Fiction:Riffrex/Drakodominatus Tyranny

NOTE: I HAVE GD12'S PERMISSION TO DO THIS, AND HE KNEW ABOUT THE INSULTING NATURE OF THIS REVIEW http://screencast.com/t/1ry6gjch

Hello I’m Riffrex, spiting the writers every day, and welcome to my first review. Now, this was going to be the Aeoneonatrix Empire, but it turns out that, by special request, I’m doing another empire instead. But first, let me explain how this show works.

You see, every now and then, I will take a look at some of the abysmal piles of Shyrak a bunch of human teenagers on the internet try to pass off as literature, and giving it the disrespect it deserves. So with that said, I’m reviewing a requested empire here today, hence, lets take a look at the Drakodominatu*laughs*. Okay, so we’re looking at the Drakodomin*laughs uncontrollably*. Okay, but seriously, we’re looking at The Drakodominatus Tyran*physically falls to the ground in laughter*. Okay it’s not even possible to say this name with a straight snout. This empire may as well be called. “We are evil and untrustworthy and you should avoid interaction with us at all costs.” Actually, I think I’ll be calling it that from now on, so ladies and gentlemen, let’s take a look at The We are Evil and Untrustworthy and You Should Avoid Interaction With Us at All Costs Empire. We will call it “TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE” for short.

Let’s start with “Astrology.” I’m instantly wondering if GD12 knows what astrology is. You see, ASTROLOGY is the pseudoscience of trying to predict the future based on the stars, the legitimate scientific study of space is called ASTRONOMY.

Regardless, let’s see, Overview.

“The Drakodominatus Tyranny is a very widespread empire, with a million systems to it's name spread out across 13 universes but mostly concentrated in the First Gigaqudrant.”

As opposed to the 500,000 systems its infobox says it has, because an error of 100% is not worth addressing. Also, that should be “its.” As we will well find out, GD12 does not proofread these things at all.

“…massive Tannhauser Class Hypergates connect the Galactic Capitals of each galaxy in a system through which countless Dominatus ships can pass in short instants of time.”

What does that even mean? The word choice there is poor.

Let’s see, nothing more interesting, let’s move on to government.

“The Tyranny is ruled by a tyrant, now Abaddon Heimdall,”

WHAT?

“The Tyranny is ruled by a tyrant, now Abaddon Heimdall,”

YOU HAVEN’T UPDATED THAT?

Gah, Let’s just move on.

''“who is in charge of everything. Drakodominatus actually enjoy alot of rights, much like the knights of old of Sol III, but are warriors all nonetheless. Though the Tyrant has absolute decision in every matter, he has two advisors who advise him on everything, one is called the Omniscient and is the lead Drakodominatus Omega, and the other one is called the Omnipowerful, and is the lead Drakodominatus Alpha.”''

First, comparing yourself to earth does not automatically make you cool. Second, you have not changed it to “Dominatus” yet. In addition, there is a word for “omnipowerful.” We call it “Omnipotent.” Also it’s “a lot.” “Alot” is not even a word. Now on to their biology, Dominatus have their own creature page, so they’ll get a separate review, but the Drakos are here, so I’ll cover them.

“Drakodominatus Alpha These muscular titans are the ruling class of the Drakodominatus,”

Which is why both tyrants the tyranny has ever had have been Omegas. Seriously, ruling class? This contradicts everything we know about them.

“Drakodominatus Omega A sort of anomaly among the Drakodominatus, at only around 1 out of 100,000.”

This means of course that there are TEN of these currently alive after the culling.

Gaaahhhh, now on to their history.

“The earliest Drakodominatus evolved under the baleful eye of the neutron star of Demogorgon on the planet Demogorgon Prime, forever oppressed by the eldritch phenomena that surrounded the corpse of a once great star.”

Wait, the eldritch phenomena? What the flying crap? Were they oppressed by the Old ones or elder things? Seriously, did GD12 read this before he posted it?

“The reatures evolved…”

Indeed, the “reatures” did many things I am sure. But at least here it doesn’t affect the meaning.

“When their first civilizations began, there was no ideal of democracy or equality, power was given to the strongest, and on this basis was broke out.” 

And there we have it. Indeed, they had the greatest was that ever was. But at least he doesn’t do it again immediately.

“This was lasted for time, at least in their primitive scope, immemorial…”

Oh good Lightbringer does GD12 not possess functioning eyes? We know he thinks a real dominatus would be perfectly in the right to eat him alive, so he doesn’t have a functioning brain, but eyes too?

“From the endless strip mines of each nation, and in their foundries, the tools of war were forged, and in the labyrinth laboratories that ran beneath the center of Drakodominatus,”

And just WHAT THE HELL is the “center of Drakodominatus?”

“No quarter was given in these apocalyptic battles, prisoners were spliced apart by harvester drones in order to drain their fluids to create more instruments of war.”

How? What instruments of war did this make?

“One faction, in their subterranean labs…”

Could that be the center of Drakodominatus? Why was it called that? I suppose the “center of Drakodominatus” could also be a population center, but you really need to be clearer about this stuff.

Anyways, now that war has united all of the Drakos, what happens? Well, they go into space.

''“…with their first relativistic ships they expanded into the cold reaches of space. This, however did not change the sole aim of their science, which was to find a way to tame Demogorgon.”''

And then THIS happens.

''“When the first fleet arrived at their destination, they were shocked that the star was different. It was not a devil that induced upon the planets, cosmic nightmares,”''

Cosmic nightmares? Okay now I’m curious as to what the star could possibly have been doing that warrants all of these descriptions that you might get out of some 16 year old who doesn’t understand the concept of subtlet… OH WAIT, that’s right.

So carry on then.

Alright, to summarize the next bit, they find the planet is a paradise but it’s already inhabited.

“However, the Drakodominatus had evolved with the mouth of an alpha predator, with jaws maid to gnash through the bones of lesser species,”

STOP! That would be MADE! It is MADE to do that. “MAID,” refers to a cleaning lady.

“Even the attached scientists to the fleet found out that their strength given by the immense gravities of the planet had made them far stronger than the natives, and weirdly, they were still taller by a large factor.”

I know. It’s almost as if it’s stupid and makes no sense.

So anyways, they conquer the planet, and go on to become hyper-expansionist. They get some biotech from this Freud guy and he develops a thing and, well, I’m not sure what’s supposed to be happening in this next part. I’m just going to paste the entire section below and you try in vein to make sense of GS12’s insane ramblings.

''“Order Yotta-Omega-1 is probably the Drakodominatus policy that encapsulates the Drakodominatus mentality as a whole. It started with Haemocolus Schaden Freud presenting his newest findings of a special gene on a new planet that combined with his already established and formulae, could be distributed across the entire Tyranny to bring the Drakodominatus as a whole to new heights of greatness.'' ''Freud promised that the Drakodominatus would be enhanced with strength and agility untold of before, and said that as soon as this newly weaponized form was distributed throughout the atmosphere of a given planet or the air of a given spaceship, that it would infect all Drakodominatus in contact, and that it had a 100% effectiveness rate. However, those tests were all based on theoretical scans and mathematical approximations as Freud had not been given the ability to test on the Drakodominatus themselves.'' ''Freud begged Tyrant Abaddon Heimdall for permission and Heimdall, something of a scientist as well, saw the potential benefits of such a wonderful biological instrument and ordered that the newly created genetic instrument be tested on a Drakodominatus frontier world, with a population of a million Drakodominatus who had been gathered there just for the testing. He fired off the missile in which the serum was contained and soon enough the serum had dissipated into the atmosphere.'' ''The events began to take place instantly as all the Drakodominatus on the planet began to double over from the serum's effects and their vital signs went over the place, their skins began to show signs of exploding, unable to contain the volatile biochemistries that festered within their skins. Days passed, and even the biological immunity to pain of the Drakodominatus along with their training was overcome by the lethal serum, and organic matter was splattered all over the ground by those unable to contain it.'' A few days passed, and lifeform scans from the private ship of Heimdally confirmed only one Drakodominatus remained on the planet, the rest had died”

So next we see “The final Days of Abaddon Heimdall”

''“During the reign of Abaddon Heimdall, the Tyranny did a great many things, having reached tier 2 status as well as having expanded it's empire to a massive amount of systems, and making it one of the stronger forces in the Gigaquadrant. It was also because of him that the military was a juggernaut, that they had evolved to the Dominatus, and that they had dominion over countless worlds.”''

Okay, I wasn’t going to criticize prose but… Good Alikos man, what is that? There’s also another place where “it’s” should be “its.”

So we go on to learn about how TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE’s economy is in the crapper at this point because they are making too many ships. We then see the slave revolts that lead us up to today. So now we’re FINALLY past history.

Now onto Military.

“The Army of the Drakodominatus Tyranny is quite possibly one of the most feared in the entire Gigaquadrant whether the time be before or after the Culling.”

ARRRR, we have suddenly defaulted to pirate speak for no reason me mates.

Now we move on to Technology.

''“Dominatus technology is incredibly frightening, and among the most advanced in the First Gigaquadrant. More than anything, it is defined by it's bipolarity. In some places, like the LEZIAPETSSHIT of the Tiamat, it is borderline tier 1/0, as it gives mathematics solid form in reality.”''

Err, no. Mathematics cannot have “Solid form in reality.” That is gibberish. I also love how it still says they are tier 2.

On to culture.

“As per the martial tradition of Drakodominatus, they commonly engage in to the death matches with all manner of creatures they have capture in pits,”

That should be “captured” not “capture.”

“Gladiatorial arenas are built mainly on Demogorgon Prime.”

Why? Why do you still even live there? I mean, the page never mentions any cleanup of these “Eldrich phenomena” from that star so why does anyone even still live there?

Next it talks about what GD12 is pretending isn’t 3D chess.

“Mathematically, to many Dominatus, this game is utterly fascination and many seek to formulate the ability to have an equation that will allow them to be unbeatable in it.”

Wow… just… wow. There is SO MUCH wrong with that one sentence it is mind boggling.

We now talk about the “Grosslavier”

''“The foremost musical instrument in the Tyranny, essentially a pipie organ fitted to the size of the Dominatus. Practically all Dominatus know how to play this instrument to some extent, and many are composers for it. The incredible range of harmonies and notes is truly majestic when it is played. Some say that the sounds of a full orchestra are created when this incredible musical instrument is played by a virtuoso.” ''

You know they say your character being able to seduce people into stuff with beautiful music is a Mary Sue trait. Food for thought.

Now we talk about running… Oh good Lightbringer, do we talk about running.

“A Race The Drakodominatus are a species of inhuman killing machines, massive colossi who are composed of muscle and brains.” 

Poor sentence structure.

''“They go around the galaxies challenging differing species to a contest of physical aptitude with unmodified Drakodominatus. Every time, they have won. This however, changed when they challenged the superhero like and undefeated Fordanta to one of these contests.”''

Gahhhh, okay look, I’m getting sick of this. TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE lost. The end. I’m moving on.

Actually, no, I do need to point out ONE thing.

“This race took place on a moon in a Drakodominatus System” 

VS

“[The Fordanta] had run across this moon multiple times and had never lost a single time, and had always run at his maximum speed all throughout, leaving his competition in the dust.”

When did the Fordanta do this? In what context? The page never mentions any warm up matches so I’m forced to conclude this is just poorly written garbage. Then again, I already knew that.

No we move on to courtship.

'' “Love amongst Dominatus is a matter settled by cold hard genetics. A Dominatus's genes are encoded with the identity of the other Dominatus that the said Dominatus can breed with.” ''

Wow, that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. When a Dominatus zygote is forming, how does the genetic material know that a Dominatus who it chooses exists, or in cases where their eventual mate is younger, will exist?

 “Once both Dominatus come into contact, they feel an incredible love for each other created by their enzymes and hormones that makes them "fall in love".”

How do they know what the other’s genetics are like just by coming into contact with them?

 “The said pair of Dominatus is then married, and spend the time not training, studying, fighting, or researching is generally used for breeding in order to compensate for the low birth rate.” 

That would be “marry” not “married.”

Skipping food, we now move on to architecture.

 “The shapes most of these take are twisting tendrils and eldritch shapes which all have a very organic feelin from the outside.” 

First, that’s “FEELING.” Did this thing ever touch Microsoft word before you posted it? Second, Eldrich geometry is a thing H.P. Lovecraft made up to make his creatures sound alien, and it’s barely excusable when HE does it because these are real supernatural beings. The Dominatus are only inadvertently illogical because of GD12’s bad writing, not because they ACTUALLY can violate the laws of logic. But no, they can apparently build things that are geometrically impossible. Or perhaps this is the same kind of eldritch phenomena that their star makes, namely, one that is not actually eldritch but called that because GD12 does not actually know what “eldritch” means.

Now on to Economy, let’s see, the prose in the overview is bad but then again, this is GD12. The same is true of the industry section, which is also stupid. Not much of note in infrastructure, other than the question of why TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE ships never crash into each other given that they all use the nexuses at the galactic capitols to travel, how is there never a conflict? Does the TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE have space-traffic-lights?

 “The Tyranny trades quite a bit in order to make money,” 

Really, I trade in order to cure indigestion, but that’s just me.

'' “They have done this an incredible amount of times and still do it. This method of trade is particularly helped by the fact that their weapons makings skills are incredibly good,” ''

Especially bad prose. In addition, that should be “making.”

Society’s only section without its own page, which can be summed up with “Dominatus have awesome lives SHUT UP THIS IS NOT A MARY SUE,” is standard of life, which also notes that slave’s lives suck.

“Titles” has nothing to comment on.

So on to relations.

Their allies section can be summed up with “We consider all of our allies to be pawns except maybe one.” Hence why I call them TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE.

As for the “on good terms with” section:

 “[The Borealis Consortium Network] are quite advanced and have massive scale for their technological state, being at a few million worlds, and perhaps we would like to ally with them soon.” 

Sentence structure is poor.

 “[The Kickath Empire] are quite impressive and their agents are very powerful supersoldiers, though not on part with the Dominatus in terms of sheer physical power.”  That should be “on PAR.”

Skipping neutral we move on to negative relations, starting with “disliked”.

 “The Fordanta, though being of a small scale in terms of systems, and rather backwards in some technology, are a powerful foe for a simple reason, they are Fordanta.” 

Sentence structure is poor. The content is also stupid.

Nothing of note in enemies or speeches, though I note that I’m saving the last one for my review of Attero Dominatus so I didn’t actually bother to read it.

No on to “Common quotes.”

 “These ones prove worthy, make them wish for the torture of the Xhodocto” 

Ladies and gentlemen, this has been a pointless Xhodocto name drop.

 “Impossible, they have beaten us, the Drakodominatus"	Only uttered a few times in history, for example, when a puny Tier V soldier destroyed a Land Cruiser by firing an RPG at it's cooling vents*”

Indeed, TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE has only lost every on screen war they've appeared in so far. And if it’s so rare, why is it in the COMMON quotes section?

 “Forward, Earn your Immortality” 

What does that even mean? What caused them to think they could become immortal? Is this normal immortal or “name remembered throughout history” type immortal? Why is this quote here if it only makes sense to the reader when in context? Could it be that, *gasp,* GD12 is a terrible writer?

I don’t review the “quotes from others” sections, because none of that is usually from the same author, meaning I’m done with the text if this page.

So, what does this all amount to? Well, TWAEAUAYSAIWUAACE is a barely readable, at times incoherent mess. It is has inconsistencies, Mary Sue traits, and irritatingly outdated statements all tied together by poor spelling and grammar into a horrifically abysmal mess. I hate this page and I hate its author for making it. So with all of that it seems I’m done. This has been Riffrex, spiting the writers, every day. See you later.