol'kiar - WIV DA BEST SHAMAN AN DA BEST WARBOSS ON MY SIDE DERES LITERALLY NO WAY WE CAN LOOS. WES GETTIN DA ANTIDOTE AN YOO LOT CAN CRY ABOUT IT

Drizz'pyrokirk chuckled as he started flexing his muscles.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - well i for one am glad i DIDNT sit wiv graktona. TIRED OF BEIN ASSOCIATED WIV DAT IDIOT. HE NEVA HAD ANY GAINS PLUS HES SUPA ANNOYIN. TEEM FREKLOAR GOOOOO
  • Grak'tona - I ONLY KEPT YOO AROUND ALL DOSE YEERS BECUZ I EXECUTED MA BEST SUBJECT AFTA HE ATE DA ROYAL SLICE OF KINGLY KING PIZZA DAT WASNT FOR HIM. YOOV BEEN A DISAPPOINTMENT EVA SINCE. MY TEEMS DA BEST!!!!
  • Voa'reak - YEH MAN GRAK IS DA REEL KING AN HES INVINCIBRU. NON OF YOO LOT IS LOL
  • Zalk'don - I LIKE GRAK BEST CUS HE HAS A CROWN AND DAT KINDA SORTA LOOKS LIKE MA HELMET. WES HAT HOMIES
  • Naktor'zak - SHUT UP STOOPID BOOM BOY FREKLOAR IS DA BEST HE LET ME HAV DIS TANK (OF WHICH I AM IN BTW). DO ANY OF YOO GET TA BE IN A TANK???? COURS NOT!!!! TEEM FREKLOAR IS SIK
  • Kal'kuir - MA WIFE CULD BUILD A BETTA TANK IF YOO WERENT SUCH A DUMASS ABOUT WANTIN TA STAY IN DAT ONE. YOR TEEM SUKS. ITS ALL ABOUT TEEM HAGTO!!!!
  • Gol'thabex - YEH. TEEM HAGTO IS FOR GANGSTAS WHO TAKE NO CRAP FROM NO ONE. WES DA BEST
  • Knar'gank - somfin still smells fishy about da whol fing...
  • Fed'koppa - WELL I DONT WANNA BE A TEEM WIV CRIMINALS BUT IF I GOTTA DEN I WILL. YOO GUYS BETTA DO AS I SAY OR IMMA BONK YA WIV MA NITESTIK
  • Traz'raka - DA MAFIA APPROVS OF DIS COP. CORRUPT COPS IS BEST COPS
  • Fed'koppa - WAT DA HELL IM NOT CORRUPT-
  • Kunni'ghan - GRUUUUMBLEEEE!!!!!

Seeing the entire party had descended into madness and chaos, Thr'aloy returned to the table with one final announcement.

  • Thr'aloy - A SHUTTLE WILL NOW TAKE YOO IN YOR TEEMS TO YOR QUARTAS ON DA DETHZONE STASHON. TOMORROW YOO PREPARE FER YA FIRST BATTLE. UNFORTUNATELY IM TOLD DAT YOO HAV TA BE TAKEN TO DA MED BAY AN NOT AKSHULLY KILLED IF YOO FAIL ANY OF YOR MISHONS BUT ONCE YOR DERE YOR OUT DA TOURNAMENT. AN YOR ONLY CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WILL BE IF YA TEEM GETS DA ANTIDOTE LOL
  • Voa'reak - so da dethzone has no deth? FALSE ADVERTISIN
  • Thr'aloy - REMEMBA WEN I KIKED YOR ASS IN DA FIRST LORON STORY??? YEH I REMEMBA. YOO WAS ALL "YOR ALWAYS GONNA BE BENEETH ME FEET!!!" DEN I REKT YAS
  • Voa'reak - BRUH I CAME BAK AND KILLED YA PARTNA DONT PRETEND I DIDNT WIN IN DA END
  • Thr'aloy - WELL I FOR ONE HOPE YOO DONT GET DA ANTIDOTE AN YOO DIE IN DA MEDBAY. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Voa'reak - SMH HAO RUDE
  • Fre'kloar - LADS LETS WIN DIS TOURNAMENT. CANT BELEEV DAT I EVA LIKED ANY OF DOSE GEEZAS. WELL I WONT MISS DEM WEN I WIN
  • Jol'kiar - AN I WONT MISS YOO!!! DISAPPOINTMENT!!!!

As the Loron scoffed and left to their various shuttles, their anger at Zr'Ahgloth had mostly subsided in place of an anger toward one another. Having been close friends for several decades, it was much more hurtful than any of them would like to admit to hear just how little their comrades and allies thought of one another, and how easily they turned against each other over the tournament.

Every one of them was determined to win, and to get back at their old friends.

Just before he joined his team in the shuttle to his quarters, Knar'gank opened a small hologram in his hand to contact both Rel'larutinas.

  • Rel'larutina - You called? You're late! What's happening there?
  • Knar'gank - ...well...

Knar'gank recounted all the events to her: the toast, the tournament, the poison, and the huge fallout that led many of them to no longer speak to one another.

  • Alt-Rel'larutina - Volzara's sake...
  • Rel'larutina - I knew it was a trap, but... ugh. Not sure this could be any worse. Keep in touch.
  • Knar'gank - will do

As they headed towards their quarters, they embarked on what would be one of the most heartbreaking and personal battles they have endured.

The Announcer[]

As the shuttles left Grenzaar to transport the groups to their respective quarters on the station where they would be held, the different groups still felt a huge amount of anger and resentment towards one another. Many were disgusted that the leedas they'd known and respected, sometimes grudgingly, for so long had so quickly turned on them. Fre'kloar, in particular, tried to mask how hurt and upset he was by Jol'kiar's words by instead just being furious and angry.

The shuttle journey took them to a space station out in the middle of deep space, far away from Grenzaar and in an unknown corner of the Ottzello Sector. As they were approaching their destination, with Fre'kloar's being the first to arrive, a hologram of a vaguely familiar Loron appeared before them with a message.

  • ??? - SUP TEEM FREKLOAR
  • Fre'kloar - DA HELL DO YA WANT?? IM REELY NOT IN DA MOOD ATM
  • ??? - IM HEER TA GREET DA NOO CHALLENGAS BEFOR I INTRODUC DEM ON DA FEELD. I FORT ID GET TA KNO DA TEEM FIRST
  • Fre'kloar - OK FINE. YOR LOOKIN AT DA BEST TEEM DATS GONNA SMASH ALL DA OTHA STOOPID TEEMS WHOS FULL OF LOSAS
  • ??? - I LIKE DAT ATTITUD. OH AN DO YA HAV ANY SONG REQUESTS WHIL YOR FITIN
  • Fre'kloar - wait we get ta pikk da soundtrak??
  • ??? - well yeh kinda but its only songs by me. OH AN I SHULD MENSHON WHO IS

The hologram of the Loron smiled, revealing many of his golden teeth, as the three members of Fre'kloar's team recognized him: it was the famed Loron rap star, Flo'Sikka. His attire was entirely different, as he wore a black leather jacket with spikes on his shoulders, entirely different from what he normally wore.

  • Flo'Sikka - IM DA BEST LORON MUSICIAN DERE IS. FLOSIKKA
  • Fre'kloar - YOOOOOOOOO FLO'SIKKA???? FOR REEL????
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - OI DOOD I HAV ALL YA ALBUMS I LISSEN TA DEM WHIL ON MA DAILY JOGS
  • Naktor'zak - YEH AND I GOT A BOOMBOX INSIDE MA TANK DAT PLAYS YA TUNES
  • Flo'Sikka - PRESHIATE IT. THO I SHULD MENSHON I DONT RAP ANYMOR LOL
  • Fre'kloar - MAN WHAI NOT??? YOR DA BEST RAPPA EVA
  • Flo'Sikka - well see i WAS but den whil zrahgloth was president i made a diss trak agenst him an it kinda bommed ma career. an afta zrahgloth died all da fans got mad at mecoz dey fort i was disrespektful. so i had ta change genres
  • Fre'kloar - dats lame. so yor part of dis whol challenj fingy nao?
  • Flo'Sikka - im not a challenga maself but im da announca fer da event. ALSO ALL MA NOO MUSIC PLAYS DURIN IT. WANNA HEER A DEMO OF MA NOO SONG???

Before the Loron could even answer, Flo'Sikka pulled out an oversized electric guitar from his jacket and began playing an extremely loud song that could be heard echoing throughout their shuttle.

  • Flo'Sikka - RULES OF NATUR!!!!!!! AN DEY RUN WEN DA SUN COMS UP
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - da hell dis sounds familiar. DID YA REELY MAKE DIS???
  • Flo'Sikka - shhhhhhh
  • Naktor'zak - well wateva da case we get ta lissen ta gud music as we RUN OVA ALL DA DUMBOS
  • Flo'Sikka - nice ok. ONE LAST FING. WAT STATEMENT WULD YOO LIKE TA GIV TO DA PRESS IN RESPONSE TO DA LATEST CHARACTA ATTAK ON FREKLOAR COMIN FROM JOLKIAR?
  • Fre'kloar - YA CAN TELL DEM I DONT NEED DAT OLD FART ANYMOR CUS IM BETTA AND STRONGA DAN HIM AND I BEET HIM UP ONCE AND CAN DO IT AGEN HE BEST NOT TEST MA PATIENCE. IM DA PROPA BIG BOSS ROUND HEER!!!!!
  • Flo'Sikka - OK COOL I CAN RUN WIV DAT. FANKS FER DA EXCLUSIV INTAVIEW AN ILL SEE YOO IN DA ARENA

Flo'Sikka's hologram left, as Fre'kloar's group landed to arrive at their quarters.


Meanwhile, Hagto'Zhl, having just landed on another part of the space station, settled in his own living quarters. The Loron on his team were each given fairly spacious rooms with a large kitchen and lounge area, similar to a luxury apartment, but all had to share one bedroom. The quarters were suspended atop a floating glass platform overlooking the rest of the station below them, where the main arena was located in a sphere at the center.

As Hagto'Zhl and his team had just moved in, they too received a hologram message from Flo'Sikka.

  • Flo'Sikka - SO WAT DO YA MAKE OF DA LIVIN QUARTAS??? I MEEN NOT LIKE YOO HAV MUCH CHOICE COS YOR NOT ALLOWED TA LEEV LOL
  • Hagto'Zhl - YEH KEEP RUBBIN IT AND YOR GONNA WISH ID STAY HEER. ANYWAY IT WORKS
  • Kal'kuir - NOT FAIR MAN MA OWN ROOM ISNT DIS BIG. WHAI CANT I HAV A BIG ROOM???
  • Gol'thabex - yood hav more space if ya didnt keep hoardin a bunch of useless crap in ya room. deres like a mountain of scrap metal yoo NEVA use
  • Kal'kuir - BUT WAT IF I NEED IT LATA????
  • Flo'Sikka - HURHUR GOOD DAT YOO HAV SPACE. KALKUIR CAN HAV ACCESS TO DA LAB ON FLOOR 35 TA MAKE WEPONS IF HE WANTS. ESPESHULLY IF DA CROWD DEMANDS IT. WHICH TBH DEY WILL BECUZ DA ONES YOO BROUGHT DONT LOOK DAT INTERESTIN
  • Kal'kuir - FIRST OF ALL WHAI DIDNT YA TELL ME YOO LOT HAV A LAB???? SECOND SHUT UP MA GUNZ IS DA SIKKEST
  • Flo'Sikka - NORMALLY I WULD WRIT A DISS TRAK AGENST YA FOR DAT BUT I DONT RAP ANYMOR AN I DONT KNO HOW TO MAKE A DISS TRAK WIV ELECTRIC GUITARS LOL
  • Hagto'Zhl - i was always a betta rappa dan yoo anyway lmao
  • Flo'Sikka - man yoo an zrahgloth were both ma worst opponents. AN ZRAHGLOTH RUINED MA CAREER
  • Hagto'Zhl - yeh reel sad. ANYWAY WHEN DO I GET TA BEET DA OTHAS UP TIL DEY CRY ON CAMERA?
  • Flo'Sikka - YOR MATCH COMES STRAIGHT AFTA TEEM JOLKIAR. FIRST OFF I NEED YOO TA GIV A STATEMENT TO DA PRESS ABOUT WHY GRAKTONAS MOMS UGLY
  • Hagto'Zhl - hurhur dat so? ok den. GRAKTONAS MOM WAS A FAT UGLY COW WHO PROBS LET EVERYUN HAV DEIR WAY WIV HER. TOTAL TOWN BYCICLE. ALSO GRAKTONAS A FAT IDIOT AND IM GONNA MAKE SUR TA SMASH HIS CROWN IN FRONT OF HIM BEFOR I KILL HIM
  • Flo'Sikka - WORKS FER ME. AN PLZ REMEMBA TA PUT IN SONG RECOMMENDASHONS BEFOR YA FITE. PEECE
  • Hagto'Zhl - YEH OK. KALKUIR GO TO DA LAB AND MAKE SIK GUNZ. GOL YOO PIKK DA SONG CUS I CBA ATM LMAO
  • Gol'thabex - hur works fer me

As team Jol'kiar settled into their own quarters, they had a very similar living situation to Hagto'Zhl's team, but were on opposite ends of the space station. Already as soon as they had moved in, Brag'klogga had put together a shrine to Zr'An and K'ar with several candles surrounding a small statue of the two godz, where Brag'klogga was rapping about the godz under his breath.

Unnerved by what surrounded him, Ray'loth was twitching. Brag'klogga was deep in his "prayers" to the two gods, while Jol'kiar was sat in silence, still angry at Fre'kloar. Just before Ray'loth was about to speak up, a hologram of Flo'Sikka appeared.

  • Flo'Sikka - AN OVA HEER WE HAV OUR NEX TEEM: TEEM JOLKIAR. AKA DA CRAZI OLD GEEZA TEEM PLUS RAYLOTH FER SOM REESON. SUP PEEPZ
  • Brag'klogga - DONT INTERRUPT DA PRAYAS TO DA GODZ. ZR'AN AND K'AR WILL BLESS DA BEST TEEM AND SHOW EVERYON HAO DA OTHA LORONZ IS A BUNCH OF THIKOS
  • Ray'loth - all dis waitin is KILLIN me. i jus wanna go out dere and SMASH THRALOY INTO PIECES. and da othas too if dey get in ma way
  • Flo'Sikka - DA ONLY GOOD PRAYAS TO DA GODZ AR DA ONES DAT I WROT. shame dat ma gospel music album didnt sell dat well tho
  • Brag'klogga - HERESI. BE SILENT FOR YOO HAV DA DUM IN YOO
  • Jol'kiar - ...lissen jus get dis ova wiv alredi. im not in da mood for conversashon
  • Flo'Sikka - oh?? an why is DAT den

Jol'kiar kept his arms crossed and his eyes closed as he did not move from the spot.

  • Jol'kiar - frekloar lost his way. he turned his bak on tradishon. hes doin everyfin i taught him NOT to do and flauntin it. yoo dont jus say dose fings to ya menta, its jus wrong. i hav ta teech everyun watchin dis tournament dat dis is WRONG. YOO HAV TA RESPEKT YA ELDAS.
  • Flo'Sikka - i feel ya pain. evrytime dese new rappas com out wiv disses agenst me im like "mate??? but yor whol style was stolen from me???" anywayz fanks fer givin a statement to da press. YOR FITE WILL BE ON STRAIGHT AFTA TEEM GRAKTONA
  • Brag'klogga - HE WILL FAIL FOR HE IS NOT BLESSED!!!! HE JUS WEARS A STOOPID CROWN AN CALLS HIMSELF KING??? I NEVA UNDASTOOD DAT
  • Flo'Sikka - WE WILL ASK DAT TO HIM NEX. PEECE OUT LADS

Grak'tona's living quarters were located at the very bottom of the space station, also suspended on a platform separately from anyone else. What was different about his was that his quarters were ice cold. Kept in below freezing conditions specifically for the king, unlike the others, Grak'tona had a throne made of ice for him in his room, which took up most of the space from the other two.

As his other teammates struggled to stay warm in the cold temperatures, Flo'Sikka surprised them by appearing on hologram.

  • Flo'Sikka - NOW WE GET TA TEEM GRAKTONA. DA TEEM WIV DA KING IN IT. SUP LADS
  • Grak'tona - DA KING GREETS YOO. HE IS PLEESED BY YOR ACCOMODASHONS
  • Voa'reak - DIS PLACE SUKS THO?????
  • Zalk'don - WHAI DA HELL IS IT SO COLD IN HEER??? I CANT FEEL MA TOES
  • Flo'Sikka - GRAKTONA WAS DA ONLY ONE DAT PUT IN REQUESTS FER HIS APARTMENT. DA REST OF YOO DIDNT BOTHA
  • Voa'reak - WAT DA HELL I THOUGHT DAT PAPA WAS JUS SOM RANDOM AD
  • Zalk'don - OK FINE DEN. VOA LETS FIND SOM FURNITURE TA SET ON FIRE
  • Grak'tona - STOOPID BODYGUARDS DONT YA SET DA ROYAL ROOM ON FIRE I SWER. MAN DA HELL UP!!!!
  • Flo'Sikka - SPEEKIN OF FIRE, DERES A NEW SONG IN MA ALBUM WRITTEN ABOUT YOO
  • Grak'tona - OH YEH? BEST BE GUD OR ITS OFF WIV YA HED
  • Flo'Sikka - IT GOES "DA UNENLIGHTENED MASSES, DEY CANNOT MAKE DA JUDGEMENT CALL..." AN ITS ABOUT A KING except i called da king arm'strong insted
  • Grak'tona - hmmmm ok i like da themes. WE CAN JUS SAY DAT KING IS ME FLEXIN MA MUSCLES LOL
  • Flo'Sikka - YEH EXACTLY. SPEEKIN OF WHICH YOO WAS RECENTLY TARNISHED IN DA PRESS BY TEEM HAGTO. HE SED A BUNCHA STUFF ABOUT YA MOM. WAT DO YA SAY IN RESPONS

Grak'tona bashed the arms of his throne in anger.

  • Grak'tona - NOBODY SPEEKS OF DA LEGENDARY QUEEN MOTHA OF KING GRAK'TONA LIKE DAT!!! HAGTO IS JUS SOM CREEP WHO USED TA BE MA ROYAL BODYGUARD BUT AFTA HE HAD DA NERVE OF DISSIN ME HE HAS BEEN FIRED. EVERYON WHOS NOT PART OF MA TEEM IS A LOSA FORMA BODYGUARD WHO WAS NEVA AKSHULLY USEFUL I JUS KEPT DEM AROUND OUT DA GUDNESS OF MA HEART CUS IM SO EMPATHIC. BUT DISRESPEKT DA KING AND ITS OFF WIV YA HED!!!!!
  • Flo'Sikka - GOOD RESPONSE MATE. YOO AR ON IN DA NEX FITE. I WISH YA LUK MAN
  • Grak'tona - DIS VICTORYS ALREDI IN DA BAG. EVERYUN WILL WATCH DA KING FLEX ON DA PESANTS

Fed'koppa's living quarters were also located at the bottom of the station, though these were the most plain of all. Fed'koppa immediately made the place his home by taking up all space on the desk in the living room, filling it with paperwork and documents for his typical police duties. Meanwhile, Traz'raka made use of his own desk in the bedroom and used it to count his money.

Knar'gank and Kunni'ghan, on the other hand, were bonding on the coach as they began telling one another stories of their lives of crime. This irritated Fed'koppa all throughout, but he nonetheless kept going through his files inquisitively. Midway through, Flo'Sikka appeared on hologram.

  • Flo'Sikka - DA EVIL COP TEEM IS UP NEX!!!! SUP LADS
  • Fed'koppa - WHO IS YOO CALLIN EVIL????? IM A PENUMBRAN YA IDIOT. A SERVANT OF DA COUNCIL
  • Flo'Sikka - AN DEYZ NOT GONNA SAVE YOO LOL. YOR LIKE A MILLION MILES FRUM HYPABOREA
  • Fed'koppa - YA FINK IM SCARED OF SOM TRYHARDS GOIN AT ME WIV SOM STOOPID GAMES? IVE BEEN THRU ALL SORTS OF MISHONS DIS IS NOFFIN
  • Flo'Sikka - MAN DAT AKSHULLY SOUNDS KINDA SIK. I USED TA WRITE RAPS DISSIN DA COPS BUT UPON MEETIN ONE YOR KINDA IMPRESSIV
  • Fed'koppa - IM DA BEST OF DA BEST. I WAS DERE WHEN WE KILLED DA MONSTA LEEDIN DA CREEPY PLANTS. AND I WAS DERE WHEN WE KILLED DA GIANT SNEK CULTIST BOSS. IM A PRO WAR VETERAN
  • Flo'Sikka - WATS IT LIKE WORKIN WIV DA CRIMINALS DAT YOO FORMALY WANTED BEHIND BARS
  • Fed'koppa - WHO SEZ I STOPPED WANTIN IT??? ONCE IM OUT OF HEER YOR ALL UNDA ARREST
  • Flo'Sikka - NICE OK. ANYWAYZ I DUNNO IF YOO HERD DA NOOS BUT HAGTOZHL JUS RELEESED A STATEMENT ABOUT HOW YA MOMS UGLY AN YA DAD STINKS. WAT DO YOO SAY IN RESPONS

Fed'koppa's eyes narrowed for a moment, before he rose from his seat, pointing a finger at the hologram of Flo'Sikka.

  • Fed'koppa - I FINK HAGTOZHL IS STILL A PAWN TO WATEVA DISGUSTIN CORRUPTUS DEEMUN SPAWNED HIM AND DAT HIM AND HIS ILK SHULD ALL BE EXECUTED. DEYZ A BLIGHT TO DA OONIVERS
  • Flo'Sikka - AGREED. AS DA ONE WHO WROTE DA RAP ABOUT HOW DA CORRUPTUS IS UGLY LOSAS I HATE DEM TOO. FANKS FER YA TIME AN YOR DA LAST TEEM TONITE
  • Fed'koppa - FINE WATEVA LEMME WORK

As Flo'Sikka's hologram disappeared, Fed'koppa resumed his detective work, with the others looking at him curiously. Traz'raka eventually pulled himself away from his desk to approach Fed'koppa with a question:

  • Traz'raka - i meen i kno yoo hate da corruptus but like??? yoo dont even kno hagtozhl

Fed'koppa simply rose a finger, as if gesturing Traz'raka to be quiet as he suspiciously eyed the room from side to side, until he finally responded.

  • Fed'koppa - i jus sed wat he wanted ta heer. i dont AKSHULLY meen wat i said (ok maybe i do a bit but dats not important)
  • Kunni'ghan - grumble grumble GRUMBLE?
  • Knar'gank - yeh i feel da same way. somfin weirds goin on heer
  • Fed'koppa - dis is a setup. a trap of som kind. its not da first time i investigate somfin like dis: yoo got a mouff piece gettin yoo ta say stoof yoo dont want othas ta lissen and dey use it ta blakmail ya. dat flo'sikka guy is tryin ta play us
  • Knar'gank - hmmm i fink i kno wats goin on

Knar'gank darted to grab the TV remote and turned it on.

  • Kunni'ghan - GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE
  • Knar'gank - YES I WAS HIDIN IT FRUM YAS BECUZ I DIDNT WANT YA WATCH DOSE STOOPID SITCOMS ABOUT ELF MOMMIES. anywayz look at dis

As Knar'gank scrolled through the channels, he eventually arrived on the one where Flo'Sikka was interviewing them.

  • Flo'Sikka (recording) - NICE OK. ANYWAYZ I DUNNO IF YOO HERD DA NOOS BUT HAGTOZHL JUS RELEESED A STATEMENT ABOUT HOW YA MOMS UGLY AN YA DAD STINKS. WAT DO YOO SAY IN RESPONS
  • Fed'koppa (recording) - I FINK HAGTOZHL IS STILL A PAWN TO WATEVA DISGUSTIN CORRUPTUS DEEMUN SPAWNED HIM AND DAT HIM AND HIS ILK SHULD ALL BE EXECUTED. DEYZ A BLIGHT TO DA OONIVERS
  • Flo'Sikka (recording) - WOW MAN HARSH WORDS. DA CORRUPTUS MAY BE LOSAS BUT GIVIN US DA DARK LORONZ IS ONE OF DA BEST FINGS DEY DID. YOO WILL REGRET DIS DAY
  • Fed'koppa - FINE WATEVA LEMME WORK

Knar'gank then turned off the TV and looked towards the others with a smug impression.

  • Knar'gank - see?? hes editin da footage. TRYNA SPIN A NARRATIV HEER
  • Traz'raka - man dats scummy as hell. dats da kinda stoof ya see da mafia do
  • Fed'koppa - i knew it was a trap. deyz doin it on purpose ta make everyun hate eech otha
  • Kunni'ghan - grumble grumble grumble GRUMBLE
  • Knar'gank - hmm im not sur about dat
  • Traz'raka - wats he grumblin about? MAN YA REELY NEED TA WORK ON YA ACCENT
  • Kunni'ghan - GRUMBLE GRUMBLE grumble grumble ya mom grumble grumble GRUMBLE
  • Knar'gank - HES SAYIN HE FINKS THRALOY IS TRYNA DISTRACT US FRUM BEIN MAD AT HIM BY MAKIN US MAD AT EECH OTHA
  • Fed'koppa - hmmm culd be da case. but dat eint gonna work on me. i dont care if hes a war hero in uro im gonna thro dat guys ass in jail
  • Knar'gank - well see i fink dats PART of it but i fink deres a moar sinista plot goin on heer. an idk about yoo but i intend ta find out wat it is
  • Traz'raka - ME AND LIL HOMIE REFUSE TA BE MANIPULATED. WES GONNA GET TO DA BOTTOM OF DIS
  • Fed'koppa - wat a conspiracy. i usually like workin on dese cases but dis one is CRAP
  • Kunni'ghan - GRUMBLE!!!! grumble grumble grumble
  • Knar'gank - yeh wat he sed
  • Fed'koppa - fine den. yoo lot keep ya eyes and eers open. wes gonna unravel dis conspiracy. AND DEN IM ARRESTIN EVERYUN
  • Knar'gank - SOUNDS GOOD TA ME. IM GONNA FIND OUT IN DA NEX MATCH HOW TA SOLVE DIS CONSPIRACY

The Cold Loron Legend[]

For Grak'tona's first outing, the team were taken by shuttle to a planet with little indication of what they would be up against. Throughout the entire journey, they were kept completely in the dark, only able to hear and feel the hyperspace movement around them as they were taken to their next destination. Within the shuttle, there had mostly been awkward silence and glares, before they were finally ejected out.

As they were dropped off, they immediately landed face first into a pile of snow atop a huge snowy mountain, with several floating cameras pointed at them. A hologram of Flo'Sikka then appeared and music began blasting.

  • Flo'Sikka - LADIES AND GENTELMEN!!!!! DA FIRST EVENT OF DA DETHZONE BEGINS ON AN ICE PLANET OF ICINESS AS GRAK'TONA FACES UP AGENST HIS FIRST CHALLENJ!!!!

Grak'tona immediately got on his feet and posed as regal-like as a Loron could, while Voa'reak and Zalk'don presented him to the crowd.

  • Grak'tona - DA KING HAS ALREDI WON. YALL JUS DONT KNO IT YET
  • Voa'reak - YEH!! but whai didnt ya tell us we was goin to an ice planet man im cold
  • Zalk'don - WHAI IS IT ALWAYS COLD IN DIS PLACE? YA PEEPZ NEVA HEER OF HEETERS????
  • Grak'tona - SHUP UP STOOPID BODYGUARDS STOP WHININ BOUT DA WEATHA. IT LOOKS PERFECTLY FINE TA ME (and dats wat mattas)
  • Flo'Sikka - AR YOO REDY? FER GRAK'TONA'S MATCH UP AGENST...

As Flo'Sikka prepared to speak, the group heard an enormous roar in the distance that sounded like a feral beast. As if to confirm what they feared, an enormous creature, three times the size of Grak'tona, and with thick white fur, stomped forward from the foggy mist behind them and beat its chest. The creature had a vaguely Loron-like silhouette despite its fur, and Grak'tona immediately recognized it from his own stories.

  • Flo'Sikka - DA ABOMINABUL SNOW LORON!!!!!
  • Grak'tona - ma old nemesis... OUR BATTUL WILL BE LEGENDARY!!!!!!!
  • Voa'reak - ok for reel tho. do da cold loronz only hav like, ONE legend in deir entire kulture? its ALWAYS da abominabul snow loron
  • Zalk'don - MAN AR WE SURE DAT DAT FING IS REEL?? AT LEEST GRATZ'KAOZ AKSHULLY EXISTED
  • Grak'tona - ITS AS REEL AS DA DAY I BEET IT UP AND BECAME KING OF ALL LORONZ. I CAN TELL YOO LOT ALL BOUT IT LATA IF YA WANT. AKSHULLY IM GONNA DO IT ANYWAY AFTA I WIN
  • Voa'reak - FER DA LOV OF ZR'AN AN K'AR DAT WULD BE DA FIFTH TIME YA TOLD US TODAY
  • Zalk'don - AND DA STORY GETS MOR RETCONS WIV EVERY TELLIN!!!!!!
  • Grak'tona - SILENCE DUMBOS. NAO ITS TIME TA FITE!!! WIN IN DA NAME OF KING GRAK'TONA (IE ME)

The "Abominable Snow Loron" charged towards them on all fours, before stomping the ground and knocking both Zalk'don and Voa'reak into the snow (though Grak'tona still stood tall). As it moved, saliva was constantly spat from its mouth, meaning all three of them were already covered in it before it could swoop in an attack. Grak'tona sneered at the spit covering him before smirking, shifting into a wrestling stance at the charging creature.

  • Grak'tona - IM DA TUFFEST LORON EVA. YOO FINK YOO CAN RUN ME DOWN???? IM GONNA MAKE ROAST OUTTA YA!!! AND IM NOT SHARIN WIV DRIZZY DIS TIME CUS HES AN IDIOT NAO

As Grak'tona stood ready to take any blow from the "Abominable Snow Loron", it instead swung its arm once and knocked Grak'tona off the side of the mountain, where Zalk'don and Voa'reak could hear his screams as he fell down. The "Abominable Snow Loron" beat its chest triumphantly as it turned to the other two, who looked at the monster and then at each other.

  • Voa'reak - oh
  • Zalk'don - wow. dis teem suks
  • Grak'tona - IDIOT YOO CAN FLY COM AN SAVE MEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee...
  • Voa'reak - oh... OH. OK YEH I SHULD PROBS DO DAT. ZALK MAN DISTRACT DIS FING PLS
  • Zalk'don - WAT DA HELL IM BAIT NAO????

Voa'reak took flight with his jetpack and flew after Grak'tona, while Zalk'don glared at the "Abominable Snow Loron", pointing his missile launchers at it.

  • Zalk'don - DONT TRY ME MAN OR IMMA BLOW YA UP

The "Abominable Snow Loron" walked slowly towards Zalk'don as the missiles fired at it. As they exploded, it barely seemed to flinch at the first few, although the later missiles began to visibly knock it away from them. However, it eventually reached Zalk'don, grabbed his missile launcher, and eat it, spitting out the remains of it before glaring back at Zalk'don, who screamed.

  • Zalk'don - NOOOOOOOOOO MA PRESHOUS MISSILE LAUNCHA!!!! WAT DA AKSHUL HELL???? WHAI WONT YA DAI?!?!
  • Flo'Sikka - IT APPEERS ZALK'DON IS SCREWED FOLKS. TIME TA PLAY DA BOSS MUSIC
  • Zalk'don - DIS FING JUS NO-SELLED MA ROKKETS. ITS HARDA DAN DA ONE DUNJUN IN WORLD OF GANGSTACRAFT I PLAYED LAST WEEKEND
  • Flo'Sikka - DATS HOW YA KNO HES EVEN MOAR SCREWED. HE HASNT SWITCHED TA GANGSTA FANTASY 14 YET

Just as the "Abominable Snow Loron" reached to grab and eat Zalk'don, he instead leaped off to his right, and fell down the side of the mountain, crashing in a huge pile of snow right next to Grak'tona, who thanks to Voa'reak, had landed perfectly. Zalk'don shook his head as he stood back up, before pointing to the way he fell down from in a panic at the others.

  • Zalk'don - GUYS DAT FING TOOK MA ROKKITS TO DA FACE AND DIDNT EVEN CARE WAT DO WE DO????
  • Grak'tona - IDIOT FIRST FING WE DO IS WE LAND PROPERLY
  • Zalk'don - OK??? AND DEN WAT???
  • Grak'tona - MAN YOO ROYAL BODYGUARDS SHULDVE GOT DA MEMO. I SWER DID YA FALL ASLEEP IN HISTORY CLASS OR SOMFIN? WOW. WE ALL KNO HOW DA ABOMINABUL SNOW LORON GOT DEFEETED BY GRAK'TONA, DA BEST KING DA LORONZ EVA HAD, IN DA YEER OF OUR LORD GRAK'TONA. I KILLED IT WIV MA PINKY FINGA WIVOUT EVEN FLINCHIN. DIS FING IS GONNA BE EASY
  • Voa'reak - but he jus punched yoo off da mountain
  • Grak'tona - DAT WAS A WARMUP ROUND. HEERS DA FING. HES WAY UP DERE AN WE AR WAY DOWN HEER. SO FER HIM TA COM GET US HE HAS TA JUMP OFF DA MOUNTAIN AN DEN WE PREPAR A SURPRIS FER HIM WEN WE CHOKEHOLD HIM AN BLOW HIM UP WIV ZALKDONS TNT
  • Zalk'don - OK DAT SOUNDS GUD CUS I GET TA BLOW SOMFIN UP LOL. GUD FING I HAV EXTRA BOMZ IN MA POKKETS
  • Voa'reak - hao many extra bomz do ya hav on yoo????
  • Zalk'don - YES

As they looked up, eagerly awaiting the "Abominable Snow Loron"'s landing, instead, through the mist, they saw it fly down slowly. It appeared the "Abominable Snow Loron" had wings, and was capable of swooping down to attack them, growling as it did so.

  • Grak'tona - welp
  • Voa'reak - WAT DA HELL DA WEIRD SNOW MONKE GUY CAN FLY WIV WINGS BUT I CANT???? LAME
  • Zalk'don - i swer dis is da WORST teem
  • Grak'tona - OK NEW PLAN. OH HUMBLE ABOMINABUL SNOW LORON, I OFFA YOO A GIFT: DESE TWO PESANTS. FEEL FREE TA EET DEM AN I WILL GRANT YOO A PLACE IN MA PALACE
  • Zalk'don - HELL NO MAN. YOO CAN HAV DA KING CUS HES DA MOST VALUABUL CLEERLY
  • Voa'reak - YEH HES DA TASTIEST ONE EET HIM NOT US
  • Grak'tona - YOO DARE THROW DA KING UNDA DA BUS??? BOF OF YOO WILL BE EXECUTED FER TREESUN
  • Zalk'don - YOR THROWIN US UNDA DA BUS TOO SO FAIR IS FAIR
  • Voa'reak - man i wish i still had supa op pistol durzhan's homies gave me once. no idea wher i put it... PROBS THREW IT IN A TRASH BY ACCIDENT OOPS
  • Zalk'don - OH MA DAYZ YA THREW AWAY A BOOM WEPON??? WOW DATS EVEN MOAR OFFENSIV DAN ANYFIN GRAKTONA EVA SED IN HIS LIFE MAN YOR OFFISHALLY CANCELLED
  • Voa'reak - HEY MAN IT WAS A LASER PEW PEW PISTOL NOT BOOMZ PLS DONT CANCEL ME
  • Zalk'don - NOPE TOO LATE. I HAV DECIDED IT WAS A BOOM PISTOL AN YOO INSULTED ME DIS WAY. CANCELLED BITCH
  • Voa'reak - NOOOO NAO ILL NEVA BE ABLE TA LOG ON TWEETA AGEN
  • Flo'Sikka - uhhh dey didnt sponsa us fer dis match. brb kissin corporate ass
  • Zalk'don - (btw can we moov on? im runnin out of ideas for dis tangent)
  • Grak'tona - wat man i was jus bein polite an lettin da snow loron land so i can kik his ass and or offa ya up as a sacrifice
  • Voa'reak - WELL I DONT WANNA BE SACRIFICED. SOUNDS DUM

Before they could continue arguing, the "Abominable Snow Loron" landed and roared, causing a huge rumbling sound as the others could feel pinches of snow drop by them. Voa'reak gasped.

  • Voa'reak - AVALANCHE!!!!!!
  • Zalk'don - AAAAAAAHH
  • Grak'tona - PFFT. YA FINK IM SCARED OF A SNOW SHOWA??? ITS LIKE YA FORGOT WHO YOR TALKIN TO
  • Voa'reak - SHHHHHHH ya dont screem wen deres an avalanche about
  • Zalk'don - aaaaaahh?
  • Voa'reak - no... YA RAP DA AVALANCHE RAP!!!! AVALANCHE IS BIG, AVALANCHE IS BAD, AVALANCHE IS GONNA CRASH AN MAKE YOO MAD!!!!!

As Voa'reak began the rap, and Zalk'don joined in, Grak'tona and the "Abominable Snow Loron" both looked up in dismay as they saw the rumbling worsen and a huge batch of snow came tumbling towards them: the avalanche had begun.

  • Grak'tona - WOW LOOK AT WAT YOO IDIOTS DID. NAO DERES AN AVALANCHE. ITS CUS YOR TOTALLY OFF TONE CLEERLY
  • Voa'reak - IDIOT GRAB MA ARM

Zalk'don and Grak'tona both grabbed one arm each as Voa'reak attempted to escape the avalanche using his jetpack. With it turned to the maximum setting, Voa'reak and the others leapt up, as they soared away, followed by the floating cameras as they reached the sky. Zalk'don held Voa'reak tightly in fear, while Grak'tona trembled, trying to hide the fear in his own eyes.

  • Voa'reak - SEE??? DAT WAS A SIK PLAN EH
  • Zalk'don - wat. YOO PLANNED DIS ALL ALONG???
  • Voa'reak - uh, yeh. i was dere wen gratz'kaoz did da same fing in da rebellion. of cours i was gonna do dis now lol
  • Zalk'don - oh, hm. ok fair enuff
  • Grak'tona - ...HAH. SEE? DAT WAS A SIK PLAN EH? ALL WENT AS DA KING PLANNED
  • Voa'reak - YEH EXACTLY. SO DA DIFFERENCE WAS IN DA REBELLION IT WAS SCARY COZ GRATZ'KAOZ CULD FLY AWAY FRUM DA AVALANCHE HIMSELF WHIL I CARRIED FRE'KLOAR. DIFFERENCE IS DA ABOMINABUL SNOW LORON CANT FLY AWAY
  • Zalk'don - HAHAHAHA GET REKT STOOPID SNOW APE MAN WE TOTALLY BURIED YA ALIV
  • Grak'tona - YEH... wait wat da hell. VOA YOR A FREEKIN MORON WE LITERALLY SAW IT FLY FIVE SECONDS AGO
  • Voa'reak - huh wat? ... OH SHOOT—

As Voa'reak came to his realization, he heard the "Abominable Snow Loron" roaring from a distance, flying beneath them. Though it was unable to keep up with Voa'reak's speed, it was slowly gaining on them, its arms dangerously close to hitting Voa'reak's jetpack.

  • Voa'reak - AAAAAH ITS CHASIN US AAAAAHH
  • Zalk'don - SOMEON DO SOMFIN!!!
  • Grak'tona - I GOT A PLAN. YOOOO YOO CAN MOOV FASTA WEN YOR CARRYIN LESS STOOF YEH?
  • Voa'reak - YEH

Grak'tona grabbed Zalk'don and tossed him to a mountain below, before clinging on himself.

  • Voa'reak - YOO AR LITERALLY DA MOST PREDICTABUL PIECE OF TRASH EVA
  • Zalk'don - YA MOMS DUUUUUUUuuuuu-

As Grak'tona smirked, thinking he had made it out alive, he instead found his foot grasped by the "Abominable Snow Loron". In throwing Zalk'don down, he had hit the momentum of Voa'reak's jetpack briefly, allowing the "Abominable Snow Loron" to catch up with them and cling to Grak'tona. The resulting struggle caused the "Abominable Snow Loron" and him to fall to another mountain below them.

When Voa'reak flew to catch Zalk'don, he could see Grak'tona and the "Abominable Snow Loron" from a distance. Grak'tona was beaten down into the snow. The "Abominable Snow Loron" slammed him to the ground, wailing on him and beating him to a pulp, before walking off to a cave on the side of the mountain.

Grak'tona lay there, with a black eye and several other injuries, barely moving, and a shattered crown.

  • Voa'reak - oof
  • Zalk'don - well uh. i guess we lost da match
  • Voa'reak - shuld we go down an help graktona???
  • Zalk'don - MAN HE THREW ME OFF DA SKY. HE CAN STAY DERE FOR ALL I CARE
  • Voa'reak - well yeh i meen hes a piece of trash but WES A TEEM. AN A TEEM STIKS TOGETHA
  • Zalk'don - uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. FINE LETS GO DEN

The Time-Honored Challenge[]

As Grak'tona's team had their utter defeat at the hands of the "Abominable Snow Loron" broadcast live, Hagto'Zhl's team simply sat back and laughed in their own quarters, each drinking as they did so. Their laughter could be heard across the entire station.

  • Gol'thabex - MAN I NEVA LIKED DAT GIT. FUNNI DAT HE GOT REKT BY DA FING HE CLAIMED TA KILL WIV HIS PINKY FINGA
  • Hagto'Zhl - MAN DID YOO SEET DAT CRAP? DEY JUS STOOD DERE AND TOOK IT DIDNT EVEN FITE BAK WAT DA HELL AHAHAHAHAHA
  • Kal'kuir - BY MY CALCULASHONS TEEM GRAKTONA NOW HAS A 0% WIN RATE IN DA WHOLE TOURNAMENT
  • Hagto'Zhl - SERVES DOSE IDIOTS RITE FOR TRASHTALKIN ME ON TV. NAO DEYLL GET EETEN WHIL I WIN DA WHOL FING (and yoo two will help i guess)
  • Gol'thabex - URM EXCUSE ME. GOLTHABEX WILL BE DA REEL WINNA
  • Hagto'Zhl - LISSEN YOO WORK FOR ME OK? DONT MAKE ME SLAP YA
  • Kal'kuir - BY MY CALCULASHONS IF GOLTHABEX GOT SLAPPED BY HAGT—
  • Hagto'Zhl - SHUT UP NERD
  • Kal'kuir - WOW OK DEN DIS TEEM SUKS
  • Gol'thabex - man i got stukk wiv da edgy emo and da geek whai couldnt i be in knarganks teem
  • Hagto'Zhl - REMINDA KNARGANKS TEEM TRASHED US TOO
  • Gol'thabex - hm. akshully yeh i jus remembered hes takin ordas from DA FLIPPIN COPS nao. OK YOOS BETTA DAN DAT AT LEEST
  • Kal'kuir - yeh an by my calculashons da otha teems SUK compared to dis COZ IM IN IT AN I GOT DA BEST TEKK
  • Hagto'Zhl - KALKUIR YA BEST MAKE US DA BEST GUNZ OR IMMA BE REEL DISAPPOINTED
  • Kal'kuir - I WILL OR MY NAME ISNT KUIR'KAL. wait dats not my name at all oops
  • Gol'thabex - WHENS OUR TURN ANYWAY? I WANNA GO DERE AND WIN DA TOURNAMENT

As Gol'thabex spoke, a hologram of Flo'Sikka immediately appeared in front of him, startling him and causing him to fall off his chair.

  • Flo'Sikka - GLAD YOO ASKED. YOR UP NEXT
  • Hagto'Zhl - OI GEEZA I HOPE YOR NOT EXPECTIN ME TA FITE A BIG HAIRY SNOW LORON TOO OK CUS DATS BORIN
  • Flo'Sikka - NO MAN ALL DA CHALLENJES AR DIFFERENT. YOR CHALLENJ HAS NUFFIN TA DO WIV SNOW LORONZ
  • Hagto'Zhl - OK COOL. LETS GET TO IT DEN AND YOO TWO BEST BE SIK AT IT
  • Flo'Sikka - HOP ON DA SHIP. WE AR GOIN TO YOR FAVORITE PLANET. PLANET GROODRUB!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - WAT DATS NOT MA FAVORITE. WHAI DOES EVERYUN LIKE DAT PLACE? ITS JUS A DUM JUNGLE I SWER
  • Gol'thabex - man yor so disrespectful to da BIRTHPLACE OF DA LORONZ
  • Kal'kuir - tbh accordin to som graffics ma wife showed me once only bout... two fifths of all loronz even kno wat groodrub is so
  • Gol'thabex - good point. whers dat agen? i forgot
  • Hagto'Zhl - I DONT GIV A FLYIN FLIP JUS GET ON DA SHIP SO WE CAN SMASH FACE

At once, the three were teleported onto a shuttle only a few hours away from Groodrub, once again startling them and causing motion sickness as they were confined to the shuttle.

  • Flo'Sikka - AS REQUESTED
  • Kal'kuir - MAN STOP DAT IM GONNA PUKE OIL EVERYWHER (AND ALSO MA LUNCH)
  • Flo'Sikka - SPEEKIN OF PUKE... IN YOR CHALLENJ DATS PROB WAT YOR GONNA DO
  • Hagto'Zhl - uh. well projectile vomitin isnt somfin id consida maself a PRO at but...
  • Gol'thabex - CAN WE NOT DO DAT? SOUNDS GROSS
  • Flo'Sikka - SO HEERS DA CHALLENJ. DA TIME HONORED LORON TRADISHON OF "DA SIKKEST LORON EVA" CONTEST. YOO KNO WAT DAT ENTAILS...
  • Gol'thabex - OH I DO. ITS WEN YA HAV A MASSIV PIZZA EETIN CONTEST AN DEN IMMEDIATELY HAV TA GO SMAK EPIC CREETURS ON A FULL STOMACH
  • Kal'kuir - hurhur "epic creeturs". wat next, "cringe creeturs" too?
  • Flo'Sikka - AS WE ALL KNO ZR'AHGLOTH IS STILL DA UNDEFEETED CHAMPION AT DIS WIV A RECORD OF 15 PIZZAS FOLLOWED BY 32 SLAIN EPICS. I BET NONE OF YAS CAN BEET DAT SO JUS DO YA BEST
  • Hagto'Zhl - YOR HAVIN A LAFF. YOR TELLIN ME DAT BLOKE COULD ONLY EET 15 PIZZAS? WERE DEY LIKE DOSE LIL HAND-SIZED PIZZAS? PATHETIC
  • Flo'Sikka - WELL IF YOR SO SIK DEN I BET YA CAN BEET DAT RECORD DEN
  • Gol'thabex - so our challenj is eetin and fitin? WE REELY LUKKIED OUT LADS
  • Hagto'Zhl - MAN WE HAV DIS IN DA BAG. HAND OVA DA PIZZAS YO
  • Kal'kuir - ...MAN IM NOT SO SURE ABOUT DIS. BY MY CALCULASHONS DA LORON BODY CAN ONLY EET 12 PIZZAS BEFOR IT—
  • Hagto'Zhl - SHUT UP NERD
  • Kal'kuir - IM SERIUS MAN DATS WAY TOO MANY CARBS
  • Hagto'Zhl - LISSEN JUS CUS YOO HANG OUT WIV DRIZZY DOESNT MEEN YOO CAN SPEEK WORDS YOO DONT UNDASTAND. ANYWAY GIMME DA FLIPPIN PIZZAS ALREDI

As he spoke, the three of them were then jettisoned from the ship, dropped off onto Groodrub's surface below just outside a pizzeria. Like most Groodrub pizzerias, it was a diner made of material that would shine were it not largely filled with grease, with several Norol chefs frantically running around to reach the orders of their customers.

For this challenge, much like Grak'tona's, the entire group were surrounded by dozens of floating cameras. The pizzeria was located out a distance away from any of the cities, and had been closed off to the public, with only the chefs available to serve up pizza. A huge hologram of Flo'Sikka appeared.

  • Flo'Sikka - NOROLZ AN GENTELLORONZ!!!! YOO SAW GRAKTONA FACE HIS OLD DEEMUN OF DA PAST, AN NOW YOO WILL SEE HAGTOZHL UNDAGO DA SAME TEST!!!!
  • Hagto'Zhl - idunno wat dats supposed ta imply man i lov pizza its not ma deemuns at all
  • Flo'Sikka - AS WE ALL KNO, "DA SIKKEST LORON EVA" CONTEST WAS DESIGNED BY AN ANCIENT LORON PHILOSOPHA WHO SED "WATS DA POINT OF DA LORONZ? TA EET AN KILL STUFF?" TO WHICH DA ANSWA WAS "YEH" SO DEY CAME UP WIV A CONTEST. EET LOTS AN LOTS OF PIZZA, IN ORDA TA STUFF YASELF WIV ENERGY, SO DAT YOO CAN GO OUT AN KILL MASSIV CRETURS AN BURN ALL DAT ENERGY OFF
  • Hagto'Zhl - well i can agree to dat. anyway whers ma pizza
  • Kal'kuir - erm whoeva made dat challenj was an IDIOT. DA LORON BODY TAKES LIKE TWO HOURS TA PROCESS ALL DAT FOOD SO IF YOO JUS STUFF YORSELF WIV PIZZA YOR STOMACH WILL STILL BE CHURNIN THROO IT WHIL YOO DO DA FITE. MAN WAT AN IDIOT DIS CONTEST IS DUM
  • Gol'thabex - man if jolkiar was heer he wuld punt yoo across da horizon for dat. dis is jus da kind of old tima stoof he likes
  • Kal'kuir - GOOD FING HE ISNT HEER
  • Hagto'Zhl - I DONT SHARE MA PIZZA WIV GRANDPAS
  • Flo'Sikka - BUT DA QUESTION ON EVRYONS MIND: CAN HAGTO'ZHL, ARGUABLY A WORSE VERSION OF ZR'AHGLOTH, BEET ZR'AHGLOTHS RECORD???

A vein popped in Hagto'Zhl's head as she furiously turned to Flo'Sikka.

  • Hagto'Zhl - WAT DA HELL DID YA JUS CALL ME YA FLIPPIN FRAUD??????? WANNA SLAP?????
  • Flo'Sikka - DATS EXACTLY DA KINDA ENERGY I WANNA SEE
  • Hagto'Zhl - MAN IM KIKKIN YA ASS NEXT TIME I SEE YA. YOR LUKKY IM HUNGRY
  • Flo'Sikka - SO AR DA MILLIONS OF VIEWAS. FIRST ROUND GO

At that moment, a tabled was dropped in front of Hagto'Zhl and he was forced to sit and eat, as several huge pizzas were placed in front of him. The Dark Loron delighted in it, audibly gobbling every piece of pizza he could get his hands on. Gol'thabex and Kal'kuir, meanwhile, just watched awkwardly, as some pieces hit them in the face.

  • Gol'thabex - wait dont we get som too????
  • Flo'Sikka - NO. YOO HELP HIM FITE DA EPICS
  • Gol'thabex - MAN DIS IS DEMOTIVATIN. ALL DIS PIZZA AND I CANT EVEN GET A SLICE???
  • Kal'kuir - dis reely grinds ma geers. literally sinc i hav geers inside me atm

The other two continued to watch as Hagto'Zhl tore through them, but noticed a change partway through. While he had devoured the first five pizzas, around the sixth, they could begin to see a struggle in him, his stomach struggling to keep up with the amount of food he was shoving in his body.

  • Gol'thabex - wow hagtos startin ta slow down
  • Kal'kuir - DESE IS NOT HAND-SIZED PIZZAS AT ALL MAN I WARNED HIM

The comments from the other two caused Hagto'Zhl to sharply look back in frustration, before gobbling down another four pizzas, hurrying himself as he did so. When he reached his tenth, he stopped and paused a little, gasping for breath.

  • Flo'Sikka - IS DA CHALLENJA STRUGGLING TA KEEP UP WIV DA FOOD???
  • Hagto'Zhl - S-SHUT UP MAN IM JUS.... CHEWIN SLOW IS ALL
  • Gol'thabex - man did zrahgloth reely eet dis much? guy mustve been a FATASS and i jus neva noticed
  • Flo'Sikka - HE DID AN DEN HE PUKED IT OUT SO HE CULD EET MOAR
  • Kal'kuir - DATS SIK. AND NOT EVEN A COOL SIK ITS JUS DISGUSTIN
  • Hagto'Zhl - WELL IF DATS WE HE DID DEN DATS WAT IMMA DO TOO

Hagto'Zhl attempted to shove more food down his throat and deliberately hit his back a few times, in order to vomit out a mess of pizza. The Norol chefs, as well as both Gol'thabex and Kal'kuir, were disgusted as he did so, and the entire room looked vile, before he gobbled down several more pizzas.

  • Kal'kuir - AW MAN I SHOULDA INSTALLED A NO-SMELL MODUL ON MASELF BEFOR COMIN HEER. AWFUL
  • Gol'thabex - wow dis tradishon is pretty bad nao dat i see it liv
  • Hagto'Zhl - ...MUST...BEET...ZRAHGLOTH!!!!!

Hagto'Zhl collapsed to the floor, before taking a bite out of his final sixteenth slice, and then breathing rapidly, unable to contain more food. He raised a hand to signal he was finished, as bells began to sound.

  • Flo'Sikka - OUR CHALLENJA HAS BEETEN DA RECORD FOR MOST NUMBA OF PIZZAS EETIN IN UNDER 10 MINUTS!!!! GIV IT UP FER HAGTO'ZHL!!!!!
  • Gol'thabex - wow. i thought he was gonna pass out fer a sec
  • Kal'kuir - OUR TEEMS DA BEST SEE??? DATS SIXTEEN PIZZAS
  • 'Hagto'Zhl - ...MAN. I DONT FINK I CAN BREETHE
  • Kal'kuir - MAN I WARNED YAS. NAO YOR BASICALLY PURE CARBS AND GREESE ON DA INSIDE FER A WHIL
  • Hagto'Zhl - SHUT UP MAN YA MOMS A DUM COMPUTA. or wait dats yor wife. I DUNT CARE MAN JUS TELL US HOW TA SMAK DEEZ EPIC CREETURS
  • Kal'kuir - I WAS GONNA HELP YOO UP BUT NAO I WONT. GET UP YASELF FATSO

Hagto'Zhl gasped a little, before pulling himself up and then leaving the pizzeria behind him. A vast field awaited him, as they saw several gigantic beasts roaring, each of them released from their cages at once, and freaking havoc on all the remote buildings that they saw.

  • Flo'Sikka - NOW DA REEL TEST. DA ONE DAT DA BEST GET SCORED ON. CAN YOO DEFEET ENUFF EPIC CREETURS???
  • Hagto'Zhl - HUFF... HUFF... LIKE IM GONNA LOOS TA SOM STOOPID MONSTAS. DEYZ ALL DED
  • Gol'thabex - ok is dis da part wher we akshully do stoof or do we still do nuffin but sit on our asses whil hagto has all da fun
  • Flo'Sikka - SMH IMAGIN NOT KNOWIN DA TRADISHON. HOMIES CAN HELP FITE DA EPICS DEY JUST CANT EET DA PIZZA
  • Kal'kuir - FINALLY I CAN GET TA SHOOT SOMFIN. I GOT BUNCHS OF GUNZ TA TRY OUT
  • Gol'thabex - FORT YOO SED YOO REFUSED TA HELP HAGTO
  • Kal'kuir - nah i jus refused ta help him stand up i wanna shoot da epics lol
  • Gol'thabex - fair enuff. SO DO I. SO LETS SMAK DEM???
  • Hagto'Zhl - yeh...afta a few minuts
  • Flo'Sikka - YOO HAV NO TIME. GOGOGOGOGOGO

As Flo'Sikka spoke, an epic creature roared and charged towards the group, aiming squarely at Hagto'Zhl. He attempted to brace himself, but struggled to maintain his composure and breathed heavily instead, leaving him vulnerable for the epic to pummel him away. Instead, Kal'kuir fired an anti-gravity gun that raised the epic creature in the air, before Gol'thabex leapt up and cut its head off with his axes, as the two cheered.

  • Gol'thabex - HAHA. TAKE DAT STOOPID EPIC
  • Kal'kuir - MAN HAGTO YOR NOT KEEPIN UP
  • Hagto'Zhl - SHUT UP GEEK IM JUS... WARMIN UP!!!!

As more of the beasts charged towards them, Gol'thabex and Kal'kuir slaughtered them with glee. Kal'kuir fired a variety of weapons, from one that disintergrated them in seconds to one that brainwashed them and caused them to eat each other. Meanwhile, Gol'thabex stylishly spun his hammers around before smashing them into the epics' faces, leaping between them.

  • Flo'Sikka - 12 EPICS KILLED IN RECORD TIME!!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - STOOPID EPICS AINT MATCH FER DA POWA OF TEKK!!!
  • Gol'thabex - man i shuld start takin monsta huntin jobs. its eesy money
  • Hagto'Zhl - huff...WAT DA HELL MAN IM SUPPOSED TA BE DA STAR OF DA SHOW HEER
  • Gol'thabex - man hagto yor not helpin at all smh
  • Hagto'Zhl - GRRR IM DA BEST LORON DERE IS. SCROO ZRAHGLOTH!!!!

Hagto'Zhl roared himself and transformed into his Dark Chronosopic self, doubling his size and beating his chest before charging towards an epic creature and swiping it with his claws. He was then successfully able to wrestle it and defeat it, but only barely before choking as another epic then pummeled him to the ground. Before the creature could continue, however, it was electrocuted by a blast of lightning from Kal'kuir's claw, before Gol'thabex came down on it with his axes.

  • Hagto'Zhl - NOT FAIR MAN!!! IM ON MA GANGSTA FORM I SHULD BE INVINCIBUL!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - BY MY CALCULASHONS—
  • Gol'thabex - SHUT UP NERD
  • Kal'kuir - MAN WILL YOO IDIOTS CUT DAT OUT ALREDI???? FINE JUS STAY DERE BEIN USELESS
  • Gol'thabex - OK LEMME JUS CUT DOWN A FEW MORE EPICS
  • Flo'Sikka - IT SEEMS HAGTO'ZHL IS PLAYIN DA ZR'AHGLOTH STRATEGY: EET PIZZA DEN LET YA HOMIES TAKE CARE OF DA REST
  • Hagto'Zhl - SHUT DA HELL UP YOO FLIPPIN HAKK. I DONT NEED HOMIES TA BEET SOM STOOPID ANIMALS!!!! IM DA BEST LORON EVA!!!!!!! BETTA DAN ZRAHGLOTH WILL EVA BE!!!!!!!!

Hagto'Zhl's rage caused him to go into a frenzy against another epic creature, which he was able to defeat. However, even in this state, he was still not racking up as many kills as both of his teammates. Both of them, in much better shape, were far more efficient killing machines, leaving Hagto'Zhl struggling to catch up. As Kal'kuir and Gol'thabex took down more epics, they laughed victoriously before turning over to Hagto'Zhl, which made them reluctant to continue.

  • Gol'thabex - ok it was mostly for laffs befor but now im startin ta get embarrassed from him
  • Kal'kuir - DATS A FIRST. USUALLY EVERYONS EMBARRASSED BECUS OF ME
  • Gol'thabex - man jus shut up
  • Flo'Sikka - WIV HALF A MINUT TO GO, TEEM HAGTO'ZHL HAS BEETEN ZR'AHGLOTHS RECORD BY TWO EPICS!!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - AHAHAHAHA WE WIN!!! AS CALCULATED BY DA GENIUS (dats me btw)
  • Gol'thabex - YEH ITS BEEN FUN. WE SHULD DO DIS MOR OFTEN
  • Flo'Sikka - HOWEVA DERES A SLIGHT PROBLEM. EPICS KILLED BY HOMIES ONLY COUNT AS HALF. SO YOR STILL DOWN ABOUT 12

Hagto'Zhl, who was halfway about being wrestled into the ground by an epic, spat out with his eyes widened.

  • Hagto'Zhl - ARE YOO FLIPPIN SERIUS???????
  • Flo'Sikka - TIME IS UP. WHIL HAGTO BEET DA RECORD OF PIZZAS EETEN HE UTTALY FAILED TA BEET DA RECORD OF EPICS KILLED. THUS IT APPEARS ZRAHGLOTH IS STILL DA BETTA LORON. NOT TODAY I GUESS. GRATS FER DA EFFORT

Hagto'Zhl threw the epic away as he clenched his fist and screamed in pure rage, while Kal'kuir and Gol'thabex looked awkwardly, unsure of what to do. They were then teleported back onto the shuttle and strapped in, Hagto'Zhl still kicking and screaming while Kal'kuir and Gol'thabex sat in silence.

  • Flo'Sikka - SO FAR DATS DA FIRST "WIN" OF DA TOURNAMENT. CEPT TECHNICALLY YOO FAILED DA RECORD BUT AT LEEST YOO DIDNT GET SCROOD LIKE GRAKTONA
  • Hagto'Zhl - I CANT BELEEV DIS!!!!!!!! DIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Kal'kuir - well like...maybe ya shuld hav lissened ta me about da carbs???
  • Hagto'Zhl - I DONT CARE BOUT ANY STOOPID CARBS!!!!! IM SUPPOSED TA BE DA BEST LORON!!! DA REEL ZRAHGLOTH!!!!! HAO CAN I LOOS TO DA FAKE ONE?????!?!?!?!?!
  • Gol'thabex - i meen kalkuir has a point man. a loron body ISNT SUPPOSED TA EET DAT MUCH
  • Hagto'Zhl - BUT DEN WAT WAS I SUPPOS TA DO????? IF DAT IDIOT ATE ALL DOSE PIZZAS DEN I SHULD BE ABLE TA EET MOR DAN HIM!!!!!

The Loron looked at Hagto'Zhl in confusion and bewilderment, unsure how to proceed or what could say that wouldn't infuriate him further. Hagto'Zhl simply kicked and screamed for most of the rest of the journey back, before eventually stopping in exhaustion. Either way, he was determined to beat Zr'Ahgloth next time.

The Legend of Mista Bone[]

Over in Fre'kloar's quarters, both Naktor'zak and Fre'kloar watched their screen intently as they witnessed Hagto'Zhl be utterly defeated in his pizza-eating contest. Drizz'pyrokirk, meanwhile, was still performing one-handed pushups while listening to the commentary.

  • Drizz'pyrokirk - WAT A DUMASS LOL. YA NEED TA LET YA BODY PROCESS DA FOOD INSTED OF JUS SHOV IT ALL IN YA STOMACH
  • Fre'kloar - RITE? HE WAS EETIN LIKE A PIG LOL
  • Naktor'zak - MAN WATCHIN DAT MADE ME HUNGRY AS HELL. WISH WE HAD OUR OWN PIZZA BUFFET
  • Fre'kloar - wait hold on. naktor hao do yoo even eet????
  • Naktor'zak - som questions is best left unanswered
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - NO EETIN FER YOO. YA HAVENT DONE YA 50 PUSHUPS YET
  • Naktor'zak - TANKS CANT DO PUSHUPS IDIOT
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - DONT MAKE EXCUSES. MAKE GAINZ. 50 PUSHUPS!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - hurhurhur ma teems da best cus wes all fit and in shape and muscular (and we hav a tank)
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YEH. TEEM FREKLOAR IS DA BEST TEEM

Just as Drizz'pyrokirk spoke, Flo'Sikka's hologram appeared, entirely announced, causing both Fre'kloar and Naktor'zak('s hologram) to fall off the couch, while Drizz'pyrokirk slipped mid-pushup.

  • Flo'Sikka - CAN I QUOTE YA SAYIN DAT?? COZ IM GONNA QUOTE YA SAYIN DAT BEFORE STARTIN YA CHALLENJ
  • Fre'kloar - QUOTE DA PART BOUT MA TEEM BEIN DA BEST ONE CUS ITS TROO
  • Flo'Sikka - GOOD. YOR UP NEXT
  • Naktor'zak - YO DA CHALLENJ BETTA HAV BIG TRAKKS FER ME TA GO FAST
  • Flo'Sikka - ehhh kinda. WES GOIN TO A CARNIVAL
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - wat da hell kinda challenj is dis??? CARNIVALS IS FULL OF JUNK FOOD
  • Naktor'zak - OOH I WANNA GO INTO DA BUMPA CARS
  • Fre'kloar - YOO CANT. YOR IN A TANK
  • Naktor'zak - EXACTLY. I AM DA BUMPA CAR!!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - got me dere
  • Flo'Sikka - ENJOY DA RIDE

At once, the entire group were instantly teleported onto a shuttle and strapped on tight, including Naktor'zak's hologram, while his tank was carried beneath the shuttle. The shuttle took off at once into hyperspace to take them to their destination. Fre'kloar threw up from the motion sickness.

  • Flo'Sikka - DA CARNIVAL WE AR ABOUT TA GO TO REPRESENTS ONE OF DA BIGGEST CHALLENJES DAT FREKLOAR HAS FACED YET
  • Fre'kloar - CLOWNS???
  • Flo'Sikka - well yeh he is a clown but EVEN WORSE. AN OLD FOE RETURNS FRUM DA DED...
  • Fre'kloar - MAN IVE EETEN CLOWNS BEFOR. DEY TASTE... FUNNI
  • Flo'Sikka - EVRYUN GET REDI FER DA RIDE OF YOR LIVES...
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - ONCE WES BAK TO OUR ROOM YOO LOT IS MAKIN LAPS AROUND IT TA BURN ALL DA JUNK FOOD OUT
  • Flo'Sikka - GET REDI TA GO TO DA HELLSCAPE DAT NO LORON HAS EVA COM BAK FRUM ALIVE...DA MYTHICAL CARNIVAL OF DA ONE AN ONLY...MISTA BONE!!!!!!

Fre'kloar and his companions' eyes widened as they turned to Flo'Sikka.

  • Fre'kloar - WAT???????
  • Naktor'zak - YOR HAVIN A LAFF. MISTA BONE ISNT REEL
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - YEH HES JUS A HALLOWIENER LEGEND!!!!
  • Flo'Sikka - SAY DAT TA HIM YORSELF. OK ENJOY

At once, the Loron were all immediately dropped from a trap door beneath the shuttle, where both Fre'kloar and Drizz'pyrokirk fell flat on their face while Naktor'zak's tank crashed on its back. Around them, they could see their new surroundings.

The Loron were indeed tossed to a carnival, but it was entirely abandoned. Around them were neon signs for each of the rides that flashed if they even lit at all, wooden rides that had seen years of disrepair, and stalls that had been left untouched for seemingly decades. The carnival was located amidst a desert in the middle of nowhere, but the sky above them was almost pitch black, aside from the thick storm clouds above them.

As they landed and got their bearings, the group heard a horrific, evil laugh, but one that Fre'kloar recognized.

  • Fre'kloar - oh no...
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - yooo wat da hell was dat? dis place is legit kinda spooky
  • Naktor'zak - IM NOT SCARED OF SOM SPOOKY GHOST. i fink
  • Flo'Sikka - IN DIS CHALLENJ YOO NEED TA DESTROY DA CARNIVAL AN DEFEET MISTA BONE BY RUININ HIS PLAN. BUT HOW CAN YA KILL WATS ALREDY DED??? YA CANT SO FIND ANOTHA WAY TA DEFEET HIM. OK PEECE

Flo'Sikka's hologram vanished, and the only lights the Loron could see were the flashing neon signs and the occasional lightning.

  • Fre'kloar - MAN I FINK I KNO WHO MISTA BONE IS
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - isnt he like som ancient jackass from da time of da godz?
  • Fre'kloar - NO MAN I RECOGNIZED DA LAFF. ITS COMIN FROM DAT TENT OVA DERE

Fre'kloar pointed towards a nearby tent with the sign "MIRRA MAZE FER GEEZAS DAT LIKE DEIR OWN LOOKS". Just as he spoke, the laugh returned once more, and he turned back to them.

  • Fre'kloar - DRIZZ YOO GO TRY AN LIFT UP DA TANK AN POSISHON IT PROPA. I NEED TA INVESTIGATE AN FIND MISTA BONE
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - hm ok fair enuff. naktor help lift yaself up will ya
  • Naktor'zak - cant. hologram cant touch fings lol
  • Drizz'pyrokirk - I SWER BY DA END OF DIS IM RIPPIN YOO OUT OF DAT TIN CAN

Fre'kloar slowly approached the tent, hearing thunder as he did so. The eery laugh grow louder and louder until he entered. Once he was inside, he was confronted by darkness, until a single light shined down on an individual very familiar to him; it was none other than Ref'kolar, his old Dark Loron counterpart who had been corrupted by the Corruptus and was killed during his Ice Cube Trial decades ago, wearing a fancy black suit and a tophat. He was on his prime, rather than the decrepit state Fre'kloar had last seen him, and he laughed maniacally as he pointed a finger at him.

  • Ref'kolar - AHAHAHAHA ITS ME!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - WAT DA HELL NOOOOOOOOOOOOO I CANT BELEEV I WAS RITE
  • Ref'kolar - REF'KOLAR DA LAFFER IS BAK TA SHOW YA HAO ITS DON. HURHURHUR YOO TRIED TA GET RID OF ME BUT YOO FAILED!!!! YOR NEVA GONNA BE FREE OF YA DEEMUNS
  • Fre'kloar - YA MOMS NEVA GONNA BE RID OF HER DEEMUNS!!! or wateva. I DEFEETED DA GHOSTIES WHY DA HELL AR YOO BAK??????
  • Ref'kolar - TO TEECH YA A LESSON YOR NEVA GONNA FORGET. CUS YOR GONNA BE STUKK IN MISTA BONES WILD RIDE FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wait i alredi killed ya once. IMMA DO IT AGEN

Fre'kloar charged forward at Ref'kloar, his arms flailing in both fear and rage. Ref'kolar merely cackled as he snapped his fingers and disappeared in a loud poof, reappearing in the other side of the room. He then took out his tophat and bowed mockingly at Ref'kolar.

  • Ref'kolar - HURHUR YA MITE BE BIGGA DAN LAST TIME WE MET BUT YOR STILL AN IDIOT WHOS TOO SLOW
  • Fre'kloar - COM AN FACE ME YA COWARD
  • Ref'kolar - IF YA WANT A PEECE OF ME DEN YOR GONNA HAV TA CATCH ME FIRST AHAHAHAHA

Ref'kolar then dashed into the mirror maze, but not before tipping his hat to Fre'kloar mockingly one more time to provoke him. Fre'kloar was initially frozen in fear, unsure of what to do. After a few moments, he dashed towards Ref'kolar, yelling in anger, and charging a fist.

He would find himself surrounded by nothing but mirrors shrouded in darkness, while Ref'kolar cackled, various reflections of him appearing all over the place, making gestures and sticking his tongue at Fre'kloar.

The reflections were soon replaced by images of Fre'kloar's past. The first was the First Ottzello Galactic War, in which he attempted to stand up to Zr'Ahgloth but was then paralyzed by the stronger Loron, cast aside while Thr'aloy was chosen as Zr'Ahgloth's sidekick.

  • Ref'kolar - LOOK AT YOO. PATHETIC. YOO CALL YASELF A LEEDA?!?! AHAHAHAHA YOR JUS A PUNY WORM!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - I WASNT STRONG ENUFF DEN BUT I GOT STRONGA. YOR IMAGES OF FAILURE MEEN NUFFIN TA ME!!!

Following this was the Second Ottzello Galactic War. As Zr'Ahgloth was captured, and the remaining high-ranking Loron were selecting an interim Propa Big Boss Fer Now, Fre'kloar threw his hat in the ring, only to get mocked and laughed out of the room. He could see images of the others all laughing at him, and laughing at Jol'kiar when Jol'kiar attempted to stick up for his pupil.

  • Ref'kolar - YOR A JOKE. A JOKE!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! YOO WILL NEVA BE DA TROO LEEDA OF LORONZ AAAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Fre'kloar - AAAAAAAAH

Just as it finished, another appeared. On all mirrors, Fre'kloar could see his supposed "victory" against Gratz'kaoz, but it was no victory at all. In fact, in the real battle, Fre'kloar had barely escaped with his life. Gratz'kaoz was frozen in ice water, but Fre'kloar had not bested him in battle.

  • Ref'kolar - da glorious beginnin of da rogue boyz... WAS BY PURE. LUK. YOO NEVA BEET GRATZ'KAOZ. YOO NEVA EARNED DAT TITLE!!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - SHUT UP MAN...IT WASNT LUK...IT WAS SKILL
  • Ref'kolar - HE DIED CUZ HE FROZE TA DEFF... HE KIKKED YA ASS!!!! YOO LET DA WETHA KILL HIM AHAHAHAHA WEEKLING!!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - LIA!!!! LIA LIA PANTS ON FIYA!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - ADMIT IT!!! BY TRADISHON YOO DONT EVEN DESERV TA BE DA BOSS!!!!! YOO CHEETED!!!!!

The next image showed Fre'kloar's second battle with the Loron'Kikra Gratz'kaoz. But despite having a larger cohort of bosses helping him, it went much the same as before: Gratz'kaoz was never bested in combat, and this time, was not beaten at all. Instead, Fre'kloar barely survived until Zr'An'Kar himself was defeated, causing Gratz'kaoz and other Loron'Kikra to disappear.

  • Ref'kolar - GRATZ CAME BAK AND YOO FAILED AGEN!!!!! HE ONLY DISAPPEARED CUS ZR'AHGLOTH BEET KOLOSSUS!!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - STOP YOR CHEEP TRIKS. YOO AR SPREDIN LIES. IM DA BEST LORON LEEDA DERE EVA WAS. I ERNED DIS!!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - YOO ERNED JAKK-SQUAT. YOR EMPIYA IS BUILT ON LIES!!!! HURHURHURHUR YOO WULD ALL HAV DIED LIKE LITTLE SCARED WIMPS!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - YEH WELL DIS PROOVS NUFFIN. GRATZKAOZ IS JUS A CHEETA HIMSELF. IM DA BEST WEN IM NOT AGENST A CRAZI LIKE HIM
  • Ref'kolar - OH YEH??? DEN WHAI DO YA KEEP LOSIN TA DIS GEEZA??

The next image was of an event that the Rogue Boyz always cover up in embarassment. In the Second Borealis Galactic War, Fre'kloar and the other Leedas were tricked by Arkarixus' plot to fool the Rogue Loron into betraying Falrik Zaarkhun, their most loyal ally. Their betrayal came when they tried to invade the Zoles Imperium capital themselves, alone...only to be utterly humiliated as Arkarixus squashed them in minutes.

  • Ref'kolar - ONE FLIKK OF DAT GUYS HAND AND ALL OF YOO WULD BE DED!!!! YOR AN ANT COMPARED TO HIM AHAHAHAHA
  • Fre'kloar - DAT WAS ONE TIME MAN. ONE TIME!!!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - NO IT WASNT

And then came another moment of Fre'kloar's embarassment that he preferred never to talk about: Da Reckoning. After the other Rogue Loron Leedas had failed on their various crusades, Fre'kloar was closest to winning, after he reached Hyperborea, the center of the Polar Crystal Alliance. Of course, once he arrived, with the immense numbers on his side, Arkarixus appeared and squashed him with ease. Once again, he barely escaped with his life, saved only by the Rogue Geek throwing a starship at the space station.

  • Ref'kolar - HE BEET YOO AGEN. YOO LED DA LORON TA RUIN!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - STOP SHOWIN ME DESE VISHONS!!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - ADMIT YOR FAILURE!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!! FAILURE FAILURE FAILURE
  • Fre'kloar - NEVA!!!! I DEFEETED DA GHOSTIES IN DAT WAR AN DEN AFTA DAT I WAS DA STRONGEST!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - NO YOR NOT!!! SO MUCH EVEN YOR OWN BOYZ SAW IT!!!!

The final image appeared, bringing Fre'kloar to tears. In Da Insurrekshon, an upstart rebellious Rogue Loron named Def'glasha caused many bands of Loron to rapidly defect away from Da Rogue Boyz, disatisfied with Fre'kloar's failed leadership. When Fre'kloar ignored Rel'larutina's advice for how to proceed, preferring to face Def'glasha head on, he was easily defeated and embarassed.

  • Ref'kolar - DA ONLY REESUN YOO LASTED DIS LONG IS LUK AND CUS YOO LET YOR HOMIES SOLVE YOR PROBLEMS FOR YOO. ALL YOO DO BY YASELF IS FAIL!!!!!!!!
  • Fre'kloar - I GIVE UP!!!! I FAILED DA LORONZ!!!!!
  • Ref'kolar - DERES ONLY ONE PLACE YOO BELONG. YOO IS BANISHED!!!

A trapdoor then suddenly under Fre'kloar's feet, sending him pummeling into utter darkness until he fell into something he could barely see. As he started feeling around, his blood ran cold as he realized he was in a rollercoaster cart.

In the darkness, lights suddenly illumated what looked like an enormous skeletal Loron tipping a giant tophat, who let out a horrible cackle.

  • Mista Bone - WELCOME TO DA RIDE. DONT FORGET: YOR HEER FOREVA!!!
Da Loron stoof
WEZ DA REAL LORONZ MAN DONT REED DAT UNO STOOF ITS DUM
OI BOLD MEENS SPESHUL STOOF
WE IS DA REAL COOL LORONZ DA ROGUE BOYZ IS DUM DONT REED DEM
WE IZ DA DEFFMARCH BOYZ AN WE IS DA BEST COS WE WIV DA MALI'NAR YA DUMBOS
Part SporeWiki:Fiction Universe
Colonization is currently CLOSED

Bold indicates particularly important topics

Italic indicates fiction made by users other than Borealis's creator
Information
Nations and Races of Borealis
Historical Events
Advertisement