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Split Personalite A Loron History of SporeWiki is subjective
The perspective of this article is written from the point of view of a faction, media corporation or character in the Fiction Universe and may contain biases and inaccuracies. Read with an open mind!

The Loron Histories, known natively by Loron as Da Gangstapedia, is a series of articles written by various Loron historians, though several bosses throughout history have forcibly altered it (depending on their ability to read). These articles focus on a history of all things from Loron perspective.

If you wish for a Loron History of any particular subject, please give a request to Technobliterator, the author of the Loron!

HistoriesEdit

MythologyEdit

The Creation of the Universe

in da beginnin, da godz was chillin at a pizza party in godland. dey was da illest gangstas of all da godz at da time, which included da xhoddie boyz, da fake godz called 'taldar', da lite bulb 'verezaph' fingies an da naked bighed wannabe gods who no one remembas becuz deyz ded (peepz say da xhoddies killed dem but we kno dat da loron godz did). one day, while chillin at da pizza party, deir schedule was "driveby an kill som xhoddie boyz", "rob some otha fools" or "make moar pizza". but dey decided dat dey was bored of bein da only hard geezas on da blok. so dey got togetha an made da ooniverse. dey did dis by drawin it wiv deir crayons dat dey stole frum da Galotian Crayon God down da blok den animatin it ta life.

da godz saw dat it was ok at first. dey put tons of planets on it an den planted pants evrywher an made da sea an all dat stoof. dey was like "dis is cool man but deres somfin missin". so dey made deir best creashon yet: Da Loronz. dese were designed ta be da illest gangstas on da blok an so da Godz made dem so dey was tuffa dan any otha animal even ten times deir size. dey got kinda hungry coz of workin so hard so da godz put animals fer dem ta kill. howeva, da ooniverse wasnt compleet.

da loronz was cool an all, but not only did dey need someone ta giv birf ta moar, dey needed someone ta cook fer dem an kik around. an someone else who could talk cuz dey was gettin kinda lonely. even boyz need love too yanno. so da godz made Da Chikz. dis was a kinda meh creashon but it did da job. an even still, da godz saw da ooniverse wasnt finished.

finally da godz brainstormed on wat ta do next. den dey had da genius idea. dey knoo dat dey culd make creetures stronga dan any otha dum god who dey culd jus shank but dey realised a fing missin ta make da loronz truly da hardest geezas alive. how do ya make someone look tuff? ya put week peepz in so da tuff geezas look tuffa. so da godz created lotsa stoopid ugly aliens in ottzello but it was ok. becuz da gods made dem week an wimpy an stoopid so dat da loron culd smak dem an eet dem an stoof. dis was ta proov dat da godz was truly da hardest an illest geezas an dat no one culd mess wiv dem. dey proved dis by winnin da First Ottzello Galactic War agenst da stinky aliens.

ova a dozen yeers ago, in da War of Ages, we fought da entire ooniverse. we won. we killed dem stoopid xhoddie boyz dat was all "NAH IMMA KILL YOR GODZ OONIVERSE" an da godz was all "NAH COM FITE ME" den dey died. now dis is da fing dese alien an UNO skools dunt teech ya ya see. becuz dey culdnt deel wiv da idea dat da loronz was da hardest so dey made up dis geeza called kroc but we all kno dat hes a myth an da loronz won. anyway da xhoddies left cuz dey was scared of us fer a whil.

an dats da story of how da ooniverse is how it is. dunt be lissenin ta some peepz wiv deir propaganda tellin yoo any different. da godz made da ooniverse fer da loronz ta enjoy an fer dem ta be da illest gangstas on da blok.

Creation of the Norol

som boyz wonda, and wiv gud reesun, WHER DID DA CHIKZ COME FROM??? i mean, sur dey hav da same skin as loronz, but DEYZ SUM SORTA SPIDA FINGIES AND DEYZ GRILLS MOST IMPORTANTLY. IT DUNT MAKE SENSE... UNLESS YA CHEK DA GANGSTAPEDIA, which yor kinda doin atm, and DAT GIVES YA +5 COOL POINTS. anyway da chikz, who call demselves "Norol" (COPYCAT NAME DAT ITS JUS LORON BUT BAKWARDS I MEEN WAT DA HELL BE A LITTEL MOR ORIGINAL) like ta claim dey wus da original race of groodrub and dat da time piggies created da loronz ta serve as deyr bodyguards. DUNT LISSEN TO DEM, ITS JUS FEMINAZI PROPAGANDA. LIES AND SLANDA I SAY. IT CANT BE TRU CUS NO LORON IN DEYR RITE MIND WOULD FOLLOW A CHIKS ORDAS UNLESS SHES ONE OF DA ROGUE LEEDAS. AND EVEN DEM, WE WULD POUT AND COMPLAIN AND CALL HER A GEEK.

da tru origins of da chikz date bak a dozen yeers, waaaay bak befor loronz became space farin. see dere was dis geeza called Woh'myn who was kind of a losa, goin around tormentin loronz and bein a general prik. so Zr'An'Kar descended from da heavens (URO sez it was Roz'Tah'Flok but DATS ALSO LAIS AND ANTI-ROGUE BOYZ PROPAGANDA) carryin dis flip-off big hamma and went all "MATE YOR TOO CHEEKI FOR MA LIKIN" and SMASHES HIS HED IN but he didnt dai. insted, his body got squished so he was jus a hed wiv legs and arms. den Zr'An'Kar forced Woh'myn ta eet nuffin but ded loronz foreva.

when he did eet ded loronz, he found out he was nao able ta lay eggs (MENTAL SCARRIN IMAGE GOOD GODZ I NEED A DRINK BBL) ok bak anyway, he laid eggs which hatched into baby loronz and otha walkin heds like himself. so afta Woh'myn died all of his weird spida-like babies started spreadin and makin more loronz so we kept dem around cus more loronz is always betta, and we called dem "Chikz" cus im pretty sur dats ancient loroniz spik for "YA SO UGLY". Zr'An'Kar also kikked sum otha god and yelled a bit, dis otha god whose name i cant rememba invented wat we today call DA KITCHEN wher yor meant ta store all ya chikz fer safe keepin. ya poot dem dere and dey make pizza for yas. deyz much weaka dan da boyz so in case dey complain, yoo slap dem a bit and call dem fat, dat makes dem work agen.

when Chikz get old, den dunt grow into bigga and betta forms liek loronz. insted, dey stop layin eggs and become SOOOOO IRRITATIN. dey start complainin and not workin and bein general "no fun allowed" types. it was a problem fer a couple dozen yeers (cus da old Propa Big Loron Empire was TOO LAZI TO DO SUMFIN ABOUT IT) until Da Rogue Boyz invented da Loron Smashaz, whichs dese giant robots ya poot chikz in so dey fight for ya army. and giant robots is always fun, especially when dey explode. dere used ta be a Chik-only Groop which wus all "equality for norolz!", but Fre'kloar was all "NOT ON MY WATCH" and stomped it. howeva, today da rogue boyz hav a Chik Leeda, apparently cus dat makes dem less moody but somtimes it feels weird takin ordas from one of dem. apparently she makes gud pizza so i guess all is forgiven.

The Apocalypse

NOW HEERS A DISCLAIMA FIRST OF ALL: IF YOR A MASSIV WIMP WHO WET HIMSELF WEN HE FIRST SAW BLOOD AN WHO GOT SAD WEN YA MOMMY DIDNT GIV YA DA TOY YA WANTED AN WHO CRIED WEN YA FAVOURITE CHARACTER GOT DIVORCED IN A SOAP OPERA ON TV OR WHO FINKS CHIKZ SHULD BE GIVEN "EQUAL RITES" OR "RESPECT" (SERIUSLY WHO FINKS DAT) DEN YOO SHULDNT REED DIS. IN FACT IN YOO FIT ANY OF DA ABOV YOO SHULDNT EVEN BE A LORON AN I WILL BE HAPPY TA TAKE YA TO MY GANG AN WE CAN HANG YOO AN KILL YOO ERLY OR DEPORT YOO TA UNO SO WE CAN KILL YOO NEXT TIME WE RAID YOR PLANET. COZ DIS IS A SAD STORY.

ok now dats out da way lemme start. so yanno how da godz made da ooniverse by drawin it wiv crayons den bringin it ta life? well eventually like most normal peepz deyz gonna realise dat art is borin an get tired of it. but da fing is dat da loronz is deir best creashon eva an dey lov da loronz. particularly da Rogue Boyz loronz so deyz gonna disown da UNO loronz but dats not important. so basically becuz dey love da loronz so much an deyz so proud of deir creashon dey wanna see how long dey can last. so dey give da loronz one last challeng: da fite of deff wher da loronz dey except fer jus a few becuz dey mite change deir mind an want da oonivers ta last longa.

yeh yanno wat dat meens. YOR GONNA DIE!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. oh wait dat meens im gonna die. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

OK YOO IN DA BAK STOP CRYIN. IMMA SLAP YOO UP IF YA INTERRUPT MA STORYTELLIN AGEN. AN DONT DISRESPECT ME. OK IM NOT GONNA CONTINUE DIS STORY TILL DAT WIMP GETS KIKED OUT DA ROOM. SERIUSLY WAT A LITTLE TWERP. HES GONE? ok cool.

dere are three important signs dat da Apocalips is comin. first of all, an evil geeza frum da past will raise frum da ded known as Da Devil. no one knows who but hes comin an everyone will hate him. den, he will raise forth an army of tortured souls an evil deemunz even more powaful dan da xhoddie boyz known as Da Zombie Loronz. becuz how do ya fite da best species eva? ya make unded vershons of dem cuz dats da only fing dat can match dem. becuz of cours da loronz is da best eva so by dis point all da aliens will be ded. an dats da third fing: yor gonna hav massiv nitemares about him comin for yoo in ya pyjamas an wiv ya teddy bear nex ta ya in ya sleep an hes gonna rip da teddy bears hed off den rip yor hed off. wait yoo guys dunt hav teddy bears?...urm...GUN. I MENT GUN. YEH COZ YANNO IF YOO GET ROBBED IN DA NITE? YEEEEH GUN I MENT.

but all isnt lost. i meen at dat point da loronz is doomed but dere will be a few heroes. one of dem is known as Chuk Norris, or Jon Freeman, da champion of da godz. dis is da leeda of da Ghost Pirate Robot Armiez dat will also raise frum da ded an fite da zombie loronz. on da otha hand, yoov got da Gipsy Ninjas, led by da all powaful god, da brotha of Jon Freeman, Morgan Freeman. now da apocalips begins wen Morgan Freeman gets killed by Da Devil an so happiness ends an da sun goes ta blak an da evil reign of terror sweeps across da land.

but its ok. a few loronz will surviv. SHUT UP MAN I DUNNO WAT "CONSISTENCY" MEENS GET OUTTA HEER YA STOOPID GEEK. MAN SO MANY RUDE INTERRUPSHONS DIS STORY I SWER. ok wher was i. oh yeh. but da Ghost Pirate Robot Gypsy Ninja Zombies led by Jon Freeman get deir revenge for da life of da loronz evrwher an kill da Devil. den evryon celebrates an puts up a statue: "Jon Freeman: Saver of Humens".

an dats how da ooniverse ends. by not actually endin. BECUZ DA LORONZ NEVA LOSE.

The Six Suns

OK DESE COM STRAIGHT FROM DA HOLY BOOKS OF DA LORONZ SO YA BETTA LISSEN GUD. DA SIX SUNS IS DA PROFFECY TOLD EVA SINCE DA LORONZ WAS BORN BAK AT GROODRUB AND HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN BY GENERASHUNS OF PREECHAS WHO IS ALL SIK CUS DEY WORSHIP ZR'AN'KAR (AND NOT ROZ'TAH'FLOK WHOS A COPYCAT UNO GOD). DEY TELL HAO DA LORONZ WILL EVOLVE AND BATTA EVERYUN IN DA OONIVERS SO ITS PROPA SIK STOOF

it all begins in wat da holy books call da BLOOD SUN. at da furst sunrise, da loronz rise into spaic and create deyr furst empiya. dat we kno as da foundin of Da Propa Big Loron Empire who knos hao long ago. den comes da METUL SUN, for in da second sunrise, a supa strong loron will rise ta leed da empiya and start an age of gold. APPARENTLY dats meant ta be Zr'Ahgloth but imo da holy books ovarestimate dat geeza a bit too much.

den comes da ROGUE SUN. in da third sunrise, a propa sik loron rebels agenst da Metul Leeda, and creates da troo empiya of loronz. obvs dats Da Rogue Boyz whichs da best loron empiya eva BUT LISSEN WELL CUS ITS ABOUT TA GET SPICY. da fourff sunrise heralds da DEVIL SUN, wher da Devil incarnate rises from hell and starts DA APOCALYPS (read Gangstapedia p. 1985364 fer details. akshully no, jus scroll a bit up man) but its ok cause da Rogue Leeda shanks him and kills him. we kno dis as bein da Da Blak Kroozade when Fre'kloar destroyed Gratz'kaoz WHICH WAS SO SIK DA GODZ CLAPPED TO DA LORONZ

wat coms next is da OLD SUN. in da fifth sunrise, da Rogue Leeda settles his score wiv da Metul Leeda, kills him and becomes da ultimate leeda of all loronz eva. dat is also known as da time WE SHANKED UNO AND TOOK OVA, BECOMIN DA BEST EVA PERIOD. and da final sun is da VENOM SUN, in da sixth sunrise, da loronz STOMP DA ENTIRE FIRST GIGAQUADRANT AND BECOME DA ULTIMATE RULAS OF DA OONIVERSE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! SO GET REDI LOSAS. DA VENOM SUN IS ABOUT TA RISE AND NO ONE IS GONNA STAND IN OUR WAY!!!!


[Tattered pieces of paper make mention of something called a Rogue Sin. The text is too damaged to be read.]

Doomsday

da doomsday is da most bleek an depressin loron future written about in da holy books as a punishment fer da loronz if dey screw up an commit lotsa sin. dis is not ta be confused wiv da apocalypse wen evryun dies, dis is arguably worse dan deth. da story goes like dis:

in da grim darkness of da far futur, da loronz is losas. i meen literal losas, as in dey loos lotsa wars, den de Evil Trinity of Doom all joins forces ta enslav da loronz. first deres da Unlikeable Numskulls of Ottzello shootin deir computa gunz, den deres da Dumbo Combinashon of Pizza shootin deir blak hole cannonz, den deres da Cyrannian Republicans shootin deir Ronald Raygunz an it causes da loronz ta loos badly den becom slaves. now dat part alone was supa depressin an i wuldnt blame yoo if ya go home cryin to ya mommy rite now tbh, but deres moar.

loronz hav ta liv in a society wher evryfin is PROPA DUM. DEY HAV TA FOLLOW RULES EVEN DUMMA DAN UNO. an dey have ta worship dis geeza called "Big Brotha" whos basically jus a muppet dat hates loronz an takes pride in controllin dem. if yoo forgot unos rules an hav no idea wat dis is like den heres a list:

  1. dont fink bad stuff. if yoo even say "I HATE BIG BROTHA HES A TOSSA" den dese geezas called da Thought Copz com to yor home.
  2. no crimez. like most stinky alienz, Big Brotha is jelus of crimez becus he doesnt like havin his car robbed cos he cant rob otha peepz, so he just bans crimez like a wimp.
  3. no pizza. dis agen is becus deyz stoopid tyrants dat hate happiness.
  4. wateva history is written doesnt matta cos only wat Big Brotha wrote mattas, he can basically rewrite da books so he won evry war eva. ta be honest dis rule isnt dat unfair cos wat kinda geek reeds anywayz.
  5. evry two weeks, deres dis fing called Da Two Minutes of Hate, wher da legend Fre'kloar coms on screen but dey hav ta hate him, an throw tomatoes an boo him an make rap disses ta him an whoeva makes da best rap diss wins.

da Thought Copz tortur yoo until yoo go "OK NVM BIG BROTHAS A LEGEND" wen yoo break dese rules. dey com to yor home like "YO WHER YO AT IMMA KNOK YOO OUT" den dey throw yoo into da brig wher yoo get tortured. MAN ITS PROPA DEPRESSIN. but HOWEVA deres one part of dis story dats not so bad.

lata on, in dis depressin futur controlled by Big Brotha, som geeza called Win'stunn gets born an hes all "MAN BIG BROTHAS A STOOPID TWIT" but he neva says it out loud. den he meets dis chik called "Joo'leeya" whos like "I GOT DIS MASSIV ROBOT DAT CAN KILL PEEPZ" an hes all "MAN YOR SIK" den dey work togetha in deir spare time ta build robots an it works. but den da Thought Copz catch dem anywayz.

now som holy books tell yoo afta dat dat dey brainwashed Win'stunn but IM HEER TA TELL YOO DEYZ ALL FALSE. da truth is jus befor dey brainwashed him, he summoned da loron god known as Brok'O'Bama who killed da Cyrannian Republicans den shanked Big Brotha an den Zr'An'Kar killed da UNO an da DCP. den da loronz was free foreva.

COS LORONZ NEVA LOOS.

Legend of Democracy

da legend of democracy is a sekshon of da holy books which depicts a dark time in an alternat reality of da loronz in which dey decided ta be stoopid an copy stinky alienz wiv deir whol "politikz" fing. so if ya rememba wat dat is its basically dat a buncha tossas com on stage like "I KNO SOMET WAT YOO LOT DONT KNO BTW DA OTHA GUY IS A WIMP" den peepz go into a room an put a cross nex to one of deir names on paper (in sekrit bcuz dis is fer wimps dats too scared ta express deir opinions) an da winna is who got most crosses nex to deir name. so basically dis suks bcuz a) no fitin an b) it requires yoo ta REED about da peepz on da papa, which is PROPA BORIN MAN.

so as yoo can imagin, it got to a relly bad point wher da govermennts was all corrupt as hell an it was so dum. basically a buncha rich nobz wuld jus spend lotsa money on da guy most likely ta win so dat dat guy wuld do wateva dey want, such as bom alienz ta rob oil an not hav ta pay taxes, an den all da peepz got all mad like "MAN WHAI IS DESE BOSSES SUCH LIAS ITS SO STOOPID". also dis was da time wen dere was lotsa terrorists bommin da Loron evrywher an da government was too wimpy ta go stomp dem so nuffin happened man.

ok so basically ta pik da noo boss, dere was two different gangz, da Rebloodicans an da Democrips, an wat ya hav ta do is get most crosses on yor name fer one of dose parties den get most crosses on yor name fer da whol galaxy. its a weird system but anywayz heers how it went.

wiv da Rebloodicans it was jus a dumpsta fire man. lotsa wankas came on stage talkin bout stoopid stoof dat no one cared about, includin dis tiny guy, dis guy who was all "LUL I MADE A FUNNI PLZ CLAP", dis sleepy guy dat was all "I BELEEV GRENZAAR WAS AKSHULLY MADE BY DA TALDA AS A GIANT FRIDGE TA STORE PIZZA", an dis randum religious geeza who was all "MUH HAMBURGA PRICES". dey was all idiots, den dis one geeza came on called Da Don Tr'ump, who was all "COLD LORONZ IS RAPISTS AN CRIMINALS but i assume som ar good peepz", an den evryon was all "urm dats kinda racist????" but den dey remembered dat da otha geezas was borin. so dey went on stage an da Don Tr'ump was all "YOR A MESS, YA DADS A LIA, AN DA BIG TOWAS GOT BOMMED BY TERRORISTS BECUZ OF YOR BRO ALSO HE STARTED A STOOPID WAR", den evryon was all "eh so dis geezas an idiot but at leest hes agenst da corrupshon an he doesnt take money frum da rich nobhedz so imma go wiv dis geeza" an den he had da most crosses nex ta his name.

wiv da Democrips it was still stoopid but it was far more depressin. firstly dere was dis chik called H'lari, now not only is she a FLIPPIN CHIK, shes a crook dat takes money frum da rich nobhedz an bommed otha planets fer no reesun. dere was a few pretty boy twits but no one cared about dem. now da depressin part is wen da sikkest geeza eva came on. dis was a geeza known as Bern'sandas, who was all "YO IMMA KNOK DA RICH NOBHEDZ OUT DEN FORCE DEM TA PAY FER FREE PIZZA FER ALL" an most of da young loronz was all "MAN DATS PROPA SIK IMMA PUT MA CROSS NEX TA HIS NAME". howeva den da biased media kept lyin like "hes a COMMUNIST an he cant pay fer dat", which is false, becuz he culd pay fer it by robbin da bank (dats wat he ment wen he said "break up da big banks" rite? rite???). now som peepz say he lost ta H'lari bcuz he culdnt get enuff Dark Loron ta put a cross nex ta his name, but we kno dat he lost bcuz it was RIGGED. RIGGED I SAY!!!!!

so it was H'lari versus Da Don Tr'ump. bof of dem is propa losas, deyz compulsiv lias an deyz all borin, an i swer neitha of dem culd probz even win a fite. HOW CAN YA HAV A PROPA BIG BOSS DAT CANT WIN A FITE???? anywayz so it was a propa dumpsta fire wen dey went on stage. H'lari wuld be all "yor plans ar stoopid", den Tr'ump was all "WRONG". also Tr'ump was all "MAN I CAN GRAB CHIKZ BY DA PUSSY BCUZ IM RICH" an evryun went "wut". so he was about ta loos den som spies in da goverment was all "btw wes investigatin Crooked H'lari becuz she wrote stoopid lettas" an den da peepz was all "OH MA DEYZ WEV GOT A CHOICE BETWEEN TWO MASSIV CROOKS". now if da Loronz in dis alternat reality was smart dey wuld beet dem boff up an den force da current Propa Big Boss ta stay on fer longa, but NOPE DA HOLY BOOKS SAY DAT DA PEEPZ DID DA ELEKSHON AN DEY ELECTED DA DON TR'UMP.

wat a propa stoopid an depressin yeer. i meen ta be honest man i feel propa bad fer da peepz in dis reality, but deres a lesson ta be lernt: NEVA choose yor leedas wiv politikz, always choose dem wiv fites to da deff. an dis is why no self respectin loronz will EVA do democracy. EXCEPT DA LOSAS IN URO. MAN DOSE GUYZ IS IDIOTS EVEN THO I HERD DA GANGSTA PARTY WASNT DAT BAD DEYZ STILL MASSIV IDIOTZ.

FactionsEdit

Unified Nation of Ottzello

da Unlikable Numskulls of Ottzello is a communist empiya of traitas, wannabes, an wimps, as well as som robots dat no one likes eitha. it was founded in da Third Ottzello Galactic War, an unimportant war cuz we wasnt in it, we was on holiday in da Milky Way Galaxy becuz of da HXT fingies was too hard...uh...too BORIN ta fite. see otha dan da HXTs dere was da TRAITA DUMBOS WIV ZRAHGLOTH AN DA KRALGIES, den dere was da stinky aliens dat we used ta pik on befor da traita dumbo loron went soft.

uno was formed wen dey realised dat dere was a way dey culd come togetha an solve da galaxys problems: dey got deir leedas togetha in front of a screen an watched porno movies, den mastabated ova dem togetha an formed peece. dey worshiped da computas dat showed dem da footage an injekted nanomusheenz in orda ta giv dem an erekshon becuz dey culdnt do it on deir own, an dats how da masheenz made uno deir slaves. heres da worst part: da loronz unda Zr'Ahgloth all got sukkered into dis. an so deyz all soft. deyz all soft an week weneva dey dunt injekt da nanomusheenz in dem anywayz.

da important rules on which UNO was founded are as follows:

  1. males hav ta injekt nanomusheenz into deir bodies ta stimulate an erekshon. females hav to ta stimulate cookin senses. dis is becuz dey is unable to on deir own an became addicted ta technology unlike DA TROO LORONZ.
  2. no crimez. dis is becuz da leedas got all butthurt wen da loronz robbed deir pizza so dey banned it.
  3. kill all rogue boyz. dis is cuz deyz jelus of our godz an our gangsta bosses.
  4. no pizza. dis is becuz deyz communist tyrants dat hate happiness.
  5. da most important rule of UNO is, ya hav ta kiss da computas dat run da place an lick dem. dis is becuz uno is seriusly messed up in da hed.

uno is not wivout its good merits. fer one fing, uno got tons of giant robots dat smak otha geezas. if i hav one complaint about da rogue boyz its how da only giant robots IS USED BY CHIKZ. stoopid dat is. da otha good fing about uno is dey got lotsa bling dat dey giv peepz fer free. dey dont hav ta steel it cuz da computas giv it for dem so dey dont complain about anyfin. but dont forget dat deres lotsa bad stoof too. fer a start deir empiya OPPRESSES LORON by not allowin dem ta bully da chikz. chikz of all races mind yoo. now i ent sexist, cos bein sexist is wrong, an bein wrong is fer chikz. but i fink we all kno dat chikz shuld be in da KICHEN an dey shuld be CLEENIN STOOF. otha dan loron, dey also oppress criminals by havin stoopid cops dat lock peepz up fer robbin stoof. now i dunt even need ta explain why evryon shuld be allowed ta rob an steel an kill. if some geeza disrespects yoo, den yoo shuld be able ta smak him up an kill him den rob all his stoof insted of him complainin about "MUH RITES MUH FREEDOMS MUH FEELINS" to da "authorities" becuz honestly if yoo ask me dis is too much political correctness man.

uno has mooved galaxy twice. da first time was afta da Annihilashon wen da xhoddies blew up deir galaxy. dat was funni honestly. da second time was wen da Salsetthe Republic kiked dem out cuz dey was roudy an had a war wiv da zazzies. dey mooved to da Borealis Galaxy becuz no one else wanted dem, an ta be honest no one wanted dem in borealis even den, so da rogue boyz followed dem ta smak dem up an teech dem a lesson den make dem eitha leeve dis galaxy as well or jus die.

in da borealis galaxy, dey got into dis war which ill explain in anotha story. but basically as usual da Loronz won but dey got away. which is stoopid. dey joined a gang inlcudin da Stoopid Poshie Zoles Imperium dat attempts ta fite crime. dis is all part of deir nefarious plan ta take ova borealis an make it soft like dey made ottzello soft wen dey got in powa, an take away all da good pizza stores ta replace dem wiv book stores. howeva, dont worry, becuz one day, Da Rogue Boyz will kill evryon in UNO. deyz all traita dumbos dat dunt deserv ta liv fer wat deyv done.

Delpha Coalition of Planets

da Dumbo Combinashon of Pizza was founded about three dozen yeers ago, by Empra Wormulus II, as part of his nefarius plan ta conquer da entire ooniverse an turn it into a communist police state of slaves ta him. as a result, da DCP has taken ova tons of species an eradicated dier cultur so dat dey conform to da DCP wher deir knoo lives include bein geekz an worshipin Empra Wormulus like som sorta god but if ya ask me hes jus compensatin fer somfin.

da DCPs biggest enemy early on was da Grox. dis is becuz Empra Wormulus II was patrollin throo deir territory an dey called him meen fings an threw tomatoes at him so he bommed dem in rage an dey went ta war. now if da LORONZ was involved da war wuld end but da DCP ar incompetent so da war took dozens of yeers an i dunno if it is even ova i dont relly care aboot stoopid alien politics.

otha dan da grox, da DCP lata on fought da Xhoddie Boyz in da Tigris War an da War of Ages. dey lost becuz dey suk an deir buddies da Krassio an Rambo Losas culdnt save deir asses. afta dat da DCP got butthurt so dey went lookin fer empiyas ta pik on. dey chose da Propa Big Loron Empire. now da Propa Big Loron Empire suked but i admit dey did a decent job of fitin da DCP. typical of da DCP, dey interrupted da First Ottzello Galactic War an made it about dem in da Delphan Excavation War of Ottzello. anotha example of empra wormulus an his bloated ego compensatin fer somthin.

da War of Ages was still goin on an wen it resumed da Loronz got involved dis time. dis is why da Xhoddies was defeeted ya see. notice da Xhoddies lose da war soon as da loronz get involved. dats no coincidence: WE WON DA WAR. anywayz den dey went bak to da Delphan Excavation War of Ottzello. da DCP lost da war an ran away frum da galaxy in da Second Ottzello Galactic War cuz dey was scared. dey sed it was "ohhhh dis galaxy is beyond help" but we kno dat da loronz scared dem away. scared dem an deir idiot captin Titanozor bak into da hellhole dey came frum. heer dey went bak to deir daily lives of buildin massiv gunz ta destroy da ooniverse an look intimidatin but da troof is dat not only is dat an example of da bloated ego of deir Empra but deyz too scared ta fite propa so dey hav ta destroy planets befor ya can fite dem. typical.

da DCP is a police state which hates fun even moar dan most aliens. deir cultur is stoopid an deir geeky tekk is BOOOOORIIIIN. dis is why da loronz is heroes fitin ta save da galaxy frum deir evil clutches. but deres otha morons tryin ta be heroes an kill da DCP first. da Xonexi Moronz was started as a vigilante groop of losas fitin bak ta try an kill da DCP becuz dey felt intimidated an bullied so dey figured if dey joined forces dey wuldnt feel lonely. of cors da DCP still ended up betta off becuz da Xonexi neva got da Loronz involved so it was kinda hopeless.

i meen in all honesty most Loronz rememba wat da DCP did tryin terminate our cultur an kill us but it was mostly da Propa Big Loron Empire dey killed. so even if deyz dum dey did kill da dummest Loronz so i guess i dunt mind too much. wen da time comes, da Rogue Boyz will fite da DCP an win an save da ooniverse frum deir reign of tyranny. but maybe lata.

Xhodocto

da Xhoddie Boyz is a stuk up religon of false godz dat is basically just fer cultist blowhardz dats all "MA GODZ IS BETTA DAN YOR GODZ CUZ DEYZ DEMUNZ FRUM HELL" but da loronz is all "MAN SIT YO PUNK ASS DOWN BE HUMBLE" coz da LORON GODZ IS BETTA. i meen as usual typical alienz dont undastand da troof but wateva heers a few fings ya need ta kno bout da xhoddie boyz history:

da xhoddie boyz was created over a dozen dozen dozen dozen DOZEN DOZEN DOZEN DOZEN DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZEN (deep breth) yeers ago, YES DEY REELLY IS DAT OLD, ova in Godland which is wher da Loron Godz also liv. basically deir leeda, known as Antagonar, whoops i meen known as Angazhar, was in Godland an he was da pizza delivery boy. howeva da problem was his fat ass was SO LAZY dat he neva showed up ta work, so one day he got fired. afta heerin about dis, his girlfrend Angaladyzhar dumped his ass becuz he was broke so he went all "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR" an started an emo deth metal punk rock boyband known as da Four Horsemen, which consisted of himself as singa, Draguros on da drumz, Krath-watevadahek on da guitar an Santokefka on da...urm i forgot da name but da guitar wiv only four stringz.

needless ta say dis band was nowher NEER as popular as da Loron Godz rap careers. nondaless, dey erned a loyal followin among losas who got fired an dumped or who dress in all blak an wear stoopid makeup an da kinda emos dat ya bully in high skool, so dey was at leest popula in a few cults. dis led to deir followas known as da Tandava dat always showed up to deir concerts drunk an honestly it was kinda a mess.

da important fing tho happened wen da Xhoddie Boyz took deir career to da noo level by introducin hits in dis ooniverse, which da LORON GODZ DIDNT APPROV OF, but dey got mad becuz no one eva lissened to dem as kids so dey started a war wiv da whol oonivers known as da War of Ages. at first we laffed at dem an thought dey was jokin den dey blew up da Tigris Galaxy an so we was like "rofl step to me boi" an dey came ta dis one. but becuz deez guys is wimps, dey basically sent deir screemo fans ta get us, known as Da Congregashon, which frum dis point on will be known as Da Asskissas becuz no one can spell dat name. Da Asskissas succeeded in fitin da Krassio Dumbos an all deir allies becuz da loronz wasnt involved.

ova a dozen yeers lata, da War of Ages begun in a war wiv da entire ooniverse, in which as is well known by all scholars, da loronz won, an anyfin statin othawise is fake news. basically da Asskissas summoned da Xhoddie Boyz' deemun fans, known as da Samut'angar, which frum now on will be referred to as "Da Moshpit Groopies", an den dey started fitin evryfin, den dey had a time of PEECE (yuck) known as da Cold War, becuz dey got scared wen dey found out wat ooniverse dey was in. da Loronz ended da Cold War by throwin a rock at da depressed Angazhar, who got so mad dat he threw da whol ooniverse inta Hell.

shortly afta dis, Zr'Ahgloth GRATZ YA MORONZ NO IT WAS FRE'KLOAR, I SWER IF SOM VANDAL RUINZ DIS PART AGEN IMMA KNOK DEIR TEEF OUT anywayz, FRE'KLOAR went an piked up a sword known as Soul Calibur, or da Buster Sword, or da Xhodocto Bane, deres lotsa names fer it, an sliced Angazhar's hed off an da band had ta cancel deir tour. dis ended da Xhoddie Boyz once and fer all.

BUT DEIR ASSKISSAS AN CULTISTS STILL PRETEND DEYZ NOT DED AN ALSO DEY KEEP COMIN BAK. man i dunno wat dey is but dem godz is weird. anywayz as long as da Loron Godz exist deyz not gonna botha us. im akshully tempted ta go kill dem rite now...on second thoughts urm...PIZZA PARTY YEH I GOT A PIZZA PARTY TA ATTEND OK GOOD STORY BYE

Draconid Imperium

da Draconid Imperium was an old empiya of geekz in da Milky Way Galaxy. dey is now known as da Indocs Who Collect an da stoopid lil snobbish geekz hav mooved to borealis even despite no one wantin dem dere. oh wait a sec. wrong empiya. i always get Draconis and Dracogonarius mixed up ya see. stoopid aliens wiv deir names...

da Snobbish Lil Twits of da Drak'onis, also known as da Draconid Imperium, is an ancient empiya of losas in da Andromeda Galaxy, a randum galaxy dat no one cares about becuz deres hardly any loronz in it. i herd da Zazzie Boyz live in Andromeda as well, which goes ta show how stoopid it is. speekin of which da Draconid Imperium is allied wiv da Zazzies. dat rite dere shuld tell yoo all ya need ta kno about how bad dey is but becuz im a nice bloke im gonna tell yoo evryfin anyway.

da Imperium was started ova a dozen dozen DOZEN yeers ago (yes dey relly is dat old) on som planet by som geeza who decided he dikwavin so much he wanted a whole empiya based on dikwavin. dis is why da empiya is full of posh lil twits wiv expensiv bling dats all HURHUR LOOK IM MOAR CULTURED DAN YOO. da empiya began takin ova planets fer da sole purpose of boostin deir self esteem, cuz in troof da draconis ar actually preshus little flowas whos feelins ar hurt easy so dey make demselves look "sophisticated" ta feel betta on da outside. dis is why dey took ova planets an stuk to deir empiya fer so long ya see. becuz dey wanted ta win da "oldest empiya dats still standin" contest several yeers in da future, which is da present.

da draconid imperium is also known fer bein annoyin lil snobs who keep shovin da warz deyv won in peepz faces. an example is da Andromeda War. now no one cared about dis war becuz a betta war was goin on in Borealis DAT WE WAS IN. an no one cares about wars wivout da loronz. now da draconid go on all da time about "hur we won dis war an got all da artifacts" but wes all shut up man. da worst part is dey wasnt even in da war of ages. or if dey was i neva saw dem. i wuldt kno cuz i was too busy KILLIN XHODDIE BOYZ ta notice tho.

speekin of da andromeda war dis goes bak to a point i made earlia. da draconid imperium allied wiv da stoopid zazzies but also wiv Da Duminarium Heretikz. lata on dey allied wiv da Xonexi Moronz, an empiya set up ta fite da DCP. now if ya ask me i dunno who ta root for heer i kinda hope dey bof kill eech otha honestly. but dese wars is kinda laffable becuz its a buncha dikwavin ova who has da bigga gunz so i meen if da draconid imperium wins i wuldnt be surprised. dis is why loronz dunt get involved in stoopid alien wars. deyz so pathetic.

da draconid imperium is widely renowned by stinky aliens fer its culture. dis is undastandable, becuz aliens are also well known ta hav a stoopid taste. fer a start, da draconid imperium has very dum "classical" music, which no one likes, becuz deir empiya is full of old grandpas dats stuk in da past an refuse ta invent rap music. anotha example is how dey stare at paintins. dis is becuz, like most stinky aliens, deir empiya bans crime, so da draconis live borin lives wher dey stare at paintins on da wall an consida dem "valuable" wen honestly deyz jus scribbles ta me.

but dey wuldnt be stinky aliens if dey didnt worship a false god. dey worship a geeza called Drakon, becuz deyz stoopid an cant spell da word dragon. dis is a firebreethin flyin repitle dat burns down houses. i meen its kinda a cool concept but its nuffin compared to da loron godz.

i meen overall da draconid imperium is jus anotha example of why da loronz dunt interact wiv stinky aliens. buncha snobs, dey hate fun an most of all deyz snobs. dunt botha even talkin to dem.

EventsEdit

Second Ottzello Galactic War

LMAO!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

ok lads lets see if i can get thru dis one wivout chokin maself ta deff laffin cos dis story is da most hilariusly ironic fing eva.

rememba Da Propa Big Loron Empire? dey was da obnoxius lil twits who was all snobbish to da smalla loron empiyas, like "mate wes so much betta dan yoo why is yoo even tryin", an dey tried to unite all da loronz unda one banna, but dey FAILED to do dat coz Zr'Ahgloth was a cocky hypocritical muppet an da leedas befor dat were even worse so no one wanted ta join, in fact lotsa loronz jus split an formed deir own empiya. durin da Second Ottzello Galactic War dey kept dis attitude an dey was all "LADS DERES A MASSIV WAR GOIN ON SO WES GONNA STEEL DA SPOTLITE AN KILL EVRYFIN, YOO SMALL EMPIYAS CAN SOD OFF" an da small empiyas was all "CHOKE ON A FAT ONE" an ignored him, an den wen dey got ensla-

oh wait i forgot ta say how dis war started lol. so basically it was started by da Kralgon Invasion Force, dis was led by Da Whiny Kralgon Empra Tossa who was revived afta he was frozen in ice becuz he was a moron, den da computas was all "btw all yor peepz died while yoo was asleep an now your planet is jus a tourist destinashon fer losas dat cant afford ta go to da beech so dey stare at museums an ruins all day goin 'im so classy amirite'" an den da Empra was all "NOOOOOOOOOOOO MA PEEPZ I NEED TA GET REVENGE BRB BUILDIN MASSIV ROBOTS OF DEFF" an den he built a whole army of "AI Weponz", cloned himself a million times so dat he culd hav sex wiv his clones an den dey wuld make even moar clones, or somfin i dunno, an started invadin all da planets.

now rememba also dat da alienz in Ottzello was pathetic, an dis was even befor dey joined togetha as UNO. yoo had da hippies in da Galot Republic who was all "lets be frends wiv evryone an all get along an love eech otha yaaay frendship is magic" who didnt hav any weponz at all so da kralgonz rekt dem an it was kinda funny, an yoo had dese UTTA TWITS known as da Ottzel who was all "HAHA WE ENSLAVED HALF DA GALAXY AN YOO ALL SPEEK OUR LANGUAGE" an it was funny coz da Loronz put dem in deir place before an now da Kralgon Empra did, so da Empra smakked all da creturs around. of cours da twit Zr'Ahgloth culdnt handle someone takin da spotlite.

intent on makin da war all about himself, he went off an started a war wiv da Zazzies, tbh i forgot wat empiya dey was at da time cos dey change empiyas moar often dan a chik changes clothes, but anyway he started a war wiv em all to all da smalla empiyas he sed ta us "YOR NOT INVOLVED IN DIS SCROO OFF", an dat was wen we was all "LMAO CHOKE ON A FAT ONE GOOD LUK BEETEN DA ZAZZIES WIVOUT US" an we abstained frum fitin anyone but da Propa Big Loron Empiya an da Dumbo Combinashon of Pizza, who stuk around fer reesuns i cant fathom.

ok dis is da bit dat makes me ROFL SO HARD, basically Zr'Ahgloth an da Zazzi Tyraz was arguin an den Zr'Ahgloth went "YOR DIK IS TINY" an Tyraz went "YOO UNDAESTIMATE MA POWA" so dey got into a huge fite in which no one won lol dey both tired demselves out hahahaha. den da Kralgon Empra was all "OK IMMA ENSLAVE YOO NOW" an Zr'Ahgloth went "YOO CANT DO DAT MATE ONLY DA PROPA BIG LORON SENATE CAN DECIDE MA FATE" an da Empra was all "I AM DA SENATE" an den he stuk nanomasheenz in Zr'Ahgloth an in all da Loronz in da Propa Big Loron Empire an MAN IT WAS SO FREEKIN FUNNI AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ALL DESE TOSSAS WIV DEIR HEDS UP DEIR ASSES WHO WAS ALL "YOR PUNY EMPIRES ARE TOO SMALL TA BE IN DIS WAR YOR GONNA GET REKT SO JOIN DA PROPA BIG LORON EMPIRE IDIOTS" WERE DA ONES WHO GOT DEMSELVES ENSLAVED AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

lukily Fre'kloar an Jol'kiar got out while dey still culd since dese LOSAS didnt let dem take ova Da Propa Big Loron Empire, now had dey don dat an managed ta defeet Gratz'kaoz dey wuld hav all da Loronz on deir side eva an wuld have beet da Kralgies an da Zazzies an UNO mite hav neva formed, but dey didnt so yoo can blame da Propa Big Loron Empire fer most of da stupid trash dat happened

afta dat dere was Da Rebellion. dis was wen Fre'kloar united most of da smalla Loron empiyas, den also defeated Gratz'kaoz an so it was only his empiya, Da Rogue Boyz (DA BEST LORON EMPIYA EVA FITE ME IRL) an Da Propa Big Loron Empire who were slaves to da Kralgies. tbh i cant rememba why we didnt jus smash da Kralgies dere an den but WHO CARES MAN DA PROPA BIG TOSSA EMPIRE GOT REKT AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

Second War of Black Fog

bak in da dayz, da Propa Big Loron Empire was only full of blu geezas, and dey was racist. dey had dis fing called "da apartied", wher only blu geezas culd be in da empire an othas got kiked around an smaked an werent allowed ta be rappas or anyfin. i meen dats unfair man, da only peepz dat shuld be treeted dat cruelly ar chikz. but anywayz dese blak geezas started deir civil rites moovment an rebelled by joinin som deemun geeza. dis was known as da Foggy Second War of Blak Geezas.

da blak geezas, led by Hagto'Zhl, joined da best god eva - Zr'An'Kar - an he killed da propa big loron empire. i meen we at da rogue boyz didnt care at all we cheered dem on but den da problem came wen da blak geezas mistook us fer da racists an shot us. see da problem was dey was kinda copycats an cus we liked da same music an dressed da same dey was all "CULTURAL APPROPRIASHON" or "COPYCAT DUMBOS" so we fought dem a little bit. BUT WAIT. im gettin to da good bit: da messed up GRATZKAOZ CAME BAK AS A BLAK GEEZA. but it was ok becuz fre'kloar AS USUAL smakked him one an killed him so he died den all da blak geezas ran off.

at dis point da rogue boyz stopped carin so im tempted ta end da story now, but like usual, aliens hav ta drag it on an on an on until peepz get bored. basically around da same time Zr'Ahgloth wiv da Zazzies - YES HE ACTUALLY WORKED WIV DA FREEKIN ZAZZIES - fought Kolossus, but Kolossus ran an hid an pretended ta be ded, so dey was all "HURHUR WE KILLED HIM MAN" like da cocky lil gitz dey is an joined da DCP an da Dracs an started fitin deemunz. dere was anotha teem fitin otha deemunz but deyz even less important. NO I DONT CARE DAT DEY DID MORE STOOF DEIR STORY DOESNT INVOLVE AS MANY ENEMIEZ DYIN.

so dere was deez ABSOLUTELY HUGE planetz dat eeted stoof an da planetz was alive an it was weird. da good fing ta kno is dat even tho da DCP an da UNOz kept killin dem, lots of deir peepz died. so dey kept doin dis until da ultimat deemun came out like "IM DA BEST EVA WORSHIP ME" i dunno his name even but anywayz he did dat den sukked dem into hell. now heers da sad part: ONLY HALF OF DEM DIED. WAT DA HELL MAN IF ZRANKAR STAYED ALIVE ALL OF DEM WULD BE DED.

anywayz it doesnt matta becuz da blak geezas came bak lata an realised we wasnt racist like da stoopid propa big loron empiyas an we had cultural diversity an stoof. i swer man only in Da Rogue Boyz will yoo find peepz dis progressiv. OI SOMON GET DAT CHIK OUTTA HEER SHES INTERRUPTIN DA STORY. KIK HER OUT AN MAKE HER GO BAK TO DA KICHEN.

Second Borealis Galactic War

da Second Borealis Galactic War was started bak in 2780-somfin, by da leeda of da Xi'Arazulha, afta he got mad at da loronz fer callin him fat. enraged by dis, da xi'arazulha invaded da Borealis Galaxy hedin strait fer da Ottzello Secta, but den dey got ambushed by da Loronz an den died. so evryon went bak to deir daily lives finkin "well dat was da shortest war eva" but den it wasnt ova yet.

see now da UNO, a communist empiya of wannabes an drones, decided ta kiss da loronz ass one day an decided deyd copy da TROO Loronz. dey called da Vague fat. now see da vagues feelins was reelly hurt, which is why dey was all cryin evrytim ya try an fite dem. now da loronz fer da most part sat bak an laffed at dis point becuz da Vague was goin an killin UNOz whil da rest of da galaxy was all "well i dunt trust da UNOz becuz dey keep bringin war an dis neva happened befor dey showed up an ruined stuff". so we went around robbin ova geezas an killin da stoopid borealis empiyas. see dese guyz werent made by da Loron Godz, insted dey was made by som aliens dat no one knoo called da Cold Boyz who made dese Cold Relayz ta move around places but relly dey was places fer da loronz ta do drivebys an kill fools.

anywayz UNO started beetin da Vague, so dey started gettin cocky. dey called Rebaris fat as well. now da galaxy wuldnt stand fer dis so King Rebaris left cryin whil da rest of da galaxy sealed UNO in som bubble fing. now i meen i hate UNO as much as da nex guy but ya cant be doin dat man. da boyz need ta kill dem first. da loronz was lost aimlessly outside da bubble wiv no one ta kill until dis propa sik gangsta named Falrik Zaarkhun showed up. now i admit he kinda kissed da loronz ass a lot ta get dem ta work wiv him but dey made da Thugz Fer Dosh who wuld kill peepz fer da highest bidda, only waitin fer UNO ta say sorry so dey culd be let out da bubble. now fing is da UNO wasnt da loronz only enemy anymoar. da Stoopid Poshie Zoles Imperium was da nex fing in our way an Zaarkhun had a plan ta kill dem all wiv his boyfrend Genrai Nal an a geeza called General Volim, whos ass he also kissed quit a lot but he alredy had a boyfrend so it didnt work out.

afta dat, dey was about ta kill da galaxy den UNO apologized so dey got let out. now Zaarkhun kinda lost but it was his fault so meh. den dis geeza called Zargoth showed up an was all "i kno sumfin wat yoo lot dont kno, so ya betta lissen good". dis didnt apply to da loronz so no one cared honestly. but da fing was Zargoth was workin wiv da best Loron god, Zr'An'Kar, who worked wiv him afta Zargoth kissed his ass a lot. wow deres a lotta ass kissin in dis story wat da hell. umm wher was i...oh yeh. Zr'An'Kar got kinda scary but we didnt mind becuz he only yells becuz he loves us. den da Loronz ran off.

now see da history books tell yoo dat da Loronz lost ta UNO but deyz lyin. da troof is da Fre'kloar beet up da UNO an da otha borealis geezas den dey became his slaves but dey ran away at da end of da war. da borealis geezas did som otha stoof but no one reelly cares about dat becuz da loronz wasnt in it so lets get to da good part. otha dan Zatgoth, dere was anotha god geeza called Regnatus. long ago, way befor dis war, da Loron Godz called him fat, so he killed half da galaxy an made da Borealis Grox Empire his slaves. da Godz laffed of cors becuz he culd neva kill dem but it didnt matta. basically he confied himself to a spaceship. now da borealis doods got so scared i swer yoo shuldve seen da look on deir faces. dey formed a gang called da PCA, or da Politically Correct Asskissas, which dey named afta how deyz all "STOOPID RACIST LORONZ" an "STOOPID SEXISTS GIVIN YA CHIKZ NO RITES" an wateva an whil doin dis dey had ta kiss da loronz ass so we wuldnt kill dem befor Regnatus did. told ya man lotsa ass kissin in dis story.

now ya see, normally its considered Loronly ta leed da charg into battl feerlessly. but dis time Fre'kloar an Zaarkhun decided we shuld use da PCA losas as a meetsheeld fer da boyz whil WE actually killed Regnatus. we did by da way. den som geeza called da Old Useless Mekka decided ta show up an take all da credit while som otha geeza called Arkarixus challenged da boyz to a fite. he lost. but dese alien skools dunt teech ya dat.

ta be honest wiv yoo man wat happened in da war afta dat is kinda a blur. deres no reel consensus among da Loronz on wat happened. but heers da worst part: da PCA KILLED ZAARKHUN. an dey killed Volim but no one cares about dat. den da PCA ran away frum da loron an dey went an killed Zargoth for us. i meen its cool dat dey killed Zargoth an all but dey left us. an dats whai da Loron is foreva at war wiv da whol of Borealis. wes still mad dat we didnt get ta finish da war but one day we will. of cors a noo era known as da Ice Age came about which dey named afta da fact dat nuffin happens in it so it may as well be as fun as watchin wata turn into an ice cube.

The Ice Age

LITERALLY NUFFIN!!!

IF DERE IS ONE FING WHICH YOO COOLD DECLARE AS "ABSO-FRIKIN-LUTELY NUFFIN", ITS DIS ICE AGE FINGY.

ok let me explain whai dats da case. afta da second borealis war ended wiv da loronz winnin, da PCA went all "ok so fer nao on, da calenda is called ICE AGE cus we luv urself sum ice puns amirite fellas?" an den dey started countin da yeers as if it was yeer 0 agen fer sum weird reesun. see dats all fine an dandy but DATS WHER EVERYFIN GOES TA HELL.

DA GALAXY ENTERS A SELF-PROCLAIMED "PERIOD OF PEECE". i can alredy heer da frightened gasps of boyz and chikz goin unconscious and i say "MAN DA HELL UP DONT EMBARRASS ME" to dat. but yeh its flippin awful. EVERYUN DECIDES TO HAV A MASSIV CIRCLEJERK OF NUFFIN OF INTERESTIN HAPPENIN ANYWHER. pirates start dyin, orda becums da law, crime rates pummel. MAN ITS SO DEPRESSIN.

dere wus sum kinda interestin bits tho like when Fat Zaarkhun suddenly became unded for sum reeson and started bein all like "IM DA BEST EVA GENRAI WHER YOO AT I NEED MA DAILY DOSE OF YOR MANHOOD" kinda like da old Zaarkhun ennit? it led loron mercenaries ta hav an increese in jobs and dat meens we got ta loot and kill lots of losas so dats a gud fing. dere was dis ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYIN geeza which i dont wanna comment on. SHUT UP IM NOT SCARED I HAV MA REESUNS. and afta dat Kaptin Internet Scam came bak all "IM DA NOO VOLIM" and made a noo Wranploa Leejun but it wasnt as cool cus he was all like "LORONZ IS LOSAS" and we wus all "WANNA SLAP???" and allied ta Fat Zaarkhun cus hes betta. in da end we battared da noo Leejun BUT DA PCA WONT LET YOO KNO OF IT. WE WUS TOTALLY DERE AND WE KILLED EVERYUN.

den we kinda became lazi. dere wus nuffin ta do. SERIOUSLY DIS TIME PERIOD IS DA WORST. but den we invented dis noo sport we call "ICE CUBE TRIALS" whichs like loron olympics and its da sikkest fing eva. we hav one per yeer nao. and dats prety much all dere is to dis cus da loronz got neglected in dis time period. FER NAO.

Da Rogue Era

first of all befor i writ dis story i gotta make a disclaima: dis is one of DA BEST FINGS YOOLL REED an im kinda supa hyped an drank a ton an ate tons of pizza in celebrashon so if i get all SUPA GIDDY AN PROPA EXCITED den its normal ok

rite first of all Da Ice Cube Trials was an event set up by Da Propa Big Rogue Geek as a direct response to da loronz bein all LAZI afta DA PROPA BORIN ICE CAGE which was honestly one of da dummest times in history. basically da leedas an da warbosses all had a competishon ova who was da best an it went all weird. da boyz among demselves hav not decided who won dis so meh. doesnt matta becuz dat isnt da important bit.

important bit is wen dey all decided afta dat it was time ta do stoof agen in wat was known as Settlin Da Score. suddenly all da bosses an da gangz got ordas sayin "NOW ITS TIME TA GO ALL IN AN ATTAK UNO AGEN" an we was like "OH MA DAYZ ITS HAPPENIN" den we all got togetha an blew up UNO shipz an took ova deir planets an dey was like "dis is dum" an we was like "YEH DUM LIKE YA MOM WEN WE SHANK HER". so dey tried ta beg us ta leev dem alone an we was like "NAH WE IS JUS GONNA KILL YA" an raided dem by drawin graffiti on deir cities an den makin den run scared.

now da leedas had a cunnin plan ta take ova uno. fer a whil we all fougt dat dey had som capital frum wher all da computas in uno was controlled. but da troof is deir capital was a massiv ship liek da krooza but uglia. so frekloar sent all da loronz PRETENDIN dat dey was lookin fer it but da troof was dey found it den dey raided it. so dey raided da ship an da UNOz was all "yor dum", but dey neva prepared for our secret wepon, as da leedas came in an threw pies at da leedas. da leedas neva saw dis comin an dey all got pie splattered in deir face an choked on it den died. nex came zrahgloth who was all "IM DA BEST" but den da loronz killed him by stuffin his face wiv pie an killin him.

was funni man, den he came bak like "IMMA GOD NOW BAM BAM BAM" den Hagto'Zhl was like "MAN IM DA ONLY GOD BAM BAM BAM SMASH" an den dey was all "BOOM CRRRRRRRRRASH" an "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM" an den hagtozhl won. of cours da sad fing was dat Jol'kiar died an DAT WAS PROPA DEPRESSIN MAN I WAS IN TEERS IT WAS SO SAD. but oh well DA LORONZ TOOK OVA UNO AN DEY WAS NOW OUR PROPERTY. so dey was slaves ta us an had ta kiss our feet an was basically even betta slaves dan da chikz an made robot slaves which kissed our feet as well. so da loronz became DA MOST POWAFUL GEEZAS IN DA OONIVERS. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

uhhhhh except Da Reckoning didnt go dat well, stoof happened an now wes bak ta befor whoops

War of the Ancient Three

da Third Borealis Galactic War, also known by otha names such as "Da War of Da Ancient Three Pussies", "Da War of Da Elf Pussies", "Da Pussy War", "Da Chik Flik", "Da War Dat Sukked Coz Loron Wasnt In It Part 871", was a DUM AN PROPA BORIN WAR COZ DA LORONZ WASNT IN IT ONLY DA FAKE LORONZ IN URO WAS DATS ALL YOO NEED TA KNO DIS WAR BLOWS

ok yanno wat FINE ILL TELL DA STORY OF DIS PROPA BORIN AN STOOPID AN LAME WAR. MAN GEEZ YOO PEEPZ AR GETTIN ON MA NERVES.

basically it all started wen da Elf Mommies, or da Elfs Dat Only Hav Pussies or wateva ya call dem, went to da PCA unzippin deir shirts all "yooo sup bros wes gonna giv yoo cookies if ya go fite da Killa Plants fer us" an da PCA was all "ehhh not sure if shuld be trustin yoo" so da Elf Mommy Chik Boss (known as a "Matriarch"? wat da hell) went all "but i gave yoo a gun, plus i still hav boobs" an den dey was all "ok good enuff". den dey went off an threw bomz at da Killa Plants but dey kept growin fasta.

of cours dey culdve ended dis war in 3 seconds flat if dey got da LORONZ ta STOMP DA KILLA PLANTS IN SECONDS but NOPE DEY DIDNT EVEN BOTHA TA ATTACK US OR CALL US OR ANYFIN MAN REMIND ME AGEN WHAI IM REEDIN DIS STORY?

UGH FINE. so eventually lotsa PCA doods died ta plants (LOL) but dey eventually stomped dem mostly, so da Corruptus Losas came an woke up dese noo Demon Wannabes so dey stepped up like "YO WADDUP WES DA SIKKEST GEEZAS EVA WE CAME FRUM DA PAST AN NOW WES MAD AT YOO PEEPZ DAT WE NEVA EVEN MET BEFOR" an da Loronz laffed becuz da PCA got stomped hard. den da Ovapowered Arkarixus frum da Second Borealis War returned like "oh i forgot i was in dis galaxy" an rekt da Kondrakar so bad dat he left behind A MASSIV BLAK HOLE ON DEIR OLD PLANET LMAO DATS PRETTY SIK MAN AKSHULLY DIS STORY ENT DAT BAD

now by dis point da PCA leedas was all brainwashed by da Elf Pussy Bosses so much dat dey didnt fite dem, except deir peepz was all "well dese leedas kinda suk a lot" so dey did different stoof ta get rid of deir leedas. in da URO, dey decided ta be propa stoopid an elect FREEKIN ZR'AHGLOTH as President. it was propa funny tho coz he basically added lotsa debt an almost started a civil war in URO an we was all laffin at dem den he got REMOOVED FRUM OFFICE AFTA ONLY A FEW MONTHS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

man dat was hilarius. anywayz da normal Elf Pussies started a revolushon agenst deir leedas whil da rest of da oonivers was all "MAN WE GOTTA FREE ALL OUR ALLIES" den dey went to da PCA leedas an slapped dem an da PCA leedas was all "man whai did we lissen to dese idiots in da first place" an da Elf Pussies was all "but i still hav boobs????" an dey was all "DEIR NOT EVEN DAT GOOD OH MA DAYZ IMMA SMASH YOR PUNY EMPIYA FOREVA".

of cours dey STILL DIDNT GET DA LORONZ INVOLVED which is whai dey almost lost, but basically da whol oonivers did a massiv war on da Elf Mommies an den da Zoles hero known as Vekaron got his best frend Kirlisir stomped an he was all "RITE DATS IT" an went NUCLEAR on da Elf Mommy leeda an rekt her or wateva an TA BE HONEST I WASNT PAYIN ATTENSHON COZ DA LORONZ WASNT IN DIS WAR SO I DUNNO DA DETAILS.

MAN DIS IS AN OUTRAGE. DA LAST BOREALIS WAR AN DA LORONZ WASNT EVEN ALLOWED IN IT. I SWER WE SHULD JUS DO DA REKONIN AGEN AN GET REVENGE FER DIS ATROCITY.

The Zr'Ahgloth Presidency

LMAO HE GOT KIKKED OUT AFTA LIKE 2 MONTHS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

LocationsEdit

Cyrannus

da Cyrannus Galaxy is a placed located south of borealis or somewher afta ya take a rite at da junkshon an a left at da roundabout or...meh i dunno. da galaxy is rite nex to da Quadrant Galaxies which no one cares about eitha. it is home to da Libertus, a snobbish race of alienz wiv pointy hats an stoopid attitudes. da galaxy is actually hidden an can only be visited by wormholes, so its full of xenophobes an lonely peepz whos isolated from society.

early on da galaxy contained da Federation of United Worlds becuz dey was tired of bein lonely an didnt want ta die as 70 yeer old virgins. dey got bored of dis so dey created da URC, da Useless Rudepeepz of Chocolate, founded by Apollo, who was relly desperat ta lose virginity. now even dis didnt work so Apollo had ta becom buddies wiv da Rambo Nation in hopes dat it wuld help his problems. wen it finally did, dey marked eech otha as boyfrends fer life an dats why deyz always appeerin in da same stories cuz deyz kissin eech othas asses.

da URC REFUSED ta do much in da War of Ages becuz dey was scared. i meen dats kinda typical relly but it was ok becuz da Loronz won da war. buncha ungrateful twits da URC is becuz dey messaged da Loronz sayin HUR WE FINK YOR BRUTES an we was all COME FITE US den dey neva responded becuz dey was wimps. we found out lata dat dey was gettin deir asses kiked by da Cognatus Empire in da Intergalactic War. da loronz jus sat bak an laffed whil da galaxy was gettin rekt an somehow dey still won which we dunno how dey managed dat given dat deyz so wimpy. afta dat dey started da Great Cyrannus War becuz dey was tired of losin wars. of cors dey lost dat as well an da politishuns were now 70 yeer old virgins like dey feered an realised dey was sik of bein happi so dey founded da Galactic Empire of Cyrannus. typical.

but da Empire was full of tyranny an no one liked it eitha. so dey was tempted ta jus give up on life an die but insted dey founded da New Cyrannian Republic as deir last hope. i dunno if it worked or not but now da Republic an da Empire is constantly givin eech otha dirty looks an enterin dikwavin contests an starin contests ova whos a betta empiya an who makes deir peepz happia but da troof is Cyrannus is full of wimps an deyz bof too scared ta fite eech otha.

oh did i menshon? deres Cyrannian Loron. now big shok heer: deyz a buncha posh lil snobs. i dunt consida dem troo Loronz becuz not only dat but dey neva joined da Rogue Boyz. also cyrannian cultur is borin an dum but i meen whos even surprised dere. like most stinky aliens, bof da Republic an da Empire ar PERSECUTIN LORONZ by not allowin dem ta do crimes an kill an rob peepz an not allowin dem ta bully chikz. also, like most empiyas, deyz stuk in da past an refuse ta invent rap music, bling, graffiti or any of da cool stuff. dis is why cyrannian cities look pretty but dey dunt hav enuff gangstas so deyz dum.

yet anotha stinky alien galaxy. but unlike da othas its stuk in da middle of nowher an da aliens barely eva leev da galaxy so i meen i dunt fink killin dis galaxy is even worth it man. maybe in a few dozen yeers wen its da last obstacle befor we conquer da ooniverse but not befor.

HolidaysEdit

Christmas

da false relijon of krissmas was started bak in 1666, by a fat geeza named Santa'kloar, also known as Jesus'christ. he started it afta he stubbed his toe on da cross den raged in frustrashon so bad dat he got himself stuck ta it den died. but da loron godz showed mercy on him so dey let him com bak ta life ON ONE CONDISHON: dat he becom a gangsta boss criminal fer da rest of his life.

so dats exactly wat he did. but becuz like most oomans he was a soft wimp, he limited dis ta only one day, da day he was "born", wen he wuld do crimez which is ta break into peepz houses. but howeva since hes a dum fat ooman he does it wrong: he doesnt break into deir houses an rob stoof, he breaks into deir houses AN GIVS DEM STOOF. honestly man im tellin yoo oomans ar pathetic idiots.

da relijon of krissmas has many followas, known as "krisstians". deez ar geezas dat pray ta Santa'kloar so he givs dem presents evry yeer insted of just robbin deir house an leevin coal behind. but da catch is dey hav ta be good all yeer fer him ta do dat. Santa'kloar has many followas known as "saints", "priests", "apostles", "bishops", or wateva, but dats confusin as hell so i cant even rememba dem. in fact somfin tells me im gettin two ooman relijons messed up. but wat do i care.

Santa'kloar is obviusly a slave to da Loron Godz fereva. dis is whai, ever since da loronz attacked da milky way an we found da oomans, who is slaves to da DCP, we stole deir krissmas an replaced it wiv our own PROPA krissmas: robbin holidayz. dis is wen every loron in deir village has ta rob da otha peepz an whoeva robs da most loot gets ta keep it whil da othas hav ta sacrifice it to da loron godz, who collect it afta dey eet da loot den rap da godz rap. sikkest holiday eva man. im so glad i thought of it.

Halloween

ok so YOO SHULD KNO OF DA BEST HOLIDAY OF DA THIRD-TA-LAST MONFF OF DA YEER. hao many monffs we hav per yeer? i cant rememba atm but DIS ONE HAPPENS AT DA THIRD-TA-LAST, DATS DA IMPORTANT PART. ITS HALLOWIENER DAY. nao let me tell yoo not-so-deer reeder bout hao it all begun.

way bak in da day, da loron godz got PRETTY PISSED OFF at dis one loron, cus he climbed to da highest peak of groodrub and yelled "DA GODZ IS LOSAS AND IM DA BETTA MAN". obvs dey wus all like "OH MA DAYZ WATS DIS GEEZA WES GONNA BATTA YOO" and dey den launched a mega ray of deff on him and basically cursed him. dey cursed him ta live foreva as a SPOOKY SKELLINGTON, and since dat day he became known as "MISTA BONE". ok so we all agree walkin skellingtons is one of da few fings loronz is scared of and yor not allowed ta pikk on someun whos scared of dem, but den Mista Bone basically goes up to da propa big boss at da time and sed "YOO MUST FANK MISTA SKELTAL, OR YOO WILL BE SPOOKED".

so Mista Bone decided ta get bak at da godz by creatin a tradishon wher every yeer, yoo must go around dressed in SPOOKY COSTUMES and rob geezas off of deyr candy. YOO MUST ROB AT LEEST ONE CANDY, AND YOR COSTUME MUST BE SPOOKY, and afta yor done, yoo must say "fank mista skeltal". if yoo dont do dat, Mista Bone kidnaps yoo in yor sleep and puts yoo in his rolla coasta, which would normally be propa fun, but IT HAS NO END, and YOO CANNOT LEEV, so yoo stay stuk in Mista Bone's Wild Ride until yoo dai and BECOME A SKELLINGTON YASELF. dat day became known as HALLOWIENER.

everyun at da time got propa scared and intimidated but den dey realized robbin losas off deyr candy is aksually reely fun, so Hallowiener became a loved holiday by all da boyz across da ooniverse. IF YA DISAGREE DEN IM AFRAID YOO GOT GALOT-TIER TASTE.

btw heers a spooky fact: did yoo kno yoo hav a skellington inside yoo RITE NAO???? if dat didnt rok ya soks, den get outta ma faic, cause yor a DIRTY LIAR.

Easter

da ancient festival of eesta is a festival dat happens i dunno wat da exact date is, becuz a) it changes every yeer, b) i lost ma calenda and c) i cant reed ma calenda anywayz. so yeh, basically dis is an old festival dats been loron tradishon eva since we copied it frum da oomans. hold on, did i say we copied it frum da oomans? no, i ment DEY COPIED US DA WANNABE LOSAS ALSO DEY COPIED RAP MUSIC AN PIZZA AN LOTSA STOOPID STOOF MAN I SWER WE GOTTA JUS EET DOSE LOSAS AN TEECH DEM A LESSON BOUT RESPECT.

wher was i? oh yeh, eesta is an old tradishon dats based on da godz story of da eggz. basically one day, da Loron Godz decided dat dey was kinda happy wiv how da Loronz was doin, but dey was also bored, so dey decided ta challeng da Loronz. da Loronz had conquered most of da puny species on Groodrub, even da supa massiv ones dats like a kilometa tall, an no predata culd match da loronz. so da Godz came up wiv a new idea: GIANT MASSIV BIRDS OF DETH.

da massiv deth birdz was an abominashon created by Roz'Tah'Flok (da fake URO loronz say dey was made by Zr'An'Kar but DATS ANTI-ZRANKAR PROPAGANDA AN LIES AN YOO SHULDNT TRUST DAT), becuz see unlike most evil birdz, dey didnt try ta eet da loronz alive or anyfin or pek dem. insted, dey tried ta DROP MASSIV EGGS ON DEM AN FLATTEN DEM kinda like how a Bomma dropz bomz an blowz peepz up ennit? so dey flew around droppin eggz ta try an crush da loronz but becuz Roz'Tah'Flok is a MASSIV TWIT it didnt work.

see da Loronz is way fasta dan da birdz, so basically evrytime da birdz dropped da eggz, da Loronz ran out da way, laffed, den ate da eggz. so becuz da birdz culdnt giv birf ta anymoar of dem since da loronz ate all deir eggz, dey went EXTINCT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WAT LOSAS.

ta commemorate dis day, da Loronz decided ta hav a festival based around da few weeks leedin up ta dis happenin. on da first few weeks, ya gotta giv up one fing (such as robbin da bank or playin videogamez or wateva, som fun fing) ta make fun of Roz'Tah'Flok coz he SUKS an yor betta dan him. afta dat, at da end of it as da reward, ya gotta make LOTSA CHOCOLATE EGGZ den ROB DEM FRUM EECH OTHA. an da winna is whoeva robz da most chocolate eggz. deyz almost as nice as pizza but not quite as nice, nuffins as nice as dat.

so yeh eesta pretty good holiday guyz also YO CHIKZ MAKE ME CHOCOLATE EGGZ FER TELLIN DIS STORY OR IMMA KIK YOO.

Loron National Day

EVERY DAY IS LORON NASHONAL DAY

IDIOT

Da Loron stoof
WEZ DA REAL LORONZ MAN DONT REED DAT UNO STOOF ITS DUM
OI BOLD MEENS SPESHUL STOOF
WE IS DA REAL COOL LORONZ DA ROGUE BOYZ IS DUM DONT REED DEM
WE IZ DA DEFFMARCH BOYZ AN WE IS DA BEST COS WE WIV DA MALI'NAR YA DUMBOS
Part SporeWiki:Fiction Universe