User:Quantazmo/The Space Boomstick

Developed by the warlike people of the brutal planet B'ie-Otsh, in the Ahz'whowl solar system, when they realized that no concept pages existed for a warship, the Space Boomstick serves as the great intergallactic bitch-slap for warring nations.

DEVELOPMENT: The Space Boomstick was first designed by an ambitious and sleep deprived B'ie-Otshian mechanic soon after the discovery of duct tape elsewhere on the planet. The mechanic, Ass McRamsies, realized that by duct taping an ample sum of rpg launchers to the feusalage of a large scout ship, he could create a weapon capable of sending any of B'ie-Otsh's enemies into a firey apocalyptic anarchy. Five hours after this realization, McRamsies, had a prototype, which he tested on a nieghboring planet inhabited by a bunch of talkative serpent-like creatures that nobody liked. The test proved successful, but as the people of B'ie-Otsh spent the day snickering at the turmoil of their nieghbors, McRamsies was hard at work making improvements to his prototype. He added some stylish blue LED lights here and there and mounted a few nailguns and flamethrowers in front of the cockpit. He gained a patent and the Space Boomstick went into mass-production.

HISTORICAL SIGNIFICANCE: The B'ie-Otsh people, although very aggressive and warlike, were never too brilliant at conquest and war tactics, and so much of their military activity was limited to wanton, random destruction- a task for which the Space Boomstick proved quite handy. But when the B'ie-Otsh people were taken down (fairly easily) by an ambitious and tactically wise colony of disgruntled space pirates, the Space Boomsticks saw little action for a long time, spending the better half of a century being sold and resold across the vast reaches of space. But as the great tire-iron baby slaughter wars broke out in the OmniPoland star system, a zealous general of the United Gassy Planet Empire's 86th army, Jake Gyllenhall XXII, who had taken a special interest in B'ie-Otshian anthropological studies in his youth, made an effort to purchase and produce a vast fleet of Space Boomsticks. His campaign proved successful, and the United Gassy Planet Empire came out of the first tire-iron baby slaughter war victorious, and the beloved tradition of tire-iron baby slaughtering was kept legal in OmniPoland. This victory brought the Space Boomstick into the limelight for military leaders across the universe, and the Space Boomstick is now a regular part of any modern nation's space navy.