Thread:The Clanden/@comment-5024875-20120824171748/@comment-5365119-20120825214035

Right! I took a look at it. It looks like you did describe a lot more about your civilization. However, a lot of your sentences are hard to understand and confusing in the way that they are worded.

Also, you don't explain the impact that the events you described had on your civilization. What came out of it?

Go a little more in depth about why the "warlord from the east" attacked; what was he hoping to accomplish?

Explaining motive can go a long way to clearing up a confusing story.