Fiction:A Loron History of SporeWiki

The Loron Histories, known natively by as Da Gangstapedia, is a series of articles written by various Loron historians, though several bosses throughout history have forcibly altered it (depending on their ability to read). These articles focus on a history of all things from Loron perspective.

If you wish for a Loron History of any particular subject, please give a request to Technobliterator, the author of the Loron!

The Universe
''in da beginnin, da godz was chillin at a pizza party in godland. dey was da illest gangstas of all da godz at da time, which included da xhoddie boyz, da fake godz called 'taldar', da lite bulb 'verezaph' fingies an da naked bighed wannabe gods who no one remembas becuz deyz ded (peepz say da xhoddies killed dem but we kno dat da loron godz did). one day, while chillin at da pizza party, deir schedule was "driveby an kill som xhoddie boyz", "rob some otha fools" or "make moar pizza". but dey decided dat dey was bored of bein da only hard geezas on da blok. so dey got togetha an made da ooniverse. dey did dis by drawin it wiv deir crayons dat dey stole frum da Crayon God down da blok den animatin it ta life.''

''da godz saw dat it was ok at first. dey put tons of planets on it an den planted pants evrywher an made da sea an all dat stoof. dey was like "dis is cool man but deres somfin missin". so dey made deir best creashon yet: Da Loronz. dese were designed ta be da illest gangstas on da blok an so da Godz made dem so dey was tuffa dan any otha animal even ten times deir size. dey got kinda hungry coz of workin so hard so da godz put animals fer dem ta kill. howeva, da ooniverse wasnt compleet.''

''da loronz was cool an all, but not only did dey need someone ta giv birf ta moar, dey needed someone ta cook fer dem an kik around. an someone else who could talk cuz dey was gettin kinda lonely. even boyz need love too yanno. so da godz made Da Chikz. dis was a kinda meh creashon but it did da job. an even still, da godz saw da ooniverse wasnt finished.''

''finally da godz brainstormed on wat ta do next. den dey had da genius idea. dey knoo dat dey culd make creetures stronga dan any otha dum god who dey culd jus shank but dey realised a fing missin ta make da loronz truly da hardest geezas alive. how do ya make someone look tuff? ya put week peepz in so da tuff geezas look tuffa. so da godz created lotsa stoopid ugly aliens in ottzello but it was ok. becuz da gods made dem week an wimpy an stoopid so dat da loron culd smak dem an eet dem an stoof. dis was ta proov dat da godz was truly da hardest an illest geezas an dat no one culd mess wiv dem. dey proved dis by winnin da agenst da stinky aliens.''

''ova a dozen yeers ago, in da, we fought da entire ooniverse. we won. we killed dem stoopid xhoddie boyz dat was all "NAH IMMA KILL YOR GODZ OONIVERSE" an da godz was all "NAH COM FITE ME" den dey died. now dis is da fing dese alien an UNO skools dunt teech ya ya see. becuz dey culdnt deel wiv da idea dat da loronz was da hardest so dey made up dis geeza called kroc but we all kno dat hes a myth an da loronz won. anyway da xhoddies left cuz dey was scared of us fer a whil.''

''an dats da story of how da ooniverse is how it is. dunt be lissenin ta some peepz wiv deir propaganda tellin yoo any different. da godz made da ooniverse fer da loronz ta enjoy an fer dem ta be da illest gangstas on da blok.''