Thread:DrodoEmpire/@comment-4991685-20170812010428

Well, isn't this a mess.

Flippant introduction aside, this is an open letter wherein my objectives are fourfold-- I wish to justify several of my actions, and apologise for several others; but most importantly I'd like to seek a measure of reconciliation and lay out a concept for a change of pace regarding some of my behavior and perhaps also the behavior of others. I suppose I'll mention now that when I recount specific events, I do so in the most accurate and impartial way I can manage, and try to keep the identities of as many relevant parties as possible a secret for the sake of not involving them in something they may not want a part in anymore. If my retelling is inaccurate in some way, please point it out and know that its an honest mistake.

Towards these goals, I suppose the easiest place to start is the flashpoint for this to begin with. Without indulging in unneeded detail, the controversy started when asked that another user stop using a word for which she felt was distasteful. A small debate ensued which I, otherwise having no dog in this particular race, joined in on. Quite bluntly, my contribution to this otherwise silly and banal debate was unnecessary pontification. While the Jo and the other user buried the hatchet, I prolonged the debate unnecessarily which involved another admin who made a ruling against offensive speech-- when I asked for a citation for the rule (which I had never heard of before) Jo, doubtless already rather agitated by my behavior, snapped. She lost my patience, and I at her, and while I can't speak for her I for one said several things for which I regret, and for that I would like to sincerely apologise.

While I think her behavior during the argument was unjustifiably-caustic, I don't want an apology from Jo-- partly its due to the fact that I of all people understand that one often says or does things they don't really mean when upset or angry, so I hold nothing against her for her outburst anyway, but also because to exchange apologies simply wouldn't fix the problem that's far larger than a single controversy. SporeWiki has had a consistent issue with pushing inconvenient social and interpersonal issues under the rug-- ignoring them for a while until they inevitably boil back to the surface with a vengeance as opposed to addressing the problem once and for all. I feel that all a mutual apology would be would be a truce of sorts until the next major flashpoint sends me and Jo into another argument, and subsequently sends me packing for a couple of weeks, my reputation not-unreasonably in shambles and nobody coming out the better for it. It'd simply add to the growing list of issues buried under the social substrate of this wiki that occasionally make themselves known.

Instead I'm going to solve the issue, personally, on my end. I don't think its any great secret that I've become more argumentative in the past few months, and perhaps also a bit snappier. Why this is I can't say-- perhaps the lack of schoolwork to keep myself busy has given myself too much time, perhaps its something more serious or personal. I don't know. But I do know that ultimately the cause is irrelevant as either way there remains the issue of argumentativeness that so cost me my moderatorship-- which while essentially being an honourary title, the revokation of my metaphorical badge and aviator glasses still brought the issue into somewhat sharper focus.

Essentially my personal solution will be to think before I type from now on and to force myself to assume good intentions and be positive. All this is easier said than done, but its also essential. My marked change in attitude over the years is something akin to becoming jaded, I think, and its disturbing. I was rather comfortable in my former position as an in-between between new and old users, and as something of an unofficial guide. I don't want that to fall by the wayside because I find myself preoccupied tilting at windmills. Perhaps my effort to do this will make the wiki as a whole better, and perhaps it'll mend some doubtless-frayed relations between a few people whom I have alienated. I hope so.

Regards, Drodo. 