SporeWiki:Fiction Universe/Universal Discussion Board

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Universal Discussion Board
 This is a universal discussion board, from which all empires can give any announcements to every other empire. This board is not under the control of any organised entity unlike the Seven Starr Alliance, Universal Alliance of Nations, or Intergalactic Federation, so that all empires can send and recieve messages here.

The universal discussion board is available on common hyperluminal frequency #97, subspace frequency #201, and common holonet frequency #1138. The primary communications nexus for the board is in the Sol system in the Plazith Rim; other relays exist in the Cyrannus, Forma, Ghelaxin, and Girdo Galaxies. ~ Admiral of the Girdo Empire 

An Improper Introduction
"Empires of the First Gigaquadrant! Have you forgotten us? We've hoped not-for your own sake. I certainly hope you've not forgotten me. I am Kendron, soon to be the First King of Illum, and I call on you to deliver news as varied as the world is faded. The Queen is dead. The Federation is no more. We have vanished.                      But we are not gone. We are stronger than ever! For Kkia'Sihm has returned, and his Host is now our leader. The Federation's Princess is the Imperium's Empress, and our dominions shall soon cover a universe. The Federation is gone-and we have returned. I have called on you so that you may expect the time of our return, one that we promise will be different. The little games are over. Some of you, who were always the intrigued, have discovered we are absent-you have, even, taken over some of our old holdings! We have seen that our previous mindset was too narrow, our will too weak. And so we have decided to build our Empire elsewhere, away from the domains of the 'Shikua. Our previous nation was too limited attending wholeheartedly to the problems of your society. So our land goes to you. Take it as a tribute, or a gift. Take it as insurance: insurance that, in exchange, we will not be held back, not by anyone or anything. You can have our stars-we only want your cooperation. Of course, this shall be set in stone, so, if you want some of the treasure, feel free to give your word, and sign to the Treaty of our Great Cession. We shall be waiting. Hidden, perhaps, but watching. Waiting. The time will come soon when we shall come back in full."

- Vy'rii, Servant of Illum, First King of Ravenkind

"We thank you for your tribute, old allies, and we wish you to know that we have ratified the Treaty. And if Ravosk is around, would you please tell him that I say hello?"

- Chief Ambassador Carillion of the GIE

''Hi! But, erm, just one thing. Now, forgive me if there's a really obvious answer to this, but... how do you expect to escape the Ayrai'Shikua just by moving a gigaparsec or so away from where you lived before? ~ Emperor Mazipnos''

"Well, hello old ones. We have ratified your treaty, even though we aren't technically a part of the first gigaquadrant, and we hope to have a beneficial relationship with you. I hope you achieve all your positive and nondestructive goals! We will look forward to working with you in the future."

- Metamind

Formation of the Temple of Spode
Greetings, all.

After several weeks of discussions with the survivors of the destruction of the Dei'Ar Theocracy, we can announce that the Temple of Spode has now been founded. This new religious institution will stand as a united, apolitical, and peaceful institution, dedicated to the worship of Spode and the unity of Spode worshippers across the universe. Hopefully, due to their neutral stance, they will no longer be the target of any empire's anger, and this new organisation will be one of peace and not one of mindless war as were the Zealot empires of old.

The Temple now has a temporary control centre in the Girdo Galaxy, but they should soon set up individual temples elsewhere in the universe (with the permission of the civilisations on whose territories the temples will be built, of course), and eventually the primary temple will be somewhere of importance to the worship of Spode.

~ The Emperor of the Empire of the Girdo Galaxy

Something...Happened
"We do not quite know what is happening in the Milky Way right now, but we think we have approached someting called a Singularity. I am communicating through this archaic form of superliminal communication, not used by the DCP in 200 years. We think an intelligence has emerged from our technology and infrastructure, and we can't shut it down, it resists us.  We think some close civilizations have been swept away the rest of "The Civilization" has plunged into almost a dark age.  Some worlds are now glowing white hot from extreme computation, the technology such as dyson bubbles seem to be resonating in synchronicity, causing climate chaos in the colonized systems, the even the stellar engines themselves are being pushed to a threshold.  This has dug itself deep into us, and it is out of our control, but unlike lets say the Nanohorde we do not know if this is going to complicate further, it could push us out the galaxy. It seems to show lack of interest on our behalf, we are either in its way or are simply a resource, its tossing our battlefleet like toys. We hope we might be able to have some reasoning, but it seems its spreading faster than light, it is pinnacle we make the right choices soon."

- Representitive of the Milky Way Cooperative

"It has been confirmed, a Singularity has arrived, the biggest one of the modern era, although some singularities have occured already, for cyBORG races like the Grox, and the escape of the Nanohorde."

- DCP

Message from the FRA
"Excuse me, but for all of you who are getting Asgordian Tourists, please don't hurt them while they're petting you. In Asgordian Culture a pet is something symbolic, arriving since the Tribal age. It means "May happiness be always with you". It's basically a way for asgordians to say you're wonderful, you're special, you're a friend to them. It's a generous act Asgordians do to people they like. So let them pet you, they'll eventually stop after 10-30 minutes. You can pet them back too. That will make the Asgord happy. So, be kind to our tourists. They're tired of being hurt all the time, especially the ones that visit those cute Grimbies."

- PM Kala'talia from the FRA

"But in our culture, we do not like being petted like animals for half and hour, and we have a right to defend ourselves. Do not force your culture on others, it is in fact an aggressive act. If you continue to, we will have to enforce our "symbolic ways"."

- DCP

"Animals? I don't get it at all... Why would you defend yourself to such a symbolic act? And we never force our culture, we don't make you listen to our music. And we would love to see your symbolic acts! Come here and show them to us! I'm sure we'll love it!"

- PM Kala'talia

"We find petting both an annoyance and an embarrissment and it is quite intimidating, because you do not respect what we want, you only care about petting. If petting is part of your culture, then keep it in yours."

- DCP

"How is it embarrasing and intimidating? That is so silly! And of course we know what you want, you want to maintain peace around the Universe! In fact, we can help you! Together, we can ally the Xhodocto, the Civatron, the Corruptus, anyone! We can do it together!"

- PM Kala'talia

"Annoying pests! No one likes you! NO ONE!"

- Captain Karnak of the Marinoxidiz

Excuse me, but for all you who are getting Tokzhalan tourists, please don't hurt them while they're repeatedly stabbing you in the face''. In Tokzhalan culture, homicide is something symbolic. It means "may happiness be always with you". It's basically a way for Tokzhalans to say you're wonderful, you're special, you're a friend to them. It's a generous act Tokzhalans do to people they like. So let them stab you; they'll eventually stop after 10-30 seconds when you bleed to death. You can stab them back, too. That will make the Tokzhalan happy, and they'll stab you even more in return. So, be kind to our tourists. They're tired of being hurt all the time, especially the ones that visit those cute Xhoddies. Poor, poor, tourists.''

''Not. But seriously, petting someone for thirty minutes can cause serious bruising and even long-term brain damage when they don't have a reinforced skull, and it can be a major disruption to their day, especially when they're operating heavy machinery. ~ Emperor Mazipnos''

"Well you haven't yet. In fact, heres is a shocker, we are terminating our alliance. You are no longer safe from us."

- DCP

"Why not? We are the bringers of peace! Also, we think you are so cute! Can we ally you? And what? That never happens to us, Mazzie! And stabbing is awful! And why would you finish our alliance? We are bringers of peace!"

- PM Kala'Talia

"You are the bringers of annoyance, that's what! When we are done with the Dracs, you are next!"

- Captain Karnak

"Why is everyone doing this to us??? *Cries*"

- PM Kala'Talia

"OI SHUT DA HELL UP STOOPID FRA DUMBOS GET A LIFE YA LOSAS GO TA HELL STOP PETTIN PEEPLE YANNA WAT LORON CULTYA IS LIKE OUR TRADITION IS TA ROB YAS TA SAY DAT YOR DUM AN WE WANT YA CASH AN TA SWEAR AT YAS COS **** MEANS I LOVE YOO ENNIT NOW GO TA HELL GET LOST BEFOR I EAT EVEN MOR OF YAS"

- (Real) Propa big Boss Zr'Ahgloth

"But you are so cute! Can we ally you?"

- PM Kala'Talia

"SHUT UP YA LOSA"

- Zr'Ahgloth

"YA WAT DA COPYCAT DUMBO SAID"

- (Fake) Propa big Boss Zr'Angloth

"OH LOOK WHOS TALKIN. YA SUCH AN IDIOT MAN YOO FINK DAT IM COPYING YOO YOO COPIED EVRYFING I DO AN KEEP COPYIN ME YEH YOR ALBUMS YOO USED LIKE ALL DA LYRICS DAT IVE EVA USED SO SHUT DA HELL Up. AN YOO LOOKA ALL WEIRD AN UGLY I LOOK GOOD YA DUMBO NOW GO TA HELL GET LOST STOP CHATTIN RUBBISH. BUT TRUE ENNIT LEZIAS A DUMBO."

- (Real) Zr'Ahgloth

"WAT DA HELL SHUT YER TRAP YA LOSA YA CANT EVEN RAP YA NEED TA STOP COYIN ME OR IMMA SHANK YA BUTT TA HELL LETS HAVE A GO. AN YA LEZIAS A LOSA"

- (Fake) Zr'Ahgloth

"OH MY DAYS YOR SUCH A WANNABE. JUST COS YOO WANNA BE AS AWESOME DONT MEAN STEAL ALL MY RHYMES AN MY FLOW AN EVRYFIN YA BEST SHUT UP OR I WILL SHANK YA DADS BUTT DEN ROB YA MOM. BUT YA LEZIAS DUM."

- Zr'Ahgloth

"I am not Ms. Ipevreia, she's taking care of Kezoreg."

- PM Kala'Talia

"SHUT DA HELL UP I DONT CAR I GOT MIXED UP SO SHUT UP YA DUMBO."

- Both Zr'Ahgloths in unison

"I WAS GONNA SAY DAT!!!!!!!"

- Both in unison

"YA WANNABE WHO CANT RAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

- Dark Zr'Ahgloth

"YA COPYCATTIN LOSA!!!!!!!!!!!"

- Zr'Ahgloth

"IM SO SICK IF DIS COPYCAT DUMBO WHO YE THINK YA ARE UR NOTING TA ME I COULD KILL U WITH MAH HANDS TIED ROUND MY BACK DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!"

- Dark Zr'Ahgloth

"Both of you, hold your tongues....before I rip it from your mouths...."

- Izhjuul Dhazhrak

"You! Beware the wrath of the United Lanat Empire! Now without the protection of the DCP we shall soon give your kind its retribution for all the crimes against the universe it has commented and against Tralorkind! No longer will you be able to hand rape us! Well shall burn every last one of you until you are nothing but ash and then we shall burn the ash until it turns to ash again! Enjoy your last moments of peace because before too long the ULE will turn your lives into nothing but suffering and pain!"

- ULE

"Hand rape you? Ha ha."

- Voice from the Dark end of the Room

"In our culture their petting is a sexual violation! They want other to respect their culture yet they refuse to respect the cultures of others!"

- ULE

''Mm-hmm. And, sadly, Mazipnos is right.''

*a picture appears, showing a small alien creature with severe head injuries*

''This picture is of an invertebrate on Luna Caerulea in the Aquaregia sector of our galaxy. It is the result of an Asgordian tourist who visited our nature reserve, and decided to pet the creature for the good part of fifteen minutes before park officials had to escort him away. As soon as he was allowed to go, he ran off to pet another creature. Fortunately, his next target was much larger and had significantly tougher skin, and managed to survive the entire half-hour ordeal without even noticing. This was not an isolated incident. It seems that many Asgord are too concerned with their petting to notice its harmful effects. ~ Commodore Hlraka of the Girdo Empire''

"We didn't do that! Or petting is soft and harmless! And how is it sexual violation? Didn't you read the beggining of our message?"

- PM Kala'talia

''Do you want to see the security footage of the incident? How about some taken in the Teledros Forests of Imperial Capitol? It's the result of Asgord petting, all right. It may be "soft and harmless" for a few seconds, but after several minutes it's another matter. Water continually dripping wears hard rocks hollow, after all. ~ Commodore Hlraka''

"Your future is horribly grim, Asgord. There are very few ways in which you future could have good consequences. Or else we could prevent you from existing. Your past is the cause of this, and is the cause of so many species despising you."

- Taldar