“ya can call me da "Mad Dokta" of da Rogue Boyzs leedas. i maek da sikkest gunz an da sikkest gizmos eva which im probably use ta turn yoo into paste lata. dunt feel bad tho cus I ALWAYS LIKE NOO STOOF TA TEST MA GUNZ ON”
- - Kal'kuir
Kal'kuir is the highest ranking Tekka / Mekka Warboss of Da Rogue Boyz. Infamous for his obsession with technology, Kal'kuir is a mad scientist who is arguably the smartest Loron alive, an has the reputation of being a mad scientist. He is also heavily involved with Da Propa Big Rogue Geek, who he reporgrammed to be his "wife".
Kal'kuir grew up in a splinter Loron faction, notable for being home to the best Mekkas and Tekkas around, as well as some of the smartest Chikz. Kal'kuir had fought against many other Loron, but had many parts cut off badly by the other geeky Loron's vibroblades, and needed cyborg implants. That was when he got into cybernetics. Kal'kuir became a Big Tekkaboss of this faction, and later, killed the Boss with the best weapon he had produced.
Kal'kuir became boss of Groop Kal'kuir, which he used to unite all the Mekkas and Tekkas from various Loron empires, to become one large Mekka/Tekka empire. This made his empire the most 'geeky' empire, but with the most weird and wacky weapons. Kal'kuir fought a Sikka Boy, which he failed to kill, resulting in needing more cybernetics.
Early Rogue Boyz Era
During the Second Borealis Galactic War, Kal'kuir installed a new weapon, Da Banana Gun, on Da Propa Big Rogue Krooza, but he never tested it. During the Prologue, however, he used it on the Niaka Special Forces, and ended up destroying entire star systems with a single blast and destroying his entire fleet. Later, during the Rise of the Xi'Arazulha, he used it again against the Devourer's Chosen when he was stuck by them in a Cold Relay with UNO and the Zoles, but Rebaris stopped him by firing a black hole on the banana.
During the Coming of the Vague, when UNO's quarantine was declared, Zaarkhun sent Da Speshul Warbosses on the planet where it was going to be activated. When UNOC arrived to deactivate it, Da Warbosses took them by surprise. Kal'kuir fought Darwishi, and eventually won. He also wanted to make a "sik gun" out of the Commandant, but later refused, saying that "UNO's tekk suks". Kal'kuir has been in many adventures with the other Rogue Loron ever since.
Da Rogue Era
During Da Rogue Era, a series of events known as Da Ice Cube Trials had Kal'kuir fight Chief Major Xerkea and take her robot walker. In Settlin Da Score, Kal'kuir designed a feminine looking Loron-like robotic body for Da Propa Big Rogue Geek, who he had reprogrammed to be in love with him. The Rogue Geek, an artificial intelligence, was fully aware of Kal'kuir's attempts to reprogram her, and though none of his code worked, she had played along with it nonetheless. In Da Reckoning, the Rogue Geek was eventually responsible for leading an enormous armada of warships, at Kal'kuir's design.
Following the trial at the end of Da Reckoning, it was made clear that the Rogue Boyz may never threaten another organization, or else they would be obliterated in a war by the entire Polar Crystal Alliance. Kal'kuir blamed himself for the loss of the war, believing that it was because his weapons and starships were not advanced enough to have won the war. This led him into a depression that lasted years, during which he became very overweight.
In Da Pilgrimage, Kal'kuir helped Brag'klogga in his quest to revive Kolossus, which led to the birth of Zr'An and K'ar. During this time, he trained with Drizz'pyrokirk and got back into shape, while slowly overcoming his anxiety to eventually create a weapon worthy of impressing Zr'An and K'ar, which he named "MaBEG", for "Ma Best Eva Gun". Ultimately, as the weapon had not proved too useful, Kal'kuir presented them a smaller weapon that had proven more trustworthy, as he realized he did not need to create an overpowered weapon to create an impressive and functional one.
Kal'kuir is full of extremely rudimentary cybernetic parts, although half of them, rather than being used for weaponry or life support, are actually just for show. His robotic eye was made during Da Rebellion, when Fre'kloar smashed it.
Kal'kuir is a mekka/tekka (he's forgotten which one he is, and calls himself both) Loron, who is known as being an unstable mad scientist. He is constantly looking for ways to create a bigger, better, and more powerful weapon that whatever he is currently using. He also likes to sell his weapons to others for often incredibly high prices, but he gives a discount for Da Leedas and Da Warbosses.
Kal'kuir has a relationship with Da Propa Big Rogue Geek, who he reprogrammed to be in love with him. He has been embarrassed about the relationship, and does not like to own up to it in public, as the Rogue Geek often berates him for it. However, this relationship is born of Kal'kuir's interest in the possibility of the Norol, or Da Chikz, being more beneficial to Loron society if they were to have a greater role.
Following Da Reckoning, Kal'kuir blamed himself for the failure, and was crippled with anxiety, fearing he would never be able to meet expectations with his next weapon. He overcame this after training with Drizz'pyrokirk.
Kal'kuir is a cyborg, who has a selection of weird and wacky weapons. A few highlights include:
|Da Big Blasta||A Mekka/Tekka's weapon of choice is this heavy machine gun.|
|Da Freez Ray||A thermal weapon, it sprays cryogenic liquid to quickly freeze a target.|
|Da Acid Blasta||A pneumatically-accelerated toxic carbine weapon.|
|Da Lava Gun||A magnetically-accelerated plasmathrower weapon, it fires a small particle beam at the target, useful against heavy vehicles.|
|Wat Da Hell Do I Name Dis Gun||Known by Norol as the Tesla Claw, a gun that fires electricity at a target. He fired this at Fre'kloar during Da Rebellion.|
|Da Cleena||A vacuum weapon, it can suck up smaller enemies and chuck them out at the enemy (note that this weapon consistently breaks when sucking up larger enemies).|
|Da Flamethrowa||A weapon that mixes oxygen and methane to make fire.|
|Da Morpha||Capable of morphing an enemy, by replacing their DNA with that of an animal.|
|Da Blak Hole Fing||Using Dark Chronoscopic, it makes a small wormhole, which sucks enemies in.|
|Da Sikkest Gun Eva||An incredibly unstable weapon, it fires projectiles through subspace gathering hypermatter; as an infantry weapon, it is incredibly unstable and likely to break.|
|Da Banana Gun||Fires a banana that is capable of exploding entire star systems using compressed dark matter and subspace compression waves, however it is very unstable. It was used in the Second Borealis Galactic War twice, against the Niaka Special Forces and the Devourer's Chosen.|
|Da MaBEG||The MaBEG, "Ma Best Eva Gun", is an oversized missile launcher that contains over a thousand small rockets within it. Notably, it plays a pre-recorded tune as it fires a massive barage of rockets and launches fireworks.|
Kal'kuir has cybernetic enhancements, and contains a zero point generator in his body, thanks to the Tralkikianoe. This he uses to power up the weapons he uses, as well as his vibro-blade. Additionally, he still retains the physical strength present in all Loron, being considered stronger than the average member of his race.
- Leedas - safe ma bosses yoo get a 100% discount
- Fre'kloar - yor propa sik yoo united us all togetha i was dere wen yoo did. yoo get a 100% discount + da Leeda discount wich maeks 200%. wait dat meens i pay yoo ta hav ma gunz. dum
- Jol'kiar - OI IF DA OLD WAYS IS BETTA SHOW ME ONE OF DA OLD GUNZ DAT CAN DO WAT MINE CAN. DATS WAT I FORT: NON. NO DISCOUNT FER YOO CEPT DA LEEDA ONE
- Hagto'Zhl - wen yoo joined da rogue boyz got sikka by 60% moar. fer dat yoo get a 60% discount + da leeda discount
- Grak'tona - da hell man yor not da king. no discount fer yoo. not even a leeda discount cos yoo say dat yoo isnt a leeda an yor a king insted.
- Rel'larutina - STOP GOIN AROUND ACTIN LIEK YOOS CLEVERER DAN ME. I MEEN YOO IS BUT STILL SHUT DA HELL UP. YOO GET A -100% DISCOUNT
- Poshiez - yor good fer bizness
- Warbosses - da fellow bosses yoo get 50% discount
- Brag'klogga - yoo dissed ma tekk once but fanks fer beleevin in me
- Drizz'pyrokirk - yoo showed me da LITE man safe geeza 45% discount
- Ray'loth - ... id make a comment but id be a massiv hypocrit
- Voa'reak - YOO NEVA GAVE ME CREDIT FER DESIGNIN YA JETPAK. NO DISCOUNT. wait did i design it or was dat one of ma boyz? STILL NO DISCOUNT
- Zalk'don - BY MY CALCULASHONS YOR GONNA MAEK SOM SIK BOOMZ. 75% DISCOUNT + WARBOSS DISCOUNT WHICH IS 120...I MEEN 125 OR...YEH 120% DISCOUNT. crap
- Knar'gank - actually frum all da battle calculashons yor methods maek yoo an effectiv tactical asset. 25% discount + da warboss discount
- Naktor'zak - i worked on yor tank. i oversaw dat project it went nicely. but no discount cos yor in a tank.
- Zr'Ahgloth - YOR A DUM GEEZA FOR NOT HAVIN MEKKAS AN TEKKAS IN YOR LORONZ ANYMOR. DATS LIKE A PERSONAL INSULT TA ME
- Tralkik Commander - A TRALKIK BOSS EH? IMMA SALVAGE YA AN ENHANCE MA GUNZ WIV YOR TEKK HURHURHUR
- Commandant Darwishi - I CULD MAKE A SIK GUN OUTTA YOR SKULL
“I'll drop bombs on you next time! Hells above!”
“The Fist not enjoy our fight! Brawn beat brain easy!”
- - Vailisa
“I'm sure I couldn't have asked for a better husband. No, really. I couldn't have asked.”
“TOLD YA YOO CULD DO IT”
- Kal'kuir was originally inspired by the Ork Mekboys from Warhammer 40,000. Later, he became more of his own character, with the introduction of the concept of Da Rogue Geek as his "wife".