Thread:Technobliterator/@comment-13044713-20131222210407/@comment-1370845-20131229165503

The fiction itself is fine and definitely workable. The page could do with some expansion, possibly giving more details. You could try use a different page layout to follow and fill everything in based on that? Some parts don't feel as well written as others, though that's a case of experience, really. Anyway, the Norol idea is workable too.