Fiction:Riffrex/Hachiman

Hello there, this is Riffrex, spiting the writers every day. Today we’re taking a look at Hachiman, so let’s get started.

Ladies and gentlemen, he is a giant talking anthropomorphic rabbit. There is no stepping around this. It is as stupid as it sounds, believe me. So I suppose we should start with his infobox. Specifically, why is he listed a lawful neutral? That usually indicates an empire or person who is generally good in many ways, but has some flaw or flaws that cancel their goodness enough to render them not still plainly a good guy. It also applies to examples that are neither especially good nor bad, but Hachi is neither. He has no significant moral flaws, and is an absolute boy scout. The only reason I can think of for him to be Lawful Neutral is because he’s from one of the wiki’s high elites, which brings me to a new segment on the show I call, “The Grand Laws of Sporewiki.”

In this segment, I point out various patterns I’ve noticed throughout the wiki. Today, we are discussing:

Grant Law of Sporewiki #1: Users, especially older ones, feel the need to make their empires and characters less moral because they think evil characters are automatically better.

Think about it, the DCP does random, evil things because Wormy does not understand that this does not automatically make them better, and for no other reason. The Draconis Imperium is the same way. The ONLY protagonists by a veteran user to be plainly good are the Krassio host, incidentally, the Xol’Etra, which are derived from them, are probably the best fiction here.

Honestly, I’ve always found that in those cases, the evil elements are rarely well integrated. They are usually tacked on. The DCP has this REALLY bad but I’ll elaborate more on that when I get to them.

This is also supported by the way that evil tends to get more focus. It’s an established rule that all evil immortal races are not only more powerful, but unkillable. People here seem to think that because morally perfect characters are bad, the opposite is automatically better. This is not actually true of course, as a morally good character can be interesting.

So anyways, maybe Lucario of the Gods was afraid that no one would take Hachi seriously if he didn’t pretend to obey this rule by listing Hachi as lawful neutral instead of Lawful good. I don’t know, just an idea I suppose. Either way, Hachi isn’t neutral at all, he’s lawful good.

Alright, so enough about the infobox, let’s get to the page itself.

“Hachiman the Rabbit…”

Wow. That has got to be the stupidest name ever. I can’t imagine a worse name.

“is a teenage rabbit-like Rianth of human descent. Although young, Hachi has made himself a rather noticeable figure in the Borealis Galaxy after having took part in themassive conflict there and is responsible for the death of a demonic overlord.”

No, no he wasn’t. It was another Chaos building that killed him. Because evil is always, ALWAYS more powerful than good on sporewiki, because of Grand Law of Sporewiki #1.

“On the surface, Hachi appears to be rather childish and immature, often displaying this by making jokes and unintentional insults towards others. He is also seen as somewhat unintelligent, as he has no knowledge of how to handle a ranged weapon of any sorts…”

SORT!

“When his friends are placed in danger, he becomes incredibly aggressive and reckless of his own safety and well-being.”

That is a poorly constructed sentence.

The introductory section, especially parts I didn’t quote, proves just how right I was about the boy scout thing. Honestly, this isn’t even that bad, it’s certainly better than just tacking on flaws for no reason, but it further begs the question of why we pretend he is anything but a boy scout who defeats his enemies with the power of friendship.

“Hachiman was born as Katsu Takahashi Shin-Ha, the son of a clan leader. The clan itself was located in a forested area in Japan, supposedly away from the industrial reaches of mankind.”

A part of earth away from the industrial reaches of humans? In the 28th century? Really? REALLY? I am expected to accept that? What does the “Industrial reaches” of a race even mean anyway? Is it the area effected by their industry? Is it the area they COULD effect? I don’t know, either way, either this forest is a coral forest and Hachi was raised in the deep ocean, or this is stupid. I’m going with #2, which incidentally is something I can also use to describe this.

“Hachiman was born as a Rianth, a being whose genes have been modified with the DNA of other naturally-occuring but non-sapient species.”

That should be “occurring.”

“Often receiving rejection from other members of his clan,” Why?

“The clan was destroyed in an accident involving a nanomachine test being conducted by scientists in the area, devouring members of Hachi's clan in a gruesome massacre.”

What was the nature of these Machines? If they were self-replicators why didn’t they devour the entire Earth? What was this test? What was being tested for? Who was testing for it? Why? Why wasn’t this done is space where something going wrong could only effect the scientists and not possibly destroy all life on Earth?

“Hachi himself had lost an arm and an eye in the massacre, although the nanomachines were deactivated before he could be completely consumed. He was found by the scientists conducting the experiment and was taken away to a military institute to become an experiment involving cybernetics.”

Because that isn’t unethical in a way that will prevent the results from being published in any real peer reviewed journal.

“He received an artificial eye and arm, with his arm being capable of slamming through steel walls like paper. During the first few weeks of experimentation, Hachi had managed to escape the facility due to the fact he had resisted military indoctrination and had been taught how to resist pain and torture by his father.” Wait, why was he being tortured? How is anyone indoctrinated in a matter of weeks? Why doesn’t this make any sense?

“After regaining his father's sword from the ruined home of his clan, Hachi had managed to escape Earth through the use of stowing away on board space vessels.” Poorly constructed sentence.

So anyways Hachi is attacked by a demon that has no reason at all to attack him, but then rescued by his teacher.

“Hachi soon went on to become her student, with Thea'Nhirara believing Hachi had a potent destiny ahead of him and wanted to prepare him for it.”

Why did she believe that? Can she tell the future? How? Why? If not, who told her this? Did she just have a gut feeling? Where did it come from? Why did she trust it? Did something about Hachi make her think that? What was it? How did she derive from it that he had a potent destiny? What does having a potent destiny even mean?

“Hachi had become a rather important member of the conflict in the Borealis Galaxy. He first appeared in the conflict after being assigned there by his teacher, with this conflict being his first true conflict in order to prove his strength and power.”

How did he get to Borealis?

So anyways, he makes a friend and is tested by the antagonists.

“During the assault against the demonic overlord, Emperor Marigrax, Hachi would be tempted by the Dark Apostle Geltastra, another servant of Shu'wokerama, during the battle and almost found himself completely seduced.”

Lucario, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, use “seduced” to describe a thing that an adult female did or nearly did with a boy in his mid-teens ever again.

“However, he had managed to gather enough strength to save himself and his friends by enfusing his sword blade with Dream Energy and sent it through Geltastra's heart, killing her.”

And if for some reason you do, do not immediately mention his “sword” going through her.

“However, Hachi managed to contact his teacher telepathically and managed to fuse his Dream Energy power to his own form, changing him into an angel-like being temporarily.”

Poorly constructed sentence.

Alright, that’s all I have to say about the history section, no onto the Appearance and Personality, which have nothing to do with each other but are lumped together for no reason.

“He generally retains a positive attitude a large amount of the time. However, there have been times where his positive attitude has been replaced by a somewhat darker, more negative personality. He has shown displays of anger towards people hurting his friends or betraying his trust. He dislikes the thought of killing for money and isn't hesitant to show it, even in the presence of experienced mercenaries. ”

Honestly, these are his biggest flaws. He is sometimes angry for legitimate reasons. Again, LAWFUL GOOD.

“Hachi does not carry much equipment or weaponry. One piece he constantly carries is his father's nameless sword, which has been edited and modified with strong materials so it can stand a chance against Hachi's enemies, often proving extremely effective in slashing down foes.”

No. No. I do not accept this. I do not accept that a person is using a melee weapon in real combat in a sci-fi world of laser guns, interstellar travel, laser guns, and LASER GUNS.

The only way this could make sense is if the sword shoots something, or he has no choice.

“Hachi also carries his own personal pistol, although he is no good with it in terms of aim.”

Well why is he allowed in combat then? If he cannot use any worthwhile weapon why is he even there?

“Hachi has a robotic arm which has the potential to shatter bones when needed. His robotic arm has proven itself to be a strong weapon at times, capable of stripping away metal and punching through the bodies of demonic and bug-like enemies.

However, Hachi does not use it for casual use, as he feels rather sensitive about it and would rather not have it at all, despite its strength and having full control over it.”

Because if there’s one thing we know about Lucario, it’s that all of his super-powered characters have no appreciation for how awesome their powers are, though at least he doesn’t incessantly bitch about it like Tyraz does. Honestly, even if it’s justified, it’s annoying, like, really, really annoying.

Now on to abilities.

“Hachi's most notable ability is his use of Dream Energy. While not an adept user, he is still a skilled user who is currently training under Thea'Nhirara, the Dream Energy counterpart of Shu'wokerama, who is made of Kharav Themik, otherwise known as Entropic Energy.”

And what is the difference between adept and skilled? He has killed two chaos beings, granted one’s better now, and can turn into an angel. He sounds rather adept to me.

As for the relations section, I only need mention his note on Tyraz:

“He needs to learn the value of friendship.”

further shows him as a harbinger of all things friendship and shows just how NOT lawful neutral he is.

Oh, and one thing from the trivia section.

“Hachiman is technically human, despite looking very much like a rabbit due to his Rianth genes.”

No, he is not a human. Genes define what species a thing is. If his genes tell him to look that not-human, he is probably not a human.

So, in summation, Hachi is better than the tyranny, but not all that good. Sure his prose is better, but various things on his page just raise too many questions and his backstory is not very will conceived or thought out. He’s also completely unrealistic and could not operate in real combat.

Wait a second, a super-powered teenager who preaches about friendship and fights monsters whilst being trained by a magic-user… Holy crap! Hachi is a Power Ranger!