“This whole thing would have been over far more quickly if our favourite Grand Mandator was involved. The number of times Erissare single-handedly brought peace to a Gigaquadrant ravaged by rampaging space-hobos? Eleven.”
- - Erissare, referring to Da Reckoning
Erissare is a female Basileus who serves as the Imperial Grand Mandator of the Southern Outer Rim, ruling from the Basileus homeworld of Vasuband. An eccentric, though brutally effective leader, Erissare usurped the position upon the death of Tyranus during his attempted coup against the Emperor, and retained it in exile throughout the reign of Tyermaillin, before emerging as the leader of the Basileus once more upon the end of the New Cyrandia Wars. Vindictive, egotistical and extremely petty, Erissare has an outspoken demeanor and a tendency to dominate others with her alpha dominant personality, barraging her foes, real or imaginary, with a wave of insults which leave none standing.
As Grand Mandator, Erissare has a permanent residence on Orbispira, built above the demolished ruin of a haunted Asgord sanctuary, where she resides for most of the year, only travelling to Vasuband to attend the annual peasant race. Her unique personality has prompted accusations that Erissare is insane, tortured into madness by the failure of her one-woman HoloNet movie, Erissare: The Erissare Story, hailed by critics by bridging the romantic comedy, historical drama, fantasy epic and pornographic genres, though panned by viewers for the two day runtime and gratuitous use of denim. However, despite these challenges, Erissare is perfectly sane, building a political career which, in her view, is unrivalled by any in Gigaquadrantic history.
By her own account, Erissare has been instrumental in saving the universe from demons, dictators and disastrous fashion trends on no less than forty seven occasions, always through sheer force of will, and incoherent yelling. Such claims aside, she stands as one of the most powerful Grand Mandators in the Empire, and one who commands the attention of all with the misfortune to meet her.
History[edit | edit source]
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Official records show that Erissare was born in 46 BNE on the Basileus homeworld of Vasuband. However, when she learned that information was public knowledge, she sued the Vasubandian government for defamation of character, claiming that she was actually born in 20 BNE on Incunabula, to famed Dvottie-hunting parents. Due to her parent's exploits across the galaxy in the hopes of finding the fabled Alpha Dvottie, Erissare was often left in charge of her home, where she spent her time caring for her younger brother.
Due to the fact that her parents vanished for months on end, Erissare began to harbour deep feelings of resentment, especially toward her mother, who attempted to groom her daughter into following her parent's footsteps. On the eve of her twelfth birthday, Erissare's father was killed when he was eaten by a rare, carnivorous Dvottie, splitting the family apart. Erissare decided to take her brother and travel the galaxy without their neglectful mother, though in later years the two reconnected.
In later years, Erissare would recount numerous tales and stories of her activities during these years. She claims to have served three tours of duty during the Tigris War, though was coy about which side she fought on. Afterwards, she claims to have settled on Mirenton, where she used Wormulus' office to breed Asgord for food. She would go on to claim that she proved instrumental in saving the Gigaquadrant from rampaging space hobos on no less than seven occasions, after which she turned down negotiations to play herself in a one-woman HoloNet romantic drama entitled 'Erissare: The Erissare Story'.
Before returning to Cyrannus, Erissare claims to have mastered Dream Energy through sheer force of will, but abandoned during routine cosmetic surgery, when she decided to get her hypothalamus removed. Before leaving the Milky Way Galaxy, she claims to have instigated the Coming of the Singularity by having intimate relations with a holographic simulation of herself. While she claims the holographic simulation of herself was the love of her young life, it would not be the only romantic relationship she pursued—or claims to have pursued. At varying points of her life, she claims to have had intimate involvement with Warlord Kilnok, Mac, Tuolog, Mar-Júun, Medusa Heimdall, Fre'kloar and finally, in her own words, "after a bar fight with Santorakh. I started it. He finished it. Then, we made love.' She also espoused a 'sexy, non-murderous' infatuation with Apollo.
Political Career[edit | edit source]
Erissare eventually returned to Basileus space where she made a name for herself as a sarcastic, spiteful and sly figure, thus earning her the respect and admiration of her people. During the Great Cyrannus War, Erissare remained on the Basileus homeworld where she helped Imperator Tyranus draw up plans for a Basileus-controlled galaxy once the war ended in their favour. However, the two later fell out by the time the Galactic Empire of Cyrannus was formed. As a high ranking administrator, Erissare was aware of the plot Tyranus forged against Tyrómairon during the Dark Times, claiming that it didn't make any sense. When Tyranus was killed for his treasonous behaviour, Erissare organised a party to celebrate.
Soon after Tyranus' death, Erissare's popular standing helped in her ascension to Grand Mandator, replacing the Imperator. However, soon after the coup, Tyrómairon removed the federal aspects of the Empire, eliminating the last vestiges of the Basileus, Corthrinus and Mortalitas empires, replacing them with the single Empire, which had unlimited control over its space, unlike before. Erissare claimed that the newfound power "made her feel alive" and decided to take up residence on Orbispira. During the opening stages of the New Cyrandia Wars, the betrayal of Tyermaillin and the Sacking of Vasuband usurped Erissare from the throne of the Basileus, prompting her to prowl the streets of Orbispira at night, punching random bystanders in the face.
Furious, she promised herself that Tyermaillin would pay for his transgressions. Later, she was present at a meeting of the Grand Mandators during which the mutilated corpse of an Imperial officer with a sigil of the Cognatus Empire burnt into his chest translocated into the room. Erissare responded by poking the corpse with her sceptre, claiming that kids these days were taking tattoos to new and exciting heights.
Fall of the Imperial State and Aftermath[edit | edit source]
“The galaxy's most winningest Grand Mandator is back. Her name will be forever etched into the walls of history. Erissare is triumphant. My crowning achievement? Being singehandedly responsible for ending the Imperial State armed only with my staff, made from only the most cannibalistic of Dvotties.”
- - Erissare during the opening stages of the Siege of Vasuband.
As the Empire, Republic and Rambo Nation prepared for the final Siege of Vasuband in 05 NE, Erissare's presence at the battle was requested by Grand Admiral Carandial. Though she remained on the Imperial flagship Imperatore for much of the battle, she later took a shuttle to the surface of Vasuband alongside Caranye Valaeris, telling her that her 'chest shields' would protect the ship from damage.
Some time later, Erissare would free her associate Cenrond from Tyermaillin's dungeons and make her way to his office, where the Imperator was in the process of being arrested. Filled with cold fury, Erissare charged forward and punched Tyermaillin unconscious. Delighted with her victory, the Grand Mandator twirled around the office before retaking her throne as leader of the Basileus. Almost a decade later—a decade she spent pursuing a non-lexical vocable music career—she watched the outbreak of the Second Great Cyrannus War with trepidation, concerned that her condo on Mou'Cyran, where she kept her extensive collection of hobo-repellent, may not have survived the Cataclysm.
Second Great War[edit | edit source]
“And if I'd not been ignoring most of what you all have been saying, due to my deep revulsion of your outfits, I'd probably threaten to have you all gelded, or something. Now, in the future, I'm going to try harder not to stop and talk to vagrants, because this has been an utterly boring waste of my time.”
- - Erissare, speaking with Aoirtae, Kara and Vanikaimar
Erissare's throne world of Vasuband would soon come under attack by the demonic forces of Xae Vandon and Mar-Júun, who sought to overthrow the Empire and establish a Basileus-led Crimson Imperium in which all species were placed under the rule of Mar-Júun and his demonic hordes. Though she initially assumed the demonic invaders were a pack of "rampaging hobos", she soon learned the truth. Even when faced with the power of Mar-Júun, Erissare refused to surrender, and insulted the demon openly. However, Mar-Júun did not kill her, and instead forced her to serve as a maid in the palace.
For several weeks Erissare served as Mar-Júun's maid, cleaning the floors of the palace with "expired meat water", awaiting the day when the Empire returned to the planet to defeat him. Ultimately however, it was a team led by the Aldárae knights Kara Inviá and Aoirtae Valaeris who proved to be her salvation. Though she assumed that they were vagrants who wandered into her palace, she nevertheless pointed them in the direction of Mar-Júun's throne room, where he was ultimately defeated. After the battle ended, Erissare resumed her position as Grand Mandator, though as the war wore on, she began to grow increasingly bored of political life.
Physical Appearance[edit | edit source]
“Flawless. Impeccable in every way. Even my bowel movements consist of solidified success.”
- - Erissare
Erissare is a female Basileus with purple colouration on her gleaming scales, indicating that she is of the same ethnicity as Guolivian. She generally wears a stylish dress made of Dvottie feathers harvested from the same Dvottie that killed her father, with prominent shoulder blades and an adorning headdress made using the head of a Paisti. However, Erissare only wears this headdress if she seeks to un-nerve political enemies or nearby children.
Personality and Traits[edit | edit source]
“There's only one person in the universe who can truly tell you who you are. Me. Grand Mandator Erissare.”
- - Erissare
Erissare is a vindictive, treacherous, sinister, vain, cruel and unscrupulous woman who only cares about two things in life; the pursuit of more power and her younger brother. Despite being a loyal Imperial, Erissare is not above breaking rules and regulations that work against her climb to the top, though unlike Tyranus, she would never dream of going against the Emperor. That said, one of Erissare's hobbies is verbally abusing fellow Mandators, hugely embarrassing some but entertaining others.
Many people who know her claim that one of her talents is holding grudges to unhealthy levels, however, she is known to ignore these from time to time if the opportunity occurs. However, Erissare is very loving toward her younger brother, who was the unfortunate victim of a stampeding Dvottie herd, leaving him unable to fend for himself. Erissare visits and cares for her brother as often as she can, claiming that she doesn't trust droids to do it for her. Her brother claims that Erissare is truly a kind and loving person, she has just yet to find the right person.
Erissare's sharp wit, quick tongue and tendency to speak in the third person make her one of the most popular Mandators in the Empire.
Relationships[edit | edit source]
Liked[edit | edit source]
- Tyrómairon - He has spikes growing out of his head. Like I always say, you can always trust a man when he has spikes growing out of his head.
- Tereyn Aeresius - He smells like wine. It's usually masked with the smell of fear.
- Aporyan - Ah Aporyan! I thought I smelled cakes wafting from the kitchens of the woodland critters that live in your hat.
Indifferent[edit | edit source]
- Apollo - When I see pictures of Apollo, I feel something below the neck. I think I have feelings for him. Erotic, non-murdering feelings.
- Ramashe - I'll be the first to scream when a lizard comes out of her baby oven.
- Apaltar - He's basically a sexless Apollo with a weird hat.
- Mar-Júun - I'm literally horny with fear.
- Koluap - I like your attitude lady. You remind me of a young Erissare. Sensual, voluptuous, desperately looking for superheated liquids to pour over your body.
- Hachiman - People who look like teddy bears? All sex addicts.
- Iovera IX - You lead your empire well, talking cleavage.
- Kalcedia Myran - The gigaquadrant's favourite sexually ambiguous dragon whore with moldable chest fruit.
Disliked[edit | edit source]
- Moch-Na - Your stylist must feel absolutely ridiculous.
Hated[edit | edit source]
- Rivergron - I'm going to punch my way into your chest, pull out your still beating heart, rub it in nitroglycerin and throw it at a hobo.
- Tyermaillin - I am going to ensure that everything you drink for the rest of your life contains a tiny bit of my urine.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
- - Apollo
“Hiss! The next time we meet, you'll be the one who doesn't walk away.”
- - Moch-Na
“The perfect candidate to represent the Empire on the UDB.”
“I will make you mop the floor where I pass through, clown. That is all you're good for.”
- - Mar-Júun
“A most capital women. She understands how politics needs to be played, and how it must be twisted. I'd love to meet her...or argue with her.”
- - Bisarko
“How exactly did this insane and spiteful woman become a grand mandator?”
“A most disturbing woman!”
- - Garlboz
“I'm sickened, but curious.”
- - Koluap
“A most disturbing woman”
- - Ramashe
“Oh she's amusing. Very amusing. I would have her over for tea, though I am rather certain she would never leave.”
“I do we keep this one alive once we're done dismantling the Empire, I could do with a new clown.”
- - Zuki
Gallery[edit | edit source]
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Cyrannian had great fun making this page.
Appearances[edit | edit source]
- Dark Times
- Rise of the New Republic (First appearance)
- New Cyrandia Wars
- Second Great Cyrannus War
Tweets[edit | edit source]
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "#TBT Once I was in a bar fight with Santorakh. I started it... He finished it. Then, we made love."
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "By sheer force of will, my bowels haven't moved in over a year."
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "Help please, I'm profusely lactating success."
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "#ErissareFact: I once roundhoused Ramashe."
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "How was I to know that it's illegal to missile dropkick small children?"
@GrandSwagdatorErissare: "This dvottie-mouth-ashtray is much more macabre than my personal poacher implied."