Fiction:League of Pissed-Off Cape Bretoners

The League of Pissed-Off Cape Bretoners (from now on referred to as the "LoPO'edCB") is a tiny nation consisting only of Cape Breton Island, a island just north of Nova Scotia. They are fiercly independent, and are led by the always-charasmatic Ghost of Jean Chretien.

History
Contrary to popular belief, the LoPO'edCB first formed around 700 years ago in the late 21st century, when Canada was in the midst of a Oil crisis. During the chaos, the Cape Bretoners saw there chance to form there own government and separate from there Nova Scotian oppressors. However after the great war, Canada recovered quickly. With Canada, so did the evil commies the Mainland Nova Scotians. The LoPO'edCB went into hiding as they knew they couldn't face the brute power of the Canadian military (that "power" being mounties with BB guns, but its better then what the Cape Bretoners had).

Resurgence
However, on one fateful day, the LoPO'edCB shown itself to the world. And the brave Cape Bretoners, led by the Ghost of Jean Chretien, Chuck Norris, and Lu Bu, led the fight against there European occupiers and liberated themselves. It was then the marginally-glorious history of the League of Pissed-Off Cape Bretoners would begin.

Today
Today, the League of Pissed-Off Cape Bretoners is at war with Mainland Nova Scotia, and struggling with a faltering job market.

Political Division
Cape Breton is divided into "Districts", each district being a main town its centered around, and the surrounding land. For example, Port Hawksbury would have its own district extending inland.

Culture
The LoPO'edCB's culture is hardy and rich, much like its people (except for the "rich" part. 700 years in the future and the job market still sucks down there).

"Crabfest"
One essential part of Cape Breton culture, however, is the yearly ritual known as "crabfest". It is shrouded in mystery, and is seldom talked about to foreigners, observation is under similar restrictions. However what is known is that Crabfest is an annual sacrifice of crustaceans to some sort of dark being (Xhodocto? Stephen Harper?). The ceremony is usually quite graphic and generally involves the eating of the victim. Many researchers have compared it with human sacrifices in the Aztec civilization.

"Military"
The LoPO'edCB's "Military" (if you can even call it that) is a small but determined group of Cape Bretoners ready to defend there homes to the last.

Infantry
The LoPO'edCB's Line Infantry (who ironically aren't well trained enough to form a straight line) are a rabble of militia armed usually with whatever they can find. Be that a RPG, a BB gun, or a broken glass bottle. They make for a unpredictable foe in combat, fighting in swarms with unbreakable morale.

Vehicles
The LoPO'edCB's vehicle garage is dominated with pickup trucks with a variety of mounted guns. Everything from 50. caliber heavy machine guns to improvised ballistae. The LoPO'edCB as well maintains a small company of "dragoons", men fighting from a four-wheeler armed with a wooden board to hit people over the head with, and a laser rifle (to also hit people over the head with). The LoPO'edCB also maintains a group of surplus Leopard 2 main battle tanks secretly bought off of the the Canadian government some time ago. Although 700 years outdated, these tanks, when used right, can be formidable weapons (that's assuming they DO use them right... So don't count on them being formidable, on second thought).

Special Forces
The only reason the LoPO'edCB still even exists and hasn't been invaded yet is because they have made it abundantly clear that they have Chuck Norris on speed-dial. Along with Chuck Norris, the LoPO'edCB has many other great heroes on there side, including;

Billy Mays: While not a fighter, his advertising skills can be used at the negotiating table to great effect. And if all else fails, he has the power to draw a great many people to there TV sets as he sells them crap that breaks a week after they bought it. This distraction can give the Islanders enough time to either prepare for invasion or evacuate.

Lu Bu: He is a god on the battlefield. 'Nuff said.

Chuck Norris.

Actual Navy
The LoPO'edCB's sea navy is simply the island's fishing ships fitted with cannons and sent out. They work by swarming and boarding ships.

Space Navy
In stark contrast to the Island's mediocre planetside force, the space navy of the LoPO'edCB is composed of several dozen Imperial-Class Star Destroyers, "generously donated" by the Empire of Cyrannus. While they could technically destroy most other space navies on the planet with these vessels, the only issue is that the Imperials didn't leave the owner's manual in the glove box, and no one really wants to fiddle around with the controls of a mile-long warship that they no little about.

Relations
The LoPO'edCB's relations are strained with most other nations. As such, they make few allies, but are obscure enough that they also make few enemies.

Allies
"Hey there!"

Neutral
Whaddya want?"


 * European Star Republic - Stay out of our business and we're fine.


 * The place where all the jobs went. - Don't meddle in our business. Unless you bring tourists, then meddle all you want.


 * Most other nations.

Enemies
"Bah!"


 * Mainland Nova Scotia - FUCK OFF MAINLANDERS!

Trivia READ THIS IMPORTANT NOTE

 * This page is made as a parody of the recent "divisions of earth" blog/fiction. This is NON-CANON. So don't complain to me if I got something inaccurate or had the "sheer nerve" to mention another fiction.