Board Thread:Wiki Discussion/@comment-35946198-20190508224609

So... it's almost been a year now. I still haven't forgotten what happened with me and Xho and the rest of the controversial drama I brought into the community. Back then, I still wasn't really ready to tackle such big concepts like Lovecraftian Gods of chaos and horrible and horrifying beings with immense power. I've still as of yet to really master my understanding for stories like those, but I do know now the meaning behind them, and why what I did in my fit of confused and selfish anger was cruel and uncalled for. The idea of a unstoppable deity was and still is hard to grasp, and I felt frustrated that I couldn't really write my character the way I wanted to without adhering to the laws of their creation as well despite the fact I was actually being tolerated and being received by open minds. I guess you could say I was pretty butthurt and really salty, and too self-absorbed with my beliefs to actually examine the situation for a moment. After my time isolated from the community, I've come to actually appreciate and enjoy Xho's creations and their existence, as his art of writing really reminds me of H.P. Lovecraft's. If I hadn't have ever even read his stories and creations, I probably would have never tried to join the community in the first place. As for the controversial drama, I'm aware of why what I mentioned was absolutely disturbing and wrong, and why it was absolutely inappropriate for any open conversation. I understand why people reacted so drastically to my comments, and that what I said was absolutely juvenile, awful, and disgraceful. Whether you view it as a sign of degeneracy or just a slip up is fine in my eyes, I just want to make up for what I did. I want to prove that I'm not a terrible person; that I've learned for once. Problems like these really seem to stem from me being too open with others online for my own good, and not realizing that some things are better left unsaid. I've learned from that experience, and along with experiences I've had in my life recently because of it, and I want to change for the better. Despite what you and the others still around may believe, I really did enjoy my time with you guys, even if some people said my creations were poorly fleshed out and cheesy. I loved hearing about the races, dimensions, technology, and history behind the galaxies you people hand-crafted. I loved the separate groups and discords dedicated to SporeFiction, and all the memes and scientific/philosophical discussion. Heck, I even liked spouting about "Edgy Cthulhu Thanos" (I doubt anybody will get that reference.) with the community despite the constructive criticism. Over these months, I've really gotten active in story writing and fiction. I've come to study and look for the messages behind the works of others instead of just viewing the story as it is, and have even begun to learn pixel art and have begun a ARG. With this activity, a new perspective has been brought to my attention, and I wish understand the stories of others and to improve my writing by using it. I don't intend on creating anything or writing anything related to the fictionverse for a while. I feel like I'm not exactly ready to step foot in such a huge and complex universe, which is why IF, not WHEN I come back, I will resign to helping others proofread their pages and simply asking questions about and admiring creations I'm fascinated with. I can understand if you don't trust me. I wouldn't trust myself too after all the crap I've spewed and the flamewars I made. I can understand if you're still mad at me, cause I acted like quite a asshole back then, and that's probably a huge understatement. But now, I just wanna experience that wonder again. I just wanna be part of that wonder again. I know this whole thing feels pretty pathetic, considering how long this repeal is, and that's fine if you think that. I just want to come back and see it all again, but do it right this time. I hope you understand where I'm coming from, and that we can make a compromise so we can put all this behind us for good. Keep creating, guys. 